Sharing IS the Best Way to Be
This morning like every other this week I have woken up with a smile across my face and started my day.
Normally my children are still sleeping so I can get a cup of coffee or two in, do some laundry, and of course hop on my computer. Then they awake and I find that among their cheers and breakfast wishes someone is missing.
That someone is my middle son who is spending a month with his father this summer.
It is in that moment when I look among my children's heads and see only two that I feel that tug in my stomach. The courts say I have to share, I have pieces of paper that say I have to share, but I don't want to. I want to be selfish and see three bed tumbled heads bobbing around my kitchen.
I want to hear the buzz of "controlled chaos" as the boys argue and play, and as my daughter rolls her eyes at them in her "Whatever" pose.
I want to claim the chaos and merriment as mine, all mine.
But I can't, and I shouldn't. The process of shared custody is best for all parties- for me, my ex-husband, but most of all, for our children. They deserve to share time with both their parents and both their parents deserve time with them.
Independence is Overrated
Shared custody now creeps its tentacles into many aspects of my life. I used to take ultimate pride in doing everything on my own. Even before my business I believe my mantra was,
"If you want it done right do it yourself".
I admit, with work, if my clients were unhappy with a touch they didn't receive from customer service I would take on the tasks and complete them to make my clients happy. Then they would return to me throughout the year and suddenly I was customer service, sales rep., accounting, and tech support rolled into one...
Hmmmmm....maybe that's why all the late hours working.
When I launched my business I realized that complete independence was an exaggerated achievement. COULD I do everything on my own....I guess, but when would I sleep, eat, and live as a human being in the real world? The first month I tried to go completely solo, flying the searches of Google in the quest of answers, and there were always many. After a month in, I realized that I could also connect to my networks and ask questions....and get real answers. I didn't have to dig through endless search results when I hit a wall.
I had created social relationships and my friends were happy to help.
Wow, sharing information without a thought as to withholding a drop. How could this be? Weren't they scared that I was going to take their trade secrets and monetize without them? Weren't they possessive of the knowledge they had taken time to learn? Why should they give this to me without a selfish whim in their business souls?
Maybe my social friends were unusually generous souls. Lucky me.
Learning to Share Is a Huge Life Lesson
Or maybe, just maybe they too had been extended the hand of generosity on their business quest for answers one day. Maybe they were tired of trying to fly solo and had reached out tentatively and asked a question....and were answered with a real answer. Maybe they decided that sharing would not hurt their position, their foothold in their marketplace, but rather strengthen it.
Maybe they realized that on the social networks sharing was quite, well, ordinary. NO court papers necessary.
Circling back to the beginning, do I still miss my son like crazy? Yes. Do I feel the arrangement is more like distilled vinegar than a sweet aged wine? Sometimes.
BUT I spoke with him last evening and his voice was full of joy.
He was happy to be able to share time with his Dad. Shared custody made him happy, and his happiness made me happy and that happy feeling extended to my two children who are with me and they were happy.
The network of warm fuzzy feelings zipped like a cucumber vine springing golden flowers in its wake.
Sharing, whether its children, or ideas, responsibility, work, a laugh, a smile, troubles, concerns, tears, or joy is living life.
Life IS A shared custody venture.
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A month sure seems like a long time! but you are right, it is best for everyone!