How do you know when to let go of a relationship, a job or a way of Life?Are there neon signs flashing in front of you, glaringly staring you in the face, or is it a slow attrition of feelings, a growing discontent looming larger and larger until it becomes unbearable?
Someone once said that inertia is a comfortable way of being for most people.Inertia brings to mind that ride at the fair: you get into this large saucer and then it starts spinning so fast that you are literally pushed into the wall you’re leaning on and you can’t move, get off or even fall off of it.I guess that’s how it is in Life too…
Complacency is Inertia’s twin sister.No one actually comes out and says: “I’m complacent!” No, they invoke very precise reasons for their complacency: the kids, finances, the job, the business… the reasons are many and varied.Why don’t people actually fess up and tell the truth, at least to themselves?“I’m scared” is a good start.Scared to take chances, scared we may be making a mistake, scared we may miss those things that are good in the relationship, the job, the location.
“Security” is a goal for many people.I never understood that term.Just think about it: The Earth spins at over 1,000 miles per hour (if that's not enough to make you dizzy, I don't know what is!), speeding around the Sun at 67,000 miles per hour.We are made up of 100 trillion cells; each one of them has to function correctly and in concert with the others in order for us to merely exist.A single shift in tectonic plates, a tsunami, a hurricane or any one of a thousand natural occurrences can cause our demise.Achieving “Security” is virtually impossible!Reality check: we are vulnerable!Every day spent alive is a minor miracle.Should we not honor that privilege by living fully?
John Mayer has a song I love: “Say what you need to say!”When I listen to it, I comprehend the weight of that message.Say what you need to say with your words and with your Life!Live authentically; live fully! If that means letting go of a relationship, a job or a location, so be it!
Mirela, so well put, your way with words is beautiful! We have an obligation to ourselves to live life to its greatest potential, so why not live it with a purpose. Faith in God and His Word is a good start!
How to let go when a relationship is not good. Very good question. Sometime i hang on and others i just walk away. I don't know if there is a great EXIT strategy.
Mirela- I can't imagine YOU spending too much time with Inertia and Complacency. I love this post and think it's something we all need to read from time to time.
Too often ego involvement can't allow us to separate ourselves and see clearly what is an obvious decision. Most of the times it is minor, but I have seen some instances of going down with the ship.
Joe: I sure wish I knew what you meant! I understand it as a generality, I just can't wrap my head around it for specifics. Have you really seen the ship go down based on somethig minor? I guess I'm unique then. I drive my relationships until there are no more wheels on them!
Kathy: It happens... I don't like change, just as much as the next person. I am afraid of making a mistake, just as much as the next person. I am so overwhelmed by the sheer weight of my business right now, with over a dozen ongoing deals, all of them either short sales or REO's, a son in the war (Afghanistan), a teenage daughter who loves me one day and hates me the next, a newly diagnosed Hashimoto disease and an ardent wish to participate in the Haiti relief efforts (and doing it too!).
I wrote this blog to remind myself of the important. I will revisit this post with regularity in the weeks and months to come...
You are a very dynamic and fully alive person. I think in your relationships once in awhile you need to ride instead of driving them "until there are no more wheels" If you can trust the other person to drive it will feel good to let your guard down. Hey it took me quite awhile to get it right. As far as the teenage daughter trust your feelings. I once had a person tell me one time that there will be times that they say they hate you but, months or years later they will grow up and realize you were right.
I think in your relationships once in awhile you need to ride instead of driving them "until there are no more wheels" If you can trust the other person to drive, it will feel good to let your guard down."
I was chatting with my sister today and we came upon the subject of the "Specialists", those "experts" who write the books and give the motivational talks about making your life better. In our circle of friends, we have a couple of fairly prominent shrinks and a popular motivational speaker / author. No offense, but those people don't have their Lives together. They have just as many problems as the rest of us, maybe even more... No one has the recipe on Life. It's all trial and error and luck of the draw...
