I admit, this post has NOTHING to do with real estate...

Car. Pool. Tunnel.

That's what the orthopedic surgeon said I had yesterday...

Well...Its actually "carpal" tunnel syndrome...a compression of the median nerve (one of the two main nerves that drive feeling in your hands) in the center of your wrist at the base of the palm of your hand that causes pain, numbness in the thumb and first two fingers, and loss of muscle mass or control at the base of the thumb.

Fun!! Joy!!

Yeah, not so much...Ive been putting up with this in both hands now for roughly 5 years now...and finally decided to do something about it.  Thus the reason for the orthopedic surgeon. (Hey, it's not a carburator. I can't fix this one by myself.)

Who am I trying to kid? I can't fix a carburator either...

Anyway...After having my initial consultation with him, here are 10 things I learned about carpal tunnel syndrome that I didn't know before....

1. In order to determine if you have carpal tunnel syndrome, you have to go through a "nerve conduction test".

2. "Nerve conduction test" is a medical term used specifically to hide the fact that they are going to shock the living crap out of your hand not once, not twice....but roughly 20 times PER NERVE (Remember, there is two per my previous statement above)! And, this is on both hands!!

3. Now I know why Frankenstein was so pissed all the time.

4. Faking a heart attack while getting electrocuted a nerve conduction test will cause a medical office to go into full-blown panic mode. For real!

5. My orthopedic surgeon's office staff does not have a sense of humor.

6. Nerve conduction test data is sent via computer to Harvard Medical....Yes, THE Harvard Medical. It takes less time to get the results back from Harvard Medical than it does to do the actual test. So, when the doctor comes in with the results, your fingernails are still smoking just a bit.

7. When an orthopedic surgeon uses the phrase, "...one of the worst cases I have ever seen...", you know you are about to finance something really expensive he has on his Christmas list.

8. You can not do a carpal tunnel surgery on both hands at the same time unless you have some REALLY close personal friends that are willing to do ANYTHING for you. And, I do mean ANYTHING!

9. Opting to do this one hand at a time has given me the ability to say that my wife is incredibly grateful about my decision. (In case you didn't get those last two jokes...We have a 19 month old. She already has one butt she has to wipe during the day. Yeah...now you get it.)

10. "Hand-to-Shoulder" syndrome isn't the same thing as the rubber arm you get when you fall asleep on your arm wrong and cut of the circulation only to realize it when you roll over and try to shut off your alarm clock but your arm is roughly as responsive as a flesh baseball bat. Yeah, it's NOT that.

Comedy aside, carpal tunnel syndrome sucks. It causes pain and numbness, loss of grip, even loss of muscle mass in your hands. And, if left untreated, it can cause permanent damage including loss of feeling, loss of muscle mass or specific movement, even complete breakdowns in moder skill. (How important is typing to you???) From one lucky recipent to another, if this is you, get it checked out.

Oh yeah, if you're curious..."Hand-To-Shoulder" syndrome is a side effect of SEVERE carpal tunnel syndrome. It is a pain transferance from the crushed nerve in the wrist and manifests as stabbing pain in the center of your shoulder joint. Yes, it hurts. No, pain pills dont help. Trust me on this one. I should have stock in Advil.

You will probably hear more about this episodic adventure as my journey continues......