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I Found Your Picture Today, and I Cried

Dear Princess Janie Doe,

I found your picture today, and I cried. Strawberry blonde, with angel dusted freckles across your little nose; you looked up at me from the flat, lifeless paper that captured your tender smile. It was your first grade school picture wasn't it? Or perhaps it was from your kindergarten year.

Others had seen you, or at least they should have. Their crisp business cards with perfectly crafted messages and various phone numbers lay nearby, dutifully announcing their presence in your home. With nothing else left, they had to have seen you. I did, and I cried.

Your bedroom was painted the tenderest shade of pink. Not just any pink. This pink was carefully chosen just for the princess who once lived there. Princess Janie's bedroom, or it once was, where fairy tales and first day of school jitters played out.

I found your picture today, and I put it in my pocket, before my customers arrived. It seemed wrong to leave you there, exposed to prying eyes, to bargain hunters, to those looking for a deal. Like birds of prey picking through the remains they come, ready to swoop down and carry away the rewards of their hunt. You were far too precious to be exposed to that.

The husband didn't like your bedroom. He thought the color ghastly. I clutched your picture in my pocket as if to shield you from his words, from his invasion of your room. I wanted him to leave it; he didn't deserve to be in the presence of Disney princess dreams, Barbie playtime, and places where tooth fairies visit during slumber.

I found your picture today, and I hope you heard me tell you that I was sorry. I am sorry that I didn't find you sooner and in a very different way. I am sorry that you were let down, that we all somehow failed you.

If only your mommy and daddy had known how to find me, or someone like me, to ask about what we know that could have possibly kept you in your world of pretty pinks and little girl dreams.

I found your picture today, and I kept it. I hope you don't mind. You remind me to keep searching, to keep trying to get the word out to other little girl's parents who I may be able to help, who I may offer some guidance to, or some words of comfort, and of hope that they haven't heard. Words that may keep them from walking away from princess dreams and the land of fairytales. Or at least, get you back into your land of pink far sooner than just walking away, as your parents felt they could only do.

I found your picture today, and I cried.

Posted by Teresa King, Gulf Shores Beaches to Bayside Daphne on 07/02/2009 12:08 PM

Comments (79)

Foreclosure Prevention in the ActiveRain Channel

foreclosure, short sales

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79 Comments on I Found Your Picture Today, and I Cried

JUL

That was very touching but I am not finding the correlation with short sales -

I have had similar experiences in other homes that are foreclosed or even the short sales. It is hard on us too as realtors to imagine all those dreams that have gone astray and the children who have lost their dreams. Nice posting for all of us who have felt that same pain.

Bridget, I don't just do short sales. That is my last resort. I try to recommend all options to KEEP them in the home. I deal with distressed properties, but my main concern is the distressed owner. It's not about the money from a sale, it's about keeping them in their homes if possible. My rewards come from helping as well as sales if that is what is needed.

Lise, thanks for your words. I am glad you 'get it' too.

Teresa,

Beautifully written and very touching. I love my job, but this is one of the harder things. Hopefully, the families will come to see that it's not so much WHERE you live as the people that surround you that matter!! Thank you for sharing!!

Touching -- I've been here. I always feel like I am invading someone's privacy when I walk into a foreclosed home where personal property remains. When I find the dream house for a new family with young children and I see the excitement in their faces, I console myself by knowing that this new family will make many new memories in their new house. That feeling of satisfaction for doing our jobs can perhaps make up for some of that sympathy we feel for the family who has lost its home.

Sonja, You are so right. It's about the people no matter where they reside.

Kelly, I try to do the same with my hopeful buyers, as this market has opened possibilites for many. It's the little moments when we walk in and find reminders, most unexpectedly, that take our breath for a moment.

JUL

Some kids are resilient. Some are crushed and socialy deformed for life by such traumatic experiences--try to explain a foreclosure to a small child. It often ruins their outlook on home, society and life.

Carla, in my area, landlords don't allow repainting to a tenants choice of color. Yes, kids are resilient, but the lingering effects of foreclosure on the family's finances and their ability to move forward is hampered for many years. It's not about the pink bedroom, it's about upheaval and being displaced.