Socrates said: “The unexamined life is not worth living." Being aware and working to balance one's Life, are the best and only solutions... Keeping a watchful eye on the days that keep slipping by and making sure you're packing enough Living into them. Being keenly aware of the moments, the beautiful moments, memories of which can last a lifetime...
Yes, it is sad that our days are numbered, but isn't it just grand that we're in them NOW?!
I'll leave you with some of my favorite sayings about the passage of our Lives' time:
Eva: We live in a disposable society. "The instant gratification" and the "what's in it for me" factors are hard at work here. While I agree that the "luster" of a new relationship may be shinier, it is the alloy underneath all that glitz that makes for a deep and meaningful experience. The push and pull of human relationships, as coarse and tense as they can be, do much to develop us as people. It is a lot easier to let go of a relationship when it gets "a little too close for comfort", when that person knows and examines us in all our unflattering glory, but it's precisely then, that we must persevere and hang on to the relationship. The things that are revealed are well worth the effort...
I have learnt this by observation: single people, who have been single for a long time, are a lot more set in their ways and the depth of their World is limited. People who manage to stay in long term relationships, particularly good, long term relationships, have learnt to navigate the seas of human relations better, they understand about compromise, delayed gratification, loyalty and friendship, all necessary items in every day life. By expanding their World within the relationship, these people have expanded their World, period! Lessons learnt in the relationship flow into every day life and render both a deeper exploration and a more meaningful journey.
What Larry was talking about is a necessary component.It’s not a matter of liking it – for this acquiescing of control is not a comfortable endeavor for many people.Relinquishing control makes one vulnerable.It is exactly this vulnerability that is both dangerous and necessary in order for the relationship to progress to the next level, and it is the very thing that is most difficult to accomplish.
Relationships can be illuminating.The Intimate relationships we have with our significant others can lead us to much growth and understanding.The journey is not easy and at times it is downright treacherous.
Las Vegas has the Venetian, a fine mega hotel/casino built to resemble Venice.They have the canals and the gondolas, the gilded walls, the stained glass, the sculptures and the art work.It is reminiscent of Venice, but it is no Venice.I’ve been to Venice.Its pulse, its smell, its music and its energy have no comparison to the limited and sterilized Vegas version of it.It’s the same with relationships:the new and shiny romance versus the deeply “lived in” version…And while it’s infinitely easier to make it to Vegas, the memories and the experience garnered by actually being in the Real Venice are incomparable, pluff mud smell and all…
Mirela, I noticed you changed your status on FB the other day - is that the inspiration for this post? "Who Moved My Cheese" inspired me to leave the safe harbor of my part time job and join my husband in real estate. It was risky because that meant neither one of us had a salary. But it worked. But we all still have to fight inertia all the time...
Claude: I'm on the path. I've made some major changes since this blog opened my eyes. I discovered that I could actually get just as much work done by changing some things: prioritizing, cutting conversations, applying deadlines. I worked way too many hours. I've also discovered that being complacent and staying in a less desirable situation causes an overall paralysis of sorts. Once the chu chu train gets going, it just zooms by. Fringe benefit: I have more quality time to spend with my daughter. I'm even catching up on my reading AND my sleep!
Thank you for the lovely words! I really enjoyed them!
Hi, Mirela. People are afraid of the unknown so they are reluctant to let go of the familiar, even when it doesn't satisfy them or makes them unhappy. When they finally do let go, they so often say, "I wonder why I didn't do that sooner!" or "I wish I'd done that sooner!"
I usually know when to let go by listening to my inner self, that little birdie on the inside for lack of a better phrase. This was not always the case it was a truly a work in progress and took time to really know me, what makes me happy, and what I truly wanted for myself, my life, and what I would tolerate from others, a job, etc. I guess what I am trying to say is that with better self awareness through years, I have become more adept at knowing when to let go.
I never want to hang on to anything for so long that I miss out on what is truly meant for me and my ultimate happiness.
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Confession: I wrote this blog primarily for myself. I have spent too much time lately with the two sisters: Inertia and Complacency...
If it resonates with you, then all the better. Either way, it was worth the emotional drain clarity inadvertently imparts...