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Tips In Dealing With the Anonymous Cyberstalker

We put ourselves out on the internet to market ourselves. We are blogging so that we can give a side of ourselves to the consumer and our peers so they are able to get to ‘know' the person behind the words. There will be many times that we cross paths with another that will leave a lasting impression regardless if they identify themselves or not.

I've been trying to figure out a diplomatic way to write about something that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I think I have the frame of mind that is needed, so bear with me in telling my story.

Keep in mind that the problem is not the situation but the behavior of the individual behind it.

I received a comment on a post I'd written back in January of this year that was derogatory and mean spirited. My post was meant to make a point that we all can spread our wings and fly and accomplish anything we want to.
I answer the comment as politely as I could and the anonymous commenter came back a couple other times and the comments started attacking me so I eventually blocked all anonymous comments from my blog.
I went back to my post and deleted all those comments and just left the ones from January.
The anonymous commenter never came back to the post as a member but did say they were a real estate professional and ‘from' Hawaii.
I received a ‘private' call and without getting into too much detail...I laughed it off and said ‘have a good night'!
I received a letter at my office a few days later with my Real Estate MLS info copied and pasted and printed onto a sheet of paper along with a few rude statements and calling me "Cheesehead".
I received a call asking for Duane Chapman (Dog the Bounty Hunter) and politely said they had the wrong number.
And still the anonymity prevails through all.

I must be very interesting and important to go to those lengths to ‘harass' me.

Tips on handling the ANONYMOUS cyberstalker:

Once there is an anonymous comment that is clearly out to bash you as the individual writing the topic rather than the topic of the post...DELETE the comment and move on.
If it is a member of the ActiveRain Community (or whichever communty you're blogging on) then by all means contact the staff. They do not take too lightly with harassment of other members and will reprimand them or block them from the site.
If it is an anonymous commenter than you can still flag the comment as a ‘concern'. If it is a member they can track the IP address to check on the commenter to see if it is an AR Member.
Don't let the childish name calling and mean spirited comments personally. Wasted energy and nothing accomplished when someone is afraid to say these things face to face with you and hides behind the anonymous comments, phone calls and mail.
If it becomes a clear stalking and threatening situation call the police and make a report. Sooner or later it all comes out in the wash because they don't remain anonymous forever when they clearly want to harass you.
Do not retaliate as these types of situations show that the person is unstable to begin with and may have some mental problems that are definitely not ours to fix.

If someone has that much time on their hands and to go to these lengths to harass someone they clearly are not the professional we all hope to work on the other side of.

Posted by Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman HAWAII Relocations & Real Estate on 07/08/2009 05:05 PM

Comments (83)

CyberProfessionals in the ActiveRain Channel

real estate professional, blogging safely, courteous, ethics, games people play

Post is included in group: POSITIVE ATTITUDE for the Weary Soul
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83 Comments on Tips In Dealing With the Anonymous Cyberstalker

JUL

Sally- This is going to get a gold star for sure. Very good points about what to do. Let us not waste time and energy on these mean people. In cyberspace they are called 'trolls' and some of these trolls spend all their days just going around being mean and harassing people. In your case, it is obvious it is an agent who is jealous of your happiness:)

Sally I am sorry to hear you were the brunt of such horrid behavior. I know your words are true, ignore them and when there is no game often it will stop. If not mentally deranged perhaps just another type of bully who gets his kicks from tauting and teasing others. I hope it has all stopped for you. Take care.

Sally. Sad that we have to go through these things.

It's happened to me twice and ActiveRain has been supportive and helpful.

If it's a simple case of someone with the nasties, I just delete their comment.

However, if they keep coming back, they need to be removed from the membership.

Exposing our contact information to the public unfortunately occasionally attracts jerks. Your advice on how to handle them is right on.

Katerina: It really confuses me when a so called professional in our industry goes to these lengths to harass another. It really makes me think how they are surviving in this market :)

Gail: What's more horrid is thinking I may have worked with them...or you guys did ....yuk.

Lenn: It really is. I did as well...and then they took it further to actually spend 44 cents to mail me an anonymous letter....take time to call from a private number. Hiding behind the keyboard, the anonymous letters and phone calls. It tells me one big thing. They conduct their business in a sneaky way as well.

Bill: No kidding. And to identify themselves as a real estate agent just made me shake my head.

There are alot of nut jobs out there.