Jim, so true. I was a school teacher for many years, and I held children while they cried and talked about things that would break your heart. Regardless of what the parents did or didn't do, a child and an entire family was affected in more ways than just movng to a new house.

What an imaginative and heartfelt post. The lives of those that are shattered are seldom though of when the bargain hunters come in.

Hi Teresa, Wow, so well written ! Like you, we all feel the pain when things don't go as planned. Lets hope others will find a well informed , caring Realtor who might help avoid a replay of this sad story !

Teresa, kids are very innocent and as parents we should as best possible help them to live out dreams and not be affected by nightmares. Very well described post of troubling times with the fairy tale experience.

Wow...that was a very heartfelt post, it's very sad the number of little princesses and princes who have already or will lose their homes.

You've shown what a compassionate person you are -- and a Realtor second. Your clients are lucky to have you on their side. Very touching post! (glad to see some clueless comments above were deleted.)

When you receive rude comments, I think you should just delete them. Why allow people to criticize you on your blog? And then you feel obligated to defend yourself, of course.

I vote that you delete that first smart-ass comment you recieved. No reason to allow anybody to post criticisms.

I delete every comment that comes across as rude. I'm glad they wasted their time to act like a jerk.

~Michael George

We have seen far to many childrens toys and items left behind in our bank owned homes. The saddest are the pictures they drew, family photos and report cards. I think of my Mom who saved everything for me in a box in the house I grew up and wonder if that is just a relic of the past for so many.

Teresa,

I too have cried over shattered dreams and displaced families in this line of work. Like you, I do my best to help them through a terribly difficult time.

Teresa, what a beautiful post, sad, but we should all realize that when we walk into these homes, lives are in ruins, childrens lives more often than not. Keep doing what you are doing... they need you on their side.

Oh wow, so many new comments. I didn't realize this was featured until now. I am heading out the door to another listing of a short sale. The dad lost his job, and is ready to move. It's okay this time; the kids are prepared for the change. I'll respond back to all who wrote later on! Thanks to all who 'get it' and understanding why some of us do what we do.

Wow - I have thought about the children of foreclosures before but this was especially poignant. I hope that this doesn't make me seem unfeeling but I have consoled myself somewhat with the fact that losing your home is horrific but doesn't have to be the end of the world. Ask children who lost parents on 9/11 or whose sister/brother has cancer if they would trade their home for their family? We can hope and pray that these families will meet up with caring, knowledgeable agents like you who will help them get back on track, or better yet hope that they meet you before they get too far off track. Not everyone is interested in working with these situations and even less are interested in presenting options that keep families in their homes. You should be commended for your attitude of service instead of a focus on commission.

Your attitude and sympathy will help you do your best to help your clients. I applaud you.

Teresa, Beautifully written. I left a client's house after signing the final short sale docs, crying because there are other problems which led up to the short sale, watching a family disintegrate and knowing there will be so much fallout...broken dreams...shattered lives...there are some gut-wrenching moments with short sales. They are not for the faint of heart!

I did an interior BPO on a home not too long ago in a house that has been abandoned (but not yet foreclosed), and it had the complete Bikini Bottom painted in it. I could hardly stand it. I did bring my son in to take his picture in front of it. I just knew that someone wouldn't care for it and someday it will get painted over...made me feel so sad...

Bikini Bottom

WOW! Very nicely written and very touching...I think that the majority of us got into this business because we are empathetic and genuinely care about people...they aren't just a lead, a listing, a closing or a commission, they have stories behind evey one. Sadly, the market we deal with today isn't always one of celebration and achievement...sometimes it involves heartache and loss. Keep the faith and don't ever lose that sense of compassion! :o)))

Teresa, I showed a home last year which still contained many personal photographs and toys. I wondered how parents could leave such things behind them. They deprived their kids of the continuity in their lives that those photos could have provided later.

I know you felt for the little girl. I did, too.

