"If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." This could also be titled "The Therapeutic Effects of Active Rain."

I'm sure you have heard it - so have I. A few of you (notice I did not say us) can actually even practice it. My sister, Dr. Carla Northcutt - she can do it and does. Most of us cannot respond with kindness to every single jab no matter how seemingly innocent or accidental. In writing for emails or blogs an additional layer of "mis-communication" can present itself in the form of no audible or visual clues to the intent of the statement.

Offering a cure for the situation is rather one-sided. We cannot control what other people do or say or how they do it or say it. All we can do is control our side of the interaction. Guess what? We can diffuse a potentially nasty exchange with our responses so in a way we can control the progress of the exchange.

How many times on other blogs have you written or commented and someone absolutely ripped your head off (verbally of course)? I am very pleased that it does not happen here on Active Rain nearly as often as it does some other social sites. There are a couple, mentioned here on AR frequently, where I refuse to post or comment because of the senseless flaming. Flaming is a word for when that happens usually online.

The easiest way I have found to diffuse a heated exchange online is to hit that little "x" in the upper right hand corner of your browser. In other words put it to bed - sometimes permanently. The experience I offer is from someone who has a pretty powerful temper but with age has learned to somewhat curb it. I'm not proud of that fact but I am aware of it. All in all I am proud of my progress over the last few years.

Real estate agents, loan officers and buyers can often be under a lot of pressure. Usually even when there is tension it is short-lived and in the end everything works out. Even when we set expectations from the beginning on ourselves and others those expectations can be forgotten or trampled - by words.

I am writing this article for all of us: agents, lenders, buyers, and sellers. Let me implore you to consider all things before commenting on the phone or in email. Take a moment to take a breath. Sleep on it. Walk it off - whatever is appropriate and works. Why sometimes you may want to stop and write a blog post right here on Active Rain before you respond to that so-and-so. Kind of like I'm doing right now? Exactly.

Three Tips I Use For Myself (They lead to success)

1. Stop. Do not reply to that email that all but accuses you of being a slothful liar. Think about the situation from the other people's view. I know, I know - they "could" be wrong. If they are that means you are right so don't be a schmuck. (Preaching to the choir as you remember :)

2. Let someone with less personal involvement read your reply. Seriously email your reply to someone else before you email it or post it online. Don't send it to your friend who can also be a jerk, send it to someone you're reasonbly certain will find it offensive.

3. Drop it. Of course I don't mean ignore an important issue. If (for example) you are a loan officer and the seller's agent sends you an email asking for "some truthful answers" you may not even need to ever reply. You may simply need to come to Active Rain and preach to yourself in a blog while you are calming down.

We are, after all, all human. Some of us are less perfect in one way and the others are less perfect in some other way. Not one of us is perfect in every way. We all have "issues" especially those of us who think we don't - that simply means we have issues we have not yet recognized, admitted and dealt with. Not me baby! I am imperfect in so many ways I need help pointing it out!

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. -Jewish Proverb