........MEN SHOULD BITE THEIR TONGUE

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. 

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy ), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.' 

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.  The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

    He never heard the shot. 

Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.