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Not Sure What The Title Should Be...

I sit here writing this post not sure of where I want it to end up. Within the past week I had a friend/client/mentor pass away. He took his life at the young age of 42.

We probably and unfortunately have all lost at least 1 person in our lives that had a drastic impact. This was one of them for me. But why did this happen, and why does it happen to others right now?

Loss of job? Medical issues? Overall economy? Such a shame that anyone's life needs to end early for whatever reason. As I stop typing I think. I think what if this, what if that?

Do we as Realtors sometimes forget clients are people and people have lives similar to ours? I have 1 book on my desk "The Millionaire Real Estate Agent."On the top it reads, "It's not about the money...it's about being the best you can be!"

I was never focused on the money, but I sure as heck needed a paycheck at different times in my career. You too I would assume? I will also say the day I realized when a deal didn't close and life moved on was a career changer for me.

During these incredibly different and sometimes difficult times we need to be there for our clients, for our families, for ourselves. I have found my passion-it is real estate. I strive every day to be better at what I do so I can accomplish my goal. Have you found your passion?

Let us not forget that as agents, in my opinion, our #1 goal right now should be about helping and supporting our clients. We will not get out of this mess we're in until that happens.

My late friend/client made me realize how to be the best I can be. He taught me so many things; indirectly and directly. He gave me an opportunity that no one else has ever given me. I will always be grateful for that to him and to his family.

These past few days have been difficult. But they have made me think-made me think what I can learn from the situation to help others?

As I wrap this post up I ask all of my fellow agents to remember one thing: "It's not about the money. It's about being the best you can be."

We miss you, Bill.

Posted by Blair Ballin on 11/06/2009 09:31 AM

Comments (43)

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43 Comments on Not Sure What The Title Should Be...

NOV

Blair, well said. The tragic loss of life is never easy. Truth be told, living in our society can be very hard on people. Helping others is a noble task I think we often overlook.

Hi Blair- Our deepest condolences on the loss of your friend. No one ever knows what to say at these times. --Sara and Steve

I'm very sorry for your loss. Just two short years ago my nephew took his life. He was in his 20's, in college and seemed to be doing well at the time. It did make my husband and I stop and reflect over what is really important. "Being the best you can be" and "Making sure those you love know you love them" is about where our thinking ended up too. Maybe not in those exact words, but we certainly share your view.

Blair - What a very heartfelt and excellent post. I am so sorry for your loss. One of the biggest reasons I am in real estate is because I love helping people. Don't get me wrong, the pay isn't overlooked, but I am tackling two short sales today to help those who otherwise wouldn't know what to do. We as a community need to band together for the greater good of our communities, because even one life lost is too many.

Again, I'm so sorry and I send you good wishes and thoughtful prayers to help you through a clearly difficult time.

I understand how you feel. I was speaking with my husband last night about a friend of mine who took his life last year, and it was over money, rather the lack of money.

He wasn't in our industry, but he was in financial straits with no hope in sight.

I will be praying for you and Bill's family, too.

Bob-thanks! Sara and Steve-it is tough, especially for the family and closest friends. tammy-I am sorry to hear about your nephew. Thanks for sharing. Christianne, thank you very much. It means a lot. It almost feels like a nation we have gotten more of an individualistic approach to things and that is not helping right now. Dawn, thank you!

I am truly sorry for your loss. Yes, we need to focus on helping others - when we do, the money will follow. It seems like your friend & mentor still lives in you, and many others I'm sure.

Blair, I can appreciate the feeling of not knowing where to start as you write your blog. This year seems to be especially difficult for a great many people.

It sure feels strange when you lose someone in that manner, it is so distressing for the surviving family and friends. Time is the one thing you can't get back. Try to remember the good times, I will certainly have you and your friend Bill in my thoughts today.

I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend. It is clear from the eloquence of this post that you are a caring, insightful person who truly understands what is important, not only in your chosen career, but in life. I wish you the best during this difficult time.

Ronald, it certainly does, and will allow me to continue to get better!

Barbara--thank you. I sincerely appreciate that.

