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The “Fear” of the Sphere

One of the first things anyone who gets into real estate learns is to leverage their sphere of influence. It feeds any successful real estate practice. Every professional speaker, book on tape, and webinar echo the same common theme: people want to do business with those they know, like and trust. They all say this because it’s the truth. Simple logic really – making the single largest financial commitment of one’s life should involve a professional with the above mentioned qualities.

Why then am I still reluctant to embrace my sphere of influence? I’ve talked myself out of it time after time. I don’t want to be “that guy” or “they’ll see right through me.” Etc, etc, etc. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve done a good amount of business with friends. But the reality… it is not nearly as much as I’d like. But I know what’s really happening here. It’s “fear” of the sphere.

What is most surprising is this fear is not based in rejection or what my peers may think of me. The reality: I have not worked hard enough to overcome my reluctance in approaching them. Rather, I have made the decision for these individuals. I’ve internalized this fear without giving them the opportunity to make their own conclusion. And that is wrong.

The lesson I am learning is that it’s not about me. The only reason we do what we do is to help improve the lives of others. I want to help my friends, family, and neighbors make the best decisions when it comes to their real estate needs (who wouldn’t!?!). It’s my obligation. Change is in the air… and I am excited!

As always, you thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated!

---

Sheffield Properties

Will Goodson, Realtor

(512) 567-1603

Will@SheffieldProperties.biz

***We at Sheffield Properties work diligently to serve buyers and sellers in the Greater Austin area. If you are exploring the idea of searching for a new home and would like answers to your questions, please feel free to contact me!***

***You may also search homes in the Greater Austin area right here! I hope to have the opportunity to help you in the near future!***

Posted by Will Goodson on 09/17/2009 04:23 PM

Comments (72)

Sphere of Influence in the ActiveRain Channel

sphere of influence, fear

Originally posted at: Local ATX Living!: The “Fear” of the Sphere

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This post has been included in Texas Real Estate News Travis County, TX Real Estate News Austin, TX Real Estate News

72 Comments on The “Fear” of the Sphere

SEP

2009

Hey Will. I am an accountability partner with a gal in my office who has sphere fear. After talking for some time about what her fear is, it came down to the fact that she felt the only recognized way to ask for business from her sphere was to ask for business.

I made the suggestion to her to all her sphere and have something of value to tell them rather than asking for business.

For instance, I told her to reach out to her younger sphere and ask them if they knew anyone who may be interested in earning 8k free money by being a first time homebuyer. Offer, ask, receive.

Thanks!

"The only reason we do what we do is to help improve the lives of others. I want to help my friends, family, and neighbors make the best decisions when it comes to their real estate needs (who wouldn’t!?!). It’s my obligation."

Make it your passion instead of obligation and change will definitely be in the air! Sounds like you have already got a good grip Will. :-)

So you tell people so you can help them. Sounds like a plan!

You are not alone- I too have a fear of the sphere as well and don't want to "annoy" my friends with talks of business.

The only way to get over the fear is to approach them. Your friends will appreciate it and I bet everyone will benefit from the experience.

I have an agent in my office that never solicits any listings from her sphere. It drives me crazy. She's lived in Mobile all her life. Lives in a nice neighborhood. Is a member of the country club and plays tennis. Has raised three children. She will not remind people that she sell real estate. For her I don't believe it's a fear thing. She just want do it.

Now, she does sell property to her children's friends because they know what she does and they call her. But I have simply given up trying to urge her to do more with her sphere.

Diane... It's great your helping your fellow real estate partners. Accountability is so important. Changing your mentality to deliver value is a great way to think. I appreciate your input!

Brad... thanks for the thought! You're dead on.

Christine... I think there are lot of us out there who think that way. It was part of the reason I wrote it (surely i wasnt just crazy!). I'm making the commitment and I hope you will too!

Jon... You are right. The only way to make it happen is to do it. And I agree, everyone will benefit.

Julie... it sounds like your friend is set in her way. Not everyone can change there habits. I know what I need to do to improve. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always quick to act. But I know I am willing to improve. Like Brad said, if it's your passion... everything else will work itself out.

