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Are Buyers Really Liars? What Saying This Really Says About YOU!

Is The Pot Calling The Kettle Black?

I've been watching a particularly interesting post, and more so the comments. A couple of commenters made the statement: "Buyers Are Liars" as a part of their comment.

I was particulary intrigued and appalled with their comments, so I Googled the term and came up with this CAR SALESMAN LINGO post.

"Buyers are liars": Car salesmen know they have a reputation for dishonesty. But they counter with this claim of their own.

Salesman #1: After the test-drive, this guy tells me he has to leave 'cause he's got a doctor's appointment. Yeah, right."

Salesman #2: "What can I tell you, man? Buyers are liars."

So, if you read the blurb and understand it the way I do, it basically says that everytime an agent, or in this case, a car salesman says this, it only re-inforces the stereotypical dishonest reputation of the real estate agent.

The rub: So to put it into a real estate agent context: Real estate agents know they have a reputation for dishonesty. But they counter with this claim of their own.

I've never uttered that statement, though I've heard it enough.

Here's what it says about YOU by stating (or believing) it: I KNOW THAT I HAVE A REPUTATION FOR DISHONESTY...."

When you say the "B" statement you liken yourself to the image above.

#justsayin

Not pretty at all.

Hey, I'm an honest guy who tells it like it is.

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Posted by Kevin Tomlinson - Miami Beach Real Estate on 08/29/2009 10:57 PM

Comments (192)

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192 Comments on Are Buyers Really Liars? What Saying This Really Says About YOU!

AUG

Buyers aren't liars... we just don't listen to what they are saying!

Buyers aren't liars. I listen C.A.R.E.F.U.L.L.Y. to everything they say. Everything.

Thanks Joan.

Buyers are not liars. However they have too many choices now and that leads to picky attitude towards real estate agents. I think niche agents are doing much better these days.

Gosh, Kevin! It's never a good idea to speak in absolutes, is it? I don't like the negative expression about buyers either. Maybe we should agree that buyers have different goals, personalities, backgrounds, and attitudes because they are human beings. They may not always know what they want or need, so it is our job to help them clarify their goals and desires. Communication is key.

Thanks for a thought-provoking blog!

Roseann

I tend very much to speak in absolutes. It works for me --so I can't say that it has ever been bad, at least for me.

If more agents would focus on the client's needs, instead of their own, there would be happier clients and happier agents.

Thanks for stopping by.

Dear "Independent"

I'm a niche agent---and I believe it is one of the most important factors of my survival in this business.

I only do Miami Beach. I NEVER cross a bridge--never do a rental, ever. Why? Because I don't know those areas or types of properties. Not because of my wishes/desires---but because I can't offer exceptional service to the client (who wants something other than what I specialize in).

A little common sense goes a long way, not just in the real estate business, but in life. If you show disrespect to your potential consumers you cannot expect to have any.

Buyers may 'seem' to act a little strange sometimes. A smart agent will find out why and do what they can to educate their client and to ease their fears. It is almost always fear based.

The first time buyers need a lot of care, they require much more education that the savvy investor or experienced buyer. If you want to be a successful Realtor you have to understand your client.

It is foolish to cut your nose off to spite your face.

I read an article recently (don't remember where) that said we are all so busy and our minds are so jammed that the average American only actually hears about 30 to 35% of what is said to them.

This is more likely the reason for customer dis-satisfaction.

L-

Common sense ain't so common, girl.

I agree, I try to understand what they are feeling, instead of NEEDING to tell them about me or what I need.

I'm there for their agenda, not mine.

It may be that we are not a good fit. Maybe they don't like me---maybe I don't like them. Why in the world would I want to chain myself to someone I don't want to work with or vice-versa.

I always tell my listers, "hey---If you don't like working with me, just let me know." In fifteen years I have never had one seller take me up on it.

People are inherently good.

Mr. Tomlinson,

Can you please tell me what the man in that photo has in his mouth?

his teeth.

AUG

http://www.sillyteeth.co.uk/billy-bob-teeth/deliverance.html

I've heard that "buyers are liars" comment out of the mouth of a real estate agent who had just completed a phone call with a prospective home buyer and throughout the conversation the agent had made several misleading statements and several downright lies about property value and the state of the market.

Fact is, the buyer is a consumer who relies on what they read, what they hear and what they see to form opinions about whether to or what to buy and commit about 40% of their before tax income to for the next thirty years or so.

The consumer get's no respect. I don't expect to respect their knowledge of the real estate market. I do expect them to get some respect for the commitment they are making to the real estate and financial industry which, so often, so ill serves that same consumer.

Who's the biggest liar?? The consumer who says "I can afford this home" or the mortgage industry who says "you can afford this home"?

I believe the consumer gets a bum rap.

It's all about he initial interview. . . we must ask the right questions before working with a buyer.

If one were to visit the Members Only area of many of the home inspector trade associations, a common phrase that is bandied about there is, "Realtors are liars." Personally, I don't like such negativity, so I tend to go elsewhere. I love it here at ActiveRain because even those people with whom I have basic disagreements are Pleasant, Polite, Personable, Positive, and Professional, what I call my Five P's.

You just gotta LISTEN to what your client is saying and take care of them. Taking care of them takes care of you by extension.

What's best for me, in the long run, is to do what's best for my client. May not be best for me in the short term, but it is in the long term.

I became a Realtor shortly after purchasing my first home. Barely weeks after being licensed I heard another agent in my office repeat the "Buyers are liars" line. I was shocked and it kind of hurt my feelings. After all, I had only the advice of my Realtor and lender to go on, and had jumped through every hoop and over every hurdle that was thrown in front of me.

Do PEOPLE lie? Sure, some do. But not all of them are Buyers...or Realtors, or lenders, or even car salesmen.

Kevin,

Nice counter to the original post and some of the less productive comments. I cringe when we malign the public on AR.

"All Buyers are liars, and Sellers are too," is how I have heard it in Real Estate.

I don't hear it from agents who put in the effort to earn the trust of their clients. When I fail to engage a consumer and make them my client, I look in the mirror, not at them. That approach seems honest, and seems to serve me well.

Kevin, this is a good comeback, but like some of the comments above, the'buyers are liars' comment from those Realtors in the know means very different things than it does for a car salesman. It is not really directed at the consumer, but how a Realtor should listen and help the consumer, as in the case of looking for homes, they just don't always know what they may want or need.

Kevin:

Why I first started in this business one of agents in the office repeated that quote about buyers being liars as well as some other choice negative slogans. My initial thought was - why are they in this business if they feel that way? It was a definite turn-off to me and it made me temporarily question my choice of profession. I realized later that agents who use these expressions are usually not very good at what they do and those comments reflect their own inadequacies.

Home buyers are counting on us to answer their questions and point them in the right direction - not the other way around.

I'm glad you brought this up because I so dislike that expression.

I agree with the thoughts above stating that we shouldn't speak in absolutes because they rarely are true.

The fact of the matter is that some folks who are looking to spend a lot of money on a large purchase such as a home - or a car - will not share everything with their salesperson.

The two most common "lies" are

1. The most we can pay is XXXX)
2. We have no rush to buy anything. If we end up not buying, we'll be fine.

I don't think I'd categorize the people who use this tactic as liars. It's a pre-emptive defensive strike because they don't trust the salesperson. They have either been burned by a sales person themselves or they are going on perception.

When I was in my 20s, I sold cars. Other than customers who I already knew, most people came in with a huge defensive shield up. They assumed that they were going to have to fight hard to be treated fairly.

Not too much different with clients in this business - buyers OR seller. True or not, there is a perception amongst some people that Listing Agents operate on the premise that they want you to list your house low so the home can sell quickly and the agent earns his commission. Likewise, some people have a perception that a buyer's agent will push them to pay more than a house is worth just to close a deal.

When you meet someone like that, it's easy to pick up on it very early in the process. What you have to do is work very hard - even harder than normal to earn their trust. Once they trust you, they will be honest and it will be easier for you to help them.

I recently had a new buyer who had worked with another Realtor for a while in looking for a house. We looked at a few places, had some great counselling sessions where I gave him straight talk, education and a thorough analysis of his options on each house he was considering. Then we got to the conversation about bidding on a specific house.

I told him we should go through a practice scenario on paper - starting with his absolute top number and the list price. I said, then I wanted to write out all possible scenarios of back and forth bidding from his opening number that could bring us to paying the lowest price possible. In other words "If you bid this much, they might come down by this, then you go up to this, then they come down to this, etc.. I ended with - "My goal is to pre-plan this and know our options at each turn - so we don't get caught up in the emotion and jump to your top number unless we actually have to.

For some reason, this turned the switch and he said that he had been hesitant to tell me his top number because his last Realtor - without actually making an unauthorized offer - led the seller's Realtor to believe that they could 'meet at a certain price' early in the game and the deal never happened because my buyer shot the final offer down because he felt that his Realtor didn't do the right thing for him.

So - the key to stopping buyers from lying to us, is to make them feel comfortable that we are totally on their side - that our goal is to find them the best house at the best possible price.

Guess I must live in a sunshine filled bubble because I've never heard that expression before. Having said that, some buyers really are liars, as are some sellers, some lenders, some title agents & yes, some Realtors too. People are people no matter what part they are playing in a particular drama.

In working with mostly first time buyers, I find that what they mostly lie about is how much they understand about the buying process. Most of the time I don't think they know that they are lying. =)

I believe I have stated that and have even written a post about buyers. The fact is that some people are just not forthcoming, whether they are buyers or sellers. Do your due diligence with your clients and hoepfully you will not come across someone who has been dishonest with you, but when you do you may want to reconsider this post.

Have a great week ahead!

Having a buyer not buy after showing them 16 homes on a Satruday morning is frustrating for sure. But we are REALTORS....we know that indeciveness comes with the territory. It's our jobs as a buyer's agent to work with them to help THEM understand what they are looking for and narrow down the options so they have a more clear picture of THEY want. Most of the time if a buyer moves on after what seems like window shopping for weeks- it usually because of 1 of 2 things:

1. The agent didnt do enough due diligence to pinpoint the buyer's needs and is not meeting their expectations.

2. The agent failed to pre-qual the buyer to figure out if they really COULD buy the home.

In both cases- it's the agent's responsibility.

I heard that statement years ago my first day, week, whatever in Real Estate. I had no clue what it meant. I now think of it in terms of a buyer not really knowing what they want....not out and out lying.

For instance, we want a home on 10 Ac and then they buy one in a subdivision. I didn't read the post you are talking about.

Kevin, Buyers just want to buy a property and sellers just want to sell. They owe us NOTHING. We should work by building trust first, then by outlining what we will do for them and how we will do it. Then we mutually agree to put it in writing by way of an agreement.....Listing or BBA. It's not complicated.

The reasons Buyers shop around are because they are either not educated on the process or we have not earned their trust and respect. Getting a BBA signed is really no big deal. It does however require the proper presentation and timing.

I completely agree that talking down buyers just because they don't do things the way we want is just foolish. Buyer's are not obligated to our code of ethics nor are they obligated to do things the way we want. It's up to us to set the stage.

You mentioned on Maggie's post tha a CEO would not sign a BBA. Personally I don't believe that for one minute. If any thing they completely understand the importance of contracts and not wasting each other's time. They certainly understand the importance of having a meeting of the minds and holding each other accountable.

I can present and explain a BBA to ANY serious buyer and they will gladly sign it. It's a non issue.

Kevin, you stated this:

"I'm there for their agenda, not mine."

I don't believe that to be a true statement. We ALL have our own agenda. Yours may be to only work with people you like and with people who like you. You can say this "I'm there for their agenda, not mine." only because you have already chosen your customer/client. If they wanted a rental or wanted to cross the bridge you would have filtered them out already.

You have, by your reputation and presence already made sure that your customer/client's agenda is in line with yours. You have made sure that you have the same agenda as your customer/clients.