Every short sale, foreclosure, REO is... was... someone's home, lost to them forever. It's a realty often overlooked by the people buying t

So beautifully spoken. I am sorry that this is happening all to often. I have found drawings that called me to tear up and stuffed toys that have lost their favorite friend-Dinah Lee

Just came back from talking a potential seller OUT of listing with me today. They were thinking their only options were foreclosure or a short sale. I gave them some ‘homework' of calling their lender once again and inquiring about a possible forbearance in their situation, or even a re-amortization. They felt badly for having me drive out and not listing. I was actually happy! I left hoping that they won't need me for a long, long time. They will call me next week to let me know, and at that time we can list, only if we need to.

Ed Silva- So true. I am guilty of it myself when I take buyers into properties. It's when I find the reminders of the recent past that put a knot in my throat.

Bill Gillhespy- Thank you. So many distressed homeowners are too ashamed, and don't speak up so they never hear of all their options. It would be nice to reduce the number of foreclosures where we can, and provide information to those wanting it.

Gary Woltal- The little girl in the photo is the age of my own granddaughter, and I can't imagine what it would be like to explain why she has to leave her bedroom behind and perhaps even let go of her two pet dogs.

Erika Rogers- It's not always about a homeowner losing a home. There are other casualties as well aren't there?

Maureen Bray- Through my years of teaching I learned that although I may have taught a particular subject, or grade, first and foremost I taught children. The same principle applies today. We may sell homes, but it is people who hire us, and that is where our focus needs to be. The comment #9 was either deleted by AR, or by the poster herself. I didn't remove it. I'd like to think she was having a bad moment when she came across my post and didn't mean for it to come out the way it did. If it was truly how she felt, then maybe the world did need to see what kind of agent they were dealing with.

Michael George- Thanks for your support, as I was rather surprised with a couple of those clueless comments. Ditto on my last comment above. Our personality types and attitudes are what either bring customers to us, or can drive them away. True colors showing?

Christina Bennani- We can only surmise that the stress, emotional depression, or just a lack of care would cause a parent to leave behind items such as what you mentioned. Sad.

Irene Kennedy- That's all we can do isn't it? Our best, even if it isn't good enough some times.

Andrea Swiedler- The little things left behind can be the most upsetting. Thanks for your comments.

Beautifully written Teresa! And it sums up, for many of us, what we feel when showing and listing these properties. These were not "bargains" or "inventory" to the families who lived within the four walls....it was "home" a place of safety and dreams.

Becky Brand (Shorewest Realtors) - What I hate to see is a home listed that falls into foreclosure anyway. Why, oh why I wonder, did the agent not place it in a short sale position and roll up their sleeves and get the homeowner out of harm's way. If not, why didn't they turn it over to someone who would willingly take it on?

Christine Donovan- Thank you for your kind words. It could be any one of us facing this, and I would like to think someone would offer me a helping hand if I needed it.

Dawn Maloney- Yes, the financial stress leads many times to emotional stress where the entire family falls apart. And, you are right, this line of work is not for the faint of heart.

Christianne Gordon- Cute little one you have there! Some child was thrilled with that room sized mural at one time, and now it is only an obstacle to be overcome for someone else. It is sad when we know that leaving it wasn't by choice.

Jeani Thomas Richie-Exit Hill Country- So true! We celebrate someone moving into a new house, but in today's climate it may well have been at someone else's expense.

Brian Schulman- I often wonder how a parent could leave behind some of the things I see as well. I really don't understand.

Margaret Woda- I understand and agree. To get passed it, we have to put our blinders on sometimes to distance ourselves from what once was.

Dinah Lee Griffey Allyn- I too, hate to see so much of it happening and will be glad to see a time when we are at an end to the numbers we have seen.

Colleen Fischesser- Thanks, Colleen! I am so glad so many people stopped in who feel the same way. It can, and does get to us when dealing with these homes. We'd be totally heartless if it didn't cross our minds from time to time.

Yes, this is sad to hear ..... If only it was different. It was before, I like it the way it was, not the way it is!

Patricia Aulson/portsmouth nh

That is a very sad and touching way to look at a short sale..when people lose their home it can be devastating...

Very touching post. Scenarios like this are a very depressing part of our business, yet it may also be what draws some of us to it...the possibility of offering real, meaningful assistance to families who need our help.

