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When the right message is delivered in the wrong way!

I've had several occasions lately to ponder "How can the right message not be received?" With our real estate careers, it's much the same as dealing with our children. If the message you want conveyed isn't delivered in the right manner, the message (however well-meaning) is lost.

If messages are delivered in a threatening, demanding way, how can one expect for the message to be received willingly? And even pondered at all? Even if the point is well-made, the message can be completely lost in frustration and irritation of the receiver, if delivered in the wrong way.

We need to give careful consideration to how all our messages are delivered to our clients as well as our families. I have a favorite line from a movie "Robin Hood, Men in Tights" where the evil Sheriff comes back to the king after quite a whallop from Robin Hood and proceeds to tell him what happened. After a brief moment, the King declares, "Maybe if you tell me the bad news in a good way, it will help" The Sheriff proceeds to laugh and be jovial about how he and his men just got the stuff whipped out of them". The message was delivered and the King actually paid attention.

Our delivery to our clients as well as our families should be much the same. Given careful consideration upon how we want to deliver the news. Good or bad, news needs to be conveyed in a way that is clear, concise and to the point. In addition, we need to make sure that we are calm, collected and have a plan for their reactions ahead of time. Take a minute to look at how they might react and how you might be able to make it easier on them, or to see it from their point of view. (Trust me, we have five teenagers and I've had practice!)

I can't tell you the amount of times that an agent has called me hysterically, spilling out terrible news and had not taken the time to problem solve before he/she made the call to me. It was an after-thought. When a few minutes is taken to ponder our delivery, it can save time, expense and value relationships in the wake.

Next time we make the call to deliver good or bad news, we need to step back, take some time to review our delivery and consider reactions ahead of time. And remember, we are all in this together!

Posted by Leslee Martz on 07/09/2009 12:45 PM

Comments (52)

message, real estate careers, robin hood men in tights, reactions, problem solving

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52 Comments on When the right message is delivered in the wrong way!

JUL

Leslie, What a great blog. Full of wisdom and insight. I have made the mistake of calling in a defensive mode and wound up having a confrontation that did not need to happen. Now if I think information is going to be disturbing, I take the time to write it down (or type it up) and put it in sensible order and present it in a good way. It makes all the difference in the world.

I agree with you completely!

Leslee - this is an excellent post and you are correct about how to deliver news to clients. Sometimes there is not an easy way to deliver bad news, however, if there is a solution on the other side, it is more palatable.

Thanks for all your remarks! I've really been pondering this situation for the past few weeks. Several conversations and listening carefully to others...I just needed to say it. Hopefully I'll make an effort to improve my own communication skills! Thanks for reading!

Great words of wisdom to consider Leslee! I have been on the receiving end of those agents also that spill out all the bad stuff & then we get it worked out. I wonder to myself if they thought prior to speaking, sadly not many do.

CONGRATS ON THE FEATURE!

You Rock! K

Thanks Kristin! It might make us all think a bit before speaking...even with our own kids! We sometimes need to put ourselves on the receiving end..might change our tune! Thanks again!

Very well said Leslee; in sales and in life, delivery is everything. Congratulations on the feature.

Thanks Danna!...you're right...delivery is everything!

Leslee,

great post... recently someone ask me what I would leave to the world if I could only leave one thing.

My answer was/is "Never react" - take time to clear your head, collect your thoughts and take some time to find a positive solution before responding to the situation"

Drew Burks -Broker

Thanks Drew- very true. Thanks for the feedback!

Excellent Post. I recently performed a CMA where the potential seller was about 100K above what the house could sell for in the market. I was wound up and ready for confrontation. In retrospect I think the conversation would have been entirely different if I were in a calm state, and I would have delivered it differently.

Thanks for the post!

Thanks James- I think we've all spent a bit of time in those shoes...but we are here to learn. I do that everyday. Sometimes I learn the best lessons from a 12 year-old. Perspective is the key. I appreciate your feedback.

If I had a dollar for every time that someone called me and was having a panic attack without even looking into the problem first, I would just sit at home and eat bon-bons all day...because I wouldn't have to work!!! You are so right about this. It is very frustrating. I think it makes people look very unprofessional to not try to solve a problem before they start making hyper phone calls to others. I prefer to get it under control and make my call to report that there was an issue but I have fixed it and we are on track. In real estate the mantra should be "Be Pro-Active, not Re-Active!" Congrats on the feature!!!