Will - I don't know if it is fear that you have. I heard all of this 'sphere' stuff too, when i first started doing real estate. Let me be quite honest with you. I DON'T WORK MY SPHERE. I don't want to. I want my friends to be my friends and my business clients to be my business clients. I don't feel comfortable soliciting my services to my friends.

I don't like "friends" who solicit to me. My friends know what I do. If they want to use me or know someone who does, great. THEY CAN CALL ME.

But I won't be 'that guy' who makes people cringe when they see him coming.

Trust your instincts. Do you really want to know the good/bad/ugly about your friends and their financial situations?

You are on a good path mentally. Now get out there and solicit the rest of the world! This will become your new sphere!

Emily... I completely understand your perspective. Many of my friends know I am in real estate. However, I never want them to think I am too busy to help them, or that I won't do a good job. I am confident in what I can do for them. And yes, I certainly do not want to be the guy that everyone runs when they see me coming. I really appreciate your input!

Emily, I couldn't have said it better myself! My friends and family know what I do and I have helped many of them buy and sell their homes. The only difference is, they approached me when they were ready rather than feeling as if they were obligated to do so. I think they appreciate the fact that I am not trying to solicit them and know they are open to use any one they want without a negative reaction from me.

Will - Don't push it. When they know what you do and how good you are, they come to you. (Anyway, that's what I do:) Now, if we are talking a group you are a "member" of, not just friend circle, take an ad out in their newsletter, at the gym, etc. BUT, they'll still come to you- reputation precedes all.

Will-- I am with you on this one. There is no way in hell I want to be "that guy"--- the one that people cringe when thinking about-- and try to avoid at family gatherings, etc. There is just no way.

There is enough sphere from PAST CLIENTS and THEIR friends and family, etc. With them, it is just continuing a professional relationship, which is fine.

I absolutely, positively will NOT ever bring up real estate with friends and family. If they bring it up (and it is so often the case that they do)-- then fine. I will be more than happy to talk about it. But I never initiate such a conversation.

Besides, my sphere knows what I do-- both past clients and friends and family do get a monthly card from me-- I have a 'fun' post card campaign that runs on auto pilot that gets out each month like clockwork. So everyone knows what I do without me having to bring it up. I don't want to have to catch people trying to avoid making eye contact with me! Yikes!

Will, view yourself as a full time resource to help them not that you are a salesperson to them.

Wendy... thanks for your input. You're right - all things come in time (as long as we're diligent.

"That Guy"... ha, I appreciate you chiming in. Sounds like you've got a good approach. I certainly do not plan to bombard my sphere and be "that guy". Finding a good balance is the key... keep up the good work.

Gary... that is a great way to look at things - a full time resourse. I will keep that in the back of my mind. Also, I really enjoyed your feature from yesterday! Congrats!

I do it low key. Send a newsy newsletter with jokes and good information about everything. I don't call to ask.

I think it is however one wants to work it. I have the locals I want. They often become friends. Their friends do as well. And so on and so on.

BUT I have some friends/sphere members I would never in a million years fail to refer out. Probably because I know them--and myself. Not everyone is for everyone.

I would still talk to them about real estate generically (not imply agency) but not contract with them. :)

The point--and you made it well--is not to fear not being good enough.

Hi Will,

You are so right about the value of an great SOI. I've said this before it's been the life-blood of my long term business. For me, it's a matter of what I can to for them, as opposed to asking them for something.

Bottom line, I can't ever do too much for these folks.

If you don't bring it up to your friends and family, who will be the ones helping them? Will they be working in the best interests of your friends and family, or would you do better? If the answer is it would be better for them if you helped them, perhaps this will help move you forward.

I love it I am more encouraged to get out there and do it.

I believe in being BOLD! They already LOVE YOU, MAN!!!! Just be in contact regularly, frequently and POSITIVELY!

SEP

2009

I've had friends use other agents first, because they were afraid of hurting our friendship. Then things went south with those agents, and they called me. They experienced both ends of the service spectrum, and learned that nobody cares about a friend than another friend.