JUL

Very sad-I feel the same way when showing distressed homes, and most buyers seem oblivious-not their fault, just different agendas.

This is one of the most touching blog posts I have ever read. Thanks.

Teresa, thanks for the post. This job is very tough on the emotions at times.

Thank you so much for the post. We see "so much" as realtors. I think sometimes we forget that we don't just sell houses but dreams, hope and a place to celebrate life. The pictures and toys are the hardest to forget. I am glad there are so many of us "taking care" and helping as we can.

I always get a lump in my throat when I walk into a home that had been abandoned and littered with toys and children's clothing. Or even when I go into a short sale with the kids still in the house not realizing what is happening to them. I always wonder where they went (or where will they be going)? I'm hoping they're with extended family or a decent rental property. So far, my short sale listings have not involved kids.

I felt for you as we had so many stuggles with out older son & had to send him away to an emotional growth boarding school shortly before his 16th birthday. We are all happier for that long ago experience, as he'll turn 29 next week and getting married in October.

Sometimes we think of short sales and foreclosures as just a difficult sale, or maybe a good deal for our buyers. Your post is a reminder of what a sad situation this can be. Many sellers in this situation are good people show have lost their jobs, a high number of them have had medical expenses that destroyed them financially. Some of us may purposely harden ourselves to the situation because it can be too painful to see this over and over again. But sometimes we need this reminder to be compassionate. And, if we can, help them find an alternative. Thank you for your post.

One of the things that I have noticed most often, for almost 15 years with foreclosed homes, is that there are generally many children's articles left behind...the favorite dolly, the teddy bear, the trophies from ball games and swim competitions...very sad.

Just last Saturday I took some folks out looking to buy, and there 4 year old kept asking to see a house with a Princess room. One house, a regular sale, had just such a room, with a shelf of little princesses. Her eyes lit up in as did her imagination. Later, we opened the door to a 'vacant' home, to find a princess tent, a host of princess toys and even princess nameplates, marking the former princesses who once inhabited the home. You could see the confusion on her face and that house just embodied sadness for the family who left their treasures behind. Thank you for the evocative post.

My only issue with some distressed owners is that they should have never been there from the start and most know that. I feel for the ones that got sucked into re-fi's from crooked mortgage companies whom they trusted but did not realize the terms and how the rate would change or how escrows, which were included for the past 10 years are no longer included and you are on your own.

This was a very touching post and I do get it.

I enjoyed your refreshingly open, honest and transparent post, Teresa.
Keep the faith.

Roy

Teresa- I understand this feeling more than I wish. Lost in the daily headlines of the housing crisis, the statistics about mounting foreclosures and the jobless claims are personal stories like yours. It breaks my heart to see (what I call) the "princess rooms." I have five daughters... among my favorite memories are distant sounds of days gone by- when they conducted tea parties with their playfriends- most of them imaginary.

At the most basic level, we, as agents, help people buy and sell houses. At the most human level we help people find a place to build memories... a place to shelter our families from the elements... a fortress... a "home".

Everytime I see a child's room that has been decorated with such attention to detail I can't help but wonder where that child is living now... it pains me in ways I'll never be able to fully articulate. They are the innocent and largely helpless faces of the housing crisis.

I too have picked up the photographs or other items left behind that are too personal to be strewn among the debris of the "quick departure" homes. Yesterday there was the photo of the happy-beyond-belief boy in his spiderman costume. Last week there was the kitten plush toy that purred when you walk past it- it had a garage sale-type sticker on it... with a child's careful pen was written "$8". It was a symbolic sacrifice- an effort, perhaps, to pitch in to the effort to find moving money by giving up a thing of value.

Several years ago, a financial planner told me that many Americans are just one paycheck away from a financial ruin. I hought that sounded overly pessimistic. Now, as I've spent the last 3.5 years of my real estate career going through homes like the one you describe, I see all too well that he was right on the money.

OK... I could go onforever on this topic but let me stop right here and finish with this: it's my hope that the little ones find a place to call home... a place where their personal treasures are sheltered from glance of the bargain shoppers.

