Let me say first that I have to get personal with my clients.  Sometimes VERY personal.  If I don't know what their particular issues are, I am not going to be able to help them as best I can.  Most of my clients fully understand this and I am always careful to be two things:  HONEST (as I see things) and MINDFUL.  Sometimes achieving both is a difficult balance.

I am also a Sagittarius.  Which means in most cases we suffer from "Hoof and Mouth Disease" or always putting our foot in our mouths.  So I'm careful to try the best I can to work around that as well....it's a fineline.  About two months ago I did Feng Shui Consultation for a lovely couple in New York City, right in Midtown Manhattan.  And I ask questions:  The history of the home/apartment and if they knew why the former occupants left and, among other things, what they would best like to accomplish from a consultation.  And then I sit and LISTEN.  Not only to WHAT they are saying but the WAY THEY ARE SAYING IT.

Two things were on my client's mind.  Her relationship with her husband (who was present) and the fact that in the last two years, she had redone her bathroom three times, not being happy with the outcome.  I hadn't yet addressed the apartment but of course realized that is excessive energy in a space with almost constant renovations.  And I pictured it to be a complete disaster.

Starting the walk through of the apartment I realized this couple, in spite of their difficulties, really LOVEDeach-other.  But there have been so many years of arguing (or, in their words "nitpicking") that they were also resentful of each-other over things that neither of them could help.  In my eyes from what I saw and heard that day, I could almost see them as "The Perfect Couple."  A beautiful apartment, a lovely child and a new business venture which I believe to be successful.  They could be one of the ones that have it all....but one has to break that old pattern of resentment to start changing things around.

If you haven't guessed by now, the bathroom was located in their RELATIONSHIP area.  And had been renovated three times already.  Stirring up a lot of energy each time.  It certainly was far from a disaster...there were a few knicks and "pings" but it actually was lovely---and completely undecorated.  No pictures, nothing pretty or pleasant in there.  I pointed out the fact that it was in their relationship area and some things have to be worked around, overlooked, as it wasn't perfection but it had a few flaws.  We ALL have flaws.  And that it had been left unaddressed.  I left that day and knew they got the connection between their lives and their surroundings.

I got a follow up phone call about two weeks later and spoke to my client about breaking that wall that had been built up.  One of them had to do it and see things from another perspective.  And perhaps because I asked her to do it, she felt I was blaming her;  this is NOT the case.  But I wonder if in telling her again that she should be the one to do it, she took it as blame.  I have not heard from her since and she has not answered my email or my voicemail.  I wonder, if after all this time, if I should rethink HOW I do things.  How do you be honest with someone when honestly can be misconstrued, no matter how hard to try to give the information the best you can?  Should I become less personal?  Or should I just let this go?  I briefly thought of writing a short note but feel I am being invasive at this point.  So, let it go??  And get a better mouthwash and move on---or try one more time to contact her?

**I have received many updates lately and haven't had time to update them yet.  This just happened today and I was SO happy (and relieved) to get a call from this client.  She told me that she had just been very, very busy and apologized for not getting back to me.  She also told me that she took my suggestions, changed her space and her previous way of thinking and her relationship with her husband has never, EVER been better.  These are the calls that make my day!

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19 Comments on UPDATED: Suffering from Hoof and Mouth Disease? Feng Shui Perspectives and the Truth...

JUN
23
2007
421,777 Points 16 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Great title. What did you think about the 20/20 piece Friday night?  They specifically mentioned stagers. -Charles
7:59pm • #1
220,580 Points 2 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master
Carole- remind me never to have you stage my house.  YOU ARE WAY TOO GOOD!  I can't believe the complexities of Fung Shui- what a cool proposition to the Long Island contingent.
8:02pm • #2
107,586 Points 13 Featured Posts
To me, and don't get mad, feng shui and astrology are all gobbly-gook.  But I have Chinese clients right now that take feng shui very seriously.  Now, they know I don't know anything regarding that.  But they smile politely for me while I try to find them what they are looking for.  It's actually quite funny.  And I think they enjoy it working with the naive American, too.
8:59pm • #3
402,651 Points 29 Featured Posts Outside Blog

A beautiful post, Carole. I sense that you are troubled over their avoidance of your contacts.

We cross this line , the honesty line, many times in real estate as well. It is a hard call. It is not easy to be tactful and honest, it can be done, but it is not easy. What I have found is that people who are 'open to hearing', will hear you and be thankful.  Many people are not 'open to hearing' or are not yet ready. This is not our fault, nor theirs.  As long as we have done our jobs with being gently honest, but honest none the less, we are remaining true to ourselves and our professionalism.

I sense your client is not  there yet. Perhaps one day you will receive a surprising call. Until then I would let it be and focus on the people who are ready to hear and will take what you say to heart.