I can't see my clients or friends as my SOI. I don't like to think that I "influence" people at all. I do offer services, and I'm a good agent. I don't like to see people I know as walking $ for me to exploit. But that's just me . . .

Hi Will,

I kind of see it like this. I am a Spanish teacher as well as a Realtor. I talk school to my friends often, and if one of them has an educational issue that comes up with one of their children, they call me. They know that I can be a resource. I don't just call and randomly tell them about the latest education legislation, however. I think real estate is the same way. My friends call me when they have a question, or are ready to look at finally buying their first home, but I don't call and solicit their business. It comes as the universe wills, just as it should.

~Jessica

I do believe that working by referrals is the way to go, and I have built my sphere by not just friends and family, but also my past clients. I do send monthly postcards to all in the mail, so they all know what I do, and have a friendly non-obtrusive little reminder in the mail once a month. For my past clients, or others that are on my sphere that are not family, I tend to email and call them on a regular basis just to keep checking on them to see how they are doing. Although they may not have started off as my friends, I try to maintain a friendly relationship because I also don't want to be the Realtor that forgets about them after the settlement. It seems to be a good balance for me and them.

The bulk of our business comes from referral and word of mouth. It all leads back somehow to our sphere. Find little ways to keep reminding people what you do and what a good service you provide and before you know it they will be doing the same to people they know and so on.

Another thing.. have you considered a facebook page? This is an easy way to keep in touch with your sphere.

Good luck,

Rachael Polakovic

If you accept that a generous portion of your job is to help people and provide information, you are no longer "selling" anything. Become a resource for info and and a sounding board for questions and provide good, knowledgible answers. It wont be long before your sphere will seek you out rather than you having to do the same.

I'm with Emily and the school of though that freinds know what I do and I don't want to be "that guy". If they bring up real estate I will talk real estate if not I won't. With my friends we have plenty of other stuff to talk about.

Great topic. Oh to have a sphere! I came here from the Uk and started real estate cold, knew absolutely no-one. So now I have clients I have to milk them for all they are worth. My friends at the time were 4000 miles away! Now I have friends I don't milk them but let them come to me if they want, they know what I do and where I am.

My life is bifurcated, personal and professional.

I never mix the two.

I practice PULL advertising on the Internet and folks who come to me are ready to buy a home.

My friends and family and I can enjoy each other's company without my pushing my services on them.

No, I do not work a sphere. Unless it's past clients and I don't even "work" that sphere. They all know how to find me if they need me, and they do.

Hi Will, I enjoyed your post and so too the comments. Many simply want to avoid that look when approaching a victim friend and wonder if you are going to pressure them ! Find your own style and always try to offer something of value.

Keep top of mind by using different methods. Many think that doing business with your sphere means you have to call them all the time and "remind" them you are in business.

Russ... thanks for the tip. I like that approach.

Candice... I agree, everyone has their own way of working their sphere. It's good to know where the line is so you don't cross it.

James... thanks - me too!

Pat... that's what I am talking about! I like your outlook!

Barb... you make a great point. Some people I know may feel the same as your friends did. I'm glad to hear it worked out well for you.

Carla... that's an honest answer. I think most of us feel that way. I think viewing it in terms of how you can help, then you won't have the dollar signs in your eyes. Thanks for your comment!

Jessica... muy bien! Ha, it sounds like you have a great system that works. Congrats and thanks for your input!

Renee... thanks for your advice. I agree, referrals (esp. from past clients) is the bread and butter of a long-term, successful practice.

Rachael... those are good points. I do use Facebook, but actually try to keep it more personal than professional. However, I do use it to keep up with fiends - it's the best way possible.

Clint... you've got the right idea. Much of what we do and how we do it comes from mindset! I'm working on consistency... but working I am! Thanks!

Corinne... I commend you. That must have been tough starting out. It sounds like things have come together for you. Congrats and best of luck in the future!

Lenn... you make a great point. One of the most important things (I think) is maintaining a distinct work-life balance. It is easy for small business owners like us to sacrafice our personal lives for our profession. A lot can be learned from your words. Thanks!

