Adventures in Septic Tanks 
Buyer loves the house. Buyer and Seller quickly reach agreement on price and terms. Things are moving forward swimmingly...foreshadowing...
Wrench! The buyers are using FHA financing, and, as such, the appraiser needs to know exactly where the septic tank is. No problem, right? I mean, the sellers know that, right?
Wrench! The sellers DON'T know where the tank is. They're pretty sure, but never had it pumped. No problem. I'll just go back and find the previous owners and check with all the local septic pumping companies and see who did it, and where the tank is. I like doing legwork, if it helps keep a deal on track.
Wrench! The previous owners never had it pumped. Neither did the previous previous owners. In fact, it appears as if this 1978 house has never had its tank pumped.
No problem, I say (have I mentioned that I'm an optimist?). I call a company out, they send this floating sensor down on fishing line, and later (when that didn't work) on a snake into the tank, and then go outside with a little wand to find the sensor's signal.
Wrench! According to the sensor, the tank is RIGHT NEXT TO the house. Now that just didn't make any sense.
A second company comes out (mind you, we're trying to close this in a matter of days, and the septic location is the last contingency!) The second company is much less high tech. He looks at the house. He looks at the yard. He says, "Probably right over there." Gets out a metal detector, and he's right. Gets out a notebook and a pencil, does some geometry, and starts digging.
Nails it! Spot on! But it's five feet down. Why? No one knew where the tank ever was, so somewhere along the line, an owner did some landscaping, and put a lovely stone wall and terraced the land...right on top of the tank.
--Prologue-not for the squeamish-
The "mat" or "cake" (the level of solid in the tank) was less than a foot from the top of the tank. That's 1000 gallons of solid waste. 1000 gallons!
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