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A letter for your broken heart...

This weekend, I heard some heartbreaking news. My friends' 17-year-old son took his own life after a series of cruel and malicious hazing incidents surrounding his football team. In Dakota's memory, and the memory of my two other friends who have taken their own lives, I am writing what I wish they could have known before they made that decision.

Dear friend,

I wish someone had told me this, when I was young. I'll tell you now, so you can learn what all "grown-ups" know: Who you are in High School is so little of who you are in life. Everything about that microcosm of life is an illusion. Don't buy into it! Anyone who is cruel and heartless to you now is of no value in your future. Imagine, for a moment, that this is as good as it gets for their life. In fact, they will probably soon be back to living with their parents!

The people you will remember are those that were kind to you when times were tough. Those who make you laugh. Invest your time in those people--surround yourselves with them. Block out the noise made by people with no other outlet for their heartache than to inflict pain on other people. Someday, they'll be serving you hamburgers through a little glass window.

I wish I could tell you that your worst day when you are 17 pales in comparison to the joy and delight the rest of your life holds. As awful as it seems on a really bad day, you are just beginning to see the fabulous gifts you hold--and what amazing things the future holds for you.

I wish you knew that even when you have made really horrible choices, your life has infinite value. You are unique, wonderfully made, and impossible to duplicate. You are forgiven, chosen by God's grace, and held as a precious gem in His hands.

Your life, your presence, makes your parents marvel at their incredible good fortune to have had a hand in your making. From your first moments on earth, they could never have imagined what an incredible gift your life has been in shaping their life. Your grandparents cannot describe how proud they are of you--and of the legacy you help them leave behind.

Your friends cannot imagine a day without your laughter and smile.

Even in the hardest times, the core of you is stronger than anything you are facing. Your life, your spirit, and your future are wondrous and incredible in ways that cannot even be spoken.

There is a life ahead for you filled with joy and love beyond your ability to understand right now.

You need only wake up tomorrow and see beyond these tears to the possibility of a future beyond all your dreams.

And finally...

I wish I knew you needed this letter before you left. Every day, in a thousand ways, you are achingly missed.

Posted by Stephanie Jarman Realtor® Kansas City Homes and Land for Sale on 08/23/2009 11:05 PM

Comments (83)

heartbreak, tough times, words of encouragement, suicide

Originally posted at: Real Estate at the Speed of Life: A letter for your broken heart...

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83 Comments on A letter for your broken heart...

AUG

I hae a son, he played football...luckily he went to a school that maybe was unusual in a good way...the kids were nice, they were kind..they didn't do things or say things that caused others to feel bad enough to end their lives..,.

I feel so sad to think of this family and their loss. My son (23) has been gone all summer, working in Germany...He comes home Thursday, I can't imagine your friend is never coming home to his parents...It is incredibly sad.

Hopefully your letter touches someone BEFORE they do something that will devastate the lives of mnay...I hope your letter becomes a gift to those who are on the edge of doing something bad,.

AUG

My heart goes out to the parents. I have a 6 month old and could never imagine this happening. High School kids can be very cruel and the media is no help either. Great post very encouraging.

Stephanie -

I'm so sorry to hear this - your friend's family must be devastated. It's tragic how some kids somehow get the mistaken notion in their heads that if they aren't one of the "Kool Kids" in High School, then they're destined to a life of mediocrity and misery.

If only they knew now, that at their 10th or 20th High School Reunion, they were going to see that many of the "Kool Kids" haven't matured or advanced much beyond where they were at 17 or 18 years old, they'd have a whole different perspective.

I'm very sorry for your friend's loss, this is heart breaking.

We have a pre-teen daugther and because she does not wear revealing clothing and "makes out" with boys, she has been bullied in school. She's not one of the cool ones, she's not one of the popular ones. 90% of "her bullies" comes from broken homes, have never met their Daddy and deal with drug addicted family members.

I went to talk to her principal and I asked him what he intends to do about bullying in his school. So far, I haven't gotten an answer other than "We don't tolerate bullies in our school". I know I will be back in the principal's office this year and he knows it too!