Sally, very good tips and thanks for sharing them with us. It's unreal how some adults act.

thom: Well, the only one we control is self right?

Michelle: Thanks...it is ..strange :)

Sally your advice to calling the police is absolutely the best advice you can give. )Eventually the anonymous person makes a mistake and you can determine who they are. )

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to me also, several years ago, and literally made my life hell until I got the police involved. Funny what a visit from someone in a uniform can do (puts a stop to it). It never accelerated from there, thank goodness.

Hi Sally.

I have been cyberstalked too. Twice so posting my photo and my work addresses may pose a threat to my personal safety again. This is partly why I was slow to post at AR... because we put our face and our name out there for the world to see. I dislike it when some people deface so much as my picture and I have had it happen to me a few years ago. I even had to file a permanent restraining order against someone but while ignoring them may not work... TROs do not necessarily work either but I take it very seriously. Some of these people are mentally unstable. I went directly to the police then filed for a TRO then "won" a permanent restraining order in court. I took it very seriously and I agree with you on that key point of reporting it to the police.

As you already know I am from Hawai'i and I know that nastiness exists everywhere. In Hawai'i the competition can be exceedlingly strong for buyers and sellers (my aunt is with Prudential in Hawai'i plus I have a few friends with other agencies but they are so not like that) so some people will try to play mind games to get you to quit. IMHO you are handling it well. Aloha and stay cool, Lana

Hi Celeste, I am sorry to hear it has happened to you. That person has some serious issues. It scares me to think that the stalker is a real estate professional (if that is the truth and not the imagination).

Oh, I am also with Century 21. :-)

Sally, Good information. I have often wondered what consequences we could have with putting out information on the Internet. Thanks for the story.

Sally, I agree anything seriously threatening or stalking, call the police. This is ridiculous with someone wasting your time like this.

Some folks are a bit whacked...In this case if it persists, call the police. Seems like this RE pro has too much time on their hands!

Sally - I would consider calling the police and reporting it. They might have other similar reports - could be someone from your area, a competitor.

You stalked? I don't believe it.

Sally, a great primer for dealing with (at the very least) someone who has nothing more valuable to occupy them. Calling the police if it escalates is a smart thing to do rather than becoming a headline in the news.

WooHoo. It's a mean world we live in. I truly don't know why people do stuff like that. Don't they have a life?

Sally- I had to come back to make sure you got the gold star! Congrats! Well deserved!

Sally,

It's unbelievable that people have the time to harass you like that. Are you sure it wasn't former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry -- he was just rounded up last weekend in D.C. on stalking charges!

That is so creepy and scary! I appreciate your post, you sharing your story with us and also sharing tips on how to handle these unfortunate events. You can never be too careful. I haven't been stalked by a fellow agent, but I did have to file a TRO against a client who came into my office and threatened to kill me and then followed me and my son everywhere we went. It was really terrifying...my little boy was only a toddler at the time. I have also had my identity stolen by a woman who picked me out of a local real estate magazine and had ID's made in my name. I am still clearing that mess up 8 years later! Stay safe!

I've had a few of these anonymous posts saying bashing something that I said. Always just deleted them and didn't respond. There's no need to get in an argument online with an irrational person. The only person that looks bad is you.

Sally, because of your local, that person has to be on the island near you, hope that AR traced their IP address. And yes it was correct to report it to the police, here in Virginia there are laws against using the internet to commit crimes. Take care and alway be aware of your surroundings.

Sally-you are doing the right thing..I think the more they know you are aware of them..the more likely they may stop...don't take a chance.. Great tips and very good advice.

Sally... how funny, yet so sad that someone has to spend that much energy to harass someone. I would think it's several things... jealousy and lots of time on their hands.

jeff belonger

Sally - so sorry to hear about this troll you have had to deal with. You have offered some great suggestions for dealing with these folks who clearlty have nothing better to do and somehow delight in harassing other folks. Unfortunately just deleting a comment will not always be sufficient, as your situation demonstrates. Hope this all ends soon.

Jeff

hi Sally, if online pinheads were worth their weight in oil there would never be an energy shortage. Ya think people would have better things to do with their time???

Kris: Yeah...who knows ...it may have just faded away....at least everyone knows what to look out for should they pop up on theirs too.

