Home stagers... I didn't want to make a big stink about this, but I am thrilled to announce another staging training & certification course is now available to you.

While I know you all are well trained staging professionals and have already worked hard at learning the foundational basics in the business and art of home staging, I also know many of you still feel grossly inadequate and under-trained.

I've read your posts that tell the tales of how your competition rubs your nose in the fact that they believe they are better educated then you... ESPECIALLY when it comes to the skillful use and application of Raffia.

Well, your worries are over...

I am happy to announce I have been sought out by the British Academy of Staging Training & Raffia Design (B.A.S.T.R.D.) to be trained, certified and then bring back to you their famed ARSE approach to home staging.

Last weekend, I am happy to say, the B.A.S.T.R.D.s flew me over to jolly old England for an intensive training program to learn MILLIONS of ways professional home stagers can use Raffia to beautifully and cheaply transform their client's properties. There was so much to learn in this grueling 3 day wonder workshop. Who would have thought you could create so much out of a shriveled smelly dead weed?

But even though I am sooooo pooped out, I was just too excited and wanted to share with you that I am now a Master BASTRD ARSE (MBA). That's right, I'm a real live educated ARSE. I can no longer say I stage naked. AND, more importantly, I am trained and authorized to teach you the B.A.S.T.R.D. method so that you too can create beautiful Raffia staging transformations. Just LOOK at all the stunning yet clever ways Raffia was used in the room pictured to the left.

You see, NOTHING SELLS a home faster than a home staged with RAFFIA! And while I know many of you might think you know why it works so well, because of how cute and utterly adorable it looks, but it is not the way it LOOKS that helps a house sell. Actually it is the way it SMELLS that SELLS!  But I have to admit I think it looks NEAT-O too. Oh, there is so much to teach you, like the ARSE tag line,"Don't be a stinker... swell smells sell!"

Our industry will soon be revolutionized as more and more stagers use this misunderstood and underutilized tool of home staging. Come learn the secrets! I am now taking reservations for next month's inaugural class. Space is limited... so sign up now. And know, I look forward to teaching you how to be a total ARSE just like me.

Pip Pip & Smile It Forward...

Me

 

Post Script: Before the long holiday weekend I thought it would be fun to do something a little bit funny. (Or what I THINK is funny.) I believe it is important that we can laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too serious. Plus it has been a heck of a long time since I did anything goofy in the rain. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it... Happy 4th.

 

 
Post is included in group: Stage It Forward...

58 Comments on STAGERS, I'm NOW a BASTRD ARSE... and You Can be One Too!

JUN
27
2007
130,959 Points 14 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Hip Hip Hooray, congratulations on a well deserved recognition. Hopefully you were able to take in some sites while you were there.
6:51am • #1
2 Featured Posts

OMG!  I'm so excited!  I'm the first in line and I'm anxiously awaiting the knowledge that will put me ahead of my competition.   BTW, does this course teach you various ways to use green spray paint other than on grass?

Thanks so much Craig, I can't wait to be an ARSE! 

6:53am • #2
4 Featured Posts

Holy Crap Craig- sign me up!!!  If I get BASTRD certified, do I get add BASTRD behind my name?  There is a concern though, if trained in the BASTRD way and join the BASTRD association, can I still visit Germany's military bases, or has Germany deemed BASTRD a cult too - like scientology?(www.http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/story?id=3313674&page=1.)

Julea Joseph - Reinventing Space

7:02am • #3

You rock Craig - will you teach us how to paint the stuff green first before we use it!

Will there be singing classes too!

Loved the bedskirt - did YOU stage this one yourself?!?!?!?!?!?

 

7:03am • #4
199,546 Points 13 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Ha Ha ~ Nice one! Sign me up for this training, I'm sure the investment is worth it!!  :-)
7:09am • #5
605,831 Points 244 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
Craig you BASTRD!! You just made a complete and total ARSE of yourself. And I LOVE it:)
7:53am • #6
12 Featured Posts

Craig -

I'm on the next plane! 

I wanted to be the first to take this course, but you are always one step ahead of me.  One question I was not able to get answered - is there a master designation?  I could whip up one smokin' ode to raffia if it will make me a MASTER BASTRD ARSE!

8:35am • #7
185,398 Points 68 Featured Posts Outside Blog

KIMBELRY the MBA for which you speak is only availble over in BRITIAN.