Stephanie- What an incredibly inspiring letter. We as parents sometimes forget that the peer pressure our children face daily supercedes what we have taught them at home. As I always say to my daughters (the eldest now in graduate school) "While you are out conquering the world...remember to us YOU are the world."

There is no problem that together we cannot work to solve. And nothing or no one, is as important as you are to us. We are your safety net- always and forever.

And with that...they leave home without a kiss.

When I was in high school, my mother uses to say things to me that were much like what you wrote in your letter. I remember some of those years being the toughest in my life, and wondered how people could be so cruel (we had some bad kids at my school). It was her words of encouragement, much like what you just shared that helped me at those times.

I remember at one time feeling so depressed about life I wanted to slit my wrists and end it all. When contemplating suicide (literally), I remembered her words and I had to believe she was right and that the tough times would soon pass. There was strength and power in her words of encouragement that lifted me up beyond the pain and difficult times I faced. Today, I am a better man for all that she taught. Had she not been there for me, I might not have been here today to read this wonderful letter.

That letter was inspiring, and frankly I might have to go harm a tree and print this one out.

Thank you Stephanie. God bless.

This is an anguishing story for any parent to read. It's just so heartbreaking. I've long wished that young people were given a class in school on social coping skills. The Golden Rule is around, but the applications for peer pressures and real-life challenges that these young people are faced with are strong undertows for their struggling spirits. They can never have enough support or outlets. I'm so sorry for you and your friend's family. Your letter is so very inspiring and strengthening for thoughts that need healing...I'd love to see it on a front page..thnks you...

My son also played football on a very competitive level here in Texas and it can be very tough on a young person. It's so sad that a persons entire worls can be focused on acceptance but very true among young people. This is s tragedy and words cannot express my condolences.

I thought hazing was outlawed?

This is tragic, and so unnecessary. High school, cliques are the nemis of high school, so many kids self esteem is destroyed. What is the school doing about this, what is the football doing?

I am so sorry for your friends loss.

The pain caused on others by bullies - whether in the name of hazing or their own selfish fun - is immeasurble and life-lasting. I hope you send this post to your local newspaper as an guest column. My daughter did so once, and it was published. For years after, she met people who pulled her letter out of their wallets to show her how much it had meant to them.

This is an excellent letter thank you for taking the time to write such an inspiring and true letter!

Great letter. Unfortunately, too many kids are too caught up in the here and now of peer pressure and all the other tangled pieces of school life. It isn't until they get out and get into the adult world that they begin to see the realities you talk about.

Stephanie, Your inspiring letter brought tears to my eyes. It held so much truth,that there is nothing I could add to it. I was bullied in High School, and as I look back, I can not even tell where those people are today, or even remember some of their names. Because I simply don't care anymore For those bullies, they only felt big for short period of time, but now they will feel guilt and remorse for the rest of their lives.

Stephanie--You put into words beautifully what is so important for teens to realize...High School though important now is not going to mean as much after your first year in college (or whatever road into adulthood a young person's life will take). How tragic for this young man's family as he will never fulfill the dreams that he was entitled to achieve. Hopefully schools, coaches, teachers and administrators learn from this terrible situation and work as you are doing to spread the word and prevent this from happening in the future.

Growing up in the 50's and 60's I encountered hazing, especially in college fraternity rituals. Looking back they are just a bit more than quaint, but in our case it was never taken to a dangerous level. That being siad, I don't agree with them at all. I would also say they are a catylist for bringing out something that is obviously dangerous. Most hazing rituals go back to the idea of the male macho ideal, and don't think that this is only limited to men.

How touching and heartfelt your letter is. I wish I could be so eloquent. BUT, I know a couple of people who need this told to them. AND, I'm going to use your letter to tell them.

THANK YOU! for taking the time. Perhaps those of us who share your letter with others can get it to them BEFORE it's too late.

Agiain, I thank you! and pray for you and your friend.