Jo 

----------------------------- 

Chris, I suppose you don't believe in Santa Claus either ? ((-:

Jo 
9:20pm • #4
JUN
24
2007

I'm a Feng Shui Consultant also, and I soooo understand your position.  Sometimes I believe potential clients assume we are going into their home to tell them where to place their furniture and what colors to paint - and that is all.  They may be ready to change their space - but still are not ready to make the emotional and energetic changes within themselves.  I agree with Jo, that if we have been gently honest, we have done our job to the best ability.  The client will shift when they are ready to, and what you have told them will help that shift.  Warmly, -Kerri

 
Kerri Miller
8:28am • #5
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Charles, I'm afraid I missed the show.  From what I've read on Activerain, I would have to say I would NEVER sell my home (or buy one, for that matter) without a Real Estate Agent....and I also read they had 24 stagers??  I can't believe I read that right!

Laurie, I'll be out there one day and drop in (don't pay any attention if I start moving things :)  Thank you for the comment!

Chris, I never get mad, there are many skeptics out there.  But I have to wonder why you're struggling to find the right property when possibly reading a book or two would tell you the principles your clients are looking for---with a lot less trouble.  And Feng Shui is definitely on the rise---soon it won't be only Chinese people that are looking for a home with "Good" Feng Shui.  And you never know, it just might help you :)  Thank you for your comment.

Jo, thank you, I am distressed over it.  Most of my clients keep up with me long after a consultation and I'm afraid she took the information the wrong way---but I'm not even sure if that is the case.  Perhaps she wasn't open to hearing it but that's a shame, I could see such potential in them as a couple and a family...and it's going to be lost if they continue in the direction they are going. 

Kerri, Welcome to the Rain, we could sure use another Feng Shui consultant on here!  It's difficult and as a Feng Shui consultant, I'm sure you know what I am talking about.....walking that fine line of being mindful while honest. And yes, you're absolutely right, they think it is about Furniture placement when it is SO much more!   Thank you for your comment.
11:00pm • #6
JUN
25
2007
16 Featured Posts

Carole,

Since I was with you for this consultation, I KNOW that you gave it your all!  I also sensed some major division between the couple which I 'felt' was perpetuated by the wife's issues.  I felt that she had some unresolved anger issues about working and being away from her child and blamed her husband for that.

Let's face it, if there is going to be complete 'healing', all areas of a person's life needs to be addressed!

VAL
4:45pm • #7
JUN
26
2007
2 Featured Posts

Carole,

You know already that I am one of your fans!  If you are ever in Utah, you are hired for the day!  When we moved into an older home four years ago, we decided to remodel in affordable stages.  It is truly amazing how it makes a person feel - and the relationship dynamics throughout the house as we do a little more each year. 

Last year, we repainted.  I had picked out some colors that were my personal favorites,turquoise was one of them and they just made me gag when I saw them on the wall - my painter had left me a sticky note saying "Make sure you like this color in all lights, will be back tomorrow, feel free to change it."  There's a hint!  My husband and I realized that the color clashed with all the beautiful mountain scenery outside the windows.  I began thinking of the walls as giant frames for the windows & pictures outside.  We ended up with a warm sunset color and an ivory with hints of yellow in it.  It ended up spectacular.  The house seems to say thank you to us everytime we walk in the door.  It "feels" good. 

Without knowing much about Feng Shui, I'd suggest that we accidentally get it right once in awhile. 

I continue to watch for your posts and love reading them!

Renee

 
11:31am • #8
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Renee, what a lovely comment, thank you so much!  Utah is actually on my list of places to visit, I have seen that drive that passes the Red Rocks and am enchanted with it! 

It seems funny to me that some people don't realize what a profound impact their surroundings have on them.  The "feelings" in a home can make or break a deal.  And instilling a 5,000 year old "Secret" isn't such a bad idea :)  I learned about paint years ago and I used to buy pints of paint to mix them until I got the "perfect" color ( I always think Benjamin Moore did the brightest thing in the world by inventing those tiny little bottles of paint!).  I paint a large section of a wall with three different colors at a time (a stick just doesn't work for me) and I do advise clients to check it three times a day....morning, afternoon and evening as the colors change dramatically.

I learned that years ago from choosing a color with a "slight" hint of peach that became ORANGE at night :(  The lessons we learn!  Thanks again for your lovely reply and yes, it's wonderful to learn about Feng Shui.
7:26pm • #9
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master
Val, I know you were with me that day, there is no better way to learn about Feng Shui then actually seeing a consultation.  But I thought she had gotten it when we left, didn't you?  She apparently reverted back to her old ways of thinking.  It's such a shame, I thought when I pointed out the bathroom in Relationship and her difficulties with her husband she'd made the connection.  And no, you can't change everyone's perception but I actually felt like they could have been one of the truly happy couples in life.  And that's what saddened me the most.
7:32pm • #10
JUN
27
2007
135,611 Points 5 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Nope you gave it your all and told the truth, I too am a sagitarius and hey sometimes the truth needs to be told. Little does she realize that IF she takes your advice she could have a lovely harmonius life. Maybe some people are actually afraid of being happy, who knows

Phyllis Pafumi
3:32pm • #11
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master
Phyllis, thanks for the comment.  Funny that I didn't look at it as if she just might not WANT to be happy, I think I assume everyone does.....They have it in their grasp and should be SO grateful for everything they have.  Thank you for another perspective that I just hadn't thought of!
9:40pm • #12
JUN
28
2007
129,269 Points 11 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Hey Carole,

This is such a wonderful and enlightening post and you express your position perfectly.

