I guess you can't really call a comic routine delivered over the Internet "stand up." So I'll call my daily schtick a blog up instead of stand up.

Football versus Baseball -- Which Sport is Tougher?

Major league baseball and steroids: I think it's more than 5% of the players and it reinforces my bias that football is the greatest American sport. 

Let's see baseball players will juice up with testerone, human growth hormone and amphetamines.  They'll increase their mass, toy with their genetics and hire personal trainers. But they won't play in the rain?  C'mon. 

I will concede that hitting a 100 mph fastball is the hardest thing to do in the sports.  But the most courageous thing to do in sports is to throw a football off-balance, teetering on one leg - your knees exposed -- just before getting creamed by a 6'4" defensive end weighing over 300 lbs. who can run the forty under 5 seconds. Just ask Carson Palmer for the Bengals in last year's playoff's.

In baseball if the pitcher gets on base they stop the action so he can put on a warm jacket.  Even in golf the jacket goes on after the pro wins the tournament. 

But compared to Australian rugby we're all wimps. Compared to Tour de France cycling we've all got crystal clear mountain water coursing through our veins. In cycling when a racer yells to his pit crew to "pump me up" the mechanic doesn't know to grab a compressor or a needle.

Hey, I'll be here all week. Try the veal. And don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses. They work hard for you.

Bada bump. <Cymbal crash>