Kim--your reply was very sweet. Thank you. I'd like to think I am on the right track with tons of room for improvement :-)

Hi Blair. One of my husband's former co-workers died two weeks ago. He was only 44. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and to everyone who loses someone so tragically. ~ Lana

Sorry to hear about your friend, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I have learned that there is not any right word or saying so a simple thought is sometimes the best one can offer.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your friends family. Life is strange and we never know what will happen next. But we live through it and continue.

I completly agree with this phrase..."It's not about the money. It's about being the best you can be." There has been many times in my transactions, as I am sure with others as well. I took a commission reduction or helped pay for something, just to help someone out. Whether it be my client or not. Because it isnt about the money, its about helping someone achieve their dream....their dream of owning a home. We are very lucky to have the careers we have!

Blair, I am so sorry for your loss. We can never know what problems people are carrying on their shoulders. Your post is a lasting tribute to your mentor, as is the way you live your life. We serve an important role as Realtors, and our first priority is to help.

Blair,

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your friend's death. Death isn't easy if it is expected with illness or if it is sudden as a result of an accident. I lost my father to a car accident years ago and my mother was ill off and on for over 8 years prior to her death. Neither was easy to accept.

We learn from every situation and it appears as though you already knew how to make your friend aware that he was a special person.

I hope the prayers that I send your way and the prayers of others will allow you and Bill's family to remember the good times and reflect of them. Grieving is healing, but not comfortable.

God bless you and your friend's family.

Blair, my condolances on your loss. If a positive light can be shed on the experience, your collegue has left you and hopefully others with the gift of perception. My heart goes out to you and the friends and familiy of Bill.

Blair - I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you, and your friend's family.

Blair -- I am sorry to hear of your friend's death. Suicide is very hard on the people it touches. I try to give 100% to each and every client and treat them exactly as I would want and when I do and they are happy, this satisfaction is far greater than the commission check.

Good evening Blair,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I too have lost a loved one to suicide. It was some time ago but what I remember most about that time is the questions we asked ourselves. Questions that go unanswered still today. It is very difficult to not believe that some how, I could have been more, done more...and maybe, just maybe. Unfortunately, you can never truly know what a person wrestles with. You are so right, what an impact we could have on others by simply taking time to show that we care. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness or acknowledgment can mean a world of difference. It may even be life changing or life saving.

You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

Chuck--I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is true we often place the blame on ourselves and wonder what we could have done. The mere fact of doing an act of kindness as you say, regardless of size truly can make that difference. I appreciate your kind words.

Chris-absolutely. I totally agree.

Christine--thank you. I appreciate it.

Lisa, thank you.

Gail--thank you for sharing. Very well said and thank you for putting us in your thoughts.

Trisha-exactly! And something I didn't point out is these things should never be done to say we did something "good." We should do them because we want to. It appears everyone posting here realizes that and it's so nice to see that. I am touched by the response here and hope this article reaches many, many more who realize what everyone does here.

Well spoken, and not sappy at all. I appreciate that very much. You bring me pause on this night. Life has been very hard the past couple of years, but things are looking up. I won't say I ever considered ending my life, but I do remember thinking that I understood why somebody might want to do so. Life can be hard. But difficulties can help us find great strength. I wish you, your family, and Bill's family all the best in this difficult time.

This is happening so frequently right now, with the current economy. Also, I believe that our current healthcare system leaves a lot of people slipping through the cracks...

Anyway, I'm so sorry for your loss and you are so right - we need to do the best we can for our clients.

Hi Blair~ I am so sorry for your loss and sorry for the pain his family will have to endure. It is very tough dealing with a loss like that, especially when they take their own life....

Blair - Felt like your were pouring your heart onto the page there. Real Estate truly is about friendships and relationships. I love my job...most of the time. I'm sorry for your loss but everything happens for a reason, and usually makes us stronger in the end.

I had a peer of mine, that sat next to me for 10 months, take his own life. It too made me really open my eyes to life, people, what they could be going through, and more. Some people find me weird when I sincerely ask them if the are "ok" and prod for honest answers!

Kyle-thank you for sharing. Things will get better. Your friends and family will be there for you.

Vickie-thank you.

David--100% agreed. Thanks for writing and sharing. I tried to pour my heart out and also respect the family. Hopefully I have done that. It was not easy to post this but felt I had to. I am thinking of making it a "series." We tend to forget the important things in life and I hope this can provide value to all of us.