YES I am an MBA! AND the only MBA in the USA. Which makes me the biggest ARSE in America.

Me 

 

8:45am • #8
1 Featured Post Localism Sponsor

Good stuff, man that was funny.

Where did you get the bed cover? It's very unique

8:46am • #9
132,551 Points 46 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog

Craig: Chicago is fortunate to have a certified BSTRD and raffia designer in its midst. We have had a couple in San Diego, but I think they ended up smoking the stuff. 

Just love your bedroom design. Did you add some beads over the doorway? 

8:51am • #10
214,815 Points 6 Featured Posts Outside Blog
This is NOT right!  I have been working with raffia for over 10 years now.  Your training is worthless as I am the only one able to teach proper raffia techniques.  Where is my lawyer?  You'll be hearing from me....  
8:55am • #11

All I can say is WOW. I mean.........................how can I top the decor and design of THAT room??

All I have to say is that you have just become some of my friends FAVOURITE stager.

peace out....

 

8:56am • #12
111,565 Points 3 Featured Posts
Thank you for coming forward with a training solution for each and every potential BASTRD out there!
9:15am • #13
5 Featured Posts
Craig you're such an ARSE....LMAO thats funny..
9:23am • #14
107,009 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog

Craig, Where do I send the check?  How long does it take to become certified and will there be marketing materials included in the cost?

*wink

9:29am • #15

In Britain we take our raffia very seriously. I believe the Queen is very fond of it and the towels in the palace bathrooms are all tied with raffia. Although there was a very disturbing story, as yet unconfirmed, that one of the royal corgis almost choked on some raffia and we nearly lost him. Rumor has it that Her Majesty may be re-thinking the use of her favorite decorating item and will be opting instead for some greenery from the palace grounds. Other huge raffia users are said to include include legendary singing superstar Sir Elton John and British soccer sensation and soon to be California resident David Beckham. David's lovely wife and former spice girl Victoria is apparently looking forward to her first trip to Michaels and was quoted in last Sunday's tabloids as saying "Ooh David - they have raffia in different colors in America - I can hardly wait!".

Stephanie:)

9:39am • #16
6 Featured Posts
Craig, It seems my brother will have to get in line behind Melissa Marro when it comes to suing you. He has informed me that he did NOT give you permission to use a photo of his bedroom in your advertising or on your blogs. He has asked that you cease and desist. I tried to let him know you are a Master BASTRD ARSE, but he says it makes no difference. Have a wonderful celebration of the birth of our nation!
9:43am • #17

Finally, a stager who gets it!  Raffia has been so undervalued for so long.  Please let me know when you get someone trained in the fine art of raffia staging in my area.  We have a few thousand sellers who are in desperate need of their expertise.

Thank you, Craig, for your dedication and sacrifice to the field of home staging.  You're the KING M.B.A. of all stagers!!!!!!

10:12am • #18
1 Featured Post
Craig. . .is there a B.A.S.T.R.D. theme song?  Oh how I love anthems and songs!! Can it be sung by those of us not yet A.R.S.E. certified?   I can hear it now. . . the melodious voices of stagers across the world singing the praises of raffia! 
11:35am • #20
8 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Craig you have been holding out on us way too long! I am giving up my naked status and becoming an ARSE too! I cannot wait to get rid of my logo and add a huge glorious ARSE to the back of my staging mobile. Please rush the release of the  BASTRD DVD so I can share it with all my clients- they too will see the glory of raffia and allow be to BASTARDIZE their home.
1:29pm • #21
108,378 Points 11 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Oh my god!

I reDesign my business to stage naked and now you tell me I can make an ARSE of myself?!

My dilemma now is, do I go straight to the source to become a Master BASTRD ARSE (MBA), or do I save some cash and have you teach me how to be a BASTRD ARSE?!

OH!!! I will do the MBA, then I can return to Canada as the only Master BASTRD ARSE and make oodles of money training others in the art of being a BASTRD ARSE  and all things raffia!

Stage It Forward...With Raffia!

 

1:53pm • #22
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

I once did dining room table and 4 chairs out of raffia.  You would not believe the paper cuts you can get from weaving tables out of that stuff.  I used the T.U.R.D. method.  I'm sure you are familiar with it now that you are a certified B.A.S.T.A.R.D but I'll explain for some of ours less fortunate friends.  

