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Lessons from The Bachelorette

As a follow-up to yesterday's blog about high school dating, loyalty and the wonderful world of real estate sales... roses

A few weeks ago, I was watching The Bachelorette (yeah, I know, spare me the eye-rolls) and there was a scenario where the Bachelorette had a one-on-one date with one of the hopeful bachelors. The rules of the game say that if the Bachelorette does not give the guy a rose during the one-on-one date, he has to go home - in other words, he's been eliminated.

As the bachelor was preparing for his date he said something like "I'm a little nervous about this date; what if there's no chemistry and she sends me home?"

HUH?

Last time I checked, it's not much fun dating someone with whom you have no chemistry. In fact, it's pretty darned awful. Even if a guy or gal is the most gorgeous creature on the planet, if there's no connection, what's the point? Dating is a two-way street; in the real world, anyway, we evaluate each other during the process and either party is entitled to make the decision to move forward or not. If the answer is "not," we thank the other person for their time, move on and are grateful we have the freedom to do so!

It's similar in our business, although when there's money involved, we can probably put up with a bit more relationship angst! But I often see agents pushing for a listing or a buyer agency agreement -- even when they aren't necessarily the right (wo)man for the job, or they recognize that the buyer or seller is clearly going to be difficult.

I'm sure a lot of it is ego... we want to win that lover or client, even if we suspect it's a relationship headed for nowhere. And that's fine - I'm as competitive as anyone and sometimes I just want to WIN, even if the prize isn't something I actually want.

But when you don't win - when the other person selects against you, trust that they made the right decision for them. Support that decision and you may end up with a lifelong friend -- which is nothing to sneeze at!

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Posted by Jennifer Allan, Author of Sell with Soul on 06/16/2009 06:54 AM

Comments (30)

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Originally posted at: Selling Soulfully with Jennifer Allan: Lessons from The Bachelorette

Post is included in group: LOVE AT ACTIVERAIN
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30 Comments on Lessons from The Bachelorette

JUN

Jennifer, I agree. Great post. I always schedule a "get acquainted" meeting instead of a listing appointment. If the get acquainted meeting goes well for both sides, then we schedule a listing appointment.

Jennifer, thank you for the timely blog, and the trip down memory lane on highschool dating. For me as a boy in high school in the 1960's, I believed in love that could last a lunchtime. But you did remind me that I have a listing that I am not happy with, and not doing a great job of. I am going to call a Realtor who works that area hard and refer it to him. This old dog can still learn new tricks.

Jennifer, loved the analogy. It does make sense to shy away from those transactions that will not turn into a positive experience. Just like in dating!

Boy am I glad not to be in high school anymore!

All of the above comments are very good ones. I too am glad I'm out of high school, although I will relive it for the next four years with my daugher! PRAY FOR ME PLEASE, or more importantly, pray for her!

Patricia Aulson/Portsmouth NH Real Estate

I enjoyed this post. Jennifer.

Some great points and analogies. Yea you can't push certain houses on folks either. Relax right, they will fall in love.

Hi Jen, I enjoyed the post. We await you coming to Atlanta to do some work. Thanks for the post

Jennifer,

If you really don't get along with the client, you would be best to refer them to a colleague.

Then, again, I can put up with a lot nonsense from people buying million dollar properties.

Brian Madigan

I naturally seek approval of others - whether in business or not. I cant stand not being liked.

In business relationships, if there is not chemistry, it feels awkward. Some people open up to others faster/ slower than others. Hence, there is always the constant need of improving. Then, there are those that you would instantly bond with.

Find a connecting point and bloom from there. I think it is the basis of all relationships, not just for business.

Fun post and so true. On occasion doing the 'relationship' our clients can be a bit testy (due to stress) and it's our job to give them a rose anyway!

I recently withheld a rose! No chemisty, not on the same wave length and I knew I was not the right agent for this buyer.

One time this women asked me to come over to list her property..for some reason it took like thee times for me to get her to even look at the listing agreement. It turned out that she continuously stalked me at 2am and was leaving me wired messages. I told her that I thought it was best for her to pick a different agent to represent her...she got so pissed off she showed up at my office with gifts and when I told her I couldn't accept them...she backed out of the parking spot and almost ran me over and I think it was purposely...first time I ever walked from a potential commission. For whatever it's worth...she wasn't even good looking :))

Jennifer, there is love and there is friendship and love HAS to have the chemistry or it may be relegated to the friendship pile or that of an acquaintance. Interesting parallels I agree with making real estate work. (or not)

Jennifer, great post, and you are so right. Why not make your work life great and work with people you enjoy working with> Thanks

Hmmm...That was an original thought. Sometimes the agent has to overcome their ego/desire to get the listing and just say, no...

My version of this: "Life is WAY too Short to work with people you do not like."

Of course you put things so much more eloquently! :)

Jennifer, I loved your dating analogy and you are right on! I have occasionally suggested to a buyer or seller that we go our separate ways. I agree with Robert. Life is WAY too short. While you're wasting time with someone who makes you miserable, you may be missing out on a fun "date."

I have learned not to worry about winning every customer. The good thing about real estate though is you can "date" several buyers or sellers and once and they kind of like it if you get around more.

Well, did the guy get a rose or not??

I once dated this guy because he was massive eye-candy and I was really waiting to see what was underneath it all... after about 5 dates, he tells me I'm the smartest girl he's ever dated, and that did it for me, he was outa there.

Granted, I'm smart, but I'm not "that" smart, and if I'm the smartest he had ever dated, I wasn't going to find the underneath I was looking for. But man, he was HOT, all 6'5 of him!!

Jennifer--I agree...It is not so important to "win" every client as it is to have a good relationship with the clients you do work with.

I just dropped one last week as we did not share "values."

Jennifer, I just love this post!

"I'm sure a lot of it is ego...we want to win that lover or client, even if we suspect it's a relationship headed for nowhere."

Such a Golden statement of truth.

If "winning" in and of itself is the prize...both parties lose. As always, you get my thinking gears going.

Hi Jennifer! What a great post and perfect relationship correlation. Why push for something we are not meant to have? In the long run it just hurts all parties involved. Thank you for reminding us!!!

Jennifer - I don't have to love them to be able to help them, and vice-versa. It's like the neurosurgeon without the bedside manner, but he's the one who's going to do the best job. You're right about the "pushing", though - that will have the opposite effect.

JUN

Thanks for all the comments - great stuff here! Sorry I can't thank y'all individually - I have to appear in court this morning ;-[ I'll let ya know how it goes!

Court??? is this for your favorite tennant still?

Rob - Yep. She broke into the house after the eviction and we finally had our day in court... she tried to whine about how the eviction went, which is irrelevant to a breaking & entering charge. The DA told her that if she would bring in the $215 I spent to repair the window, they'd drop the charges. So, she has until 2pm today to pay. We'll see!

JUN

Very enjoyable post! ((**)) those are my eyes rolling....i don't watch that show, but yes if you don't have chemistry with someone, chances are, you aren't going to have any kind of relationship, business included, particularly our business. Oh, and I love your signature!