Bill... thanks for the post. I'm working on my style. Sometimes I realize "referral" moments pass me by after the fact. I'm working on it! Ha, thanks again!

Nice discussion

Will, I understand where you're at. Years ago, I didn't want to "annoy" my friends or make them run when they saw me. What I've found over the years is that people really want to talk about real estate. Especially in this market. Many times friends will introduce me as "a REALTOR from Tahoe" and their friends can't wait to find out what's going on in a resort market. I'm low key about it, but I don't fear them knowing it!

Hmmm....interest topic today.

Patricia Aulson/portsmouth nh homes

Tina... thanks, I'm glad you've enjoyed it.

Tamara... it's nice to hear others who've felt the same way. I'm it has worked out for you. Thanks for your comments!

I think is knowing how much you want to approach your friends or you will be that guy I have done biz with friends but I do not pursue them the way I did to a prospect friends and family I let the know and leave it there prospects I continually remind them

Hi Will,

Do the people in your SOI have businesses of their own. I've found that a good way to get business from my SOI is to mix them up. I send "Homemade" newsletters, both by mail and by email, where I recommend others in my sphere of influence, for example, one month I might tell them the name of a plumber or painter from my SOI that does an excellent job at reasonable rates. In the next letter I might mention a landscaper, a veterinarian or an electrician.

I find that people save my newsletters and even call me for recommendations, and when they do, they'll invariably ask me about the real estate market, which of course, is a wonderful opportunity to chat with them about it on their dime.

there is a fine line between keeping in touch with your sphere and being an annoyance. the best way i find is to just spend time with people and let them know you care.

Hi Will,

I too have felt the way you do and I have found a great resource that is helping me do it in a way that fits my style and comfort zone. It is the program called "Sell with Soul" by Jennifer Allen. She is also an Active Rain member so I encourage you to look her up. I have a huge sphere because my husband was a city councilman and Mayor of the town where I live and work. I have chosen the path that Jennifer lays out and it is working. Basically she says to never overtly ask for business from your SOI. Rather, just put it out there that you are a reasonably competent human being and that you love your job. Give it a try!

best,

Sue Eller

Dilbeck Real Estate

www.ellertheseller.com

Will, great post!

Friends in a Realtor's SOI, unless close, may forget that we are Realtors. This is why I believe it's important to communicate with my SOI. All said, the low key approach works for me. I send my SOI (most of the people in it anyway) real estate information, market updates, etc. I don't drown them with information . . . an email once every 4 - 6 weeks has yet to result in a request to be taken off my distribution list. I don't outright solicit their business; I just get my name in front of them hoping they will think of me when they or someone else they know needs a Realtor. I agree that there are certain instances where friends and business simply do not mix . . . but I would love to work with those friends' friends!

Hope Austin real estate is treating you kindly.

Kris Hoch, Realty Associates, 832.928.5070; www.krishoch.com

I think two thinks happen is the Sphere:

Sometimes are Sphere is embarrassed to share all of their circumstances with us.
I do not always push my sphere as I do not want to be seen as the guy who is constantly trying to sell. You know the type. My life is more than Real Estate and my friends are more than the next transaction. However, the longer I am in Real Estate the more comfortable I am discussing Real Estate without being pushy; it just flows.

Will, nice that you put your feelings out there. It may help others. Great post.

I stubbornly avoided working my sphere when I first started. I felt like I wanted to make it on my own merit without relieing on friends and family. Also felt my broker at the time was just using me to list and sell a few homes before I failed. (I still think this is a primary factor in some business models - kinda makes you feel used.)

Now I loosely keep in contact with past clients, and it's great when they referr someone to me. I target most of my marketing, however, to new contacts and clients.

I still share a lot of your feelings about sphere marketing. One thing that has worked for me is to seperate the "sphere" thought a little. I simply avoid taking on family members and close friends as clients if possible. (Learned that the hard way.) I'd rather give them free advise and support (which is what friends are for, I think) and avoid the possibility of losing them over a few bucks when they can't be satisfied for whatever reason.