AMEN!!!! I was appalled by the featured post yesterday and the subsequent atta'boys to it. Buyers ARE NOT liars! Do we really think they have nothing better to do than to lie to us, waste our time (uh, isn't THEIR time precious too?) and "abuse" our system? Sheesh!

Every time I see a post about how buyers abuse us and our precious time, I get bristly. The truth of the matter is that everyone makes decisions based on what's best for them. If a "two-timing buyer" chooses to work with another agent, or even multiple agents, he's doing it because he think it's the right thing for him to do. And frankly, if he hasn't yet been impressed enough by one agent, he has every right to shop around for the service (and RESPECT) he expects and deserves. If we get dumped or "two-timed" by a buyer, the problem isn't with the buyer - it's in the MIRROR!!!

THANK you for posting this!

Lenn

I agree. Consumers get NO respect---and we (people in our industry) wonder why they feel the way they do about "us."

It's VERY clear to me.

I rarely, if ever, see a post in here on how to better serve our customers--or anything along those lines.

I think it says a bunch about "us."

Mike Jaquish

>>I don't hear it from agents who put in the effort to earn the trust of their clients<<

I agree 100%. If more agents would Listen, Ask and HEAR. Their customers would most likely, over-the-moon with their services.

You've NEVER heard that term before????

You are right, there are liars on all sides. I always interpreted the saying to describe the frequent examples of buyer's buying something differnt from what they said they wanted. I once had a buyer (a good friend of mine) be quite adiment that she wanted a 3 bedroom townhouse. After weeks of looking at 3 bedroom townhouses we eventually found her a very nice 1 bedroom condo.

Initially the mortgage industry was a little bit on the lower side. But is is showin a good high in the recent times and the mortgage fraud issue has gone to senate. For full information on the texas mortgage company please visit http://www.lonestarfinancing.com.

Don't know who said it first, but my Broker once told me "We have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionally."

I have had two experiences with buyers who actually are liars - pathological liars - about everything. That is just the type of person they are. With the first one it took me quite awhile to figure it out. With the second one it didn't take so long, and I decided I did not want to work with that person because I could never be sure of what the status really was.

But Buyers of Real Estate cannot be stereotyped any more than any other loosely related group of people.

Buyers change their mind sometimes (Missy's example of the buyer telling you they want 10 acrs then buy something completely different).

It is frustrating when the communication exchange is faulty and the real estate agent is not aware that the buyer might be open to other options. It's important to cover that possibility as you are getting to know this person you are providing services to and spending precious time with.

This IS a thought-provoking subject.

Kevin, In my market, the buyer usually is not familiar with Naples other than knowing it is very upscale. They come here wanting a place on the water which is pretty prohibitive. They want a golf course community and there are over SIXTY of them in Naples. AND prices are a bit more than they have expected. So we start the search. What they thought they wanted in the beginning is usually scrapped for other options. And I tell them if we go down a path that feels right in the beginning and then you wake up at three in the morning and want to go to look in another community.......don't think you are wasting my time. We will just go down another path. And as long as I keep listening and communicating....I can win them over. I have always thought the term "buyers are liars" was offensive. More often they just need more guidance and options.

Yeah I've heard its buyers are liars and sellers are yellers....blah blah blah and dogs bite:)....If you don't think a buyer is calling other agents or looking with other agents then you probably are too naive. I always say that the buyers will be sellers too so it goes both ways...all they want to do is buy something or sell something....I doubt they really care what we think about other than helping them accomplish their goal. You really have to treat the buyer the best you can and hope that you find them what they want. If someone doesn't want me to help them then there's not much I can do...you cannot take it personally.

Kevin, I enjoy it when you speak your mind, which is always. =)

Just for the record (and I'm not pointing this out to you, because I see in your post above that you are already aware of this) I did not state that Buyers are Liars. So anyone reading this post, don't assume I did in my post (which Kevin links to in his post). Some comments stated it and I've yet to respond to them. Honestly, the feature created so many comments that I will have to carve out a good chunk of time later to respond.

As for Jennifer's being appalled at the feature, I don't see what there is to be appalled about. It was a post about an experience that I had and I was being honest about how it made me realize I was handling this part of my business the wrong way. At no point did I rant about buyers being liars, a necessary evil or any such thing. It was the turning point for me to do something I've been thinking of doing for a long time, use a BBA. Nothing more.

Kevin, I also thank you for posting this. We can't expect to be treated with respect if this type of attitude regarding our consumer continues to remain alive and well. I think Missy makes an excellent point. While the statement is down out derogatory, and should not be used (I don't), I have always taken it in the context she puts it...that buyers don't always know what they are looking for. We need to understand that when we are given the "list" of features and take into account that the perfect home may not necessarily fall within these parameters.

Is a shift in attitude on our parts necessary? Heck yeah it is.

Thanks for speaking your mind.

Sometimes buyers don't really know what they want. That doesn't make them liars.

Maggie - I apologize for using that terminology - I was wrong to say I was appalled at the feature - it was a well-written blog and certainly provocative. What disturbed me was the attitude that buyers owe us something because we spend a little time with them, and that a piece of paper will change their affection for us. The only way to ensure someone's loyalty is to EARN it, not insist on it. If an agent is of the opinion that they should not work with someone without an agreement upfront, that's their decision. But I agree with Jon's comment (on your blog I think it was) that I would never agree to sign a BBA upfront, so therefore, I cannot ask my clients to.

We show an incredible amount of disrespect to the people who make our juicy paychecks possible. And I believe this disrespect is noticed... and responded to with the (dis)respect it deserves.

Again, Maggie, I apologize for my poor word choice. It's the attitude of entitlement I'm upset by, not your particular post.

Hey Kevin

I agree. That statement has always irritated me. I've actually ran across more sellers that have "lied" to me in the past than buyers. But then again, I would be willing to admit that even a good portion of those were a misunderstanding.

I'm intrigued by the niche discussion that began in the comments. I have to wonder if a buyer who hears an agent say "I work the WHOLE metro area!" thinks he is being lied to! I shake my head when I see agents claim in their online presence and advertising that they, personally, have expertise in vastly different markets located many miles apart. Riggggghhhhtttt.....

Are these the same agents screaming bloody murder about appraisers coming from a hundred miles away?

While I have heard the "buyers are liars" mantra.. the context was about buyers who say "I won't look at ranch homes or anything post WWII and it has to have a 3-car garage ... I want only a 2-story Georgian... and no fewer than 4 bedrooms", only to end up buying a Split Level with 3 bedrooms and no garage.

It's not that they were actually lying.. but that they didn't really know what they want, until they walked inside and fell in love.

As long as the barrier to entry into this field is abysmally low, this industry will continue to suffer in the perception of the industry in general and practitioners specifically. Procuring Cause seems to be the main rubbing point when this phrase is used, and that is problematic by the design of this industry, as even procuring cause can trump BBAs.

Kevin, the salesman joke is something like, how do you know when a salesman is lying? They are moving their lips. There is enough lying from salesman and buyers to go around, you just have to be astute enough to read between the lines on both sides. It is nothing new. It is just human nature. I tell people, live in the real world. I agree with Chris that the bar is so low for entry that it attracts high schoolers to 90 year olds from every conceivable background to be agent salespeople. A buyers rep agreement can alleviate much of the lying on the buyer side. As others said, buyers often don't really know what they want till they see what is out there.

Hi Kevin - I have always disliked that phrase. Sure there really are some buyers who are a little less than truthful about their intentions and motivations, but they are far from the norm.

I think there are many buyers who think they want a certain type of house or setting or whatever, and then when they actually see that type of house, condo, etc., realize that may well be the opposite of what they really want or need. Oftentimes it takes seeing what they described to see that's not at all what would work for them.

I have worked with a number of buyers over the years who've told me at our first meeting after spending time talking about the process, their needs & wants, etc. that previous agents just never really listened to them, showed them homes they didn't want to see or that didn't match their needs, etc. I'd be willing to bet that many of those same agents using that phrase, "buyers are liars", are the ones who don't listen to the buyers, don't really listen to their needs and wants.

Many of the buyers I work with are referred to me from past clients, and that speaks volumes to me about how I conduct my business. I listen carefully to my clients and potential clients when they describe to me their needs and goals with regard to real estate, and then I work to help bring those to fruition for them.

Thought-provoking posts, both yours and Maggie's.
Ann

Kevin,

I believe listening is a TRUE art form. Listening shows respect and I think that people in business really should work on this art.
Not only would you have happier customers, but I find it also increases productivity. Opposed to wasting precious time and providing something that a customer "may" want I really listen to the customers needs which saves me time in getting the product they want faster and saves them time, because they get EXACTLY want they want the first time around.

My worst "buyers are liars" experience was a few years ago with a client who only wanted a one-story. I previewed and showed him homes all over the place on his days off. Then one weekend he went to a new subdivision and contracted to finish out--you guessed it--a two-story. Then he backed out and got his boss to write a letter saying he was being transferred so he could get his earnest money back.

He was a car salesman!

It's hard not to buy into the stereotypes. :)

Cheers,

Robin

If you act professional and not like a stereotypical car salesman, you won't have to spend much time with the non-serious buyers. Get the pre-approved for a loan, do an interview with them, and get them to commit to a buyer agency agreement. At the same time a part-time real estate agent does the whole industry a dis-service by making us appear flaky.

I have never been a big fan of overgeneralization of any group.

Kevin - Yes some buyers are liars but you cannot put them all into a group as such. Then on the other side of that statement would be all agents are disonest.... I don't appreciate those sentiments either.... Moral of the story, listen to your clients and try to help them out. If you can't you can't... Just my two cents...

I have heard this phrase used by other agents. As Real Estate Professionals, i think it is important to realize that without clients "buyers" we do not have jobs. I agree that agents need to earn respect and need to start by giving it. Listen, listen, listen...that is the key to a good relationship.

Kevin,

Part of our job is to build trust, so that we become worthy of hearing their truth. When people are reluctant to "open up" and tell their agent everything, that is a sign that they do not yet have a client relationship. No piece of paper will change that. A buyer agency agreement does not establish a client relationship based on trust.

Truth must be earned...much like respect. There are many truths revealed to us by our buyer clients that we can use to help them...or hurt them. As the agent for the seller, a buyer revealing truths could hurt them. Often agents for the buyer use that information the same way they would if they were the agent for the seller. Until every agent in this country learns how to wear their two hats well, and treat buyers with the full dignity and respect of "client" vs. "customer", buyers need to represent their own best interest at all times, and sometimes that means playing their info close to their chest.

Moral of the story: If a buyer is not revealing their full truths to their agent, the agent needs to ask themselves "why not?" What is missing in the relationship that makes the buyer feel the need to be less than forthright?

Of course the bigger picture for our industry in all this is that agents try to capture people by enticing them to want to see a house, vs. forming a client relationship. Then they think because they opened a door, they were hired to represent that person in the purchase of that home. Anyone still using that business model deserves to fail.

Can't seem to work myself up into a righteous lather of indignation over the phrase or to feel the need to employ it either. We take ourselves far too seriously. Methinks the public is less worried about a rather innocuous, if banal, phrase than with the service actually rendered. If I were to take any issue with the "buyers are liars" tag phrase, it would be for the complete lack of imagination. Intellectual apathy as much a revelation into an agent's view of their client base as the professed belief itself. At least be clever with your generalizations to demonstrate some critical thinking skills.

Buyers change their minds during the purchase process, what they thought they wanted can change once we start looking. That is OK, we refine the search. A relationship of trust is critical . . . call me with all your questions and concerns. A great lender who listens to their financial concerns and informs them about all their options is critical too.

For me the issue comes down to individual people and their values and character - on both sides - and how they express their values and character. Naturally, I prefer to work with pleasant, forthcoming, loyal people.

I think the term "Buyers are Liars" has to do with the communication process. Like Sara commented above me, a lot of them really DON'T know what they are looking for at the beginning of the process and it takes a while for them to figure it out. A lot of them are not ready to make a purchase, but need to start the process in order to figure that out.

