You Might Be A Realtor If...

Real Estate is not your typical job. In over 12 years in this field, I've experienced some amusing incidents. 

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a Redneck if" jokes, I've decided to compile a list for Realtors. The only difference is...these things have really happened to me. If you're a Realtor, you'll probably be able to relate to some of these stories.

Here goes. "You might be a Realtor if..."  

You view a run-down, fixer-upper and feel your legs start to itch. Then you realize your feet and ankles are covered with fleas.

You show a house with a back deck on the second floor that has no stairs. The only entry to the deck is from the house. While you're on the deck, the buyer's child closes the patio door and everyone is locked out on the deck.

You made an appointment on another company's listing only to unlock the door and have someone inside yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!"

You're showing a house and open the door to the garage for your buyers to walk through. You see them turn white and freeze in place. Then you hear the snarl and bark of a large dog. You slam the door as fast as you can, just as you hear the dog hit the door.

You walk down to a boat dock with clients, step off a wooden step onto the grass, and snap your ankle. This is called the sympathy angle of selling. Really don't recommend this method, especially on a lower priced home.

You have an elderly home seller call and lecture you because you and your buyers didn't look at their house long enough.

You show a fixer upper and scream when a squirrel runs in from around the corner and under your feet.

You get soaked walking back to the vehicle from a boat dock because the sky suddenly opened up in a downpour. You use paper towels at the next house to dry off.

You open a lockbox and drop the key. Does it land on the porch? No. It magically fits through the cracks in the deck and falls to the ground below. So you have to get down on your hands and knees, crawl under the deck, and rummage through the leaves for the key.

You lose your phone and find it fell out of your pocket into the potted plant next to the front door of the last house you showed.

You stand by awkwardly as your buyers get into a heated argument over a house. He likes it and wants to make an offer, she doesn't.

You make an appointment on another company's listing. You go inside,  open a bedroom door and flip on the lights to discover someone asleep in the bed.

You have an elderly client faint in the driveway of a home.

You play baby sitter when your clients' child tries to grab all the breakable things he can in every house while mom and dad are oblivious to his actions.

You leave your lockbox key at the previous house and have to go back to get it.

You try, try, and try to unlock a door, but neither your or your client can make the key work.

You show a home to a couple and the dogs are locked in the basement. When you open the door, they take off running through the whole house. It takes both you and the husband to get the dogs back in the basement when it's time to leave. To top it off, the wife is terrified of dogs and has long since retreated to the vehicle.

You show a home where the owner is present. The owner also built the home so you get the grand tour, down to the last amazing detail: a porch light on the front porch. This guy thought of everything.

You show a home where you have to step over more than one pile of dog poop and we're talking inside, not out.

You open a lockbox to find there is no key inside or you look everywhere to find there is no lockbox.

You show up at a home after making an appointment. The owner's son is there and asks you to wait a minute, which turns into five. When you're allowed inside, there's a funny smell in the air, like something illegal mixed with air freshener.

You pick up a client and she swings your car door open so far that it hits the yard sign and puts a dent in your vehicle. Of course, she doesn't apologize or apparently even notice.

You show a house and the owner's dog jumps up and puts his muddy paws on your shirt. You get to spend the rest of the day in a muddy shirt.

You print off an information sheet for every home your buyers plan to see. They decide it's much more fun to put the information sheets away and ask you all of their questions. Why look at a silly, old piece of paper?

You have a client ask you to stop so he can get something to drink for him and his child. Once back in your brand new vehicle, the child proceeds to vigorously shake his bottle of soda before opening it, while his father pays absolutely no attention. You take the soda from the child and tell him he can have it at the next stop.

You open the mini blinds to show the view and they fall off the wall.

You have someone email you that they don't want to see your listing because the white spot on one of the pictures is a ghost.

You drive a couple around for hours showing them homes. Then the husband thanks for your time, but says his wife didn't want to move here in the first place and today didn't change her mind.

You try to distract the dog/cat that isn't supposed to go outside, but is just waiting for someone to open the door wide enough for an escape as everyone leaves.

You have a client ask if it's okay if she smokes in your vehicle. You politely tell her no so she decides not to look at property.

At the end of a long, hot day of showing homes, you pull up to the last one. There's no sign, but sometimes there isn't one. Then, there's no lockbox. So you knock on the door and find out you're on Greenbrier Drive instead of Greenbrier Street. So you ask the owners if they want to sell their house since you're already there.

Believe it or not, I still love selling real estate. It's never boring!