Jeani- you are so right. I had a seller this week that tends to over-react to everything so I wrote down my plan before I got there and no matter what, kept calm....he finally calmed down with me. If we are all "excited and hyper" that is exactly what you will be dealing with....calm, calm, calm....Thanks again!

You got it Leslee - Most times there is a solution to a problem as long as all parties slow down & think logically!

Best,
Dan

Hi Leslee,

Great post! It brings to mind a couple of things that have stuck with me over the years.

One was someone who once told me, "You're not responsible for what you said. You're responsible for what people THINK you said."

The other was a business owner I know who told his employees they could come to him anytime, with any problem. The only stipulation was, they had to have at least three possible solutions written down. He said that eliminated about 70%-80% of the whining. Either people worked out their own solutions, or realized it wasn't really a problem to begin with. And the ones that did come to him had a well thought out situation they were dealing with.

Again, great post!

Thanks Dan- it helps one even begins to think of a solution before they deliver the problem.

Michael- what a wise business owner! We have used that solution with our 5 teenagers. Don't come at me with a problem that you haven't taken the time to figure out a possible solution. It's quite effective and we are hoping will eventually make them good adults/business persons. It's the business model that the Coast Guard uses and it's made a big difference in my 19 year old Coastie!

Thanks for the feedback!

This is the key in this business...Delivery. I really like your point of view. Poor delivery of any good/bad information is received poorly. It is truly how a delivered message is received. Kudos on the feature

Leslee -

YOU JUST ROCK!

So glad you are on our TEAM!

What an awesome post and a much deserved FEATURE!

What good advice for everyone, not just realtors. People just want to talk talk talk and always be the first with the scoop, usually bad news or gossip. Just THINK first, then give it a little thought . . . and then talk.

What an insightful post, Leslee. Great advice to anyone in any business, really.

Leslee, I keep saying I honestly believe our economy would do a huge upswing if everyone would just turn off the news. But your words are so right - we really do need to be vigilant in how we put out information... nicely written and congrats on your !

I am having this issue with a seller right now. He thinks we told him to lower his price by $55,000. We most certainly did not. We told him to lower it $25,000 or else he'll be looking at reducing it $50,000 + in the fall if he still wants to sell as our market is declining 1.5% per month here.

He is hung up on that $55,000 number and I have no idea where he got it... *sigh*

Message not received!

Thanks everyone! You are all on the same page! Yes, I would LOVE it if we just all turned off the news...it's so depressing and not reflective of our individual areas. I think we just need to consider the rule "treat others as you would like to be treated". If we followed that rule, we would all be in better shape.

Thanks for the replies!!

I love this blog Leslee. How true! And not just in delivering good/bad news. I am writing a post now about how what you say matters + so does HOW you say it. It is easy to misinterpret remarks, especially in emails.

There are so many ways to communicate . . . this post sends an important message. :)

Some people will read emails as if half the words are missing and Need. Short. Sentences. HA

Some need you to write a college thesis with every detail.

Some will not get it at all unless you verbalize. And others you will need to look in their eyes.

And then write it out and send it because they get amnesia . . . ;)

Leslee: One thing to keep in mind is that it's not aways what is said, but how it is said.

JUL

You are correct. The delivery can be more important than the message!

Robin Hood Men in Tights is a great movie. I recently had an appraisal issue with a client that was bad news, the way it was delivered we were able to work towards a solution. That wouldn't have been the case had I delivered it the way I was thinking...

Remember..... PRAISE, swat, PRAISE !!!!!!!!!!!

I do think we are all on the same page. Thanks for your comments. I've really found this is true when dealing with my teenagers..sometimes it's how I say it to them, they seem to get it if I'm calm and think from their perspective. I had a client last week that just chewed me out royally for something completely out of my control. I had to deliver bad news. But after letting him vent I calmly re-explained the situation a different way (very calmly) and he settled down, apologized and proceeded to do the things I needed him to do. Win, Win.

