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Couples "Uncoupling" and Owning Real Estate--"Breaking Up is Hard to Do"

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Topkins & Bevans-etopkins@topbev.com

In Massachusetts, where I have been practicing real estate law for more than 40 years, many unmarried couples purchase real estate together. Some engaged people are trying to take advantage of the current low interest rates, and market indecision, to get something "we own before we marry". Other couples, whio never intend to marry, have the inclination to pool their assets to make joint ownership  a part of their personal relationship.

When I assist people in purchases who are in this situation, I explain to them their two ownership options; tenancies in common and joint owners with right of survivorship. Only the extremely practical even consider tenancies in common, whereby at the death of one of the owners, his or her undivided one half interest in the property passes to the person's estate. Almost everyone chooses "joint ownership with right of survivorship" I might add that in each of these situations, I strongly suggest that the parties enter into Tenancy In Common Agreements or Joint Ownership Agreements to provide in advance for the possibility that they may part company from each other while owning the property in both names.

Very few clients are willing to enter into the Agreements I outline above. I may write a future post on what  terms and conditions these documents contain. In any event, most couple says "No", so when a couple breaks up, the "fun" really starts. One party moves out, and says "why should she continue to make the mortgage payments, I no longer live here".  And "by the way, I put down most of the down payment, and I want my money back, NOW" "I will only pay the mortgage payment if I can claim ALL the deductions on my tax return."  "I will not sign for a refinancing, even at better rates, unless you buy me out on my terms" "OK, if you have moved out, I am changing the locks, and you cannot have access to the property" I can honestly tell you I have heard all these statements and more.

There is a judicial solution for these situations. It is called a "Petition for Partition" and it is an equitable proceeding, wherein all the factors involving the Tenancy are examined. It is not cheap!!! It is not fast!! It rarely reaches a conclusion that addresses all the concerns of the parties!!!

When you, as real estate professionals,  see an unmarried couple buying real estate, urge them to enter into some kind of "exit strategy" agreement. It is truly for their own good. A failure to have something in place can only exacerbate the drama of the break up. This piece of advice could be the single most important thing you do for these customers; they will thank you somewhere down the line. Topkins & Bevans are there to help, if any of your customers wish to discuss this entirely sensible, and prudent, strategy.

Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

An exit strategy.  This is probably a very good thing for unmarried couples to consider "before" the purchase of the home.

Jan 23, 2010 12:34 PM
Mike Jaquish
Realty Arts - Cary, NC
919-880-2769 Cary, NC, Real Estate

Elliot,

I love this post.  It resonates with me regarding a recent encounter...

What people who don't want to do a business agreement/prenup/exit strategy document ignore is that our laws and conventions are already in place for married folks.  Unmarried folks are basically engaging in a business transaction without the convenience of marriage laws, and with many fewer definitions, limitations, and protections.

I think I'm going to have to reblog this one....

Jan 23, 2010 01:35 PM
Jennifer Fivelsdal
JFIVE Home Realty LLC | 845-758-6842|162 Deer Run Rd Red Hook NY 12571 - Rhinebeck, NY
Mid Hudson Valley real estate connection

Elliot I have one of those situation right now.  and my suggestion has been ignored.  An exit strategy make sense.

Jan 23, 2010 01:35 PM
Sharon Alters
Coldwell Banker Vanguard Realty - 904-673-2308 - Fleming Island, FL
Realtor - Homes for Sale Fleming Island FL

Elliot, I have a couple who are engaged buying a house. I will mention it to them but it sounds from the others comments that their likely response will be "thanks, but no thanks." At least I can try! A post outlining the differences would be great.

Jan 23, 2010 01:54 PM
Frank Castaldini
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Realtor - Homes for Sale in San Francisco

Love is blind but the neighbors ain't and neither is the law.  I guess we do our best to advise.  Ultimately people do what they do to learn lessons in life.  Sometimes I believe that the lessons are necessary even if you see a Mack truck heading toward them.  Thanks for the good information.

Jan 23, 2010 04:38 PM
Elliott S. Topkins
Topkins & Bevans-etopkins@topbev.com - Boston, MA
Massachusetts Real Estate and Title Atty

To ll who commented:  I am staring to understand the barriers you may be experiencing in bringing something like this up. As an attorney, it is easier for me to suggest but I know that some of my clients will resist. In a world where we are constantkly stiving for opportunities to "re-touch" our customers, it migt not be the silliest thing to send a copy of this post (or some other article which explains the issues) to people who are in this situation

You can just tell them that if things change, the fewer obstacles they have to "moving on" the better.

 

Elliott Topkins

Jan 23, 2010 09:21 PM
Thomas McCombs
Century 21 HomeStar - Akron, OH

Buying real estate together is a lot like getting married.  Easy to get into, not so easy to get out of.