You sound like you have a good handle on it, and I wanted you to know that many of us have struggled a little with it, too, but it always works out when you keep the client first.

Will, I don't think doing sphere works for me, I let people know I am a Realtor, I wear my badge, but I don't "sell" myself, I let my service, word of mouth to sell it for me, and they will come to me. In my 2 years of career, I slowly build up my sphere from doing Open House, client's referral, sometimes from a friend's referral. I help answering some questions to my friends sometimes, in an easy, comfortable manner, I don't like being aggressive. I want them to trust me and come to me when they think of real estate, instead of screaming "USE ME AS YOUR AGENT" in front of their face.

Will, I have always gone back and forth with this. After reading some of the ideas here I think I will just send them something of value once a month and leave it at that. I never speak about real estate unless they bring it up. When they do it just confirms to me that they remember what I do.

Will, I have always gone back and forth with this. After reading some of the ideas here I think I will just send them something of value once a month and leave it at that. I never speak about real estate unless they bring it up. When they do, it just confirms to me that they remember what I do.

My sphere of influence comes directly from the church I attend. I am glad to talk to anyone who has questions about real estate. My secondary sphere of influence is at the grocery store or out shopping.,..I get to know the cashiers..... and the store clerks... they are a great source of leads...

=-)

I completely understand not wanting to be seen as "that guy" who works his friends. That same fear has held me back too often. We all know what it's like to have a "friend" call and see how you're doing and then realize that he's working you to sell you insurance, a pyramid scheme, etc. One approach that I've heard is to be completely upfront and say "Hey Bob. This is a business call... do you have a quick moment for me? Have you heard of anyone in your (family, neighborhood, office, etc.) that may need my services at this time?" By stating on the frontend the reason for your call, your friends won't feel like they are being manipulated. All the cards are on the table, with no pretense. And if they are your friends, they LIKE to hear from you and they LIKE HELPING you!

I agree with Emily and Debbie. Every one in my spehere knows I'm in RE and I always send valuable information to them. I also know at least 80 % of my sphere will not list with me or buy with me , as they "FEAR" that I might know their financial obligations . I think no agent has "FEAR" in my opinion, for doing businessw ith spehere, but spehere has that fear to do business with you .

Interesting discussion. good post as well.

I think it is important to work you past clients, but you have to believe in yourself that you are providing help and solid advise. As to friends, that is a totally different animal. My friends know what I do and sometimes I talk real etate with them. But, I do not ask them if they know anyone that needs help because hopefully they already cre about me to want me to be successfull.

There's an easy way to let your sphere know that you are there for them as a realtor without having to directly discuss real estate with them. If they know you are in the business, and you keep a constant internet presence, they'll think of you, some sooner, some later.

I have too many spheres to really work for fear to be an issue. What has happened is that in my work sphere, my colleagues are generally older and already have established connections with various real estate agents though their outside activities or spouses, but they do come to me with questions. My family/church sphere isn't as complicated. if they come to me, fine; if they don't, that's fine...even though I would want to know why not, and always leave the door open that if things don't work out with their first choice, then I have no compunctions about taking their business the second time around.

I only can speak from my experience. I have a passion for Real Estate. I go to open houses not only as a "lookie loo" but to network with the realtors. All of my friends know what I do because of my passion for it. I try not to talk RE too much but as soonas that door opens I put my foot down and stop it from being closed. That's just me. Don't fear. If your pushy your friends will tell you. :-) Just keep on keepin on. Pretty soon you will realize that even if friends don't give you their business, they will still crave your advice. In that you are helping them.

Get to know your local Mortgage Pro's, Appraisers, Home inspectors, WDO Insprectors.....build a friendly professional relationship with them and the business will follow. Most people will refer business to someone they know, like and Trust. You have to meet people get to know them prove yourself likeable and gain their trust. Lunches are a great way to do this. My best connections were made over a game of pool and a beer after hours.

Excellent Post. All The Best to You and Everyone You Know.

We have had a market that had so many new buyers and sellers that many forgot that they are not an endless stream especially in this meltdown we have had. As my dear old departed Dad used to say, You dance with the one that brung ya.