If I had taken offense and just gave him back what he was giving me, the solution would have never presented itself. I just had to step back and say "does he need this message delivered a different way?" The answer was "YES" and after going at it again, we came up with out solution. Life lesson for me....AGAIN!

It still amazes me the number of agents who call me practically hypervenilating because this or that has happened in our deal. What's bad is usually the news they are having a panic attack over is not as big a deal as they think it is. Had they stopped and took a deep breath before they called me, they might have realized it and not worked themselves into a frenzy. What I hate is when the agent works their client into a frenzy with them. Then Houston, we have a problem. On a different note, I am dealing with an agent now who has absolutely no communication skills at all. I can't count the number of times I have had to stop and take a deep breath to keep from being completely offended and say something I will regret later. They just have no tact at all and everything that comes from this agent's mouth comes across as confrontational. I'm amazed they even have clients. I completely agree it is all in how you deliver your message.

Leslee, great blog. Yes, i think we all need to listen, and step back and analyze the situation before delivering a message. thanks for sharing!

Leslee this wonderful! Now I have to go back and watch Robin Hood, Men in Tights again. I loved that movie.

Kristy- It is amazing. Some agents are a true pleasure to work with, others completely confrontational. If I was hiring an agent, they would be last on my list. We need to work together and in the end all clients win. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you Ginger. Being a good listener is just as important, isn't it?

Erin- it's a GREAT movie..I just chuckle thinking of it. If anyone hasn't seen it, rent it immediately!

Leslee, you make a great point. Even the best news can come across as uncaring if not delivered properly. Our tone of voice can and does make a world of difference.

I think sometimes as agents we can focus on our own problems (needing a commission check) that we forget the client needs us to focus on thier problem. When we do that, even if it is bad news, they can see the value in us as the doctor or salvage worker. I also prep my clients for things that can go wrong.

Gene- that is so true. I've talked to several agents while working out an issue and over and over again, I'll I hear is "I need it to close, I don't care how"...that type of attitude can only lead to problems down the road. We need to consider the whole package and the effect on our clients. Even if you close this one, the next one might have issues and where will you be then? I also agree to ALWAYS prep your clients for things going wrong...because it will and they need to be mentally prepared for it. No one likes suprises!

As one noted above, reacting is a major difference than replying; moreover even a reply on a text or email may appear as reacting as there is no emotion in the voice. I could have replied and said, "yeah, right". Is that being sarcastic, or is their excitement that you hit it on the head? In your case it is the latter....

Thanks Tim! I appreciate the feedback.

Most calls and emails I just whip out with about 5 seconds thought. Some times though I spend 30 minutes to a couple hours on the right call or email.

Just want to say congratulations on the feature and that I loved the post. We have all encountered this many times in business and family. You can agree with what is being said and still be offended by how it is said.

Leslee, this is a great post and a good reminder for agents to keep their heads on straight and be the stress releaving role in those unconfortable conversations. It is important to take time to sort out what exactly needs to be said and the best way to deliver and deal with news BEFORE getting on the phone. By over reacting clients may loose faith in their agents, it is important to keep your clients trust even if it is bad news that needs to be given. They need to know their agent will keep representing them with confidence.

This is where I can improve. Was just talking to an overreactive cient just now and I'm deciding on whether to continue to work with them or not, just for that reason. But sometimes clients are just nuts!

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your comments.

JUL

LOL!!! Such a funny movie...there have been times when i know I've left messages on other agents' phones after something pretty serious/bad/annoying happened that was their fault or the fault of their service provider and I had just had enough to the point where I couldn't be nice aymore. I felt bad after I did it though, since it made me look bad too....

Thanks for reminding us all to take a DEEEEEEp Breath before we have to give bad news. I love the three solution style, I was always told by an ex boss that if I didn't have a solution I was part of the problem. Now I let some time pass before I pass on difficult information so that I can do it calmly and rationally with possible solutions to the problems. (My husband gets an earful though, I have to vent somewhere!!!)

Congratulations on the feature.

JUL

Absolutely correct. I agree with your wisdom.

Great advice to all of us in all businesses and walks of life. If we'd all stop to think before we talk, we'd be alot better off and would probably rarely be in a position where we might offend others.

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