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Reciprocity? Really?

By
Real Estate Agent with Villager Realty 847-878-2588 475139208

rec·i·proc·i·ty  / ˌresəˈpräsətē/ • n. the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit.

Reciprocity means give and take.

"If you give, it will be given back to you." or NOT

Here is my little story or maybe a small rant at the end.  Well I really do not enjoy all the rants, well I do enjoy them especially because of  the comments.  Of course we love the people who agree with us and not so much with others :)

Here is a scenario. You meet a professional and he invites you for a coffee and you think that you are meeting someone who knows what reciprocity means. At the coffee place the story comes to the point where you get 10+ business cards and few phone calls after that.

This professional DUDE or a nice professional lady; not even close to acquaintance was looking for referrals. Well great. I have my business cards ready, too.

Let's say you like that person and you send some business their way. Now you ask them to reciprocate. Their answer goes like this. I am so sorry Real Estate is tough now. Nobody is really buying.

Nobody is buying?  Really ?
At the bottom of the page you can see few numbers to show you how wrong you are, you PROFESSIONAL.

It reminds me to the "Really" skit with Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler on SNL.

Nobody is buying. Really?

12 months back sold homes.

Des Plaines: 693
Glenview: 446
Morton Grove: 183
Mount Prospect: 405
Niles: 216
Northfiled: 46
Northbrook: 350
Park Ridge: 302
Skokie: 431

 

Homes By Haris

 

Comments (48)

Emily Lowe
RE/MAX Homes and Estates, Lipman Group - Nashville, TN
Nashville TN Realtor

Well, whatever the reason for the lack of reciprocity on the part of this individual, I would say it's time to move on to someone who will!!!

Nov 15, 2009 03:22 PM
David Dee
RMX REALTY - Alhambra, CA
Real Estate - San Gabriel Valley (L.A.) & N. Orang

From the desk of David Dee,

Haris, 2-way street is the way to go but it doesn't always happen. When sending business to lenders it would be nice to get some buyer leads back. However, reality and fantasy don't always go hand in hand. The key is referring clients to someone who CAN perform and DO it honestly. I"ve run into some lenders in the past where I referred businesses and it didn't turned out well as they did not performed. We need to be mindful of who we are sending referrals to.

Nov 15, 2009 03:28 PM
Inna Hardison
ha media group - Orlando, FL
Wordpress for Real Estate & Design, Print HaMedia Group

Haris - I read and reread your post and all the comments, and it seems that there is little disagreement about the main point of this post, at least not in the way it came across, and the reactions it triggered.  Please don't condescend to me by now stating that you meant to say something other than what you said, and you are, surprisingly on the same page as me and a few others on here.

You were ranting about reciprocity being a two-way street.  That, in and of itself, implies that you EXPECT referrals from those you refer to, as apparently do so many of your readers.  I was hoping that real estate and mortgage professionals gave referrals to people BEST suited to serve the needs of the client. 

If you refer someone to your friend's restaurant for dinner and they hate their meal, they are out $50 bucks or, at worst, have to suffer through a stomache upset.  You refer someone to an agent ill-qualified to help a buyer and you just botched up someone's dream of homeownership...

Anyway, this is how you feel and it's fine.  There is no need to try to 'reinvent' what you have written above to suit a few of us disgruntled readers.  We are all entitled to our opinions, I hope. 

Nov 15, 2009 03:35 PM
Ruthmarie Hicks
Keller Williams NY Realty - 120 Bloomingdale Road #101, White Plains NY 10605 - White Plains, NY

I see the confusion, but I understand what Haris is saying.  If someone expects you to give them business and provides you with cards - I would assume that they feel comfortable enough with the person they are asking the favor of to give them some business as well.  Now, if Haris had initiated the card exchange it would be a different story.

Nov 15, 2009 04:27 PM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Haris,

I did not write my blog with the intent to attack you, absolutely not. You wanted to get the discussion, and that's what happened. Because it was featured, it got way more attention, and more scrutiny along with that.

As it often happens, things are rarely black and white. You looked at one side of it, I thought of another. I do not want this discussion to be bitter, there is no reason for that. It is a good post whether I agree with it or not.

Congratulations on the feature.

Have many more

Nov 15, 2009 04:29 PM
Haris Dedic
Villager Realty 847-878-2588 - Glenview, IL
Glenview Real Estate - Chicago North Shore

Inna ~ you have heard my opinion and obviously you don't like it.

You can read and re read and you will never understand it,  as is obvious from your replies.

I clearly understand your point from your replies. However, no matter what my reply, you seem fast to tell me what you think I am saying and then accuse me of reinventing.

As you say, we are all entitled to our opinions. Thank you for your permission.

Nov 15, 2009 04:43 PM
David Dee
RMX REALTY - Alhambra, CA
Real Estate - San Gabriel Valley (L.A.) & N. Orang

From the desk of David Dee,

Whoa! There seemed to be some tension going on here. Everyone is bound to their opinions as that is part of the freedom of speech. It would behooves everyone commenting to be a little more diplomatic about what they say.

There is no need to get bent out of shape as we are all 'professional'. Disagreements are heathly as it spurn debates. However, we should learn to choose our words wisely as not to be so 'offensive'. Words can be misconstrue and this leads to miscommunication. It is a disappointment. This is NOT healthy.

Nov 15, 2009 07:18 PM
Dave Humphrey, Broker
RE/MAX Marketplace - Celebration, FL
Real Estate Advice You Can TRUST!

She's a taker not a giver. I have found most of the formal business builder "networks" are filled with takers as well. Get used to it!

Nov 15, 2009 10:30 PM
Tim Maitski
Atlanta Communities Real Estate Brokerage - Atlanta, GA
Truth, Excellence and a Good Deal

Harris, I thought about your post more and I think the question this brings up is how does one build a relationship with other professionals in order that they trust and like you so they are willing to send you referrals?

Is it merely sending someone some business and having them feel obliged to return the favor?

The only mention of any relationship being built is when you write:

"Let's say you like that person and you send some business their way. Now you ask them to reciprocate."

Your decision to send business his way was because you liked him.   I will assume that you also trusted him to do a good job.  So the question is, how do you go about getting him to trust you and like you so he feels comfortable testing you out with some of his referrals? 

I've been a member of a BNI group to try to do exactly that.  I see my referral partners every week.  I see how punctual they are and how they present themselves.  I see them make presentations showing me that they know their stuff.  I meet with them one to one and learn more about them personally.  I listen to others give testimonials about how they solved problems for their clients.  Only then will I give them a test referral.  If I don't get referrals in return, I look at myself and try to figure out what I'm not doing to communicate to the others all of my fine qualities.  That's the hardest thing to do.  But until you figure it out, you'll keep running into the same problem no matter where you go.

Nov 15, 2009 10:56 PM
Jean Richer
Keller Williams Realty Inc. - Orléans, ON
Straight Talk on Real Estate

I agree, it has to be win-win or no deal!

Nov 15, 2009 11:26 PM
Ray Moore
Bekins A-1 Movers, Inc. - Atlanta, GA
Moving Right Along!

When it comes to reciprocity, it works best to have no expectation of a referred lead from the person you just gave one to. True reciprocity is an attitude of knowing that as you give, you'll receive, but not neccassarilly from the same source. As a mover, I have Realtors who refer me to their clients. I appreciate that and refer those people to whomever I feel can help them, as well. But, how often do I have a chance to refer someone to a Realtor? Not often. When I do, I have 5 Realtors I can refer. Who do I choose? The one best suited for the referee.

But, I know that if I refer someone to a friend, I'm going to be refer by someone else. This dawned on me when I had my own business and found that whenever I would ramp up my marketing, the phone would ring. But the people calling were not from the sources I was marketing to. When I relaxed on the marketing because I was getting too busy and didn't have the time, the phone would stop ringing. It's just the way it works.

When the expectation of giving for getting comes into it, you'll be disappointed. Freely recieve, freely give, without the expectation of getting in return. It comes back to you, but rarely from the same source.

Just my two cents.

Nov 16, 2009 01:38 AM
Tim Ludemann
Ochopee, FL

Great blog and soem "professionals" act that way some don't...congrats on the feature

Nov 16, 2009 02:59 AM
April Hayden-Munson
Brookfield, WI
Brookfield Wisconsin Real Estate

I like Ray's response!  I expect to get some business back with referrals, but not all have the opportuinity to do so.  Thinking like Ray - the big circle comes around, even if not from the person you expect it from.

Nov 16, 2009 06:33 AM
The Somers Team
The Somers Team at KW Philadelphia - Philadelphia, PA
Delivering Real Estate Happiness

Harris - Rock on !!!!  And congrats on the featured post !  Well deserved.  It is crazy how "referrals" work out sometimes.  Always a 2-way street with good relationships : )

Nov 16, 2009 09:39 AM
Jenny Kotulak
RE/MAX Real Estate Centre Inc., Brokerage - Oakville, ON
Broker - Oakville Ontario Real Estate

Haris, congratulations on your feature.  I think discussion is great but I must say I was sad to see the following comment on your post:

"This whole thing is rather icky on too many levels to list at the moment, and I can't believe this got featured. "

I wrote a post once and someone made the same type of comment that they didn't see why it got featured.

It really upset me as I had no control over what got featured.  This is very hurtful and unnecessary.  The powers that be read posts all day and all night and decide which ones to feature for a variety of different reasons.  They obviously felt your post had merit.

To begrudge anyone getting a feature is rude and uncalled for.

Nov 18, 2009 04:52 PM
Haris Dedic
Villager Realty 847-878-2588 - Glenview, IL
Glenview Real Estate - Chicago North Shore

David Dee ~ Thanks your opinions. We should always be polite even when we disagree, but no matter what will always have people who enjoy putting you down. 

Phillip it happened same to me, but this one took me over the edge.

Emily ~ Thanks for sharing your comment. We do have to move on.

Ruthmarie ~ great point. We do meet for some coffee, but what next :)

Dave ~ Now spot them from far away. 

Jean ~ I like when people agree :)

April I agree with Ray to. Not all referrals become clients.

Christoper and Stephanie ~ thanks for your support. You did motivate me many times.

I am not against people disagreeing. I still stand behind my post. And here is why.

There is a long way before a referral becomes a client. 

Reciprocity - Referral - Client - Relationship ------------- Closed Transaction

Some of the comments should be under "How to Convert a Referral, How to Gain Trust" etc.  

Reciprocated referral does not have 100% guaranty.

Nov 20, 2009 05:19 AM
Haris Dedic
Villager Realty 847-878-2588 - Glenview, IL
Glenview Real Estate - Chicago North Shore

Jenny ~ Sometimes I am shocked with the comments on ActiveRain. We can disagree in a polite way.

Maybe my next post that would involve a debate should be. "Debbie Downer" and/or "Social media know it all".

Nov 20, 2009 05:26 AM
Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Red Rock Real Estate (435) 632-9374 - St. George, UT
St. George Utah Area Residential Sales Agent

Haris, I agree with Jenny regarding the comments made and the fact that someone couldn't see 'why' your post was featured. I say "Why not?!" In our business, we should be reciprocating with our affiliates and if it doesn't happen, then find those who do and will. Congratulations on the feature Haris!

Nov 21, 2009 01:35 AM
Haris Dedic
Villager Realty 847-878-2588 - Glenview, IL
Glenview Real Estate - Chicago North Shore

Wanda ~ Thanks for stopping by and congratulating me.  Love the "Why Not?", appreciate the support.

Nov 21, 2009 07:39 AM
Sylvie Conde
Sutton Group-Associates Realty Inc., Brokerage - Toronto, ON
Broker, Toronto Real Estate

Although I think it would be nice to get a referral from someone I give a referral to, that is not why I do it, or what's top of mind.

If I give someone a referral, it's because I believe that person is the best one to look after my client's best interests.  The way someone will look after my client, and how my client feels after everything is all over, is most important.

Would it be great for them to reciprocate?  Maybe, but then again, I would hope that they do so, because they think I'm the best 'man' for the job - and the one who will provide the best service and support to the client.

 

Nov 22, 2009 07:16 AM