I have seen similar stuff in foreclosed homes. It is heart breaking, especially the kids rooms when you see how much love has gone into fixing up their rooms.

I don't think you understood my reply - when I read the post all I could think of was a child that had died and the father was going to try to repaint her room and the mother didn't want to.

I never meant to be rude and disrespectful, and I appologize if you felt that way. I have two sepcial needs children and a lot of compassion for anyone who is struggling in any way. I can't expect you to understand my mindset and I wouldn't want people bashing me for mine!

Hi Teresa- That was so touching. I have a 5 year old granddaughter that is a Princess living in that pretty pink world. Her Dad is soldier, so at least she is protected from losing her housing. She does have to move every so often though. Great post.

As a former criminologist, my fear is that in about 10-12 years' time, we're going to see a surge in crime rates as some of the children who are going through this upheaval will begin to lash out. A parole officer somewhere will read about "Parolee X's behaviour changed drastically when at the age of 10, his parents lost their jobs and were out of work for years, they lost their home, alcoholism entered the family..." and on and on. I know many will rise above, as that is the beauty of the human condition, but I guess I always worry about the ones who don't...

Thank you for such a heartfelt post, and for caring so much about others.

During these times it is very difficult to enjoy ones work when we see things such as paintings on the walls, childs toys left behind..etc..

I may only be in a dwelling for an hour at the most and there have been times when I can feel the sadness of the princess/prince...shattered dreams...once I saw in a closet, written in crayon, the words,

I will miss my room...

I think the post is wonderful. Compassion is such a great attribute, in todays society! Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

I had the same sudden reaction when I was showing a home and as we went out on the back deck there were two swimmies (those blown up bands little ones wear around their arms as they learn to swim) sitting there abandoned. I felt my heart drop, where was that child now and how sudden must the departure have been, one moment playing and the next gone.

I recently was out with a buyer who told me that she didn't know if she would feel right, buying a foreclosure, knowing it took someone losing their home for her to gain hers. I honestly told her that the facts are nothing can be done at this point for that family's loss, but for her to have an opportunity to afford a home that would have been well out of her price range before this fallout is the only silver lining to be had.

All we can do is hope: every end is a new beginning. While the parents lost this home, perhaps they have been able to start again elsewhere.

I console myself because usually the client I am showing the home to are first time buyers who are excited about getting a home. Without the REO's and short sales, these couples would not be able to afford a home. Children are resilient ... they just know they had to move. Very touching post.

I see it all the time things left behind, kids things still in the yard and yes, it does affect the entire family as well.

I understand...I feel the brokeness too when I go into these homes. I sometimes wonder where they are now and if they are okay.

Wow! How powerful is this. Teresa, you are a wonderful writer.

Thank you for this display of compassion. It is so very needed by so many others in our industry.

The worst one that I found was a loveletter from guy to a girl obviously in grade school. The other one was the note she wrote later, obviously never sent where he broke her heart. I was looking at these why my investor was checking out the crawl space.

What a wonderful post Teresa. I've had to fight back tears on more than one occasion when showing empty, recently vacated homes. The one that broke my heart was the home with the little marks on the door frame where the family had measured how tall the 4 kids were getting. There were names and dates and the progress was charted. I have 4 grown kids of my own and did the same thing for years! I have to admit that I went back in and took one more look at that simple sign that a real, live, growing family had lived there. It took me quite a while to get over that showing...

I'm sure some of you know exactly what I'm talking about...

Ronda Densford Signature

I worry if our Realtors/Agents, after working this market of rampant foreclosues, defaults and short-sales, will become shell-shocked like returning veterans from a horrid battle. I see much of delayed stress syndrome in this post. Some will not reconcile themselves to the harsh realities of this marketplace. Striving to be of help is always paramount in most of the Realtors I've come to know. But allowing it to find this depth of heart wrenching empathy may be your mind's eye issuing you a warning!

Some of us may not be tough enough to advise folks of the hard decisions. Perhaps some should seek counseling as this might be too much for them to bear. Many of my Vietnam Vet buddies are just now dealing with buried denials of a war fought and friends long lost. I understand your concern but I hope you recognize the depth of your writing may also be a warning sign to you. I believe writing can be extremelyrevealing and a journal or blog is a good way to deal with the daily battles and conflicts we face albeit in a more public way. But perhaps this IS your therapy.