Lana: I went through enough with my daughter's ex husband and I really get disgusted with this childish junk. I'm waiting to be a gramma...I work hard in my business and in our office and though I am not a competitive junkie for business it still doesn't make sense why people would harass another person they don't even know anyway. The majority of the people I have worked with have been very good people and only a few will I cross paths with that I would not like to work with again. Bottom line....I've been in the business for almost six years and I have a comfortable life. This just put a dent ...for a moment.

Sally,

I was burned on line early this years. This lady from Washington state, was going to fly in on her private jet and spend a lot of money. What happen is she ran up my phone bill and led me on a goose chase. She seemed like the real deal, till I ask her to confirm bank funds befroe she came. Never heard from her again. So my take on wacko's, if they want to talk to you over five minutes they are probably crazy. Most buyers are to busy to waste time talking story on the phone.

Steve

Ally: You may be right....but doubt it...they had access to our MLS...unless it was a home inspector ...geez.

Lisa: You mean...amongst the one to two calls a morning wanting to sell me leads?

Gary: It's not wasting my time so much as writing now to help others ...

Gary: And too much if they have to find ways to harass people :)

Wendy: 6,000 agents just for our island. Take your pick :)

Hey Neal...I miss you too :) :)

Lynn: At the very least :)

BB: Obviously not.

Katerina: Thanks... I like when I write something that will help someone.

Brian: Are you serious? :)

Jeani: Oh my...that's harsh and to think...people take advantage of an ad ....

rob: and then what do you do when they mail and call you?

Thanks Kenneth...I'm sure many will be aware on what to watch our for :)

Thanks Midori... we're due for a phone conv. :)

Jeff: Most likely you are right on both counts. :)

Jeff D: I am not going to give the person power...no answering private calls and no anonymous commenters. They can waste their stamps. :)

hugs to marti! Yeah...we'd be rich if that were the case :) I'm glad you found a few minutes to show up today...I was worried!

Steve: That is lame....you think maybe she was just lonely?

Sally...

There are just some bad people out there that use technology to foment fear. We must always stand strong and fight back any way we can by using everything and everyone at our disposal.

Sally, Iknew you had gotten some unkind comments but didn't know you were being harrassed. I think it's the one thing everyone is afraid of but we put outselves out there anyway and always hope for the best. To stop writing would be allowing them to run your life. I hope you can report them and keep as much information as you can. This is horrible to hear but I'm glad you posted the warning for all of us.

Sally, very good advice. It is a shame that someone decided to do this to you. I agree with Richard, bad people getting a kick out of scaring someone. Could be anyone, and I hope you have protected yourself. Your post is full of great ideas for us, just please tell me you have followed the advice you gave us?

Take care of yourself. And by the way, whats not to be jealous of? You have it all going for you. Just too bad they didn't realize that the climb has been a long hard one, yet you continued to make the climb upward.

Stay safe.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this harrassment. It sounds like you're handling it about as well as possible.

Sally,

Thank you for the warning and the advice. I hope that the harassment has now stopped.

Best wishes

Sharon

Hey Cheesehead sorry to hear about all your problems with the Cyber Stalker - LOL. In all seriousness that is awful Sally. You advice is best.... just ignore the creep!!

This is pretty scary. Just reading it gave me the chills! I hope everything works out for the best and the author of those comments/notes stops this behavior.

I had an 'anonymous' post which stated: You are sentenced to die.

Nice!

People are aggressive, and they become antagonist and deranged when they are hiding behind the computer screen.

My 105 lb. Shutzhund would love someone trying something funny . . . and it wouldn't be 'virtual' either!

Sorry to hear someone a NUT LOOSE has bothered you. I'm a GEEK MAGNATE too!

Sally - sorry you had such a terrible experience, sounds like you're handling it well though. Thanks for sharing your story.

One has to wonder what the motivation is for sure --- whatever you do be careful-- you do not know what they will escalate to next. All the best.

Sally - feel free to give them my number and tell them I'm your talent manager. I'll be happy to settle this one for ya. ;) I have had a couple of them myself - and since I tend to be rather blunt with them ... well, it stops in short order. Heck - I even invited one of them to come visit ... since they said they knew where I lived and all. I had a special friend at the ready to greet them and all. Oh well ...

Sally, People like that feed on fear. That's why ignoring them is best. Though having AR track their IP address is an excellent idea.

