When you have one of those days when your feeling

particularly stupid for having said something with your foot

in your mouth, whip this out and read it and you'll think your a genius.

MEMORABLE QUOTES:

Q. If you could live forever, would you and why?

A. "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,

because if we were supposed

to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,

which is why I would not live forever.

(Miss Alabama-1994)

"Whenever I watch T.V. and see those poor starving kids all over the world,

I can't help  but cry I mean I'd love to be skinny like that,

but not with all those flies and death and stuff"

(Mariah Carey)

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of life".

(Brooke Shields)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"

(Winston Bennett)

"Outside of killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country"

(Major Marion Barry)

"The lowdown scroundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,

and I'm just the one to do it"

(Congression candidate in Texas)

"Half this game is ninety per cent mental"

(Phillies manager Danny Ozark)

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.

It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"

(Al Gore)

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix"

(Don Quale)

"We got to ask ourselves: how much clean air do we need?"

(Lee Iacocca)

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people"

(Gerald Wellman-ROTC instructor)

"Your food stamps will be  stopped effective March because we received

notice that you passed away. May God bless you.

You may re-apply if there is a change in your circumstances"

(Dept. of Social Services-Greenville, S.C.)

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas"

(Keppel Enderberry)

"If someone has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed

and it will monitor their heart throughout the night.

And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record"

(Mark Fowler-FCC Chairman)

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.

A genius is a guy like,

Norman Einstein"

(Joe Theisman-NFL Q.B.)