I feel your pain but also rejoice in NEW families acquiring homes at substantially less debt than previous homeowners with a more sustainable budget so we can avoid children or families displaced in the future as we are now. The desperation and sadness in your post is the fodder which every fraudulent loan modifier preys upon. Be careful it does NOT cloud your judgement.

JUL

Teresa,

If this real estate thing does not work out for you. Writing stories may be in your future.

I hate knowing that I am selling someones foreclosure. This business is already tough. Now - a - days it has become that much tougher.

ps--that hubby would have had to get the heck out of that kids room

Very heartfelt and wonderfully written, and I didn't see the pretty pink room and I didn't see litte Princess Janie's picture, yet I feel I know her too. And I'm crying for her too.

Very touching and a different perspective on foreclosures, etc.

JUL

You have quite a knack at writing.You painted the picture perfectly in my mind. You have something to fall back on should you ever want a break from the kayos.

JUL

Sometimes you can see the writing on the wall coming, and your customer just doesn't listen. I had a buyer five years ago that bought through me. I kept trying to talk him into something more affordable, but he needed to get the big brand new house with the much higher taxes. It was an extreme stretch for him to even get into that property. Once he was in, the next thing he did was go out and buy two big-screen tv's and a BMW. When things got tough his wife was going to go out and get a job, but then they had a third baby instead. Then he did several cash-out refi's and got himself upside-down. Now he's just waiting for the foreclosure notice. I feel so sorry for those three little kids who will now have to go into a rental, if Dad can even get a landlord to take him with his rock-bottom credit score. It's sad that the kids have to suffer for the mistakes of the parents. Sure, some people got hit with job loss, illness, and other issues beyond their control. but it's heatbreaking to see someone financially destroy himself all on his own.

I really am teary eyed thinking of all the kids that lose their homes every day. That is one part of the business that I dislike, feeling the memories in a house, the joys, the pains, the daily living that existed in that home and wanting it all to be OK. I also want parents to wake up and do something, a refi, a loan modification, something. I'm also angry at a society that makes decent living so hard. Here in NJ, I feel like an indentured servant crushed under the weight of high property taxes, misspent fiscal dollars, paying for health insurance, child care etc when billionaire CEOs are getting my tax dollars for a bail out. I'm with working class Americans, where is the bail out for the rest of us and our children who deserve it the most. OK I'm off the soapbox now.

Beautifully written. I saw the most beautiful murals in a foreclosure a few months back. A princess fairytale for the girl complete with flying unicorns and castles with turrets and a pirates treasure trove for the boy. I just stood there and cried thinking about all the broken dreams!

JUL

Teresa - Thank you for this wonderfully written post. Very touching.

I see that too in many homes that I show. It is sad to find that parents have left pictures or drawings or other childrens items when they move out. In one house(it was a rental that the gentleman gave up) the man left the cremated remains of a child. Of course it was buried in the garage behind a mountain of trash and the child had passed away many years ago, but still. How can you forget that?

JUL

Great post. It would be much easier to not think about this stuff but it's better that we do. We need to always keep in mind that we sell homes not houses.

JUL

Thank you all for stopping by and reading my post. I have read each and every comment of everyone. Being the slow typist that I am, I'll refrain from commenting on each, but please know that I am appreciative of your input and experiences. Amy Steele, comment #76, I cannot imagine a parent forgetting something so important and 'storing' those remains in a garage anyway. Sad...

SEP

Being an animal advocate...we've seen them left tied to die, or in locked homes until someone finds them, or just wandering the neighborhood, until someone figures out that 'they just left their pets' behind...or the one dog that stayed deligently on the front door steps waiting week after week after week, until he finally got so hungry and skinny, that he too had to leave, that very place that was 'a home.'

It affects everyone......

Debra- Thanks for your comment and for stopping by. I can't imagine just abandoning my pets like that. My little guys are members of the family and taking part in finding a suitable home is unimaginable.

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