"As Realtors, Self-esteem is as important to our well-being as legs are to a table."

Real Estate Agent with McKenna Real Estate Group

I recently read an article titled “Your Constant Companion” By Dr. Srikumar Rao, and I couldn’t but help relating this article to comments made by Lisa Burridge (ranked #47 agent in the world) on a recent recording she did on her success in using call capture in her real estate business. And we I put it all together, I feel that this is so relevant to all us Realtors. Let me know if you agree.

Dr. Rao states: You have a companion. One that never, ever leaves you. It sticks with you, staying even closer than your shadow. It is like a leech sucking your blood, and you cannot shake it loose.

This constant companion is your mental chatter.

Another name for it is your internal monologue. It begins the moment you open your eyes in the morning and carries on until you close your eyes at night. More often than you'd like, this chatter prevents you from drifting off to sleep. And when you finally do doze off, it may well make that rest fitful.

Some companion.

Think about what happens when you wake up. Does your mental chatter go something like this?...

"Drat! There's that alarm again. I don't want to get up. It's going to be another horrible day."

And does it continue throughout the day?...

"No toothpaste. I told him to get a new tube before he used this one up. If he cared for me, he would have done it."...

"Now I have to go to the stupid Open House that I promised those sellers I would do for them. I know no-one’s going to show up. What a waste of my Sunday! I told my broker I shouldn’t have listed this property. Not that the broker will actually listen to me. He will listen to Todd. Todd's so smooth -- he's going to be the next top producer for sure. Not me. I can't do anything right around here."...

"Lunchtime! Let's get the hell out of here. Forget inviting Lorna, she's been ignoring my e-mails all day. She probably doesn't like me."...

When you look at your mental chatter, you will notice that it is an unending stream of noise. But you will also discover that much of it is putting you down, either directly or, more subtly, by having you compare yourself unfavorably to others. And it is exhausting you by telling you all the things you have to do that you probably will not be able to.

Over time, those negative judgments start to accumulate. Eventually, they form a huge barrier squarely in front of you on the path to your ideal life.

It is like a coral reef, a strong structure capable of ripping the bottom off the stoutest ship ever made. Yet that structure is made up of the skeletons of tiny coral polyps. Each individual polyp is insignificant -- and when it dies, its death is of little consequence. But when hundreds of thousands of them die, they bond into that awesome reef.

Your mental chatter works like that. Each individual negative thought is of no particular significance. But it leaves a tiny mark -- and those tiny marks accumulate. You have been enduring a constant stream of mental chatter for decades. And you've been building a "reef."

That reef has imprisoned you -- and you never even realized you were building it. Even if, at times, you were dimly aware of your tendency toward negativity, you probably dismissed your thoughts as unimportant or as well-deserved criticism. And you were partially correct. Each individual coral polyp is unimportant. Each individual negative thought is inconsequential. But when taken together, they form a massive, nocuous structure.

That's where you live now -- in this "reality" you've created.

The good news is that once you become aware of what you have unconsciously allowed to happen, you can fix it! (And that’s exactly what I got from listening to Lisa Burridge – the #47 Agent in the World).

In this case, you are both doctor and patient, so first you have to know how bad the "disease" is before you can treat it. Here's how Dr. Rao advices to do the diagnosis:

For the next two weeks, carry a journal or notebook with you. Record your mental chatter -- positive and negative -- throughout the day. Be as specific as possible. In particular, note the number of times you beat up on yourself and compare yourself unfavorably to others. You might find that those negative thoughts fall into categories, such as "Criticism of Others," "Running Myself Down," and "Feeling Inadequate."

As you record your mental chatter, pay close attention to how your emotional state is tied to it. You might feel sad, overwhelmed, fearful, or dissatisfied. But you might also feel confident, peaceful, or grateful.

Do those feelings change often -- or is one dominant? Are they generally positive... or negative? How does your emotional state affect your behavior?

Jot it down.

If you tend to criticize yourself or blame others for your mistakes or frustrations, jot that down too.

Don't berate yourself when you notice negative thinking. You are just recording it. And remember, you are also recording positive chatter and the emotions connected to it.

Eventually, you will get to the point where you are constantly aware of your mental chatter. And you will find that this awareness changes it -- making it less able to take your thinking down a destructive path.

This gives you much needed control. You get to decide for yourself whether you are going to build your reality on the foundation of a negative judgment... or not.

You cannot eliminate your mental chatter but you CAN shape it and channel it. You can make it your friend instead of your enemy. And when you do this, your life takes off in more ways than you can imagine.

If you listen to the Lisa Burridge interview, Lisa states that each day her and her team will work at eliminating the negative and focusing on positive thinking. They don’t let the negative media affect how they think or work. Most agents today will quickly state that the market’s bad. But for who?? Our one-on-one clients at Real Estate Champions (I am also a coach with Dirk Zeller) are having their best year ever! I spoke to one broker who went through our “Jumpstart Your Production” program (it’s an 8 week training & coaching series), and he is set to have his best year, having been in real estate for 14 years!

Lisa Burridge’s market is only 50,000 and she is set to do over 500 units this year!

I have to agree with Lisa in that when you start saying positive affirmations each day, they will quickly work to block out all the negative forces that are going on in your head and preventing you from being motivated each day, from doing prospecting each day, from doing lead follow-up each day and all those other all-so-important daily tasks that top producers and champion agents do – no matter what.

Just try it and see!


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