One of my buyers had a deep fear of the actual purchase and made a couple of offers on properties that were getting multiple offers. We both knew that there was no way his offer was going to go through.

After that happening twice, I had a heart-to-heart with him and really tried to address the problem of his FEAR. Once we had that conversation, then he found a house he really liked and we moved forward with the buying process.

He is happily residing there now!

What i mean by all of this is that with the purchase of a residence, people are venturing into what is usually the biggest purchase of their lives. There is a lot psychologically that goes into it and we need to respect that, no matter how "antsy" we get while working with them!

I agree that the concept of lying in any way business, family, kids all of it is based in fear! Listening solves it. If we let them tell us the truth then we wouldn't be in uncomfortable situations either. Be open to listening and accepting what ever is, just is. You mya not like it but it does save a bbundle of time to know ahead of time you will probably agree.

I love that bizarre picture and frankly do NOT believe that buyers are Liars. I think that many buyers start out looking for one thing AND if they ae working with an agent who is competent and willing to try and show them alternatives that sometimes a buyer may end up purchasing something they was not in the plan at the beginning of the search.

I say this after my wife and I purchased our last two homes and they were nothing like we imagined when we began our search. We just discovered that a home purchase was a continually unfolding event. I'm just saying...

I think I may have been the first to mention the "buyers are liars" phrase on Maggie's post.... my reference was more of my disdain for comments of convenience like "buyers are liars". It's much easier for many to blame or accuse the buyer than to ask themselves why it took them 10 days to meet the buyer. Here's another one I hate..... "it wasn't meant to be, everything happens for a reason" another cop-out for what might have been a poorly negotiatied offer. 15+ years ago I attended a CRS course where a rather non-descript woman stood up in front of the group and said, "the way I see it, you only want to go belly to belly with a person that really wants to sell or a person that really wants to buy". She turned and walked away and sat down. At the time, I thought, what an idiot.... it took me a few years to figure out that those could have been the most prophetic words that I had ever heard. So for me, I say, bring on the liars and let me try to turn them into buyers and let me do it in the time frame that the buyer has allowed me to be in front of them, belly to belly.

Disingenuous is just so hard to rhyme... buyers are liars and sellers are worse... just has a certain ring to it... and I love the building inspector comment saying Realtors are liars... I am sure every industry has its little sayings.... Waiters call people who linger too long at a table campers or squatters... and much worse if they don't tip... the truth is we are all human and all have our own agendas and some people use less than honest approaches to attaining their goals or homes... it is not a perfect world and there are the good the bad and the ugly in every day life every day!

I dont think the phrase developed from buyers who changed their mind about what kind of house they wanted or what area...more like going to the seller and saying lets wait till the listing contract runs out shall we? or having you show every property known to man and they buy a fsbo and not tell you....or sellers having you and 3 others do the CMA's so they can FSBO it... I dont think they phrase came to life for no reason...there are worse scenarios but why dwell on the negative....

Unfortunately I have seen buyers and sellers that fit this bill and really worse than that... I have seen a few Realtors that do too... people are not perfect and to expect they are will always bring disapointment.

It is how you handle these situations that measures you as a person and a Realtor... actions speak much louder than words... stay the course and keep your honor and integrity... in the end that is all we can do...

Was the buyer who recently tried to buy his own house with a forged 5k check and a fake corporation a liar? YES.

Was the seller a liar who didn't tell about the basement flooding, what's behind the paneling, etc.? YES.

Do liars on both sides exist? Of course. But are ALL buyers and seller liars? NO, of course not.

People who have never dealt with untruths or halftruths from clients, have perhaps not done much business. Most of my clients are dear people who become friends and dinner guests.

Let's change our industry by being professionals, not promoting stereotypes. And I hope we don't bash each other for venting occasionally. We are here to support each other as much as possible.

I can remember the first time I heard this statement. It was out of the mouth of a very highly successful broker, who owned the brokerage I was just staring out at. It set the tone for my experience there, and I left within a year.

It's just like my Mother would say: Point an (accusatory) finger at someone, and there are ALWAYS three fingers pointing back at you!

Hi Kevin

Congratulations on your featured post. Good chain of comments as well. I think over the years when
"Everyone" got a Real Estate license, some interesting characters jumped in to what was a hot market- and easy money. Once the bottom hit- they bailed. However their legacy lingered like cheap perfume.

People are people there are good ones and not so good ones reagrdless of what they do for a living or how they behave as consumers. Bottom line is be honest- know your market, and deal fairly and squarely. THAT is the mutual understanding, goal and objective, You seem to live by that-as well I do.

While we cannot please eveyone, everytime. We as indiviudal can only do our very best EVERY time.

The buying process can be very interesting. Often buyers start out looking for one thing and buying something else altogether. Many times they cannot find their 'dream home' within their price range and they adjust their search parameters. Sometimes while they are looking they realize that the features of the home, the location or some other factor really won't work for them and they adjust their search parameters.

Buying a home is a process, buyers have to come to terms with buying the best that they can within their financial parameters. It is a shopping process. During that process it is very common for those parameters to change.

Why that comes as a surprise and converts to 'Buyers are Liars' is baffling to me. Is it really possible that there are this many Realtors who are ignorant of the psychological process that many buyers go through?

The reason buyers come to us is to find a home and to be guided through the process. This is all part of that process. It is our reserve of information about the market, the homes available and alternatives which might interest your client that make us valuable.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I have extensive ongoing conversations with my buyers throughout the entire process, on the phone and while we are shopping. Those conversations never fail to disclose many things about the client and their real desires. Once you have a handle on what they are 'really' looking for, you can use your reserves of knowledge to make suggestions to them based on what they are telling you.

There are some that are I think....

Then there are those that when things happen along the way to close, their minds change, not always out of choice but necessity. So with that said, there are some and then there are those buyers who mean what they say and CLOSE!!

Patricia Aulson/portsmouh nh homes

Kevin, good post. I think it comes down to respect and avoiding generalizations. At my first brokerage, I had a manager who, in one of our sales meetings, stated very strongly that he never wanted to hear anyone in our office say it again. I had heard it quite often, as agents in the office would use it very casually, adding the phrase, "and sellers eat their young." I decided then and there not to use either of those expressions, and avoid other degrading generalizations.

I prefer the saying, "Buyers are Criers and Sellers are Yellers".... :)

Kevin,

Those comments in that post irked me too! When I hear that phrase, I just remember that there are ignorant and incompetent folks in every profession. (And I manage to restrain the urge to slap some sense into the agent who say this.)

Buyers are liars is absolute. That term doesn't work for me. Although sometimes it has been true in my career, I will say it has been only on a few occasions.

Interesting to note that the term "liar's loan" has become a part of our vernacular. So who was more culpable - the buyer (who possibly lied) or the lender (who underwrote the questionable loan)?

I think we do not educate the public on our processes and when they violate our routine, we call them liars. If we asked the right questions and paid attention to the answers we might miss out on the liar side of the deal. We need to put the brakes on these let's jump in the car and go see houses now and take control of the situation...strange how a little education to buyers gives them a clearer understanding of how we work.

Buyers aren't liars... there are just a lot of real estate agents that do't listen.

Kevin - I always thought that phrase came from the mortgage industry and pertained to the people who would tell their lender that they have great credit, plenty of money and won't have any problem qualifying a loan and come to find out that they had sub-prime credit, no reserves and wouldn't qualify for a loan if they were giving them away.

Either way, I am going to agree with those who have shared their experiences of less than truthful buyers. Part of my initial meeting with a prospective new client is a discussion on what I'm going to find when I pull their credit report and verify the rest of their personal info that they have shared with me. Many will be honest with me and tell me exactly what I may find. However, there are those that will LIE and tell me everything is great, when it is clearly NOT!

Could it be that they just don't know? Possibly, but then again, for many of those, they will admit, that they don't know because they have never seen their credit report (yes, there are actually people out there who have never seen their credit report). However, in some instances, there is no way in #%!! that someone drowning in derogatory debt does not know what their financial status is. JMHO

When we hear or say the comment "Buyers are liars" it isn't a reflection on the agent and it really isn't meant as an inflection on the buyer.

It's like saying, "There's a million mosquitos out tonight." There aren't really a million but, there's a lot.

A prime real estate example of the saying "buyers are liars."

I had buyers who told me they didn't want a new construction home. They wanted an older home (updated) in an older neighborhood with lush, mature trees. They wanted to see lush, mature landscape on the property. They hated seeing the new subdivisions with these tiny, recently planted trees and scarce landscaping.

After about 10 houses fitting their exact description, I threw in a builder's spec home in a new subdivision that backed up to a tree farm. THAT's the home they bought.

And their exact words once they saw the house? "Why didn't you show us this home first?"

Buyers are liars = More often than not buyers have expectations of what they want and those expectations are almost ALWAYS not communicated correctly. Sometimes they're not even conscious of them. It is a good agent that not only listens to what they initially say they want but, what they say AFTER they see what they say they want.

Kevin,

One of my favorite speakers, Darryl Davis says that agents say "buyers are liars" because they tell you they want one thing, then buy something else...But it not that they are liars. It's that they will always buy the best thing they can find for the money. Maybe it's not what they originally set out to buy. It may be totally different than what they started out looking for, but it will always be the best thing for the money.

The lesson here is to make sure your listings are always the best listing for the money and it will sell.

Some buyers are liars--I've caught and been burnt by a few. The bottom line..face to face meeting, with a Buyer's Rep agreement for at least a year!

Hi Kevin,

Maybe it's the market I'm in or maybe it's the internet but I think most buyers today are quite sophisticated and pro-active. Even first time buyers are doing a lot of homework. Sure buyers don't always know exactly what they want until they see it. We have to ascertain their wants and needs and decipher all the information they are getting.

A buyer may say I have to have a minimum of 1400 s.f. until I show them a gorgeous 1100 s.f that utilizes light and design better and looks bigger than many 1400 sf apartments. Or maybe they say they want pre-war because of the perception that all post-war apartments are cookie-cutters with low ceilings and paper thin walls until they see a beautiful post-modern building with pre-war charm and 21st century high tech amenities.

I trust people until I have a reason not to trust them. Why be paranoid? Life is too short. I'm in a market that doesn't have a real MLS. Although most brokers all share listings and co-broke within 24 hours, there was a time here not that long ago when agents wouldn't even give buyers the address and apartment number. They would meet them at the corner. I never hide information from a buyer. Most buyers are very appreciative.

Finding the property is 10% of the job. IMO getting them from an offer to a closing is the real task and where our skills come in.

I would lie too if I were a buyer and getting stalked by agents. We all hate being followed around by sales people when we shop. Just today, while I was looking for a refrigerator, I overheard a department manager scold the sales girl for not following me around. Many Brokers do the same thing to their agents.

Tina in Virginia

You could say that "what you say is what you get". I work with a lot of first time buyers. They are afraid of all the things they read and hear from their friends. And they are surprised when we sit and talk about what their goals are and how they want to approach it. And the best part is the ease with which it can happen.

First impressions are everything. And it is up to us as REALTORS to lay the ground rules. I always start with the Laws of Real Estate. What a powerful tool. I do my best to not go out to look at anything until we have a clear picture of what my job is and how I can help them. And they can ask all the questions they want anytime. Being open is a part of building the trust and loyalty I am looking for in my clients and which I hope they can see in me.

Also getting a clear picture of what they are looking for is critical. Yes they do change their minds. But if we start with a clear set of goals, we are way ahead. I like them to write them down. If there is a couple, then they can each write their own and we can combine them until we have a first set and a second set. Goals can change as we go along, but this is a good starting point.

Oh come'on ......... It is a personality thing! Realtor and Buyer or seller for that matter.

The problem I see is most people don't realize we do not get paid for showing them houses. Lot's of times they have nothing else to do so they go looking at houses. Not what I would want to do if I had time off but who am I to judge!