Very touching letter. I wish your family and friends the best over the coming days and weeks. Your letter was very to the point and well written. Thanks for sharing.

That is so sad. And kids do this every day over trivial things that seem so huge in their life at the time. This was a very heartfelt letter and I appreciate your writing it - maybe a child out there will find and read it on a bad day and make a different choice.

Praying for your friend and her family. Kids can be so cruel one minute and forget it the next. Thanks for the letter... I, too, know some people who need to be reminded of this and will use your letter for that purpose.

I'll be praying the parents. Thank you for writing such a truly inspiring letter.

Stephanie,

Kids today are not being taught the same values as we were and that is something forever changing anyway but what happened to this special 17 year old could have been prevented I'm sure.

I am a C.A.S.A. volunteer and see first hand these battered and tattered kids. The pressure on these kids is tremendous. They deserve better than what they are getting.

I hope everyone who reads this will pay a little more attention to those around them and look for signs of troubled kids and then reach out to them. it only takes one person to make a difference in the lives of a child.

God Bless you and your friends!

My son's name is Dakota, and he turns 17 next month. Great letter.

Stephanie, a TERRIFIC open letter and I too wish the young man would know all he had going for him REALLY in life. I loved your thoughts.

Hi Stephanie, Such a heartfelt letter to this heartbroken family. Surely your words will help ease the pain of their loss. Well done !

Bless this family. I can't imagine the heartbreak they'll be experiencing for years to come. Very sad that this happens all to ofter these days. Your letter is beautifully written and my hope is that it gets out everywhere and helps other kids. Take care -- God Bless.

That is so devastating and sad. Prayers to you, your friends and their family. One of my close friends took his own life just weeks before we graduated and it was such a blow to so many. I had a lot of good times in my youth, but there were dark days as well. You are so right that kids can be so cruel and it can mess a person up for the rest of their lives. I wasted so much time trying to "impress" certain people in high school and I now look back on those days with regret at time wasted and wonder how my life might have been different had I focused on the future and not so much living in the now. You know, I tell my 12 year old about my youth constantly, because I want him to be himself and if people cannot like him for the wonderful person he is, well...it is their loss. Not one of those people I worked so hard to impress was there when I graduated from college, got married, had my baby, lost my father, buried close friends, opened my own real estate office or any of those amazing milestones that have made up my life. The ones who have been there I can count on two hands and I treasure every moment of my time with them and tell them what they mean to me. I have been fortunate that this past summer I attended both my class reunions (that's another story!!!) and I have reconnected with some old friends that fell away over time and we have rekindled old friendships. I am so enjoying spending time getting to know them in ways that I never took the time to do in high school. It is such a blessing. It makes me sad when a young person feels so beaten down by their peers that they feel the only escape is to leave this world. Life is so precious and shame on anyone who makes another soul feel so tormented that they take suicide as a way out of the pain.

Jeani

Thanks for your post today. Kids can be so mean....what's the world coming too.

Patricia Aulson

Stephanie – My mind will now allow me to wrap my heart around the pain and sadness a parent, or anyone, would feel experiencing such a loss. May his soul rest in peace.

Stephanie,

Perhaps you could send this as an open letter to the newspaper. Many parents and schools could distribute this to their children and, maybe, just maybe, a teen-in-need would read it.

Kathy Opatka

I agree with Kathy....you should publish your letter anywhere possible in hopes that it might just reach one person who needs it. Very sad situation for all involved :-(

Stephanie,

What a heartache for so many. I'm so sorry for their loss and yours. I hope your letter offers them some form of comfort. It's beautifully written.

Wow how sad and touching. My heart aches for his parents, family and friends. i will say a special prayer for them.

Stephanie - As a parent hearing about situations like this scare me. My husband and I are trying to raise our children to be themselves and not care what others say, but it's easier said than done.

My heart goes out to Dakota's family and friends.

Stephanie:

I read your post today and was at first stunned. How very sad for the parents. Then I remembered something I learned while serving on a school board. We dealt with a student suicide and made counseling available through the school for anyone who needed it. When a student commits suicide, there are very often additional attempts by other students who knew them. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for those 15-24. Boys are 4 times more likely to succeed at it then girls.

