1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
Broker, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac.
I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track
her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal
peace. One day should do it.
4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house
is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter
transportation.
5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have
that deadline to meet....
7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.
8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and,
hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help
you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't
come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false
information.
11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me
this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
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