T
he majority of my clients are married couples, like me. Couples bring a particular set of challenges to the table when buying real estate. For example, clients who recently came to my office for their initial 'wants and needs' interview stated entirely different lifestyle preferences right off the bat.
"I want to live in a neighborhood and build relationships with neighbors", said the wife.
"I want to live in a forest setting. I love the woods", said the husband. Both of them laughed at each other and at my raised eyebrows.
Then there was the couple who was relocating to the Napa Valley from another state. They started emailing me separately, lobbying for their strong preferences of outdoor living styles. She wanted a large back yard for entertaining and gardening. He said he didn't ever want to own a lawn mower again- in all capital letters! They ended up buying a house that backed to a vineyard with a large rear yard, a pool, raised bed gardens, and a massive deck- not a single blade of grass.
These physical preference differences between the sexes aren't difficult to overcome compared to the difference between the way men and women approach negotiation and sealing the deal. This issue hits very close to home for me. Before I was licensed and active in real estate, my husband and I purchased three homes in the Napa Valley during a down swing in prices in the late 1990's. Each and every time, over a three year period, I forced him into looking, offering and signing the deals. Each and every negotiation he wanted to walk away from the purchase over what i saw as negligible amounts of money (in the big picture). If left to his instincts I can tell you with 100% certainty we'd still be renters.
Today, those three houses are our comfortable retirement. Now he brags about "our" timing and "our" foresight. Okay, fine, whatever. This real estate dynamic gets repeated to me over and again by many couples.
Call it moxy, call it instinct. When it comes to real estate many women get that, in real estate, the definition of 'winning' is owning. But to get to the owning you have to exit a negotiation with the prize, which isn't bragging rights about walking away over a $2,500 difference. It all comes down to how the sexes define success differently. A man wants to win the negotiation battle. Women want to win the financial security war.
Let's face it, ego plays an integral role in our society, and it is part and parcel of our progress as a species. I'm just saying there are reasons we enter into partnerships: finding balance in our individual strengths and weaknesses is one of those reasons. Buying real estate is one of the largest partnership decisions couples make. Not every couple follows the male/female dynamic I use as an example here, but regardless of sex, in most partnerships one person is more reason based, and one is more ego based. Both play key roles in the success of the partnership. When it comes to buying real estate, I am suggesting that the reason based partner should take the lead.
In my personal experience, and in my experience selling real estate for the last ten years, females tend to dominate the reason-based approach to real estate the vast percentage of the time- but I have seen the opposite on occasion.
Bottom line-when it comes to owning real estate, listen to the feminine side of reason. And if your partner is anything like mine, eventually, bragging rights about smart real estate investments become a plural pronoun, and it's all good.
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