Tie
Unwind
Rewind
Drink lots of alcohol and then squint - no one can tell it is not real furniture. 

 

2:27pm • #23
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

I was just looking for the pics of the dining room but all I could come up with was the centerpiece:


2:35pm • #24
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Here are the window treatments:

OK someone should stop me.  

2:40pm • #25
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Here's a pic of me the closing.  The home sold in just 7 hours!!!

OK I swear that is the last one.  

2:44pm • #26
185,398 Points 68 Featured Posts Outside Blog

MAUREEN...

I think you have been SMOKING to much Raffia!

Ummmm... but is that a one-legged hula dancer?

Me

2:46pm • #27
605,831 Points 244 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog
You guys are LOCO! In a good way of course.
3:52pm • #28
2 Featured Posts
It's a dust ruffle, it's a valance,it's-Cousin IT!  Quick call 911-a bed has just fallen on Cousin IT!
3:54pm • #29
6 Featured Posts

Maureen, The T.U.R.D. method works. I just tried it. Thanks for the information. Also I need to know -- is there a separate class for the cocoNUT shell hoo hoo covers? If so, do I have to pay extra? Thanks in advance.

hoo hoo (n) objects which need to remain covered. As in: Always cover all your hoo hoos

4:26pm • #30
6 Featured Posts

Craig, I have flown to Chicago to help you. While your symptoms of red facial discoloration and loss of mental acuity are difficult to diagnose, I'd venture to say you've lost your marbles. I'll see you tomorrow night. By the way, when you get to the Marriot, I'll be on the curb wearing a raffia skirt with matching hat and purse. Hang on, BASTRD help has arrived.

5:39pm • #31
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Sue - Just make sure your hoo hoos are covered.

Yvonne - you are a riot!!!

Craig - Didn't even notice the one leg thing.  Sorry to hijack your blog! 

6:02pm • #32
185,398 Points 68 Featured Posts Outside Blog

MAUREEN... you did NOT hijack it.

You added depth and dimension.

NOT a problem here at all.

Me

6:04pm • #33
1 Featured Post Hit Router

You guys have lost it..I think after you have painted it green, wrapped it around the bed, around the belly and the windows..you must all be smoking that Raffia!   And Maureen you should really think about pateneing that center piece..it is truly priceless!  I guess that's why you all want to make ARSE's out of yourselves!  Happy 4th!

6:45pm • #34
6 Featured Posts

Maureen my friend, tis thou who makest thyself into the element of riotousness. As a matter of fact I laughed until I was in danger of ROFL. That would not have been a pretty picture.

Sue, We must have pictures of Craig. No sticking his head in a chimney, you hear?

Craig, Sorry but you made this too fun for a few of us raffia smokers to ignore. Raffia the only staging standard to assure your acceptance into the newly founded Staging Hall of Fame. So if you want to be an ARSE get raffia staging and send in those entries.

7:47pm • #35
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog
I think my new line is going to be: They must have been smoking raffia when they came up with that one.  
8:55pm • #36
Craig, I just love what you did with the bedroom.  I've used it for a wallpaper pick me up. It's time consuming to glue each strand, but well worth the effort.  Maureen, your pictures are too funny.  Betty
9:43pm • #37
8 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Hee hee! 

Here are some other raffia lovers I found:

  

Real BASTRDS protect their Bale of Raffia from non ARSES

This ARSE stager dons the ceremonial RAFFIA MASK during the MBA designation presentation.  

My new dining room table!

Raffia it forward...

9:52pm • #38
185,398 Points 68 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Kate I am going to have to DISQUALIFY the first picture. Now that I am a trained professional ARSE, I can spot faux raffia in a moment.

You NEED this class.

Me

10:11pm • #39
185,108 Points 4 Featured Posts Outside Blog

Okay.  I truly needed a laugh as it's been a very busy week and this just hit the spot.

These pictures are bloody funny.

Kathy (smile)

 

10:27pm • #40
JUN
28
2007

Maureen and Kate -- you really should patent those raffia table designs.  Just imagine the multi-functionality -- after dining at the raffia table, your guests can use it to floss their teeth!

Craig and the Active Rain community, thank you so much for the laugh-out-loud blog and comments.  You've more than made my day!

