Friday Funny

> Dear Citizens,
>
> Due to the current financial situation caused by the
> slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a
> scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early
> retirement.
>
> This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People
> Early).
>
> Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be
> considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced
> Termination).
>
> Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
> under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early
> Workers).
>
> A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
> many times as Congress deems appropriate.
>
> Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
> Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
> for Retired Personnel
>  Early Severance).
>
> Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
> SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.
>
> Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
> as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
> Congress has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT they
> give our citizens.
>
> Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
> bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has
> been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
>
> Sincerely,
> The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives
> (E.V.I.L.)
>
> PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
> electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market
> conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been
> turned off.