Suicide is a very isolating incident. People will be there in support for a very short period of time. It is important that you be there for your friend now and in the future. They will need your support. Parents are not supposed to survive their children. How very devastating for them. Please remember to be there on birthdays, holidays and other significant days in their lives. They will be in my prayers.

Stephanie-

What a tragedy to have such a young life lost for such terrible reasons. My prayers are with this boy's family.....

Thank you for the inspiring letter. If only we all could impact a child to understand life is so beautiful...

Stephanie - what a touching letter you wrote. I agree with Margaret that you should send it into your paper.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Kids have a hard time seeing that they have a life ahead of them, and that things will change. You have spelled it out so well.

Stephanie- my heart aches for your loss, for his parent's loss. I love the sentiment of your letter, amd having lost a nephew to suicide just over a year ago I wish every young person could read your words.

AUG

Stephanie, your post shines a light on what is so real and devastating for kids who have no idea that life really can, and for the most part, will be beyond anything they imagine in high school. Peter Yarrow is very involved with a non-bullying campaign and his song, "Don't Laugh at Me" gets right to the point.

WOW! What a great letter you wrote.! And indeed, worthy of a share everywhere it can be!

I can truly speak from this at a very, very personal level. I was an "underdog" in high school. I did not fit in with any group. I was not athletic, a cowboy, a rebel and not really a geek. So what did that leave? Not much. I finally found a group of friends my Senior year, and a couple of those people I still keep in touch with today (thanks to Facebook and Classmates.com)

But, I went through a period of thoughts about ending my life. I journaled about it...my ONLY source of someone to talk to, as I really did not have a close relationship with my parents. My mother read my journal, by mistake, and they talked with me about it, but I assured them it was NOT serious, I was just getting my thoughts out on paper. (Hey, I was a blogger way back before blogging was blogging!)

High school was not really a pleasant time in my life, and I can still remember that. I can also look back and think, gosh, if only I had done this (taken foreign languages) or that (started working out in a gym) my life might have been different. But, things turned out pretty well, in fact, more so in the last 20 years since I met my life partner.

But your encourgaging words need to be spread. Thank you SO, SO much to touching a spot I had long not visited, but no longer dread.

This brings the tears streaming! My 18 yr old son just left for college after a wreck last week that should have taken his life but miraculously left him with only a concussion. I cannot imagine the loss of one so young. My mother committed suicide last Oct and I wish everyday that she could have thought it would get better. I hope anyone who knows someone who is down will send this on. Beautifully done!

This is a great letter and should be read to all kids of all ages over and over.

How sad for these families who loose kids to cruelty.

As a father of a sixteen year old, thank you for reminding me of the intense pressure our kids face. He will be reading your post tonight...

Stephanie-Your letter is heartbreaking. I have a 23 yr old son and also 14 yr old who just started high school today. I couldn't even imagine something ever happening to them. Kids need to realize that whatever is happening right now does go away and next month, next year it won't even matter anymore. Sometimes they just have trouble seeing past the moment. I just try to make sure the communication line is always open and I'm there for them and so far its working well. My prayers are with your friend and her family.

My thoughts and prayers go to you and your friends. I can only imagine the sadness and pain in having to bury a child. At the age of 12 my son was committed into the hospital for depression and thoughts of suicide. My husband tells me he had it pretty much planned out in several ways. I have never asked and don't want to know. We spent years working through his depression with counseling and medication. Since then I have celebrated every birthday of both of my children to the fullest extent a mother can and thank God that I was able to see signs, as a suicide attempt survivor I know they aren't always there, before it was too late.

I know that no words will ease the pain so I wish for you this, that as the days move forward the pain dulls and the memories strengthen so that some day in the future you will be able to think of this young man and feel the warm feeling of love rather than the emptiness of loss.

