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REALTOR Speak ~ What They Really Mean

By Gary Woltal

Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Realty 0575737

June 21, 2009 04:48 PM

The description in the writeup and what they really mean---

* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.

* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.

* SECURITY SYSTEM - Neighbor has a dog.

* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.

* CONVENIENT - Located on freeway entrance ramp.

* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.

* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.

* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.

* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.

* DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION - In flight path of nuclear bomber base.

* EASILY MAINTAINED - Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.

* MUCH SOUGHT AFTER - It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.

* QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING - On site of a proposed fraternity complex.

* RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY - No one else wants it.

* WELL SITUATED - In full view of the neighbors.

* WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.

Re-Blog

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Brigita McKelvie, Associate Broker

Cindy Stys Equestrian and Country Properties, Ltd. - Lehigh Valley, PA

The Broker with horse sense and no horsing around

Gary,

Hahahahahahaha! Those were great! I can't stop laughing. I am going to reblog these.

Thanks for the laugh!

Brigita

Jun 22, 2009 09:45 AM

EZ Landlord Forms

ezLandlordForms.com - Chicago, IL

HA! This is great!! Looking at the Facebook/Twitter updates of my real estate friends, I have a lot of translating to do! :-)

Jun 22, 2009 10:49 AM

Dorie Dillard Austin TX

Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX

NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Gary,

I already see this post is reblogged. You really came up with some wonderful meanings for often used phrases. Unfortunately it is so true!

Jun 22, 2009 11:11 AM

Susan Mangigian

RE/MAX Preferred - West Chester, PA

Chester & Delaware County Homes, Delaware and Ches

These were very funny Gary. Sometimes I read the description of the house as seen on the MLS out loud when the buyers and I are in the home. We howl laughing sometimes!! Obviously, I do not do this when the seller is at home!

Jun 22, 2009 11:25 AM

Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant

Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Gary,

Haha, that was funny. Thank you for the Monday laugh.

Jun 22, 2009 12:16 PM

Debi Boucher

Real Estate Showcase Photography - Woodland Park, CO

"Realtor Showcase" - Real Estate Photography/Virtual Tours

Oh Gary! You have me ROLLING with this! Hysterical - and sadly, not far from the truth!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL

Debi

Jun 22, 2009 12:29 PM

Cris Burlew

Beach & Luxury Realty, Inc. - Saint Pete Beach, FL

Broker ~ St Pete Beach FL Real Estate

Thank you for the laugh tonight! These were funny...I liked the updated kitchen. Now, I'll have to go back and look at the remarks on our listings...I may have to change some :)

Jun 22, 2009 03:04 PM

Carol Culkin

Diamond Partners Inc - Overland Park, KS

Overland Park Residential Real Estate

Gary - What a hoot. Yes, the catch phases speak for themselves. Great post ...now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to woking on the marketing for my new listing that needs a little TLC.

Jun 22, 2009 08:43 PM

Irene Kennedy Realtor® in Northwestern NJ

Weichert - Lopatcong, NJ

You've spilled the beans, Gary! Now I'll have to come up with new lingo for my listings...

Jun 22, 2009 11:52 PM

Irene Tron

Valparaiso, IN

Great list -- gotta go change the descriptions on some of my listings! :-)

Thanks for the laugh.

Irene Tron

Jun 23, 2009 01:21 AM

Irene Tron

Valparaiso, IN

Great list -- gotta go change the descriptions on some of my listings! :-)

Thanks for the laugh.

Irene Tron

Jun 23, 2009 01:21 AM

Irene Tron

Valparaiso, IN

Great list -- gotta go change the descriptions on some of my listings! :-)

Thanks for the laugh.

Irene Tron

Jun 23, 2009 01:21 AM

Joanne O'Donnell

Chic Home Interiors - Oakland, CA

Gary, very funny, I especially liked the definition of old world charm... exactly!

Jun 23, 2009 02:22 AM

Betina Foreman

WJK Realty - Austin, TX

Realtor, C.N.E., with WJK REALTY

Dear Gary,

Somehow you forgot one.

Deferred Maintenance= Everything is broken & is roof caving in because nothing has been fixed or cleaned since it was built 100 years ago.

;)

Jun 23, 2009 02:27 AM

Ryan Shaughnessy

PREA Signature Realty - www.preasignaturerealty.com - Saint Louis, MO

Broker/Attorney - Your Lafayette Square Real Estate Partner

Gary - Thanks for decipering the code for us... "Fixer upper" must mean "it looks like heck but I want you to take a look at and I couldn't say it is a bargain with a straight face."

Jun 23, 2009 12:51 PM

Esko Kiuru

Bethesda, MD

Gary,

I'll take the within easy distance, next to a well-stocked pub. The other part someone else can have.

Jun 23, 2009 05:19 PM

Debbie Summers

Charles Rutenberg Realty - New Smyrna Beach, FL

Gary - These are all true... I really like "Cozy", I've sold a couple of really "Cozy" homes.

Jun 24, 2009 01:44 AM

Betina Foreman

WJK Realty - Austin, TX

Realtor, C.N.E., with WJK REALTY

I recall the cozy description used on the place I rented while in college. Cozy=Cramped tiny dump close to the university that you will pay WAYYY too much for. Thanks for the giggle!

Jun 24, 2009 02:12 PM

Liz Moras Migic

Chilliwack, BC

Chilliwack, British Columbia - Realtor

I love this list! Ihave it on my bulletin board - and i look at it every time I go to write my ads!

Jun 24, 2009 04:58 PM

Tony and Suzanne Marriott, Associate Brokers

Serving the Greater Phoenix and Scottsdale Metropolitan Area - Scottsdale, AZ

Haven Express @ Keller Williams Arizona Realty

False Advertising of any kind is a hot topic for me right now. It's incredible and appalling how some agents that are clueless when it comes to Short Sales boast of hundreds of transactions and high closing ratios - neither metric being supported by the MLS.

Aug 25, 2010 01:54 AM

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