FEAR
Fear. We've all felt its icy hand--whether it's a sudden grab, or a subtle, lingering presence. No matter how it functions in your life, no doubt you're happiest and most fulfilled when it's not at the wheel, steering.
My favorite definition of fearlessness is this: the ability to remain soft and open, even under very difficult circumstances. Most often, fear causes us to shut down to our own and others' humanity. We just want to get away, but the quickest way out is to stay. If you can slow down a bit, you can see that fear rises, abides, and dissolves on its own. Allowing this process is the mark of the spiritual warrior. The coward turns attention toward fighting fear; the warrior accommodates it.
1. Try this: The next time you notice fear rising, whether it appears as anxiety, melancholy, or anger, stop, grab a piece of paper, and write one short sentence that describes your fear. Start with the words "I'm afraid...," then scribble the first thoughts that come to mind, without regard for grammar or rationale.
It could be something such as, "I'm afraid to check my e-mail because I've already got too much to do" or "I'm afraid about an upcoming conversation with my boyfriend" or "I'm afraid I have cancer." Slowly read your words over three times. Take a full inhalation and exhalation after each reading. Avoid any attempt at amping up or toning down your agitation.
Fear can cause you to ignore your authentic desires and put your life on hold. We want to avoid, retreat, and think what we want isn't possible or realistic. This doesn't hurt only you! Those who love you are also deprived. I know people often suggest putting yourself first, but just as often I find the opposite true. When I stop and remember who is in my life, why I love them, what they need, and how happy they would be made by my happiness, I find tremendous courage to face my fears. I'm doing it for us! My actions are rooted in love, not aggression--and loving others is a secret power source of fearlessness.
2. Try this: Ask yourself: "If I were to get past my worst fears, who else would be made happy?" If you can't think of one person who would delight in your delight, imagine the person you most admire sitting across from you. This person can be real or fictional, but when you think of them, you feel a great sense of encouragement. Write down each person's name and explain why he or she would feel happy if you conquered your fear.
The opposite of fear is not dauntlessness, it's relaxation. The ability to remain open and mindful under all circumstances, no matter how uncomfortable, is a sign of amazing courage. When we're not able to maintain mindfulness, we lose track of what's actually going on around us. We confuse what we think is happening with what is happening. When attention is absorbed in fear, we're distracted from what is actually going on. Like remaining in the still eye of a tornado-as opposed to being swept away by it-fearlessness requires full, moment-to-moment attention and receptivity, two qualities rooted in relaxation.
3. Try this: The next time you notice fear rising, stop what you're doing. Draw attention inward. Where is the fear manifesting in your body? Fear can show itself in a tense jaw, clenched belly, shallow breathing, and so on. When you locate fear's position, simply relax that area. Let your jaw or stomach go or take a few deep breaths. This is meant to be a physical relaxation, not an emotional one. You don't always have to calm your mind to calm your body. It can work the other way around.
They say you have nothing to fear except fear itself. Also, fear knocks and faith answers. Go forth with faith and courage and you will live a much happier and healthier life.
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