A great book to read is Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. He advises against filing restraining orders since it only adds fuel to the fire. He advises never engaging with irrational people like that. If there's no thrill and no engagement, they grow tired and go away to harrass someone else. Great world, isn't it.

Hi Sally. I agree. I am glad that you posted this and that it got a star because it may help someone else who is being cyberstalked or stalked offline. Kudos to you.

Sally.. this is great information... Sorry you had to go through this type of situation.

Hi Sally -- I am sorry to hear this. You are perhaps the most professional and level-headed and kind person I have run across on AR.

Woo Hoo, Wow,that is a sobering post and one that is so sad. I am so sorry that this happened to you and hope it has stopped. Sad to hear my friend and hope that AR is helping root these type of people out of the comfort zone and off our network and away from our posts.

Richard: Funny..no fear...just disgust here. :)

Carole: Learn something new every day don't we? Now it's how to ward off evil spirits professionals lol

Andrea: Believe me...it's always good to be aware of the people around us....even on this platform. I have worked hard to get to where I am today...in business, in blogging here and in my personal life. I don't take things forgranted and everything I have gotten I have worked hard for. Thanks for the vote of confidence :)

JUL

Christine. Me too...and the sad thing is that many more will experience the brunt of this kind of behavior in their lifetime.

Sharon: so far...

Bill: Hmmm...yeah, not too funny....and I've been doing my darnest. And the childish thing about the name calling....it's my husband's name....lol

Peggy: Bottom line...I hope you all take the tips into consideration.

Carla: Wow...that's just plain weird. I agree with that one...hiding behind the keyboard is surely a tactic only the weak do.

Kevin/Monica: No other way to handle it ...but diplomatically and give you all some food for thought.

Bob/Carolin: I wondered...didn't come up with anything but hypothetical situations lol

Carol: lol. Yeah...I think someone is just got some deep issues going on....and they can keep them all to themselves lol

Judy: Well...my world is pretty okay....the others can just live in their own world.

Lana: I hope so too.

Roland: Me too....and the sad thing is....many more will too. :(

Chris: Aww...that's nice of you :)

Hey William! It is kind of sad...that someone had to go to great lengths to get my attention? Weird. In any case...they can only be caught if it's member..... we'll see.

Don't let the childish name calling and mean spirited comments personally.

The best thing to do with internet trolls is never, never, never respond. Many of them are just bored teenagers with too much time on their hands. Their goal is simple: To get a reaction out of you. If you react, they win. Don't let them win. Simply ignore, and delete. They eventually get tired of their little game when they constantly lose (fail to provoke a response).

It's unfortunate, but there are some sick people on the internet. Please let this post be a warning to all ActiveRainers that you should not post too much personal information. ActiveRain is a wonderful place. However, keep it in the proper perspective. Things you post here are being broadcast to the world. Remember that. Be safe.

Sally, it's called jealousy. I've encountered a little. You know you're rocking when the losers start stalking.

Hi Sally,

Sorry about your bad "stalking" experience. This ranks up there with the other "undesirables" list of being in the public eye. Getting our signs "tagged" with spray paint, getting our signs defaced by spinning their tire on our face, getting placed on spam lists, etc.

However, there are so many worthwhile experiences that we can focus on such as when we help someone move into their new home at Christmas after they had been living in a mobile home in freezing temperatures with boards over holes in the floor and cardboard over the windows.

I know you have helped countless people Sally just as you helped me feel so welcome when I came to the Hawaii AR Gathering in January last year. May life be overflowing with great experiences so that this stalker becomes just a pale memory to all the great things going on in your life!

Best to you Sally!

Rob in Kansas

Sally,

Haven't had this happen (yet?), but by sharing your terrible experience, you guide us all in case we're ever subjected to such intolerable behavior. Hope the creep is gone for good!

I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a person, especially one from within the AR ranks. From what I've seen from this community, that certainly isn't the norm. You are a good person, you did nothing wrong and hopefully this person will get what they deserve in the end. Kicked off AR and maybe even loss of their license.

I had someone making mean comments on my blogs. I let it go at first,then they got personal.

I tried to find out who by looking at IP address, but I couldn't so I just deleted the comments.

Congrat's on the star and bringing this forward, definately harrassment.

I've had the occasional moron step into the blog and show their ass for a comment or two, but never anything like this. This dude sounds like a Wacko and I have to suggest mace.

Woo-Hoo; it's creepy to say the least. You're doing the best you can considering the situation. CREEPY, I say!

