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14 Comments on Good Clean Jokes Needed
A Texan walks in to a deli in New york and says to the little man behind the counter in a thick drawl I want a half a bologna. The man behind the counter says, "Yes sir 1/2 pound of Bologna coming up! . The Texan says No I want a haf a Bologna. The little guy repeats yes sir 1/2 pound bologna coming up. The Texan, who is a large fellow , Gets Red and says Listen to me I want a half a bologna. The deli man looks a bit bewildered and say wait one minute . He goes into the back of the deli to his parnter Irv. He does not know that the Texan is folloing him to the back of the store. He says Irv you wouldn't believe the idiot I have out front. He wants a Half of Bologna. I think the only thing holding in his brains is that stupid hat he is wearing. He then dturns around and sees the Texan behind him and without missing a beat say , Ans Irv this gentle mean here wants the other half.
If I ever want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Few women admit their age… few men act it
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure...
Give me ambiguity Or give me something else!
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
Don’t criticize your wife’s judgment. Remember who she married.
Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday!
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think
Hey, if I stopped to apologize for every stupid thing I've done I wouldn't have time to do more stupid things.
If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate
This one was just posted by Brigita McKelvie on AR:
A pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote, "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10".
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in laughter.
Revelation 3:10 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
How a good Italian in New York gets listings.
Hey, I can sell your house today or I can sell your vacant lot tomorrow. When do you want me to take pictures?
Come take a look at some of the posts on Friday Funnies!
Charlie ---- great --- thanks so much -- I love it -- is a definite for my class.
Mark ---- gosh --- thanks so much -- you gave me quite a few.
Melinda ----thanks so much -- I love it -- this is another definite one for my use.
Connie ---- thanks so much for stopping by and for your contribution to my jokes library.
Now, Liz ---- that is a great idea -- why didn't I think about that? Just been too busy to think. Thanks.
I have a question for YOU. How in the heck did you get your FB, Twitter and LinkedIn buttons and links added to your signature? I've been trying for DAYS but have had no luck yet. Thought I could just copy & paste badges that I've downloaded to the signature, then link them to the sites, but I can't make that happen. Please help me!!! Thanks.
Ms. Liz, I visited your blog looking for cows and got a bunch of funny suff instead! I think your cows would make a great Speechless Sunday post!
Patsy -- thanks for the question -- I will write a post about that very thing today. Be on the look out.
Pat ---- I had not had time to even look at the photo to see if it is printable --think I may post it as name that photo -- the cows are so far away.
