Let's talk about something people don't like to discuss. Hey, it's my blog and it's on my mind. I'm writing it.
I've been married now for 16 years. I love my husband, and I KNOW I have a good one. How do I know? Well, because things weren't always this way.
I had a very brief first marriage. I hate to even count it, because I left at six months. I knew a few weeks into the marriage that I would. I don't know why I waited that long. I wanted to leave, I needed to leave, but I was afraid.
I was afraid of him, and the battle it would be to get away. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think. How do you tell your Grandma you're getting divorced?! No, I just couldn't. I kept putting it off. Things kept getting worse. I knew they would, it was no surprise.
Other people have had marriages much worse than that one was. I'm not claiming I lived through hell, but it was not pleasant.
When women are battered, people often wonder, why didn't she just leave? Well, I know why.
She feels like she can't. She is afraid what he will do to her if she tries to leave. She is afraid what people will think. She doesn't have enough money to survive on her own. She has heard how ugly and stupid and worthless she is so many times, she has finally started to believe it.
I was her. But I was lucky. I had good parents that were a loving example to me. I knew I deserved a better life than the one I was living. I knew it would just be a matter of time, and something would be bad enough to make me finally leave.
When the time came, sooner rather than later, it was like I woke up. I realized I was so much better without him. I didn't care if I was alone, or broke, or what people thought or how hard it was to get out. My life would be MINE again. I made the break.
My family welcomed me. My friends comforted me. Grandma understood. I started building my life again.
No, he didn't let me go easily, and no divorce is fun. I had to battle him and I had to battle the way I thought about myself. It is very hard to change your inner voice.
I am thankful we didn't have children. One of the reasons I had to leave was because I did want to have kids someday, and I couldn't let them have a dad like that.
I am happy, and thankful for the life I have. My life could have gone so many ways, and I'm thankful I followed my heart. Your heart will lead you well, if you listen to it.
If you are in a situation like this in West Virginia, I have a website for you. Please, before you click, understand that where you go online can be tracked in your computer. If you have to, for safety's sake, please use a computer at a library or other safe place. Visit this site, The West Virginia Coalition Against Domestic Violence. They can help you get away safely so you can begin your life again, too.
You are very worthy, you are smart and you are beautiful. You deserve a happy life.
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