Leslie

12:05am • #41
Craig this blog and all the comments are tooooo funny!  I will keeping checking this one to see where it goes. sue
7:03am • #42
8 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Yikes Craig you are right! That is fake Raffia (or is it a bale of fake hay?) . I really do need the class. I am going to postpone all my stagings until I learn the art of raffia from a Master BASTRD like you! kh
7:20am • #43
1 Featured Post

Craig,

Congrats on the designation!  This post and the comments are a barrel of laughs!  Thanks for the post!

10:17am • #44
138,128 Points
I love a good LOL early in the morning on a weekday.  Plus the comments and the photos are golden.  Thanks everybody for a good start of the day!  I think that this deserves a cookie and a gold star, everybody should experience the smiles that happen with this post and all that follows!
10:50am • #45
4 Featured Posts

I think Paris Hilton stole my raffia inventory for her hair extensions!!  Back to jail she goes!

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face Craig!!!

12:42pm • #46
1 Featured Post Hit Router

It just dawned on me that I too have used Raffia in home staging!  Look at the roof....

9:37pm • #48
JUN
29
2007

As the big B.A.S.T.R.D. that you are, I am so disappointed that you did not share tips on Rafia de Plastico!  I would think that with all of the bathroom applications I have seen in the past the water resilient features of this amazing product would make it a real hit! 

Check out the color scheme...it's a must!

12:06am • #49
15 Featured Posts

Blimey Craig, but you crack me up! 

Only YOU could receive such a noble distinction...I mean, who else could have such an honor bestowed upon them?  And here I was so excited about my training and designation as a B.T.C.H. (Beautification Trainer Coaching Homeowners)...at least you have a 'schtick' with the raffia and all that you can do with it...I just use MLS listing photos to show the 'possibilities'!

VAL

6:03pm • #50
126,593 Points 5 Featured Posts Outside Blog

OMG Craig you are too much, this cracked me up!! Is this course followed by the cutting down the tree limb course to make curtain rods??

Is there a website I can take my online course, since flying freaks me out these days?

Phyllis Pafumi 

 

10:22pm • #51
JUN
30
2007
209,997 Points 34 Featured Posts Outside Blog
Craig,  This is really funny.  You need to become a writer for Saturday Night Live.  This is right up there with the Bass-omatic.  Thanks for the laugh.
7:44am • #52
JUL
01
2007
421,891 Points 81 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor Outside Blog Hit Router
Too funny.  I promised to look up some of your recent postings, and here I am.  'Really enjoyed this one.
10:34am • #53
JUL
08
2007
135,515 Points 15 Featured Posts Outside Blog

This blog is still cracking me up a week later.  Or maybe it is all the raffia I've been smoking. Either way, it's all good.

 

Pass the Raffia to the Left Hand Side.  <bom bom bom>   Pass the Raffie to the left hand side.  

4:49pm • #54
107,009 Points 1 Featured Post Outside Blog
Maureen, what do YOU know about passing the rafia on the left hand side!
5:39pm • #55
JUL
17
2007
149,039 Points 5 Featured Posts Localism Sponsor

Hi Craig! - Here i come back after being away awhile..... and find all these folks lining up to become an ARSE after SEEING yours......  mannnnnnn things sure have changed around here!   

3:33pm • #56
AUG
08
2007
1 Featured Post Hit Router

  

A Realtor Brokers Open I went to .. the Realtor actually hung these on the wall to help warm up the room.  She allowed me to take pictures and share her work.  A simple cute idea.

9:27am • #57
So there's a Fung Shui element working here-or is this some sort of talisman?  Kind of creepy if you ask me.  Shades of the Blair Witch Movie-now That would be an interesting house to stage...
Pam Faulkner, IRIS, Oak Hill VA
6:27pm • #58

Leave a response…



(optional)
What does the graphic say?
 
Rainmaker_large

Craig Schiller

Chicago, IL

More about me…

REAL ESTAGING, a nationally recognized leader in Staging.

Address: 131 South Lincoln Ave., Park Ridge, IL, 60068

Office Phone: (847) 384-9369

Email Me

These are the creative writings of Craig Schiller, a home staging professional, passionate real estate marketing professional and founder of the Real Estaging, one of the nation's leading home staging companies.


















Links

Archives

RSS 2.0 Feed for this blog

Find IL real estate agents and Chicago real estate on ActiveRain.