What I might suggest is to offer a couple of books on the particular issues that need to be addressed for your work to work. Spending a day at Barnes and Noble doing the research and writing down titles and authors would be worth the effort. It is very much like going to winter or summer market in the design industry to see what is new and fresh. When doing design work, a particular table or fabric will pop into my mind that I had seen that will fit perfectly.

If we all took advice from the experts the first time we heard it we would all be done by now and onto somewhere else doing something else...right? 
10:38am • #13
158,936 Points Outside Blog

There are simply things we don't want to hear - somethings are just too tender to be touched - at all.

I'm not clear about the transaction - but it can be touchy dealing with couples - period.

Dealing with people in business for many years, I've come to an almost automatic sensing - what they're about & veer away from where they're 'edgy'. Individuals are generally easier to deal with. Couples can be a dream if if they are in harmony - but where they're not, they don't want a third party in the foray, so you have to sidle alongside - carefully.

It is effective to deal indirectly. Impersonally addressing the home corrections needed, improvements  & the benefits of adjustments may go a long way. This way you can be effective & work alongside instead of head-on.

In other words deal with the bathroom (& home corrections directly "...& these will be the benefits..", leave their personal stuff alone & it will be dealt with indirectly through your adjustments.

They called you for a reason - identify that & give it to them.

A note may be in order if you feel things are reparable at all. "Thanks for ..., I'd love to be of service in your home adjustments....... please call...

Create Great Chi Carole!
11:19am • #14
JUN
29
2007
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master

Sheron, thank you for the ideas.  I know clients slip back into their old beliefs and can lose their motivation and I keep up with most of them to get them MOVING again.  Maybe leaving some well chosen things on changing their way of thinking would help tremendously.  As well as hearing/reading it from someone else.  Thanks for your insights!

Deborah, I know it would be easier (all the way around) to leave out the personal things, but that is what connects me with my clients and also allows them to see the relationship between their homes and their lives.  She saw it as soon as we realized where the BATHROOM was located, in her Relationship area.  Every other room in that lovely apartment was decorated beautifully, except the bathroom which had nothing in it. We spent alot of time going over different, specific things to do to see behind the few little flaws and make it a beautiful spot. 

I don't feel that just changing the bathroom would have been enough, people have to change their perspectives and their actions as well...and she may not be able to do that.  Thank you for your lovely comments, they are very much appreciated!
12:55am • #15
JUN
30
2007
549,594 Points 36 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router

Since I just went to closing with a client that had the wrong idea about the way I helped her I can understand your frustration. My thought is that there is some unfinished karma that we needed to work out with them in this lifetime. 

I did have a dream about my client before we wrote the offer. In dreamtime I saw us near a tornado and I told her to get in my car so we could go to safety. I asked her a few times then she got in the car. Later after I was awake, I realized that the tornado symbolized her unreasonable demands of the sellers and to understand all the craziness she would swirl around that she might not want the house was false...in the very end she got in my car. We went to closing. Dreams reveal what may not be seen on the surface.
2:43pm • #16
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master
Lizette, your dream interpretation is much better than mine---and I had taken classes in it YEARS ago.  I absolutely believe things come to you in dreams when your body is most open to receiving all kinds of messages.  I can sometimes get lost in trying to sort them out, though.  But I noticed how you attempted to "protect" your client, difficult as she was!  Thank you for sharing that!! 
3:32pm • #17
129,269 Points 11 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Well this is a fun conversation about dreams...I often am the person deciding what I am going to tell myself in my dream. I love that part.

Carole, when your dreams get too confusing and end up with little meaning that you can hang onto, the best way to use your dreams is to ask yourself "how did that dream make me feel?". Then you can sort them out and see where it plays out in your daily life.  
6:23pm • #18
JUL
01
2007
1,156,686 Points 38 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Called Shot Master
Sheron, thank you...I didn't think about how I felt after the dream, I was too confused trying to interpret it. Maybe on day you'll have a "dream" group on here (it's not a bad idea :)  Thank you, always, for helping!
11:17pm • #19

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Laura Cerrano Feng Shui Expert Owner of Feng Shui Long Island & NYC

Miss Feng Shui

Locust Valley, NY

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Certified Feng Shui Expert Laura Cerrano is a motivational speaker, published author and Certified Reiki Practitioner specializing in connecting people to their environment and authentic self with the teachings of practical Feng Shui and Ascension.

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