Stephanie,

Thanks for sharing this heartfelt letter. Our community has experienced many teen suicides over the past couple of years. My heart breaks for Dakota's family and friends and I will pray for them. I also pray that God will use this for good in someone else's life. By sharing this, you have allowed all of us to pass this on to let people know that each life is valuable and has wonderful purpose. As the mom of 3 boys (22,19,16), I have tremendous opportunity to speak into the lives of their friends to encourage them, too. Although it can sometimes be very difficult to see the signs of someone contemplating suicide, I hope everyone will look around to see who they might encourage today. It isn't always convenient and it does take time and effort, but it could make the difference in someone's tomorrow.

the absolute despair that one must feel in order to takes ones own life must be unbelievably suppressing, and without someone else to lend a hand up....too many succomb to this fate. Leaving those of us behind wondering how we missed it, missed something, wishing we had said or done something, anything..... to reach out and pull them up and away from such darkness and despair. Indeed your letter should be shared amongst every highschool, college and elementry school accross the country. You never know how precious your words can be and who might find solace in them......It could save lives and prevent such heartache that some parents never recover from....How very sad.....Prayers to this family in this terrible time. Julie

Stephanie, thank you for writing this. As a parent, this was a tough read to get through! Although I have not experienced this in my own life, it still touches me as a Mom, remembering my own hard times in in high school and now looking back and realizing just how appropriate your message is. I will certainly share this with my girls. Your words are SO appropriate...Thank you so much!

Thank you Stephanie... the words were exactly what I needed to hear. I lost my only brother who took his own life and I wish I could have told him this before he did. I suffer with depression too and being a Realtor in foreclosure fiasco started a decade ago in Dayton, Ohio is enough to send you crazy! :) Again, thank you for letting me spill my guts to you. Peace and love to you and yours. BuySellDayton.com Robin Hood Realtor stopping banks & out of state investors from Robin the Hood!

I too am a suicide survivor. We lost our daughter ten years ago when she was 19 to suicide. It never goes away and you never get over it. The pain just dulls somewhat with the passing of time. I will never understand the senselessness of it.

It is so unnatural to outlive your children because that isn't the normal order of things. The anguish and self beating that a parent goes through is impossible to describe because you play out the endless scenarios that if you had only reacted in a certain way in a certain circumstance then they may not have taken their life.

Suicide can really impact a family. Feelings of anger, helplessness and a lot more surface and can be pretty destructive. I'll never condone the sentiments that suicide is painless which was the theme song for Catch 22 and for the TV series Mash.

My suggestion to Dakota's parents is to get some sort of grief counseling going. Or, look around for groups where suicide survivors meet. Don't try to work through this alone or try to seek solice in drugs or alchohol.

If they would like to corresponde with someone who has had to walk that path, please put them in touch with me.

Such a tragedy, How heart braking for your friend and the family. Dakota will never be forgotten and the young men who perpetrated will never forget their role in this awful incident

Stephanie, I have a 21-year-old son. When he was on 6th grade he played baseball and the kids would make fun of him being 10 lbs overweight. He never mentioned to me till during a Christmas vacation trip. As we were driving I noticed him looking outside the window and crying. I asked what was going on and he shouted I WANT TO DIE. I COULDN'T BELIEVE what I just had heard. My husband and I pulled over and talked to him for at least 2 hours and made clear how important was to surround ourselves with people that care for us. He had some very nice friends and those were the ones to pay attention. Today he is on his last year at UCLA and he spent his summer vacation with the UCLA UNI-camp that provides educational and residential programs for children from low-income families in Los Angeles area. He wants to make a difference and help these kids to understand that people still cares. He is the sunshine of my life. Thank you for your beautiful and touching letter.

Wow Stephanie! That was a beautiful letter and I wish every child could read it because it is so true! Kids are incredibly mean, especially in "group" type situations. My kids are 13 and 14 and I tell them every day how much they mean to me and what great people they are. I can only hope that they hold those words close to their hearts and think about them if they get bullied and feel as if they have no worth because some child says mean things. I can't imagine the pain this young mans family is feeling from the loss of their child. Too sad for words.