Sellers and buyers think we get 100% of the commission. Even after showing them on appointments how the pie is cut up... they still think you get the whole thing. I have had clients (whom were friends ) think I get reimbursed for gas!! I have had friends go into shock when they find out "The Company" does not pay for all the advertising they demand!!! Some of my friends still do not get that they can not go see a house, with a listing agent and then tell them they are working with a realtor already. People just do not understand why they cannot do what they want.

Education and the interview process are the only way to try and over come some of the negative ...impressions people have of realtors and that we all go by a code of ethics.

As to credit reports!! You can not get every buyer to get pre approved before you take them out. The best way to handle is to Show them 3 to 5 properties the first time out then you will have a good idea from their comments what they like...whether they are going to buy... Then ask for an approval before you take them out again. Most times you can weed out those that are not serious buyers.

And guess what !!! I will go back to how I started ... They still may go to someone else. It is a personality thing.

I'm aghast. I have so much emotion running after reading all these comments I can hardly hold it in and I'm not sure where to even begin. I'll try to boil it down...

"...They (Buyers) owe us nothing..." I disagree completely! I think that buyers owe me nothing more than what they expect from me, require from me, and will sue me for in a heartbeat if I screw up. This is what I to owe them - a gazillion things required by state law and ethics. And what do I expect from them (or anyone else I deal with on a professional and personal level)?

Treat me like a human being and offer a reasonable level of respect, honesty, and if nothing else some common courtesy. It's the last one that gets me the most.

Yes, I've had my share and the last episode was a husband and wife from Canada who are both attorneys. After all my interviewing and attempts to determine their goals and plans I can honestly say they misrepresented themselves in every single way possible. The most single agravating point, their failure at common courtesy to simply return an email or phone call if for no other reason then to tell me to get lost. That, at least, I can live with. Poor, childish, unethical, and unprofessional behavior I cannot.

Oh, this really doesn't apply to buyers, it does apply to any two parties working on a professional level with one another. Just be a decent person! What does being a buyer have to do with it anyhow?

"Buyers are liars" is a cliche in the real estate business, but it didn't come into use without cause. Some people lie, and some people are real estate buyers. Yes, some of them are liars. The same might be said of any arena of human interaction. I have been lied to by buyers, or would-be buyers, more than once, and I've been lied to by a few sellers, too. Lying is, unfortunately, a part of human nature. You can expect to be lied to from time to time if you work with people. In my experience as a salesperson and broker, buyers lie more often than sellers do, so the old saying, "Buyers are liars," just goes with the territory. I believe what they do, and then I know if what they say is believable or not. As for my own behavior, I must do my best to follow the NAR Code of Ethics. Buyers, on the other hand, are under no such constraint, and many of them have no compunction about lying to a Realtor.

Thought-provoking post- I once heard a speaker say that we attribute to others what we most hate about ourselves. Certainly ties in with this post,

Cheryl Kurek/ Sutton-Premiere Real Estate/ Sherwood Park, AB, CANADA

Great topic... and Michele and a few others were right on! Qualifying is NUMBER ONE.

My Buyers really are wonderful and trust me to lead them, and hear them and show them what they want, I do, and we have all experienced them saying one thing and needing another..it is a good agent who can ask the right questions and get the perfect fit for their Buyers. With enough time and effort you will know which home is just want they really wanted and needed. Patience and listening are a must in this business! Enjoy your Buyers, and Happy Selling its so worth the effort!

Use follow up on your deals, after you get a signed contract and they will close!

People are liars. The so called "higher thinking" in the animal kingdom also use forms of deceit but typically for food and survival. When animals do it it we marvel at the complexity of their intelligence. People on the other hand typically lie because they are embarrassed or ashamed to tell the truth. Maybe on some level it is for survival like a copeing mechanism. Sometimes lies are told to avoid hurting the other person's feelings. Then there are the compulsive liars who are consider seriously ill stricken with the liar disease. It is rather revealing when you think that much of what we say on a daily basis probably contains a few 1/2 truths, embellished comments, fibs, white lies.... face it folks we are all liars!

But ... I can't lie to you. I think this is a good post and it is certainly interesting to read the comments.

I once heard an expression, many years ago in New York City when I first began selling :

"Buyers are Liars, Sellers are Yellers, and Lawyers are Destroyers". The reason? Here in NYC we sell cooperative apartments most often. No matter what the market conditions are, the contracts for sale are almost always drawn up by an attorney. The attoreney reviews the cooperative corparation, and well, makes their recommendations. They are not Brokers, and they have NOT been out there in the trenches of whatever took place prior to getting that contract in line.

In the past, a buyer may have had to go through an emotional bidding war, where sealed bids were taken and kept secretly over a nail biting 24 hours before they found out they won the apartment. A lawyer , who does his due dilligence, can squash the deal by finding out that the building may need a pipe changed in the coming months. It doesn't matter that it is a one of a kind property, or that the buyer just sold his own apartment and will have no where to live. The lawyer will kill it, and bill for his time.

Now, it could be that the buyer searched high and low for a good deal, and to get an actual bank to lend for a great rate, and ...well... a lawyer could NIX the deal because they read in the minutes that there once was an assessment.

Oh, and what is the tag to all this? yah, you guessed it: "and Brokers are Jokers".

I don't agree with that in my case, but I have come across many who are.

Buyers are Liars and Sellers aqre storytellers as the saying goes. I could be politically correct and say, oh we just don't listen to them. That would be wrong on so many levels. Let's keep it real here. Buyers will lie about everything from, "yes I am divorced", "no I don't have anything in collections" nope I don't have any student loans" and "I don't have any child support payments- but that could be beause you haven't been paying any for the last 5 years! to " no termite damage ever" no roof leaks either, to everything worked fine in the house yesterday, and oh, I forgot about that $40k second mortgage!" I guess if you only sell high end properties and never go outside of a certain area, you may never hear these things. But the truth is, that it is what it is.

Many of the agents do what I do in conducting a buyers/sellers counselling session and LISTEN to what they say but also to what they don't say. Yes they qualify for $250k but have no intention of spending more than $150k.

Sometimes, it's a question of not knowing exactly what they want, or thinking they can afford more than they really can. Perfect example, I asked all the right questions just last week with a past client purchasing again. All the right answers too, no bills, debt, car, everything was paid for or off-- and you think great right? Okay let's get you qualified--What? Your credit score is 500???? How is that possible?.... Oh you paid off all your collections last week? Alrighty then, lets regroup. And just yesterday I go to take pictures of a new listing after the movers have taken all the belongings out, and not only is there a roof leak, and water damage coming down the wall, there is mold! And the seller looks at me and says " I didn't see that before"--was he lying... yep.

Some people lie without knowing the true nature of the resources that will be used to ensure they are not a credit risk, thinking they won't find out about something. And when confronted with the truth, actually say, "you checked that?" I had a guy who had been discharged from the military but left for work every day and didn't tell his wife! Why are they in my office trying to buy a house?

Whatever their reasons, they do lie, and it has nothing to do with comparing us to used car salesmen. They lie for the same reason children lie, the truth hurts and is embarrassing. It doesn't make them bad people, and it doesn't make us bad people for calling the on it. "Buyers are liars" just means "fore warned is fore armed" if you are prepared for the lie that will ultimately come, you will be able to deal with the situation much better, and be able to work through it without having to call anyone a liar. That wouldn't be very nice would it? :D

We have all been lied to during our careers. My rational is to extend the best sales proposition that I have for a buyer. If they do not return phone calls, agree to meet me in the office, sign a buyer brokerage agreement, etc; then they most likely do not want to buy from me. I wish I could say that my BS meter has improved with age but it has not. Therefore, I follow the rules above.

Hello All. Some of you have it right.

The meaning behind it most of you hit on. They will tell you I have to have a certain thing, like the 3 bedrooms, 2 bath in XXX neighborhood. Then they don't. And the unfortanate part is if you do not hold with them and go show what they ask for in the beginning and be there when they figure out is not what they wanted they travel on you.

Or some say fixer uppper then really want the nicely remodeled one.

Like some of you said, listen and watch. Take them on tours. Any of you that think you can show 3 homes and sell are either lucky or naive, The buying process can take much time.

You must get a feel for what they want. And the saying is bad, but if you keep it in back of your mind, and know they can change their mind you will be one up on the hard task of matching the perfect home to them.

I always keep a back up one or two homes on the tour from what they ask to see. I will know by the end if they really wanted that fixer upper, then have several nice homes to let them view.

Watch, listen, learn, willing to work at it.

I'm a licensed real estate salesperson who sells only new home construction. Would you consider a buyer denying that they were in fact being represented by a Buyer's Agent so they could get a better price on their new home and so the realtor wouldn't get a commission a liar? I would.

If the Buyer's Agent hadn't visited my model home a week later to inquire about a new home for this particular buyer, I would have never known that he had been working with them for months. Turns out that neither of us earned a commission because the deal fell through even though the buyer told us that they were pre-qualified for a loan. They had credit problems which they were aware of which caused them to be turned down for financing.

Are most buyer's liars. I sure hope not. But there are people out there that are less than honest for their own gain.

Good response to the previous post. I don't think there was anything she could have done, even having them sign a buyer's contract.

I also make sure I tell buyer's why they need to work with someone as a buyer's agent and not be calling around off of signs. I let my buyers and seller's know I do not "double dip". I know my clients appreciate my honesty and efforts.

The second part to that is "sellers are whores." I think in this market sellers are just trying to get fair market for their homes.

I do agree with you that most of us are not good listeners as well as it is our jobs as professionals to help the buyers come to a realistic expectations of what they want in a home.

Good on ya, Kevin. I love to see the moral firebrand in you.

Yes, I read the post you are referring to but had to go show property so no time to respond without thoughtful, respectful reply. I am glad you wrote this post because your are on case and point. I DO NOT like the statement buyers are liars!!! I think... some people lie and some do not, no matter who you are or what you do! I also think if you make them feel comfortable enough to say what is on their mind, ask them questions with encouragement that reality and their thoughts are what is important to get to where we need to be, there is no reason to lie. I trust everyone unless they have given me a reason not to. If that happens then it is my chose on how to deal with it. I make NO ONE sign a buyers agreement, if they are not happy with me, they should find someone else and it is their right! I just hope I am smart enough to figure out why. If I failed...find the lesson, learned it and move on.

Kevin-

Some Buyers are liars, some doctors are liars, some bank tellers are liars, some real estate agents are liars...i.e. some people are duplicitous and some are not. I think it's all about the quality of people you choose to: represent in business, play golf with, eat dinner with, befriend etc etc.

Buyers do not have the greatest market share of dishonesty. Buying into that only reinforces a negative stereotype.

Some buyers are liars. Some sellers are liars. Some agents are liars.

What it boils down to is some people are liars.

I remember once the secretary in our office talking about one of the agents. She said "She would tell a lie even if the truth would benefit her more." And it was true - the woman lied about everything from where she had lunch to details about a property.

Some folks are just that way.

Kevin - you said in one of your earlier responses that "common sense isn't so common" - I agree with you, to a point on that. Personally, I'd rather have good sense, because the problem with common sense is that it is just that - common...

And the funny thing, I've actually heard agents utter that obnoxious phrase...

But let's play devil's advocate for a minute: the agent who is up-front with a buyer about the services they provide and gives that buyer excellent advice, only for the buyer to say whatever they need to say in order to get as much info as they can and then use someone else (on both sides, buyers and sellers), having that type of experience can jade many agents into believing the "buyers are liars" stereotype....

Well, if a real estate agent believes he or she should generalize a client that is too bad!

My point of view it's that, a real estate agent should always balance the way to express about anything. Because is very hard to gain a good reputation and very easy to gain a bad reputation. Continue education it's very important it makes me feel stronger ad comfortable to delegate consumer information. I feel very proud to be in this business as real estate agent.

Whatever happened to the customer is always right? If the buyer wanted 10 acres and next week buys into a subdivision, that means they changed their mind after becoming informed of the process.

