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Are you a People Pleaser, Can you say No?

Are you a People Pleaser, Can you say No?

I know, I know all of us to some extent are people pleasers in some way. We want to make everything smooth for our clients. Nothing wrong with that, it is our job.
But, sometimes we just can not say no, or if we do we feel guilty. We want folks to like us, right?

Can you say ‘’No” to a client at any time?

Everyone wants to be loved If not perhaps you are too much of a people pleaser. It’s ok to put people first some of the time just not ALL the time.
People pleasers are trying to avoid confrontation, because they want everyone to like them. They are afraid they will be rejected so they go out of their way to please people and avoid anything confrontational. People pleasing taken to the extreme doesn’t work and only creates the opposite effect of what you want.

Is this you? Please like me!

•    Are you driving buyers around for months on in, with the inventory high and resenting every minute of it?
•    Are you afraid to ask them to sign a Buyer Agency Contract for fear of them saying no and you not working with them?
•    Are you afraid to tell them the truth of the list price their home should be priced at?
•    Are you afraid to ask for price reductions?
•    Are you afraid to shut the door at your office or home so you can prospect without interruption?
•    Afraid you will be rude if you don’t stop and chit chat in the hall?
•    Afraid to get buyers pre-approved before showing them homes?
•    Afraid to not accept every friend request on FaceBook or Twitter?
•    Do you feel out of control, running around like a chicken with your head cut off, not in charge of your day, your clients, your time?

Guilty STOP

•    Learn to say No, it’s OK to say No.
•    They will still respect you, more importantly you will respect yourself
•    Speak with authority about home values to your sellers, let the numbers speak for themselves.
•    If you respect your time in the office then agents will respect you. If not who cares?
•    I have 143 people waiting to be friends in Facebook. (No biggy)
•    I quit following folks all the time on Twitter. (Big deal)
•    Your needs and time are just as important as anyone’s. Believe it!
•    You will gain confidence in yourself when you set the boundaries for your time, the home price you set, your prospecting time and the importance of those Buyer Agency Contracts

Start now and accept you are a great lender, stager or Realtor that you are a kind,loving, person who has your clients best interest at heart. They will respect you if you respect yourself.

Don’t compromise who you are, how you know to do business to get the approval of others.

*****************************************************************

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Posted by Missy Caulk-Ann Arbor- Realtor(R)- Ann Arbor Real Estate on 06/24/2009 12:28 PM

Comments (30)

People Pleasers in the ActiveRain Channel

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Originally posted at: Ann Arbor Undressed : Are you a People Pleaser, Can you say No?

Post is included in group: Diary of a Realtor
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30 Comments on Are you a People Pleaser, Can you say No?

JUN

Thanks for posting this! It's so true...we sometimes forget to be ourselves and stop trying to please others. Everyone is different and you can't please them all without sacrificing yourself which is never any good!

Sincerely,

Kathleen

It is tough to say no a lot of times. Especially when we're in a very challenging market environment and closings may be a bit fewer and further between than in the past. But you're right, if you let people run you ragged they will. A lesson I haven't quite learned yet, but I'm working on it. Good post Missy and best of luck to you.

Let your no be no. Yes, I can say no very nicely. Great post

I love your examples under "STOP"! You could have been talking about me......

All the best to you Missy!

Oh, such a good post -- I hope everyone reads this. You go to the heart of the matter, in our people-oriented business.

Missy,

Great post! And besides, spending too much time on Twitter is like hanging around Jiffy Lube after your car has been greased and oiled...!!! Thanks, Fran

Missy - reading this post I had to laugh because we just talked about how we are saying no now more than ever. And we are crazy busy. Maybe we should have started saying no much sooner. ~Rita

I don't like to say no but I do when I think I have to...especially twitter...I really don't use it..and I only use facebook for friends from high school and some AR people I know. Not every tom ...Dick and Harry.

Missy, I'm an expert at saying "NO". It's one of my favorite words and I use it several times a day. In my opinion, learning to say "NO"is one of the best things you can do if you want peace AND success in your life. It's just not possible to be there for everyone.

Hi Missy !

This is a great post and probably one of the reasons that I have been able to stay successful in such an unstable market !

I have no problem respectfully saying no, showing empathy, and sticking to what I know the best approach is for the client.

The only one I dont do well with is the Buyer Agreement ! ... but I have only ever lost one Buyer and I was probably better off !!

No in many cases just reinforces that you believe in yourself and your service ;O)

Cheers Missy !

Sheldon :o)

Missy- Once I learned how to say NO and follow through with my NO! Like Bryant, it has become one of my favorite words. SO much so, that Nestor gets sick of hearing it, LOL!