Beautiful letter. I have know three people who have committed suicide and it is so senseless. You always wonder waht the sense of despair must have been for them to have committed such a terrible act. I will be praying for the family and friends of this young man.

Thank you for the beautiful letter. Our school district has had 3 teen suicides in the past year; at least one was a direct result of bullying. The school district seems to be trying to take action with "bullying prevention" programs, but we can only pray that they are of some help. Meanwhile, three sets of parents are living EVERY parent's nightmare, and three fine young people with great potential are gone.We are so sad for the families, and scared for our own teens.

I am very sorry to hear of this, and also, Bless the Family! thanks for sharing!

www.charlottelakewyliehomes.com

The loss of one of my children would devastate me. Often times as kids the pains of the world are so new you do not know how to deal with them; the loss/rejection of first love, social rejection, etc. Hazing and underage drinking really needs to be curbed. You cannot stop all the problems, but coaches and parents need to be sensitive to the worst of it. As coaches we need to teach character as well as the sport itself.

I only wish this boy and his family could have know every single person who has commented here would have gladly helped in some way to have prevented this. Isolation, fear and hopelessness can unfortunately have horrible consequenses. I have been touched by the loss of 2 dear people to suicide in my life (friends of the family) and it is so senseless, never to be fully understood or gotten over.

We all need to be a voice demanding changes. Bullying is not character building or team building...coaches take note. Students take note. Is it worth it.

Prayers for this devastated family...

too bad they can't make the bullies spend time with the grieving families. Make them watch the pain and suffering they caused. I know that would be probably too heartwrenching for the surviving families but I wish the responsible parties had to feel the pain too.

Stephanie,

My heart breaks for your son and his friends family. I have recently had a friends younger brother take his life (21 years old). All I could think of is a story I heard several years ago that changed the way I view what I say to and treat people like.

One Friday afternoon a young boy, a freshman in high school was walking home and dropped his back pack. Books fell papers began to blow and suddenly a class mate, another freshman, stooped down and began to help this boy pick up his books and retrieve his papers. He questioned why he was taking all his books home and the first boy simply said he would be studying that weekend.nThrough that brief meeting the second boy invited the first boy to hang out that weekend and experience what high school was supposed to be about. from that invitation the two struck a great friendship. All through their years of High School they hung out and did everything together. As the years past the first boy excelled in school, graduating with honors, the highest GPA in the class, voted most likely to succeed and the title of Valedictorian. In his address to the graduates he had some great humor, receiving many laughs, and then came the encouragement to his fellow graduates. He thank his family and friends and brought the whole class back to that Friday afternoon when he had dropped his backpack and met his best friend. He told his class that his friend saved his life that day, the pressure of the world had become to great to bear and he had cleaned out his locker that day and was taking all of his books home. He did it so his parents would not have to because that day he was headed home to take his life. But the friendly help from a stranger that actually expressed interest to make a friend resounded through his head and decided to give life one more chance.

I guess the moral is we never know the impact we have on people around us, so regardless of how good or bad our day is going take the time to be a friend to those who need help...a simple smile very well may save somebodies life.

Stephanie, this is an amazing post.

Stephanie and other ARers -

Touching stories, very telling of the pressures of being a teen.

This breaks my heart. I am going to try to teach my son about the possibilities opposed to just the obstacles. I remember being that age and, it did have its challenges.

I had a friend in junior high that did the same thing for the same reasons. I still think about him 23 years later. Thank you for sharing this with us.

This is...well, I guess everyone has already said it. Our prayers go out to all.

Stephanie,

What a beautiful thought...what a beautiful letter! Maybe if everyone who reads it REBLOGS it, it might comfort another aching heart, might cause one child (maybe even MANY children to rethink something horrible they might be considering for themselves), might encourage someone else to send a message of hope, of love, of support to someone else who needs it.

Thank you for sharing. I, for one, plan to reblog your beautiful letter!

My heart aches for your friends' losses. It's such a pity. In a teenage world, everything appears so big and real. I dont know what else to say except that I pray for comfort during these times.