If we only work with people who are qualified and we educate them on the process, I guarantee most of this stuff wouldn't happen. It's mostly about miscommunication between the agent and the buyer. Most of the times we breathe Agency, but a buyer or a first time home buyer has no idea how your getting paid. They have no idea that you driving them around spending your gas and time and if they end up buying with another agent, your not getting paid. It's not because buyers are stupid or willfully ignorant, its because they just don't understand the process until you explain it to them.

Humans are liars. I doubt there is a "choir boy" in the room.

Buyers, sellers, RE Agent. inspectors, lenders, etc. are a cross section of society.

The trick is not to figure out which group is lying...just to figure out who is lying to you at any given time.

As we always tell our buyers, "you are not buying a pair of shoes..".

dysfunction

I have come across some buyers that I felt were just wasting my time. Not to long ago, I took a buyer out to view one of my listings, only to have a contract written by another agent which he failed to let me know. Basically, his agent didn't want to drive out of their territory to show the listing and told him to contact me directly for a showing. Lesson learned. Just like lying. I have never had a buyer broker agreement and I know that would have protected me from this happening. However, I think it makes some buyer's very uncomfortable and that's why some may lie. I think the reason my buyer's are happy with me as their agent is because I am very honest & blunt about the truth. Usually, the buyer's I have worked with tell me that is what they liked about me. They don't feel like I'm hounding them & I say it as it is. Once a potential buyer has made contact with me, they either like me or they don't. Or vise-versa. They have my contact info and if I don't hear back from them, I wasn't the agent for them. Works for me!! Be truthful to your buyer and hopefully the same will come back to you.

Is it possible that if a buyer does lie it is to protect him self against the lying agent? or to keep the agent at an arms distance due to lack of trust? If this is the case it is our fault....not the buyers.

If Buyers are liars then we have not put forth the necessary expectations and controls to ensure we are on the same page.......At some point you have to say "no" to taking on a client.

When I first became a realtor and heard this phrase, I was confused and had my agent at the time explain this to me.

Since I've been in the industry, I have learned that buyers are often confused by what they want, don't know what they can afford, and occasionally get angry with us because they can not afford what they want.

If we do our jobs well, we can help buyers get pre-qualified, interview them and help them focus on their top priorities thus gaining their respect and appreciation.

Lots of interesting takes on this old saying... I work a very niche market of first-time buyers. What I have found is that they are NOT liars, they just often have champagne tastes and a beer budget. Of course they want the biggest house in the nicest neighborhood with a pool- but their budget dictates otherwise. It usually takes being brutally honest with buyers about what they can buy on their budget, and then differentiating between their wants and their needs.

They often start out by stating that they WON'T look at anything outside of these boundaries, less than 4 bedrooms, or without a pool. After showing them what they can get for that, it's time for them to re-evaluate, and my job is to bring them to reality and find them a home that will suit their NEEDS, even if it doesn't meet everything on the wish list.

"Buyers are liars" is an unfortunate generalization that, in my opinion, shows more about the character of the person saying it than about the object of the statement. Everyone lies, on a daily basis, to some extent. Stop for a second and put on your Consumer Hat. How many of us have walked into a store, a furniture store for example, and been instantly greeted by an overzealous salesperson who asks, "Can I help you find something?". Now, how many of us have answered, "No thanks, I'm just looking", when we know full well we went in there to buy a new mattress or recliner. I have, more than once. Why? Because I wanted to retain control of my buying experience for a little while longer. I'll turn it over to the salesman when I'm good and ready.

As others have stated above more eloquently than I, buyers aren't really liars in the strict sense of the word, they simply do not know what they really want. It's our job to listen, ask questions, and find out. Build a relationship. Cultivate trust. Eventually, their true wants and needs will become evident.

Now, go forth, and do not utter those three denigrating words again. You'll feel much better. Honest. After all, who wants to use the same vernacular as a used car salesman??

Kevin,

"Focus on the clients needs instead of their own," seems to be easier said then done for many agents. Whether in a good market or bad, agents tend to focus on themselves and what this unit or commission check will do. We try to focus on what our clients need and want believing this will also take care of our bank account. It isn't always easy, especially when you see so-called 'top agents' playing by the "me" game and winning deals every time.

Buyers and sellers are afraid to tell a stranger all their business. So, do we have to listen, "yes"; but we have to ask, ask, ask, too.

No need to blow the phrase out of context. To me it simply means that many buyers think they know what they want and actually don't know until they find it. When I was a new agent someone told me "buyers are liars" and it was referring to the aspect of our job that is consultative. We all know home buying is an emotional process and it is our duty as realtors to protect and guide our buyers through the process, helping them make wise decisions. Don't be lazy due your due diligence and qualify the buyer then get in your car and show them everything within their basic requirements. If your worried about them cheating on you with another agent make them sign a contract with you.

Unfortunately, the public may not believe that Realtors are honest but it is expected not only by the public but by our colleagues. I would question the marketing of ones honesty equally. What does that say about you? Needing to reinforce the expected to the public and colleagues could be perceived as a statement from a guilty conscience. Just a thought...

Kevin, I read some of the Post that prompted this Blog and I agree with your point of view -

If you don't like working with Buyers, what are you doing in the Real Estate business? What perfect world did you come from?

Frankly, I enjoy working with Buyers and the process of helping them discover what it is they really want and will be happy with. Sometimes I help them decide that what they are looking for doesn't exist in this place or time and that's part of this business as well.

This afternoon I was invited to a family party at the beach rental home (here for a week) of a buyer I had worked with 4 years ago. She never did buy a beach house, but we remain in contact. Do I get referrals? Yes. Will I get more referrals in the future? Absolutely.

The statement "buyers are liars" is true in the sense for what it was intended. And that is that buyers DO NOT tell you the entire true. Many of us do the very same thing when we are shopping for a major expense and/or we are out of our element. Why is this so for many buyers? I believe there is a multitude of reasons. In some cases they do not want to get too close. In some cases they may hate to tell us they found something else on their own. In other cases some may feel if they tell you too much they won't get the best deal or they will pay at the top of their range. I can go on and on and site many cases whereby buyers I have come across did not tell me the whole story and I am a 25+ veteran in the business. I do not and never have lied to a client, but sometimes their misconception of 'all salespeople' goes beyond an individual personally and how we behave. Some buyers needs to have you prove to them that you are on their side - that they can and should divulge all the personal information that is uncomfortable to discuss with basic strangers such as income and financing ability. I think there are buyers - not all - that start out this way - telling half truths. It may be the way they were taught growing as a part of their negotiating tactics, but for whatever the case it is our job to turn this around. And a true professional recognizes that the bonding and rapport part of our job is more important than showing homes and qualifying buyers.

I think many members of the public truly are clueless as to how we work and how we get paid. We must educate them, not just open the door and show the house.

Let's face it, buyers are liars....and so are sellers, agents, and practically everyone else. My advice is don't lie and don't give the other party a reason to lie.

A little white lie is OK to get out of an uncomfortable situation. Buyers, and anyone else human, will make up an excuse to avoid having to make a commitment or a decision they are not ready to make. We all do it on occasion and it is forgivable. The key is in follow up whenever possible. "I know you said you were not interested (or whatever their excuse was) but I found such and such and wanted to share with you in case it sparks your interest" for example.

When I started in real estate I understood that trust is a really, really big issue.

In general the public sees real estate agents as not trustworthy. (there have been a few surveys published over the years I'm sure you hear about - ranking us down with stock brokers or car salesmen.)

Because they start their relationship with their agent that way they tend to hold back on important information - like how much they can spend, why they really want to buy or sell, etc. It is understandable because if this stuff gets out it could hurt their negotiating ability down the road.

The thing is, they can actually trust me to work for their best interests. Crazy, I know.

So, the trick is to show the public that I actually am trustworthy and they can tell me confidential things I would need to know to help them reach their goals. Eventually they have to understand that they NEED to tell me these things or we are all wasting our time.

From the beginning of my customer relationships I focus on building trust. When I know they are holding back with information I understand that there is a reason and I talk to them until they are honest with me. (Sometimes they don't trust me yet, sometimes they are being dishonest with themselves too.)

There are people out there who have no regard for the value of my time, and there are people who jump from one agent to another. Sometimes I come across one of these people and they become a customer, and sometimes they continue on their road without me.

You said:

"Real estate agents know they have a reputation for dishonesty. But they counter with this claim of their own.

...

Here's what it says about YOU by stating (or believing) it: I KNOW THAT I HAVE A REPUTATION FOR DISHONESTY...."

Poppy cock!!!

If I have ever said that "buyers are liars" it's because a buyer has actually lied to me. Plain and simple. It's not that I wasn't listening. It's not that I didn't ask the right questions. I honestly don't believe that I have a reputation for dishonesty.

I think that it's more "buyers are fickle" and "buyers hold back on some things for whatever reason"

When someone says that "buyers and liars" I take it to mean that a real estate agent should be aware that just because a buyer says one thing doesn't mean that that's the full story. Always be open to showing them homes that they might have said that they don't want. Always be aware that their maximum price point might not be their maximum price point.

I think we are missing the point. The reason they go down the street and don't do business with us is because they don't see any reason to stay with us. That is our fault, not theirs. Do they sometimes tell us a lie so as not to have a confrontation or embarrass us, YES. But, when a buyer chooses another agent over us, we have to go home and look in the mirror and say .......obviously, I did not make my value proposition strong enough for them to stay with me. And, it isn't about kickbacks either, except in a few cases. Does it happen, sure. But, that same buyer who went with another agent because of a few thousand dollars might also be driving a Mercedes. So, again, it is value they are looking for not just money.

Buyers can be Liar's and it does not change the way I do business, Honest and ethical. It is just a plain and simple fact that some people do Lie and if given a chance they will lie to you. As a good agent you need to ask the right questions, listen, follow through, and follow up. And if the buyer is a Liar, take it like a grain of salt and move on.

Here in Arizona when the term "buyers are liars was used it refers to the loans they got where they lied to get them" That is the only time I have ever heard that phrase used a lot.

It had nothing to do with how good of an agent you are it had to do with the loan they were obtaining etc.

Everyone lies sometime, some people lie a lot more then others. I tell my clients upfornt that I will be direct and honest with them and I expect the same. If they are confused about what they want to do, that is ok. If they lie to me to the point where I am uncomfortable,l I quit workign with them.

I think agents use the term "buyers are liars" because of their frustration with some of the experiences they have had with their buyers.

Well this is an interesting discussion as was on the original post. What I find interesting is that agents trip over themselves to work with clients they don't want to work with. How many of the "buyers are liars" clients were people that you wanted to do business with? Did they not trigger your "hmmm" meter?

Most potential clients I meet, I work with. I have met buyers that didn't want to talk to a lender first because "their friend is a mortgage broker" and says they are "good to go." Did I work with that client? No. We agents have choices about the types of clients we take on. I have never felt the need to call any of my actual clients liars. Do I screen consumers to see if we are a good fit? Yes. Do I choose to work with consumers I am confident will mesh well with me? Yes.

A lender commented to me once that all of my buyers close. It's true. They do. I have no liar clients and I screen them well. Maybe instead of calling buyers liars, agents should do a better job of choosing who is going to be their client. Buyers are liars because somewhere along the line an agent allowed them to be.

I do not think Buyers tell you everything they got going until they begin to trust you. They do not open up with all the issues and problems they face. It is like being a good therapist, you need to get the trust so they tell you everything.

One loan officer told me, "They always have more money than the tell you."

Often times buyers end up buying a house that is nothing like they told me they wanted.

The cynical might see those issues and say, "Buyers are Liars."

Kevin -

Interesting post - incredible comment response! Congrats!

What I have found, through the years, is that "Buyers are Liars" only if you let them be so.

1. By failure to vet their financial qualification or likely loyalty.

2. By failing to get them to make written commitment - ie, a Buyer's Exclusive Representation Agreeement.

3. By failing to listen to what their needs and wants are, and ASSUMING you know them.

4. By failing to professionally close their intentions to write a contract.

5. By failing to ASK them if they working steadily with another agent.

6. By failing to gauge their time horizon.

Need I go on? We all get the idea!