Seriously, I don't work on Sundays, never have, never will. People respect me for that. I tell them that I keep the Sabbath day holy. They honor that principle even when they are not Christians. I have even converted many agents to stop working on Sundays, they started going to churches, and they started to tell their clients they don't work on Sundays.

This has made a huge difference in their business and in their lives, both temporally and spiritually.

I say no to short sale listings that are under 100K. That is hard to do but AHHHH, so empowering!

To those who find it hard because you are in tough times, always remember, what you focus on expands, so if you think on how tough things are or how if you say no you will lose a client, you will. But if you focus on abundance, that there is always more than enough, then you will attract those kinds of people into your life and business. Katerina

Missy - Other than the Facebook and Twitter reference "Is this you?" was all me when I first started in real estate. I learned real fast that if I wanted a life there has to be a time to say "NO" and setting up some boundaries.

Katerina, you got it.

Sheldon, you sound like my daugher, LOL

Bryant, I know that and know that is one reason you are so successful.

Neal, I wish I had started FB and Twitter that way, as it got out of control I do it now, but still to many. I have set them up in groups so I found myself checking family, friends, high school and college friends.

Fran, LOL

Rita, yea me too.

Karen thanks.

Jerry, you'll get it takes time. Thanks for stopping by.

Harry, reminds me of a double minded man.

Missy, I consider myself a People Pleaser but there are just times I have to say NO. If you don't stop at some point, on occasion they can take advantage of you. It's a delicate line at times.....

Missy,

You go girl! What a great blog post...thanks for saying what we all need to hear. 'No' is not a dirty word! And what a cute cartoon of the doggie in the corner!

Patty Keller, AnotherME

Missy - no.

I have my no's under control with sellers, I have no problem getting to the point with them. After a couple of experiences this summer, apparently I'm still a doormat when it comes to buyers, so I'm referring all of them out until further notice, until I can get a handle on the BBA, or at least better radar.

BTW, I meant spring, we're only two days into summer.

And I flagged your post for a feature. Great post!

Missy, I think part of this comes with age the older I get the easier it has been for me to say NO.

JUN

Missy, I've learned to just say no, but it's not always something I enjoy doing!

My best friend has always been one. I hated that aspect of him b/c he would say yes to everything, and follow through on little. Needless to say, he learned to say no about 6 years ago and is a completely different man now. I'm sooooooooooooooooooo glad.

Missy, it's hard to say no but you are so right. I guess it was part of our upbringing in which we always said yes to our parents.

Hi Missy, Even when it's hard to do so, there are times when saying no is in the best interest of our client or ourselves. Thanks for the reminder that it's completely ok to say no at times!

Have a great day,

Anne Rains

Great post Missy. No can be so empowering.

Yikes. Guilty as charged. Big surprise to people who know me. I am not a pushover with seller clients and can tell them what they need to hear. But I do have several very long term buyer clients that are running me ragged. And I have a hard time saying no to my friends. That's a biggie for me and I am working on it.

JUN

GOOD MORNING MISSY! It's not easy sometimes to use it = but it's the best little two-letter word we can use to save ourselves a lot of frustration and refrigerator binges! -- Gabrielle

Missy... not sure why this one wasn't featured.. but I would agree, many of us don't want to say no. It's funny, when I say no or just be upfront with people, giving them the answers that they don't want to hear, I get a lot of upset, angry people, in which case some yell at me. No wonder so many people in our industry, especially mortgages, just say yes or lie. They don't want to put up with the other result. I have a woman shopping me right now... she needs to close in 3 weeks... she is shopping me against 3 other lenders. I am the most expensive, so she tells me. Seems to keep comparing some of the costs that don't apply to me, just 3rd party charges... but she keeps telling me that she knows what she is doing. The bottom line, she keeps asking me if I can come down in my price and I say "no". Yet she keeps coming back to me. Gee, I would bet one of the issues would be that it would take some of these lenders more than 30 days to close.

Overall, your post his spot on and is perfect timing... nice job.

jeff belonger

Jeff, I think it is because all the posts last week on the same o same o folks getting featured. Oh well, I don't write to be featured but it is always nice to have.

Good luck with that lady.....Ugh

Go Missy! Great post. I am...guilty, guilty, guilty, but working on it. Thanks for my afternoon smile.

JUN

When I first speak with serious buyers, those wanting to see props, I tell them I work using a Buyer's Rep Agreement, it protects both of us (and a few more details). I will show them a few properties without it, but then we sit down and go over the contract. No one has refused to sign so far, and it gives both of us a chance to see if we want to work with each other. My broker gave me a semi-private office so I could shut the door, that helps!

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