Steve- I am very sorry to hear that. It's a tough line to "cross" but probably well worth it.

Right on Blair, its unfortunate that some need to have something like this happen to really stop and think. I unfortunately know exactly where you are coming from. We had a neighbor commit suicide 2 weeks ago, cant for the life of me understand why. 3 kids, wife, seemed like the world was his oyster, guess he didnt realize that.

Stephen--that's horrible. I can't imagine what they are all going through, but especially the kids. Hopefully they are getting the support they need.

Blair I agree that it isn't about the money. Sad to say that the money is what does make this world go round.

NOV

To be a great Realtor, you must have great compassion. On my very first listing appointment, the Seller cried on the paperwork because she had lost her job and was forced to sell. I wondered then what I was getting in to. Many people sell due to divorce, death and disaster (job loss, health problems). We not only negotiate deals, market properties, study contracts --- we become personal advisors and friends. It's not about the money for me -- it's about the freedom to be self-employed and the opportunity to help others along the way.

As the Mash song goes, "Suicide is painless and brings on many changes . . . "

Suicide is ONLY painless for the person who commits it -- not the friends and family that survive it.

Very sorry for your loss. Glad that you are sorting through it and trying to find some good in it -- something that will make you a better person. Best of luck to you.

Blair- Its hard when we lose someone that way. For those, like us, who are left behind wondering, it becomes a life changing event. It has happened to me. My son in law took his life. Its horrible. makes you stop and re-evaluate everything. For me I was going through some tough real estate stuff back then but then I realized that nothing, nothing in real estate could ever be as bad as what I went through then. Suicide is so hard to understand and the road to recovery for those left behind is long. Its been 10 years for me and each time something I think is the worse I just stop and think about 10 years ago. Nothing is that bad.

Blair: Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss; that's always tough. I think we all need to stand back and reflect. There's a lot of good out there in my opinion but it's important to decide why we're here in the first place. Again, thanks. I appreciate it!

Damon-I agree..unfortunately.

Lori-thank you for the post. Our business, much like any other business is not easy, but we are certainly involved with one of life's biggest decisions.

Martha-I am sorry to hear about your son-in-law. Hopefully these kind of events make us all stronger.

Paul-Thanks!

Blair - my deepest condolences. There really never are answers in situations like this. When we think we know why someone did that, it still doesn't really make sense.

It is especially tough in a mostly 24/7 world of real estate to fully develop our social sides, but, oh so important. You are right, work and money are not the most important things. People and relationships are.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Blair, and I extend condolences to you, his friend, and to his family. He, no doubt, was severely depressed. My heart goes out to him for the torment he was in before he died. There is only so much we can do to help a mentally ill person get help (depression is a mental illness), but we can try.

If anyone is out there struggling with depression, there is help....support groups, medications, sliding scale counseling. Likely someone you know is struggling too and has already sought help. Reach out now.

Sarah in Nashville

Hi Blair, very sorry to hear about your friend Bill. I lost my Bill, my brother in law till ALS at age 50 in May. It is a people business and we need to help people. I am very familiar with the Millionaire Real Estate Agent book. Don't let anyone tell you that money is not important though. A big falsehood in my opinion. But it is not the most important thing in life for sure.

These are very tough times. We are seeing more divorces in our area, job losses and unemployment of over 10%, and scary financial times. It's going to be a tough holiday season I think.

Carol, Sarah-thank you.

Blair,

My husband took his life 6 years ago and we had 5 children under age 7 at the time. I sure know how you feel.......unfortunately a little too well. It makes you question everything, and appreciate little things much more i think. I'm so sorry for both you and your friend/client. I think you just have to remember the good things and hope that he is at peace.

Blair - You are absolutely right, it is not about the money.

NOV

Loree-I am sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what that was and is like.

Hi Blair,

Just know that you're not alone. I've read about all the other posts where people have lost a friend or family member who took their own life. I too have suffered this loss of a friend by his own hand.

Life can be difficult and anything but "fair". All we can do is the best we can everyday. Always treating others with respect and dignity, especially those who have fallen on hard times, realizing we're all just a few steps away of finding ourselves in the same situation.

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