Most Real Estate Practitioners don't do their work up front, but are the first to complain when they get dumped. Following the rules above will get you dumped by some - but SOONER, with less heartache and less wasted time on your part.

And you'll never say that again!

My two cents, anyway!

DEAN & DEAN'S TEAM CHICAGO

As a third generation Realtor, my mother always said "buyers are liars" When I was in the car business a buyer was a liar until they met a real salesperson!!!

In Real Estate buyers need us to help them find out what they need based on their budget. Sometimes the "picture" the first day compared to closing day is very different...but they do not lie...just need us to understand what they need. If you do not figure this out someone else will be handing keys to the new home owner and you will be telling everyone they lied...

As society on the whole goes, so does the agent. There are liars a plenty on both sides of the fence.

So I wonder why the phrase "Seller are Liars" is never used, is it just because it doesn't rhyme? lol~ just kidding... Great post Kevin, and it's unfortunate that Car Salesman have earned this negative reputation and that it has in some cases carried over to the Real Estate Professional.

Wow. Ok!

Here I go:

This one is to Paul Slaybaugh (comment #53)--Really? You don't find it repugnant? Degrading?

I'm a professional and actually have a pretty strong opinion on it. If any agent says the "B" statement--they should get out of the business.

I know what I'm gonna hear: "Kevin, you are so harsh." Yup. Why do I say this? Because if you have THAT much disdain for your customer--you will never succeed in this business; and only continue to perpetuate the stereotypical negative image of the real estate agent.

Everybody lies. If you don't think you do, too, then you're just lying to yourself (again):

http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/brain-and-behavior/2009/05/18/were-all-lying-liars-why-people-tell-lies-and-why-white-lies-can-be-ok.html

Simply make a concious effort not to and you will improve your credibility and your relationships.

My pre-licensure training instructor in RE school was the first person I heard use the phrase "Buyers are Liars, and Sellers are Thieves." His explanation made sense. I liked his teaching style.

"Buyers are liars" - An over-used generalization that covers a multitude of situations that occur between buyers and their real estate agents....sigh.

We have to earn the trust of people we have never met and educate them as to the value of our services. As we build rapport by talking listening and acting on what we learn, they will begin to open up and share more information.

Sometimes buyers do buy something different than what they set out to find - it doesn't bother me a bit. I'm happy they found something they love. It's a process and some people reach it sooner than others.

Sharon

Great article and I believe that most of the time buyers do it because they think we are going to sell them the first thing on sticks and if we showed them that we are customer service first then the views of us as a whole will change

Every time I hear that phrase the thought simply crosses my mind ... they're not lying....they simply haven't figured out how to articulate their "whys". That's what we're here for....when I buyer says "i want a basement" my first question is "what is it you need it for?" because I know they might very likely buy a house with no basement. And if they do, does that mean they lied? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It means they identified "basement" with their "why".

Find out the "whys" your clients have....you'll never have to deal with a "liar" again!

I don't agree with generalizations such as "buyers are liars & sellers are worse." I agree with the many posts with regards to buyers not comprehending the difference from what they wanted versus what they could afford. It is up to us to educate the buyer and help walk them through the buying process. Buying a home is a huge investment and I haven't met one buyer who isn't looking for the very best deal. Unfortunately, Realtors have gotten some bad press and one bad apple tends to spoil the batch and we need to arise above this stigma and prove to the public at large that we are professionals who truly care about our clients well-being. I happen to love selling real estate and the opportunity of working with such a diverse selection of people.

When faced with the most beligerant of individuals, I have found that the more questions I ask and the more intently I listen to their answers, ususally reveals what their true concern and/or fear is. Once this is uncovered it paves the way to establishing a bond of trust and respect. Once that bond is established I don't believe it is broken easily.

When I started blogging years ago in a competition that AR held, called "Project Blogger" we, as new bloggers, were held to a very high standard. Project Blogger was so hard on all of the participants--we literally went through 14 weeks of hell.

Why do I say this? Because the majority of the new membership here at AR (I joined when there were only 25K members) are backslappers. Every agent seems to jump on the "clients are horrible" or I AM THE BEST REALTOR or the "feel good" or "woe is me" post of the day.

As contestants, our ideas and thoughts were vetted, challenged, debated, and scrutinized. We just didn't get to put out a blog post and get kudos. I wrote many, many posts that my coach @ardelld wouldn't even let me put up!

So--it is now in my blood to vet, challenge and scrutinize; trumpet something great, or bring to light something bad. Yes BAD. Or, enjoy a raging blog war. :)

To all the agents who "backslap" each other here in AR: You are not doing anyone any good.

Challenge a thought. Right a wrong.

Some of the comments talk about "Why Buyers Lie." I would counter that by asking "Why do so many agents do a bad job of communicating with their clients."

More often than not--that is the reason why "buyers lie."

If agents would do a better job at their profession, instead of feeling entitled to a commission, buyers wouldn't find the need "to lie."

Ardell made a comment way up there:

Reality check: This is a tough biz. If you don't have the skin, or can't take the heat of a couple of missed opportunities (that's what I call them) then, you really need to check out another profession.

I was surprised by more than a few comments by "the elder folk." It seems that very successful people who continue to be successful like: Missy Caulk,Laurie Manny, Ardell, Greg Swann, Ann Cummings, BB, and Lenn Harley--all seem to see the wrong.

There is no need to "vet" if "buyers are liars," or not. I would liken that to having discussion about calling African Americans the "N" word. It's nasty and derogatory.

Moral of my story: Things happen, and they will happen again. But if you run around not trusting buyers because you think "they are liars," then they are probably thinking the exact SAME THING ABOUT YOU!

Brad

Hello and Thanks! Wow. I kind of feel bad for the car salesman now, as well.

I just bought a new car and my guy was very professional and I had a great experience.

Beyond the emotion of the post, and comments, I'd like to refer to a previous comment which specifically highlights what goes through buyer's heads:

http://activerain.com/blogsview/1216598/are-buyers-really-liars-what-saying-this-really-says-about-you-#5204275

Greg Swann: Hey! Thanks.

BB-

Hey. Maybe you are right. But getting them to sign a BBA, for example, is a "my agenda" thing. So demanding a BBA wouldn't be something I would do.

I want to HEAR them first, and much like your post this week, determine if I can help them. If I can help them and they NEED my help--It would be my nature to help. Listing or not.

I don't go to a second or third showing thinking "I've got to close them." That's something I don't do and would consider a "my agenda" thing.

IN my experience very few are liars, but moreso not educated or confused. I have had some liars come along though, such as forged W2's ... yeah, that was a fun one.

I've run across many of these "lying buyers" and to be honest, they really just dont believe the agent that they "lied" to. Many times they are disgusted or putoff by the synthetic air that many Realtors show. And many other times it is because the Realtor they "lied" to just did not listen to them at all and never bothered to make a connection. They were too wrapped up in making the sale and neglected to make a positive impact with the buyer, with the result being that they lost the client. For many buyers it is very hard to connect with an agent, and I feel that based on my experience of gaining these customers that they are just put off by the glamour gals and snotty agents with a major hormone inbalance. This applies to both the men and women of our industry. All too often we blame others and make up excuses when we ourselves have forgotten where our base is.

I believe in being as real and honest as possible with customers, and in doing so I earn a great deal of loyalty from these "lying buyers" .

**please dont bash me if you are offended by my opinion, just move on and accept my post as my two cents.**

Comment #99

Darrel,

No one would bash you for your opinion. Hopefully if someone didn't agree with you or they wanted to have a good old fashioned debate---that would be great. Bashing, never.

I don't see that much anymore.

Kevin,

Good evening. Clearly you have cut deep into a nerve. ...and while I have never personally stated it [fyi~ I grew up in Retail in Northern New Jersey and then worked in what became Aventura in the 80's and 90's] , I have heard so many of our fellow Associates [mostly within the last few years] find one reason or another...

I too have spent a considerable amount of time focused on my niche- a unique Waterfront Community http://GulfHarbors34652.net - sometimes acting like a poster boy for Florida's Waterfront Lifestyle- to the point where I am kidded that I do not stray out of the Community [though I do have a vast knowledge of the New and In-land properties] and Yes, there have been those few Buyers that I have worked with that did not purchase from me, but it would have been more from a 'just looking' or fact finding for the future.

Listening is key ! It is sad so many have forgotten our is a 'Service Industry', and that the Client/ Buyer is always right- clear of their intent or not.

Steven Zimmerman / Prudential Best Realty, Inc. / GULF HARBORS New Port Richey, FL 34652 http://retaggr.com/page/StevenZimmerman

Kevin, I can't honestly say that I find it repugnant or degrading. It is simply a hackneyed cliche that fails to inspire any type of emotion. Were it an original thought and not simply the script some use to deny a failing, perhaps I would think otherwise. I would hope that a royal screwjob that worked its way up my tailpipe would at least shake loose a sentiment of my own crafting. As such, I see it more as a defense mechanism from the agent who chooses to rationalize failure rather than addressing and correcting it. Kind of sad actually. I have no need for such an expression, as I would rather correct whatever aspect of my service is correctable, but hating on the agent who turtles up in the presence of failure is like kicking a neutered dog in the sack.

I had a far lengthier comment on tap regarding the online cottage industry of denigrating the "stereotypical agent" as a marketing tool for one's own virtuous service, but that is a post in and of itself. Nothing to do with your post, just a tangent my mind followed when considering which greater cements the negative image of the Realtor amongst the general public: the "bad" agent, or the disparagement bandwagon that inevitably follows this straw professional around the internet. We've all hopped aboard to become its most vociferous passengers at one time or another. At what point does whistle-blowing and personal interest intersect? Breathless consumer advocacy and marketing of our sole voice of reason in an arena that is ass to elbows in insanity? An interesting, if cynical, exercise in the analysis of the motivation behind yellow blogging journalism. Might have to explore that after a few IPAs ;)

Everybody has their own agenda and buyers are no different. Most people I come accross are decent honest people, but there are enough bad eggs in any group of people to give them a bad name. This group of bad eggs usually make up a small percentage of the whole group, so to say that buyers are liars, sure some might be. Bottom line, does it help your business to point this out? If it is so egregious, don't work with them

I am assuming that this blog is in response to the blog about a REALTOR not using a Buyer's Agency Agreement and getting burned. I think buyers and sellers lie. Not all but some. They are people and people lie......not all but enough. If no one lied we would never need contracts.

Mmmm, I would have to say that some buyers really are "liars". There was one client whom I have worked with for over a month and finally she saw a home she really liked and told me she was ready to make an offer. I said okay, no problem, I will go home and write up the offer and you go home and write up the deposit check. We agreed to touch base that afternoon, I called her, left her messages, emailed her, and never ever heard from her again...ever! Just vanished!!

She was not lying; she was just being irresponsible and disrespectful.

AUG

We all lie and if someone claims they are the reincarnation of Mahatma Gandhi, then that is another lie !! Our industry has a lot of good people and sleaze, so we are in no position to call anyone else names!! I agree with this blog....how do these people who call buyers liars?? They are the ones who put the bread on our tables !

Kevin. If you just tell them the truth. 9 out of 10 times the people can tell. It is best not to worry about this. The truth always comes out

I've never taken that expression literally- I don't think they are "liars". My thought it that many times a buyer will say they MUST have a Spanish house in the hills with a view, and end up falling in love with a mid century modern in the flats and happily buying that instead. It's not so much that they are lying- it's more a warning to agents not to limit what you show to buyers. They may think they want one thing but end up buying something entirely different. I do show clients what they ask for but also let them know about other properties that might appeal to them that don't necessarily meet the parameters they've given me. Sometimes they end up buying something completely different in the end. As long as they are happy with what they buy, I don't care if it matches what they originally old me they wanted.