Give them useful information, let them know you're around and they will come to you. Some do it that way, some are more outright and just ask. You have to do what feels best. There isn't one way to be successful in this business.

Your SOI is not meant to frighten you. It's your BEST GROUP to get referrals from! They are friends, relatives, people you already know. This is not cold calling.

Just be yourself!

If Real estate is really your passion as it is mine,you will quickly become the expert among your friends. Just share your life and include Real Estate Stories...They will flock to oyu for advice and bring theor friends along to coffee to hear the latest RE opportunities.

You'll be fine!

Will - Great take on the sphere... I don't think many people are able to look as deep as you did to find the answer. They just keep avoiding the problem...

I need to work my sphere. I really haven't so far. The reason is that I don't want to be that guy who is always trying to sell his friends.

SEP

2009

Will, if you make business a natural part of your life, then MOST of your SOI will have no problem buying from you. Others who have bought from you will attest to your service and skills. The rest is just paperwork.

You're right - our sphere of influence is very important in real estate. Most of our business comes from referrals and from people we know. Yet it can be easy to overlook these people and lose touch, thanks for the reminder.

I really appreciate the great comments and feedback from everyone. I love that this business gives each professional the opportunity to work their own model. Some here use there SOI as a vital source of their business. Others prefer to keep family, friends etc separate from their work life. There is a lot to learn from your input. It will be a great resource in the future. Thanks again!

I think if you touch base once a month with your sphere, with good informational pieces, is a great way to stay in touch with your sphere, meet up once in ahwile and take them to lunch.

SEP

2009

Personally, I think that the comments about being "that guy" or "that gal" are kind of silly. Why would your friends and family be afraid of seeing you? Because you might ask them if they are thinking of buying or selling or if they know anyone who is? That takes all of 5 seconds. If they say "no" the topic is exhausted. "How's work?" is a normal question people ask each other. I would be insulted if my friends and family didn't ask me if I could help them; I would want to know what they're doing and if I could help. I can understand if agents would prefer to keep clients/customers separate from their SOI, but I wouldn't and haven't turned down a friend or family member. I love those who say "people know where to find me"; I wish I could just sit around and wait for the phone to ring. Where does that happen?

I'm fortunate that my company does a monthly mailing to my sphere of about 250 for free and hte mailings are always quality pieces. I am thinking of supplementing this with a monthly newsletter mailing to my top 100 as well. I've specifically looked at the Clients for Life newletters. The content is not all real estate related but there is always some real estate info in there. The concept seems to make sense. Anyone had any good or bad experiences using them?

SEP

2009

Will, great post! I think you've been reading my mind! I feel the same way, and you're totally right, I'm making a decisions for them. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

SEP

2009

Will: Gary Wortal gives great advice here. I'm sure your a great fun loving guy who does the absolute best for his clients. Do your friends know this? Do they think this? You also have to be sure that they remember you. Will = real estate = buy home = sell home. Will's da man!

Why aren't you smiling in your pic?

SEP

2009

Tatyana... I think that is a good, no-pressure approach. Thanks for your comments.

Diane... you make some good points. I'm working on constantly (and very subtly) reminding people I am hear to help. And I agreee... I don't want to wait for "them to find me".

Kristen... I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's something that was rolling around in my head, so wanted to put it down. There are a lot of people who feel the same way. I think getting your message to you SOI takes time and patience. Over the long run, it will be very fruitful (if done with the right touch). Best of luck!

Lyn... I like your energetic post! I am all those things and will continue to remind my past clients and friends. I DO need one of me smiling... stay tuned!

OCT

2009

I agree with you. You have a great posts. no wonder you're rained with lots of coments.

Jonelle... thanks for your comments! I'm glad you agreed!

NOV

2009

I've found that the best thing I can do with my family and friends is simply to stay in contact with them and make sure they know that I'm always available to help them.

Best wishes!

SEP

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Will Goodson

Austin, TX

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Sheffield Properties/Private Label Realty

Address: 11808 Barrington Way, Austin, TX, 78759

Office Phone: (512) 524-8880

Cell Phone: (512) 567-1603

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