Sis - I recall Jennifer having to deal with this awhile back. There are some strange/scary folks out there and I think you've outlined some proper suggestions in how to deal with them. For me, I just go Tony Soprano on their butts;)

Sorry you had to deal with this. It's sad that this is a form of entertainment for some. :(

I am very sorry you have had to deal with someone like this. But the internet has brought out the worst in some people. I am sure you may have read the old Dale Carnagie book "How to Win Friends.."- remember the no one kicks a dead dog story? This person would not hvae lashed out at you unless you intimidated them or they are jealous of you, etc.

But thank you for the great advice!

Sally - Sorry to hear about this on your end. I personally haven't received too too many of these types of comments tg but I'm sure they are out there stalking away. Great post! And very timely in this scary sometmes cyberworld we live in.

Sally - I'm sorry to hear that you had to endure this. It amazes me that people have nothing better to do than to harass others.

ActiveRain should have the ability to track the IP address of the anonymous poster. That is a good thing. I had to disable public comments on my site several times for prank posts. They are very unsettling.

Jim: They do....it IS very unsettling...especially when we believe it's another agent ...or someone who used to be :)

Jason: And that just shows what kind of person they are :)

Hey Bob: Yeah...they're all over no matter if online or off.

Mark: I'm really not the intimidating type and it still is no reason to treat others that way.

YMS: Some entertainment huh?

Lil Bro: Kind of feel sorry that they didn't find a healthy sense of self so try and push their junk on others.

Kat: I'll do my best no matter what the situation. :)

JL: No kidding. Be prepared huh?

Missy: Definitely indeed ....

George: What goes around comes around....it's just the way the universe works.

JUL

A great Post from a crappy experience....but then that's what you're good at...writing and inspiring :)

Hey Sally, Sorry to hear that you've had to go through this situation! Your tips on how to handle cyber stalkers were great...it's a crazy world we live in and being real estate agents we have our photo and contact information plastered all over the web, which is a little scary to me.

Have a great day,

Anne Rains

Kathy: No kidding.....and yeah...I do think so too lol.

Anne: No matter what career we're in we are putting ourselves somewhere. Doesn't make it right for people to prey on others for their malcontent.

JUL

I guess these things are bound to happen from time to time. You handled it very professionally and I'm glad you have addressed it here. Hope you don't have to put up with such nonsense again.

Hey Sally:

I'm sorry that someone has nothing better to do than to harrass you on the internet. "Cheeseheads" are from Wisconsin and now having said that I hope I don't get stalked for saying that. Just keep your chin up and let's hope they crawled back under their tiny little rock. You handled this very well.

Carol

JUL

Hi Sally~ I am sorry that happened to you. I have had a few horrible emails and comments, but I just ignored them and never responded. They weren't worth the energy it would take. Yes, they were upsetting, but I never let them know.

JUL

I had someone send me a couple of threats for posting information about the SuperFerry. I deleted all of their comments and e-mails and invited them to say it to me in person. I haven't heard from them since.

Randy: Bout time you showed face....I've had a hard time explaining your whereabouts lol.

Vicky: Yeah...but it's the nature of that beast....the malcontent one :)

Carol: Yeah...well, I think it pertained to the name I took on when I married my wonderful husband from Pennsylvania. lol

Ann: I'm sure it'll be an ongoing thing here and out there :)

Aloha Sally,

I'm sorry to hear you had this experience; some people like to take their frustrations and personal issues out on easy targets, particularly those who offer a positive message. Mahalo for sharing.

Peace,

Sally - This comes with celebrity status. We're a small world, but even so, you are one of the stars in it. I feel bad for the actors and actresses who have to deal with this 24/7. It's no fun! Thank you for sharing your advice, I'm sure it will happen to others.

JUL

All of the sudden, I got 3 strange comments on old blogs. Oh well, the price of fame :)

JUL

I'm so sorry you've attracted one of these idiots. I have a friend on YouTube who has her own personal cyber-weirdo. I guess it makes them feel powerful, to hide in anonymity, and attempt to scare others. How cowardly is that!?

JUL

I saw some of your messages. Hopefully he/she is harmless. Either way a real nut job.

AUG

Randy: Yeah....I agree... you just may be right on your assumption.

AUG

You did all the right things. And more important, you did not let it get you down. Good going!

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