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Handling Obnoxious Clients With Notes From A Dead Man

I was reading over the weekend about handling obnoxious clients with various techniques and possibly avoiding obnoxious people in your life in business and personal altogether. I say strive for the latter if at all possible. Who needs the negative energy derived from impolite, inconsiderate, ill mannered people? But take note of

Handling Obnoxious Clients With Notes From A Dead Man.

Randy Pausch, Carnegie Mellon professor who died of pancreatic cancer in his Last Lecture stated this about the difficult people in life. When people piss you off you haven't given them enough time. Wait long enough and they will impress you.

In other words think with these obnoxious characters they are just not developed as far along as you spiritually, mentally, or emotionally in life. Kind of sad for them, a great take on blessings the way you are, but just realize we are all at different points in our development. Gives you GREAT perspective and perhaps a little understanding toward them that just maybe you didn't have before.

BTW, the Last Lecture is old hat on the Internet now but if you never saw it here is the abbreviated link.

Posted by Gary Woltal - Associate Broker REALTOR® Dallas Ft. Worth on 07/05/2009 11:19 PM

Comments (35)

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35 Comments on Handling Obnoxious Clients With Notes From A Dead Man

JUL

Randy Pauch's last lecture was great stuff! Wish I had that kind of insight to be like that!

Gary, my husband and I were just discussing parts of Randy's "last lecture" yesterday. I know his words will become ingrained in all of our memoreis over the years. "When people piss you off, you haven't vien them enough time. Wait long enough and they will impress you."

Impress is the operative word and can have a positive or negative connotation. I have been fortunate to meet more who impress me positively. One thing I've told my husband for years is that what I love most about my job is getting to meet people and learn their stories. Everyone has one, and it is far easier to connect with them once I know it.

Hi Gary It is past my bed time and I had to read..just one more.....you know how that is.

Randy Pausch,is a favorite of mine. Why not he is from Pittsburgh and Carnegie Mellon ( can't get better than that )

I have heard his lectures many times and he is a true " inspiring gift " that people around here will never forget, especially his students. He was a wise, courageous, giving gift to all who knew and heard of him. Thanks for the tribute to Randy.. We claim him as our own. BTW It puts a new spin on first impressions ...doesn't it?

The "last lecture" had so many great ideas. I missed this part about the people who piss you off. Guess it would be a good idea to listen to the lecture again. Thanks for the post.

We haven't given them enough time? Hmmm how much is enough I wonder?

Gary - I just read your last 10 posts... you continue to amaze me with your wealth of attitude and sage advise. I may have been quiet lately, but I appreciate you still.

JUL

Unforunately, some people never grow up or mature. I know one in particular that I tried to "help" improve her attitude for years. I finally gave up. She was bringing ME down!

Gary thank you for this post and the link to Randy Pausch's last lecture. He was an amazing human being that loved life. I did not realize he had died July 25, 2008. His beliefs were outstanding. The people we meet that may seem obnoxious might be for a reason we are not aware of, We need to give them time to open up to us and tell us their story.

Gary~Yes, we all need to be charitable with others, and give them enough time to grow. God is not done with any of us yet.

That said, we cannot rush this time on anyone. They can only improve if they choose to and are ready to.....so in the meantime, we may need to not associate with them. That doesn't mean we don't love them, or that we are looking down on them. It just means that for our own mental health, we don't want to be around them, or at the very least that we want to limit our time with them.

Gary,

I'm guity! I don't suffer fools well and I need a little more patience.

So good to read. I never looked at difficult people in that way. Opens a whole new paradigm.

Absolutely perfect.

Because it is all true. Obnoxious people are obnoxious because they are insecure. The root of their insecurities manifest into this really stupid behavior for different reasons.

So, if you know this already, it gives you insight and the confidence to walk away knowing you are above all that, and hope that they become enlightened one day so that they don't have to live a life full of insecurity and stress.

Gary, You are a free flowing spirit in writing,

Gary - Please tell me just how long I must wait for somebody to stop pissing me off. I'm a New Yorker and it's my nature to be a bit impatient. Or, maybe it's us New Yorkers who piss everybody else off.

"but just realize we are all at different points in our development. Gives you GREAT perspective and perhaps a little understanding toward them that just maybe you didn't have before."

Great point, there is a lot of wisdom here.

I've seen the lecture several times and cry each time. It is just brilliant and so true. A man ahead of his time for sure!

Gary--There are some people that you do not wait to continue to wait until they are fully developed. Then it is just best to move on...some people are toxic and continuing to work with them ruins your perspective. No one will mesh with every person. But Randy's speech is amazing...Lots of good advice. I like the line about living life as an Eeyore or a Tigger. I chose Tigger. :)

Gary - I guess the other reminder from Randy Pausch is that our time here is limited, so I really do try to avoid obnoxious people if I can. :)

I was waiting for you to say, "if you give them enough time, you'll want to kill them." LOL.

Hi Gary! Funny to be reading this today but, I have just experienced the most miserable cross-sale--in the end, on Friday, I had a very long conversation with the other agent and realized that he puts on an unnecessary tough exterior until he thinks he can 'relax' and he turned out to be not so bad at all! I just had to give him 'time to shine!'

Have a great week...

It may be old hat, but it is still great if you ask me. As far as negative and rude people, I don't really let them get to me. Most of the time if people are being rude I tell them that they are rude and that they need to chill out.

Richard, Having worked in retail when younger, put me in positions to tolerate rude & obnoxious people a lot and that prepared me to be a little more understanding...just a little! Thanks for the great post!

Hi Gary, I've never read Randy Pausch's lecture before but what you've said has intrigued me...I'm going to click on that link now.

Have a great day,

Anne Rains

Hi Gary,

Great advice for the those obnoxious people we are bound to cross paths with some time! It doesn't get any better than Randy Pausch!!

How true! My mentor in life once told me I was an old soul. Even though I have had some bad things happen, I don't always look at them as a bad thing. There are always lessons to learn.

Gary, I saw that lecture twice and was riveted both times by his words. He was an amazing man and this post couldn't have come on a better day--I was trying (very patiently) to deal with Mr. Impossible Client. They are so rare I'm not used to it when it comes along....thanks for the terrific reminder.

"When people piss you off, you haven't vien them enough time. Wait long enough and they will impress you." That could be true of clients and other people in our lives as well... such as family!

Gary,

"When people piss you off you haven't given them enough time. Wait long enough and they will impress you." This is wise, it really is

JUL

Gary,

Randy Pausch was an amazing, wise man. I can only hope to have a small portion of his compassion and understanding. Thanks for the reminder.

My best technique for handling these types is just to let them vent. Don't interrupt, don't argue.

Just shut up and let them blow off their steam. ppppphhhhttttssssshhhhhhh. (The sound of them loosing their steam) Bite my tounge, take notes, ABOVE ALL KEEP QUIET!. After they have had their say, they are ready to listen.

I had a guy who vented for 7 to 8 minutes before he asked if I was still on the other end of the phone. Then he was ready to hear me and listen to reason. Sometimes they will start up again and you have to let them vent it again. It's almost funny, BUT IT WORKS.

Then they refer you to their friends and tell them how wonderful you were in their difficult time.

Awesome.

Very wise advise my friend - and Randy - I've watched and will re-watch his last lecture often... some of the most difficult people in my life turned out to be the client or friend. you just never know...

Gary

As usual you have such good insight into theses things and I always appreciate your great vision.

My personal rule is "Don't let mean/ugly minded people live rent free in your head". I have lived by these words as long as I can recall. Cheers!

;)

JUL

You mean I have to be patient with the people who annoy me?.....That is a tough one!

JUL

Wow Gary, you got me with the headline. I read the book "The last lecture" and found lots of wisdom's in it. I particularly liked the one about letting your kids write and paint the walls of their rooms.

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