Stephanie such a tragic loss. My prayers go out to the family who lost their son so young.

Hey Stephanie,

I'm really sorry to hear about this tragic loss. I could only imagine the pain the pain of the family as well as yourself. I have two boys , and my oldest son will be starting high school next year. I can't help but be very concerned about his safety.

I would like to pass on this thought to you and your friends: At 1corinthians chapter 1 verses 3 & 4 it states that God is a God of all Comfort to those in tribulation.

So may God be with the family that lost their son.

My daughter's junior yr in high school thru 2nd yr college = 7 suicides. Beautiful middle class America families.

At one point, I told all 3 of my kids -- if they committed suicide .. that they were NOT to expect a nice funeral with tons of people.... I WOULD dump them in the city dump! And I meant it.

I am sympathetic to your friends/family for their loss - BUT I hope the friends & family keep in mind that they had NO control over this terrible tragedy! Prayers are going out to all.

AUG

Life is so hard, so cruel. Our young people have it very tough. Much tougher than my generation.

I pray everyday for the safety of my Granddaughter and to all the children who need our prayers, support, and direction.

Such a sad story. A tragic outcome. We can only hope others can be saved from even the thought.

It is so sad. There is too much hazing that is still being allowed in school. Teachers need to be taught how to spot and handle the many incidents of hazing. No child should have to go to school scared.

Stephanie,

Please post this letter on the young mans My Space or Facebook site. I'm sure his friends have a memorial there. I work with teens and there is a high possibility of copy cat suicides at this young mans school--school officials, parents, teachers, fellow students and the community need to be aware and educated about what to do and where to turn if they suspect a child is thinking of suicide.

I hope you can be a good friend to the parents they will need support for a very long time and many of their friends will not be able to handle the long haul of grief.

My prayers go out to everyone involved.

What a tragedy.

On July 11 my 18 year old cousin took her life, I wish someone had said to her what you said in this post. Everyone that knew her and loved her are left trying to make sense out of this senseless act. If only she had taken a moment to call someone...if only. Thank-you for your post.

Sorry to the family for the loss. I am forwarding a copy of the letter to my middle and high school aged children.

Kids have always been cruel to one another but we're living in such an unusually if not un-human environment nowadays and kids are the unfortunate victims of some real cruel bullying by some very screwed up kids. Each geneation parents say, "I don't know what this world is coming to". Well, let this be a sign of just how de sensitized we've become. Do you really think it's all the kids fault? Hardly not. Violent video games and movies coupled with dis-interested, disconnected and pre occupied dual income parents trying to make a mortgage payment certainly won't help bring a resolve to this pandemic crisis anytime soon. It all starts in the home and when no parents are home and kids are left to their own devices this is what happens. As Peter, Paul and Mary so aptly stated in their song "Where Have All The Flowers Gone" "When will we ever learn"?

AUG

Thant is a sad story Stephanie. Life is short and we need to enjoy our loved ones for every minute.

Thank you Stephanie for such a heartfelt post.

A couple of kids at my kids' high school killed themselves....one because he was gay and told his father who didn't accept it. Another, last year, for no reason anyone knows. He did say a final goodbye on MySpace, and sadly, no one even noticed.

I cry for these kids and their parents.

God bless you for caring and sharing this post.

tamara

AUG

Stephanie - I am so sorry I missed this post and congrats on your feature from AR! This is a very interesting post and I want to try and keep it alive by featuring it at the group ..............

NIGHT OWLS AT ACTIVERAIN

AUG

Stephanie, thank you for writing your beautiful letter. I'm giving a copy to my 16 year-old granddaughter. Our area is suffering from a group of high school suicides right now; the pattern needs to be broken, and letting kids know how important each and every one of them is to us and the world is a step in the right direction.

SEP

Bullying and homophobia must stop.

NOV

All that would be good to know AND like everything in life that we don't know until we experience it......i wish the systems were in place to help these kids - it's heartdbreaking - beautiful letter......so sorry for your friend.

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