Gary's dictionary of REALTORSPEAK is so much fun. Thanks Gary, for allowing the repost.
The description in the writeup and what they really mean---
* OLD WORLD CHARM - Has some woodwork, needs cleaning.
* CONTEMPORARY FEELING - Has no woodwork, needs cleaning.
* SECURITY SYSTEM - Neighbor has a dog.
* UPDATED KITCHEN - Sink no longer overflows.
* CONVENIENT - Located on freeway entrance ramp.
* MINT - Someone has spilled mouthwash on the carpet.
* NEUTRAL DECOR - No murals of nudes, or Elvis, but has brown walls.
* MOVE IN CONDITION - Front door missing.
* COZY - No room larger than 9 x 6.
* DELIGHTFUL RURAL LOCATION - In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
* EASILY MAINTAINED - Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
* MUCH SOUGHT AFTER - It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
* QUIET, SECLUDED SETTING - On site of a proposed fraternity complex.
* RARE OPPORTUNITY TO BUY - No one else wants it.
* WELL SITUATED - In full view of the neighbors.
* WITHIN EASY DISTANCE OF - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop.