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61 Comments on When It Is A House Divided
Great ideas and tips for this all too common situation, thanks for the post.
Been there done that! Thank God mine wasn't a war of the roses....but I was smart and when I could see things were going south...I started paying off all of our "in common" debt...we are in a community property state. At the divorce hearing the only things left owing were one car and the house and I let him have those in exchange for my kid. That's all I really cared about at that point! But couples get so vengeful and hateful that they fail to see they are shooting theirselves in the foot by being ugly in this process. Sad...
Good advice for an unfortunate situation. This is a great example of when the adage, "patience is a virtue," holds true.
Great info. I will definitely apply it to our listings.
Nice post and I hope that reaches the ears of those that need to hear it.
Great idea for a blog and very helpful as well..congrats on the feature.
Claudette - I agree! Divorce has been a motivating factor in many a listing!
Brian - You're right! Lawyers can often exacerbate issues between divorcing couples.
Laura - Money problems certainly can be a major factor to relationship woes.
Janice - Often couples think they need to get their power in early on a divorce. . .This can work against the best interests of everyone. Especially the kids!
Jean - It isn't always easy as you say. . .But going through the steps of trying to be cordial, can make the process easier with time.
Tony - It's really a tough market. I suspect many troubled couples think the economic gods are conspiring against them!
Jane - Thanks for your comments! They have a great deal of merit!
Millie - It's definitely not easy most of the time.
Chris - I recall one buyer that came through an Open House I was holding on one of my listings. The buyer point blank asked me if my seller's were divorcing, because of the sparce nature of the furnishings. I responded that they were in between moves.
It can also get you more for your home. If a buyer finds out you are selling because of divorce, they use it as a bargaining tool. They know you are desperate to sell because the faster the sale happens, the faster the divorce can be finalized. So, buyers offer less for your home in the hopes that you will just settle for the price, just to get things ove with.
Thank you this is a very timely post.
California has hit an all time high in divorce, with that comes the feeling of poor self worth as a home seller. Unfortunately the home still has some worth even if you don't feel like you do a low self esteem due to the environment you are stuck in and the sometimes damming comments can lead you down a sad path holding the closing statement of a once valuable home.
I will add that you need to keep your family pictures up, clothes in the master bedroom closet also. Good REALTORS spot these clues in a heartbeat!
Joe - Over the years, I've related to that "therapist" role as well:-)
Joyce and Terry - There certainly is a great deal of economic stress in relationships today.
Jody - I have been amazed how quick some buyers pick up on those signs.
Brigita - Thank you! I think there are two professions that rely heavily on a psychology background. That would be bar tending and real estate:-)
Patricia - I've actually seen couples try so hard to make it, but in the end watch the pressure get the most of them. . .It can be heartbreaking to see.
Rob - Showing houses an hour away can take its toll. . .I've only done that once!
Wendy - Perhaps we should put the "therapist" designation on our business cards. . .LOL
Ron and Alexandra - "Exaggerated" is a very good label to put on it!
This reminds me of an awful sale that I had in which the "divided" house listed was a forced sale by the courts. One party moved out, and the other stayed but was reluctant to sell. Ever had a tenant try to sabotage the sale? Try an upset soon-to-be divorce, took some time but eventually it was sold. The trick for me, was to stay as far away from the middle of it as I could. I helped both parties equally and without bias. I also did not let either party bad mouth the other around me. I also ensured that every email, phone call or any communications were distributed equally. Hope it works out for you, excellent topic.
Hi Myrl, Your post is filled with common sense - sometimes that flies out the window when people are in the middle of a divorce, I think! I like Lane's comment above, and was thinking the same thing, to correspond with each party- copy each in emails etc, just in case the communications break down. It might be hard to stay in the house together until it's sold, but it is a better financial move.
Forgot to say, Congratulations on the feature Myrl, and on tackling this very sad and real topic.
Myrl good points all around. Divorce adds ANOTHER stress on top of the moving/selling stress.
Sometimes logical and rational don't work but you are so right it does make our job a bit easier.
Hi Myrl,
Congratulations on the feature Myrl. Great job on covering a very tough issue. I used to see so much of this at the settlement table. Luckily, the majority of seller's in this situation seemed to keep it together through close. With the guidance of a good agent, it probably helps them along even better.
Hi Myrl: And I would add that if one of the parties moves out of the home, leave some of that person's clothing in the closet. Don't make it look like only one of the couple still resides in the home or a buyer's agent might figure out the couple is divorcing. If the agent knows the couple is divorcing, that agent might advise the buyer to offer a lot less, presuming the sellers are desperate to sell.
And let me say again, congratulations on being a featured agent in Sacramento!!
J. Philip - Over the course of the last couple of years, I think agents have found themselves acting more in the "counseling" capacity than in the past. I've seen trauma to families and especially children. I think it's imperitive that we try to alleviate some of that if we can.
Tammy - I've seen that too! One of the more amazing things I experienced was a divorcing, selling couple, who required that I not divulge to each other their new addresses. Both had vacated the property, and rented elsewhere. Imagine their horror, when several months after closing, each had purchased units in the same townhome community. When I look back at that pair, I feel their destinies were somewhat entwined, although not joined:-)
Bob and Carolin - An uncooperative, but occupying seller isn't a good thing!
Jeani - I have lived it too. Mine is a unique story with a different kind of outcome. I purposefully bought a house within 500 feet of my ex husband. That was over 25 years ago. If you are interested in that story, you can click on this link: A Different Kind of Love Story.
Lane - Yes, I have had all those scenarios. . .They aren't easy!
Mary - Divorce and Common Sense are two realms that often don't comingle very well:-)
Gary - You're right! When you stop to consider the top 5 stress inducers in life, divorce and selling a house are right up there among them.
Terry - It sure doesn't make lives easier.
Cathy - Thank you! I also see some improvement in the "maturity" of couples in handling these difficult circumstances. It's one of the reasons I wrote this blog, and also A Different Kind of Love Story. I am really hopeful, folks can see there may be a more beneficial way to handle these things.
Elizabeth - Well thank you for the heads up about being a Sacramento feature agent. I probably would have overlooked that for a few more days. I agree with you regarding the clothing in the closet. I almost think a vacant house is better than having half the furniture and one party's clothing gone.
Hi Myrl, We have heard that more and more couples are staying under the same roof because of the affordability issues. Great tips in keeping it together to help sell the home. Congratulations on the feature!
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