Good post, Kevin. I don't think 'buyers are liars', never believed in that because that's not the nature of buyers. However, there is no denying some buyers have different agenda that they don't share with the agents who showed their properties, but at the same time, there are also some agents who do not have everything together. Generalization never works but there are exceptions, good or bad on both sides whether we like it or not. On a personal and professional level, we need to be the best we can all the time to earn the trust.

I think it all boils down to trust. I have worked both in genersl brokerage and selling Charlotte homes for sale for several new home builders. Most buyers wear a mask to hide their true intentions primarily because they are guarded and are not comfortable letting you, a stranger, into their personal world. It takes time to build trust and raport. The more that they trust you, the more the mask comes down. This will only take time and effort on the agents part. Trust has to be earned, you do not get it by default.

People lie and for various reasons. That's all there is to it. Buyers, sellers and agents are no exception! Buyers do not get out of bed in the morning thinking "Today I'm gonna call a Realtor and boy, am I gonna tell this guy a big fat lie!" It doesn't happen that way. Have I been lied to by buyers and sellers and other agents? You bet! Did I get upset about it? You bet! My agenda is not to help buyers and sellers move millions of dollars worth of real estate out of the goodness of my heart. My agenda is helping buyers and sellers move millions of dollars worth of real estate because I enjoy doing it, am fairly good at it, am licensed to do it, and because I intend to earn a paycheck. I'm bound to deal honestly and fairly and I'm sticking to that.

If I come across lying buyers and sellers (and we all do, even Kevin does), I figure out their agenda behind the lie and determine wether or not I want to work with them. There is a big difference between a buyer that isn't sure what they want and a buyer that is determined to not let me know what they want. I can't help the latter and I won't. Yes, trust has to be earned. No matter how hard you try, some people are not capable of trusting anyone. Since I'm not Dr.Phil, I do not spend the time finding the root cause for their general distrust. I move on and wish them the best of luck.

Andrea

When I decided to enter the real estate sales profession, I contacted the broker my husband and I had used to purchase our home and, later, a piece of land. I ended up joining that firm and that broker was now the BIC. One day, I was asking questions of him and he uttered those words, "Buyers are Liars" - - I was confused, and I guess, pretty naive. We had been his buyer clients and he was saying he thought we were liars? Talk about offensive! We thought we were being treated with dignity and respect - we did not imagine, as buyers, we were nearly despised. I'll never forget hearing that and it colors every aspect of the way I do my business today - - I will never utter those words. Every time I hear them from someone else in the profession, I ask what they mean by that - - it's strange, but sometimes they don't even know - - they just say it. If I don't have an honest, trusting relationship with a buyer (and I don't ask for a BBA of everyone) then I can't really do a very good job for them.

Some of my clients (real estate agents) here say that, and what they seem to mean is that "buyers don't know what they want." So, I'm not sure I agree with you.

However, the girl that says it the most spews numbers all the time and the numbers that I recognize are almost always wrong! Maybe I do agree with you, after all... LOL

Perhaps the "Buyers are liars" was started by an agent who liked sounds that rhyme and who had just worked with a buyer who was ignorant. Now before getting your hackles up, remember that there is NOTHING wrong with being ignorant! "Ignorance in the pursuit of knowledge is no vice" says this quite well.

How many buyers have bought EXACTLY what they told you they wanted? Very few. They did not lie in the beginning--they were expressing their fondest wishes and were simply ignorant of the market and/or the process that ultimately kept them from fulfilling this wish. Buying something very different from their original dream home is testament to their ignorance having been removed and replaced with reality. Closing with a buyer like this makes me feel good--not bad. It says that somewhere along the way that trust was established and their ignorance removed!

Buyers can be tough on us sometimes though. They aren't liars but tend to change their minds a lot!!! I try to really listen to what they want and give them the best service I can provide based on the things they tell me.

OK, I have heard this phrase, I was at a Real Estate class and the teacher said it!!!! What does that say about the teacher???? I have not found that buyer. I have heard the phrase from different agents along the way. I think I will be looking at the agents a little different now.

Great post, Kevin! Judging people always says more about the one who is "passing judgment."

I've heard this too, starting with my licensing class from the instructor. But I think buyers start out with stars in their eyes about how much they can qualify for (enter the mortgage pre-approval and reality) and what they can get for that (good-bye 4BR ranch w/3 car garage, hello 2BR foreclosed townhome). Their needs evolve as they move through the process, so what they said at the start is simply no longer valid. And in my book, that doesn't make them liars...just human.

In today market it is a pleasure work with the buyers, they know what they want, just use your charm and show what they want and maybe a little bit more. We love to work with buyers and sellers today.

Maybe, we are lucky.

I heard that from other agents the minute I got into this business. I think it's simple. What they want changes in rellation to what they can afford. And the more they learn in the process, the more their decisions change based on that new information. I prefer to think that they tell us what the truth is at the time, and that knowledge causes the truth to change.

Those who hold back on the truth may be waiting until the trust is built with their agent, or they might also be harboring some emotional baggage that has nothing to do with the agent. Things go on in the background we're unaware of. Husbands and wives struggle over differing wants and needs, parents and friends influence decisions. There is always a lot more going on than meets the eye.

I don't think buyers are liars. It is my experience that some buyers just don't know what they want and it's our job to "interview" them to find out their wants and needs. I agree with Ms. Crowson's comments that there are things going on that we are not aware of. I know ask who is going to be part of the decision process; ie parents and then invite them to go on showings. That has helped in so many ways. I am then able to talk to the interested parties at the same time. Getting everyone's feedback has helped tremendously.

I've never thought of the phrase "buyers are liars" in terms of buyers being dishonest. I've always thought of it in terms of buyers buying something different than what they said they wanted. We ask buyers to tell us what they want in terms of the criteria we use to search for homes, such as number of bedrooms or style of home. In reality, people are willing to make trade-offs of even essential elements of a home, such as number of bedrooms, if they find something that makes it worthwhile, such as a water view or the way the sunlight fills a home. I've seen adamant buyers of antique homes buy contemporaries, people who HAD to have four bedrooms suddenly willing to live with two because of the water view, etc.

The reasons people fall in love with homes can't always be articulated and clients don't always know. It's like falling in love. You can write down a list of desirable qualities in a mate and then fall madly in love with someone who has none of those qualities.

Homes are an emotional purchase. Sometimes we forget that.

It's a blanket statement that just isn't true. I really don't know who REALLY believes this. Think of all the generalized statements that people make about all sorts of things? Thanks for bringing up the used car salesmen thing and us .... jeez. Another blanket statement. Realtors are just like used car salesmen.

Thanks for the post. I must say here in Arizona, we tend to have buyers who are "cheating" on us, looking for the "great deals, the BEST deal. the lowest price, the biggest discount.....the s c r e a m i n g deal!". A lot of the buyers will work behind the scenes with many agents at one time!We show them homes, we send them homes daily off of the MLS and ask 100's of questions repeatedly, all inclussive of the DEAL, they want a deal!

Unfortunately this type of buyer is not looking at me as an individual REALTOR, as a matter of fact, they don't even notice me. This type of "buyer" is not a buyer at all, they are folks who are generally obsessed with looking at properties for various reasons, they generally will not qualify for a loan at all, and in some cases are not even employed. These are not buyers.

REAL buyers get pre-qulaified on the first phone call I have with them. Period.

REAL buyers come to me because they want MY services and they recognize my professionalism from the get go. I will bond with them and walk them through the entire process, including long after I have given them the keys to there new home. They turn to there friends and family at some point to refer me and my excellent services. And so on and so on.

Have I been burned? Yes! A lesson in recognition.

As to buyers being liars? I think it's irrelative. If they are, it's my job to find out. And if they are lying, it will show up on the credit report 10 minutes after my first conversation with them. REAL buyers may not know exactly what they want, but if we listen carefully, we can actually get them the home of there desire! And that's what I do. It's my job!

Thanks again for the great post.

I've been a real estate agent in Nevada where almost no one trusts anyone and boy is that a blanket statement. Today I ask a client paying cash for a home for a letter from his financial instution and their bank sent a blanket letter saying this client had the funds to purchase a property but did not state the exact amount the seller's agent on a short sale would not accept the buyer's banks letter until we had it to state an amount. Seems they were thinking buyer's are liars. I also had an out of town agent referral for some New York customers relating to me this buyer needed to move quick and would I take them to see 9 homes on a late Friday afternoon it was about 110 degrees out and I thought these people were going to melt from the heat. We finished looking at the 9 properties and I was telling them about the severe drought we were having on the west coast and there was restrictions on watering the yard and how Clark County Nevada was doing with this serious issue. They had such a look of dis-belief on their faces because it had rained constantly in New York all summer and they couldn't understand why we did have such a water shortage to cause restrictions. When we were all through and I gave them the farewell and good luck speech they said "we want to make an offer on one of these homes and will send you an e-mail." Well you know I never heard back from those New Yorkers and I called them to say 4 of the properties they had considered were already in contract and if they wanted to purchase one of the porperties they look at that hot Friday afternoon they would need to send me that e-mail and nothing at all happened. I think rather than buyers being liars they are totally confused about today's crazy market and dealing with bank owned properties and short sales are like nothing they have ever experienced. Even when we explain the process throughly it is still a major undertaking to purchase a home. Nothing about it is easy or simple. "CJ" Barnes Las Vegas Nevada

Wow Kevin, great post. I had never actually heard the "B" statement until I read the previous post and comments you are referring to. I for one don't think buyers are liars, I just think they need direction because a lot of them don't quite know what they want. We as agents need to ask questions and really listen to the answers.

Unfortunately some buyers are liars. As I close over 400 units a year I find there are always a percentage of buyers who "conceal the real". It usually comes in at about 15% in my market place. Many times these buyers are predisposed due to their demographic or economics, social upbringing that we as agents can not change. Disclosure and the right questions asked on our part as agents if very important so we don't fall into the trappings of these type of buyer's. As a listing agent I have found the more times than not it's not the buyer but the agent that has not been forthcoming. In desperate attempts to try to get a sell, they will present a non-qualified buyer hoping some miracle happens while we are in escrow. I know we as agents always use the term time is of the essence but don't rush a deal together without doing your job to qualify a buyer and explain to them what is expected of them. As the old saying goes at the first interview, "today we are going to find out if we can work together". Buyers are liars is a somewhat true statement, along with the "80/20" rule and "Lister's Last"

The very first time I heard the expression "Buyers are Liars" was when first taking training as a new realtor the instructor told us all Buyers were Liars and therefore the object of being a realtor was to get listings and more listing and not waste our time with buyers.

Buyers have the same problems that all of us do when we enter some other area of our life where we have to deal with sales people. Many times they simply do not know what they want at the time they are talking with us. That is why the Internet has grown as one of the top ways consumers can get information. They want information, to gain knowledge and not be sold before they know what they want.

Lets be honest, there are many in our industry that dont ask good questions, listen well, and actually take the time to find out the needs of the buyers they are working with. Even in my own office I have agents who dont understand true buying signs, press for the close and scare buyers off. Even done it myself when I am not focused and more concerned with my own needs over theirs.

This is a job where you are not going to click with everyone. Even if you do everything right. People and buyers gravitate to people who are like them, understand them, etc. I have worked diligently with buyers and come to find out they are going to use their uncle, sister, friend to write up an offer. That's just part of how it works. I mostly list property so for me, it is just part of the cycle. If I can help them make a decision to buy via me or a friend I have done my job. I have had many come to me after the fact and say they were conflicted but felt they needed to support relatives. Many have come back to work with me on their next purchase.

I have also had buyers as someone mentioned, where they are convinced that they want a specific type of home in a certain area and buy something totally different in another. That isn't there fault, it is mine. Or it could be as simple as they changed their minds or circumstances in their life changed. Who knows and who cares. There are so many Realtors, that many buyers are simply overwhelmed. They meet a new one at every open house. If we look at it from their side it is a very difficult task.