Akron, Ohio

Jan 24, 2010 03:20 AM
Tni LeBlanc, RealtorĀ®, J.D.
Mint Properties, Lic. #01871795 - Santa Maria, CA
Tenacious Tni (805) 878-9879

I do all the time. But they almost NEVER listen.  I won't give up though.

Great post -- right on the money.

Jan 24, 2010 03:47 AM
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

I can kind of understand why they do not make the agreement.  That would be to admit the relationship has problems or is not permanent when they are trying so hard to make it that way.  You might say this is a good argument for marraige over shacking up.  If you are going to be "forever" prove it.

Jan 24, 2010 04:12 AM
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

We have a lot of related couples or "friends" couples buying vacation homes here.  I strongly recommend that they DON'T buy together.  If they ignore my advice,  then I suggest a wriiten exit strategy.

Jan 24, 2010 05:20 AM
Georgie Hunter R(S) 58089
Hawai'i Life Real Estate Brokers - Haiku, HI
Maui Real Estate sales and lifestyle info

Very interesting... buying a home together was exactly the catalyst to my own marriage... now in it's 31st year, and many homes later.  My parents could see that one coming a mile away and encouraged the union, which was a good thing.

Jan 24, 2010 06:27 AM
William James Walton Sr.
WEICHERT, REALTORSĀ® - Briotti Group - Waterbury, CT
Greater Waterbury Real Estate

This was really necessary, Elliott.

Personally, I would rather not assist unmarried couples who have no intention of making their living arrangements a permanent relationship through marriage to purchase a home, but I digress (one of my other hats was speaking then, LOL).

The suggestion of having a written exit strategy for those who insist on buying together without the benefit of marriage is a good one, one that I hope many people will actually use.

Jan 24, 2010 08:14 AM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH@properties - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Elliott, you've written yet another really important post.  I have a chapter in my book, "Buying in Sin", that I make my clients read.  And now I find myself contemplating a purchase with my Sweetie.  And I gotta tell you, I'm so far gone that even I am thinking about throwing caution to the wind. 

Jan 24, 2010 11:31 AM
Shanna Hall
Real Estate Solutions - Kirkwood, MO
I love selling houses!!!St. Louis, MO 314-703-1311

I always dicuss the situation with my clients and explain that it will get very hairy if a break up occurs...  All of them ignore my suggestions. 

Jan 24, 2010 11:49 AM
Ruth Siegel
Coldwell Banker - Port St Lucie, FL

I feel that purchasing Real Estate by unmarried people should be considerd a business venture. When you join forces with another, (even if ga ga about each other) it is still business! If approached in this manner it should be understandable by both. Very simple. No scare tactics, just business.

 ruthsellsflorida@juno.com

Jan 24, 2010 12:02 PM
Elliott S. Topkins
Topkins & Bevans-etopkins@topbev.com - Boston, MA
Massachusetts Real Estate and Title Atty

Patricia--Thanks for the kind words. It's funny; after RainCamp I feel my posts are easier to write. I have some other things to say, and I am going to say them. I would like to read your book.

 

Best,

 

Elliott

Jan 24, 2010 02:00 PM
Mike Henderson
Your complete source for buying HUD homes - Littleton, CO
HUD Home Hub - 303-949-5848

Great advice and I will mention that to all buyers that I come across in that situation.

Jan 24, 2010 03:48 PM
Joetta Fort
The DiGiorgio Group - Arvada, CO
Independent Broker, Homes Denver to Boulder

That is so true. What I've seen several times is the guy can't be on the loan due to bad credit, but the gal qualifies, so she's the only one on title but he says he'll pay half the mortgage. Then, he buys all the furniture. When they break up, he takes all the furniture and she's stuck in a house she can't furnish and can't make payments on unless she finds a roomate. Soon, her credit is ruined too.

Jan 25, 2010 02:01 AM
Kathleen Ann Pacheco-Corbett
(FIRST Exclusive Buyer's Office Providence-RI) - Providence, RI
Realtor, RI-MA, CEBA, Master, e-Pro, ABR, ABRM, GR

ELLIOTT: I am so fortunate to have found your blog today when I did a search for "notebook" I became a subscriber of yours since I feel you have tremendous expertise in your field to blog on AR and share with us. This particular post reminded me of a sad situation when a woman contacted me to help her buy a new home, She had given her 2F home to who son who married and added his new wife to the deed and had removed his mother's name but told her she could always live there for life ( no proper agreement was written), long story short, her son died, daughter-in law remarried and told her to leave. So Sad

Great advice for having an exit strategy and providing intentions on paper written by attorneys. Thanks.

Jan 25, 2010 05:29 AM
Wayne B. Pruner
Oregon First - Tigard, OR
Tigard Oregon Homes for Sale, Realtor, GRI

Makes sense to me, but none of my clients have taken my advice on this yet. We're in LOVE....

Jan 27, 2010 01:49 PM