But in closing if you have the mindset that buyers are liars, you are going to attract exactly that. If we hang onto the concept that buyers are liars, and believe it, you are probably in the wrong business to begin with. After 27 years I have met some of the greatest people around thru this business. I have helped many of them and in the long run it doesn't matter whether I represent them or not, but the lasting impression I leave on them. Many of those buyers who didn't have the ability to tell me that they were working with someone else have come back to me later. If a buyer doesn't buy or list thru you, then politely ask them why and what you could have done better. Over the years this has served me well, gave me insight into how I am viewed and come across. But lets not as an industry lump buyers into a category or make claims like that. It is a disservice to the buyers and the industry itself.

Greg Gamble (John L Scott) Seattle

I don't know I would agree that buyers don't lie and it is always about us not being trusted. I think none of us can reach everyone and those we can't may tell white lies as a way to sever ties without hurting our feelings or to simply save face because they have learned they can't go through with a purchase for some reason. I think it is human behavior to hold some of our cards in an attempt to have a leg up on others, for whatever reason we need that. I don't think most buyers walk around and make habit of lying to their real estate agents. But, I think we are fooling ourselves if we assume we are so great that our buyers wont lie to us...

I think what we are all really meaning to say is that prospects and leads may not be totally forthcoming or honest about their information until called to task.

Wow what a great discussion. I agree with some, disagree with others, but that's what makes the world go 'round. I don't believe, or at least hope, that no one is intentionally lying to anyone in a real estate transaction, naive . . . possibly. I do know there are buyers who will work you for months and months going back and forth on what they want then flip flopping again and still they cannot or will not make a decision and write a contract. I am patient, I listen to my clients, I do whatever is in my power to help them, and still if the time comes to discuss making a decision and making an offer then I'm not "looking out for their best interests" because I don't really want to show them another 50 houses. I don't know the answer, I just know that I agree with many of you who say that many buyers, and sellers, really have no understanding of what we do for them and how the system works.

The first time I heard that phrase was when I was brand new. At that time we didn't get buyers pre-approved. The first meeting was sitting down with them and pre-qualifying them ourselves- income, debt and do you have good credit. We showed houses based on what they could afford and the payment they were comfortable with based on that pre-qualification. An experienced agent told me not to get my hopes up until they were approved for the mortgage- that buyers were liars. Meaning they would inflate their income or claim to have better credit than they actually had. Then shortly afterward (probably still in my first or second year) we started getting pre-qualification letters from lenders- credit was pulled but no verifications. Again I was told not to trust we were going to close on anything until the actual mortgage process got going and income and verification of funds to close- because again buyers were liars.

I haven't really heard the phrase much since then.

As far as buyers buying something different than what they told you they wanted- that's not lying. It's our JOB to figure out what they really want and if they really want exists in their price range. A buyer not being totally forthcoming at the beginning of a relationship is also not lying. It's our JOB to earn their trust. Our checks are large and we need to EARN those checks.

You ain't seen nuttin yet. Wait till you read my post tomorrow on loan modifications if you want to know what these scum bags think about your cleints as their seperating them from their doe, rey me.

Great discussion you've started here Kevin. I say to those cynics--get out of the business, or learn how to deal. One of my agents worked with a client for several weeks and has a BA on them. She wrote up an offer on Saturday morning ... and tried desperately to contact listing agent. Called her cell, office, emailed her, faxed the offer in that day. No response.

There was a one-day period for seller to respond (Sunday). Agent did NOT reply. She was out of town and nobody was covering for her and she didn't check her cell. Nobody at the office paid attention to the fax.

Meanwhile, buyer's found a FSBO piece of land. They bought it on Sunday night.

My agent--with a BA is now out of a commission.

Were these buyers liars? No. Were they loyal to her? No. Could she sue for a commission--probably. But we won't. \

It's part of doing business.

Meanwhile, buyer's found a FSBO piece of land. They bought it on Sunday night.

My agent--with a BA is now out of a commission.

Were these buyers liars? No. Were they loyal to her? No. Could she sue for a commission--probably. But we won't. \

It's part of doing business.

Erica Ramus above - I like your position. I don't like the phrase "buyers are liars" and its counterpart, "sellers are worse." Can't paint everyone with one broad brush stroke, and every industry has its pitfalls, and people who do not follow through on a commitment. All one can do is ask the tough questions on the front end, and qualify, qualify, qualify - and just work to a high standard yourself. I bet there are many more great experiences with buyers and sellers than there are poor experiences, and if we are giving it our best, then we will always be ahead of the game no matter what.

You're so right, I never liked that saying, and the first time I heard it was from someone who had been in the business for many years. Love the pic!

SEP

Kevin - I thought I had commented here, but realized I only sent you an email about the post I had written previously that I recently brought back from the depths of obsucrity. The phrase is a ridiculous look at our industry in my mind. Covering the phrase with things like "people are liars" and "we all get lied to sometimes" doesn't solve the problem in my book. Do people lie? Yes. Have I been lied to? Yes. Does that make it a rational statement of one's frustrations? No.

Someone had a comment about why bring it up on a public blog over in my comments. Why? So that people realize that we are aware of the problems in our own industry and that we're trying to stop them. So we can have a discussion about it that hopefully ends in the phrase's death. So we can find the root cause of why the phrase is allowed to exist and fix it at the source.

I, unfortuantely, feel as if the phrase will never go away. I want it to and I will do everything I can to stop people from using it, but I think it will always linger in agents' minds. I hear it said by many with a laugh...a laugh that says "I'd never say that, but it's just so true it's funny."

We all have our faults, I just hope that this will never be one of most agents' faults. Viewing the world with this sort of cynicism will get us nowhere and never help our industry heal the rift between us and consumers. And yes, there is a rift, no doubt. Many people don't see one, but enough do that it creates a perpetuation of this phrase. Buyers and sellers wind up being cautious around us before they fully trust us and that breeds an environment where this phrase can build up steam and be used to explain why the buyer didn't want to tell you that they've been working with six other agents (or whatever the "lie" (and I use that word for reference only) d'jour is).

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I have a whole new take on "Buyers are Liars" in that I don't think they KNOW what they want and lie to themselves. Case in point; the last house we bought. It HAD to be in West Omaha and HAD to have a walk-out. But then we saw a great home with Bird's Eye View on a park in Northwest Omaha without a walk-out. "Liars" is a bit strong, but we were lying to ourselves, and shared our strict parameters with our Agent so I can see how it could be construed that way and we're guilty!

But the part that's missing to alleviate this dilemma is shopping WITH your buyers online with something like 4114Homes.com. (See the demo) As an Agent-4-Me, you have the ability to view your clients' favorites and saved search criteria. If they start looking elsewhere, your're right there with them.

Wow-- maybe down here in the South we aren't as hard on people, but the CONTEXT that I have heard this statement made is a pretty docile one. It just means that buyers make THINK they want one kind of property or house style while in the end they may end up buying something completely different. Not really a harsh criticism-- and really not directed at the buyers so much as directed to the AGENT to not get so totally locked into a certain type of property for them. I have never taken it to mean that "buyers" as a group are UNTRUSTWORTHY.

That would make no sense.

I'm not really sure I like the whole "they just don't know what they want" side of the explanation either. Not that it's not true at times, just that it makes us seem like snobs walking around with our noses in the air looking down on the petty little people who don't know what they want. Ugh. This is a huge decision in someone's life and there is bound to be a bit of time spent searching for what they want. And yes, maybe they wanted the single story and insisted they didn't want a two story - but somehow they bought a two story. They weren't lying and it wasn't a case of they didn't know. It was a case of they decided differently in the end. Ever go to get ice cream with a real hankering for chocolate and wind up with peanut butter fudge ripple as you were walking out? I have.

Let's stop trying to name what it is they're doing and just help them find the home they love. Does it take some extra work with some clients? Yes. Can you wonder what they're really thinking sometimes as they go against everything they told you previously? Yes. Is it possible for them to have different opinions on different houses for different reasons? Yes. Ever change your mind about something in your life? My bet is...you guessed it. Yes. Just work with the client and give them your best. Help them see what they're envisioning, but don't be shocked if they stray from that (ever bought a home and saw a feature that you became affixed on and became a must have?). Sometimes giving them your best might be throwing out everything you've worked on so far and starting from scratch.

For Matt Stigliano

Hey Matt, your post #185 is continuing to miss the point.

Have you ever predicted the outcome of something and then when it didn't come true you said: "Boy, that sure made a liar out of me!" Does that mean you are seriously declaring yourself untrustworthy?? No, it just means that your prediction didn't come true.

Do you take everything to be literal??

I don't even use that phrase because I think it's stupid. But in the context that I have heard it I didn't take it as literal, either. What we can agree on is that the phrase just needs to disappear.

Kevin,

Nice post. Similar topic on another post I commented on today. We need to be in tuned with what the buyer is really saying. Do we understand their needs? How do we view the buyer? As a paycheck? Or someone who has a need that with our expertise we can fulfill? Stereotypes exist as long as you let them. How do your clients and potential customers perceive you? Our reputation is everything in this business. Use that to your advantage. It may mean not taking a listing because the price is not right for the market despite your best efforts to inform the seller. Do right by your customers and the rest will take care of itself.

SEP

Yes buyers may not all be liars but lets be real about this. As a buyers agent we work very hard to provide them with the service they need and in this market we are....a little tense because time is money. I think that buyers sense that and when they ask to see the 50th home you cant help but think....are they serious or am I a tour guide. I think they can sense this in your manner. Ultimately you are at their mercy aren't you?

In my case I try to overcome my own objections and find a way to have the most meaningful exchange with my clients. I offer as much informationas possible and try to guide them. My goal is to have them trust me. If I think this is not working for me or them I refer them to another agent in my office. Maybe we are just not the right fit. it's important as Realtors that we decide how much time they want to invest in a buyer. Never get to the point that you think ugh! That information about you will spread like wild fire in you territory. If you feel it is a waste of time with them and they are not serious take the high road and refer them elsewhere. They remember you well if done correctly.

Buyer are not liars... Sellers are not yellers.

In both cases, a complete needs analysis needs to be done. Complete a criteria sheet and why they need it. Prioritize the list. Have a complete "roles and expectations" conversation (my role, your role plus loyalty). Get them financially approved with underwriting and show homes. Always do this in that order and most of the time you will get paid and have a happy client.

Agents who say the bad stuff about their clients may be honest but lack training and duplicatable processes and systems that guarantee results.

I hope this helps.

The first time I heard that saying, I was in a GRI class. The instructor said, "Buyers are..." and the rest of the class yelled out "Liars!" I was floored.

I don't subscribe to negative generalities about prospective clients. Everyone has their own reality, and while some people may not know what they want until I get the opportunity to reveal it to them, some people want what they can't have but just don't realize it yet.

Expect good things.

I think the counter part to buyers liers is selllers are yelllers. This can also be true.

SEP

Kevin,

I have been in the business less than a year and have heard the same expression. I agree with one of the agent's comments here - buyers have so many choices - both inventory and representation. So they are not liars per se; it's a lot of information (especially for first time buyers) for them to digest. WE know the business, they do not...something to keep in mind. :)

K. Kenefick

Buyers are not Liars if you ask the right questions!

SEP

The phrase "buyers are liars" is a rather disparaging way to say that "they tell you one thing, and forget to tell you another." Example: Mrs. A explains she wants to downsize to a home with less taxes and smaller spaces. When we view some properties, I discover that a Master Bath is essential. What's more, at the end of our first day, she discovers she really doesn't want less space, so much as she wants one floor living, which she thought would mean less space.

So, after previewing 3 or 4 capes, one or 2 small colonials, and 2 ranches, I learned more about what she really wanted. More important, SHE learned more about what she really wanted. Did we waste our time that day? NO ... because even had I quizzed her, she couldn't give me definitive and accurate answers because she had to "see for herself." Does that make her a "liar" or a "deceiver"? Absolutely NOT.

Another example: A buher told me he had $70,000 to put down on a house. Turns out, his line of credit had been reduced and he didn't realize it. So, he had only $35,000 to put down -- again, NOT a lie.

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