Hanoi Jane's Restaurant opens at the Legends in Kansas City

With all of the other exciting things going on at The Legends the announcement of a new Asian food restaurant opening barely got noticed. Recent additions to the area have included a new Toyota Dealership, The Schlitterbahn Water Park, The Kansas City Wizards Stadium and the addition of new outlet themed stores coming the the area.

Brokered by Turn-Key Properties LLC, this newest addition to the area will offer fine Vietnamese food in a casual setting.

The restaurant will feature a full size anti aircraft gun for you to pose for pictures on with the staff. They will be happy to loan you a helmet to wear.

The restaurant will be located at the Village West near the popular Ted's Montana Grill, Noting the irony of the location restaurateur and former Hoa Lo (Hanoi Hilton) camp commander Tran Trong Duyet stated: Jane and I have a long history and this venue will serve the finest of Vietnamese Cuisine"!

Elated; Jane Fonda boasted "Americans should not hail the POWs as heroes, because they are hypocrites and liars''.

The menu will offer many Vietnamese delicacies such as:

• Rice Soup - A special concoction of small bits of moldy rice in a large pot of boiling water.
• Fried Rat- A special delicacy often touted as a main source of protein by American Soldiers. Slowly roasted over a small fire while huddled in a corner.
  
• Kung-Poo Stew - a delicate mixture of human feces and urine slowly brewed in a tin cup and served with a side of rat entrails.
  
• Bamboo and Brine - After removing the bamboo shoots from their fingernail beds, the cooks boil the slivers of bamboo in their own blood to soften it enough to be eaten. Served with a side of Rat-Poo a little known Vietnamese delicacy.

The Blue Room

• A subtle room that will compel you to tell your deepest secrets, a place of redemption for your transgressions and forgiveness for your sins against humanity.
  
• The Blue Room is world famous for getting you to bare your soul.
• Live out your deepest fetish in "tight cuffs", ropes and chains.

Heartbreak Hotel

• A truly solitary experience, you will dine alone on succulent dishes of water and rice, intermixed with an occasional rat bowel.
• Solitude is good for the soul and you will find solitude here like no where else on earth!

Occasionally we are granted the gift of song and dance from American Socialites and Actresses who come to entertain. Please be careful not to divulge too much information to them, they have been known to transmit secret messages to the wait staff, who have been known to react harshly.

Some of our guest include former Presidential Candidate, John McCain and even Admiral Stockdale. We have wined and dined with many famous people and welcome you to our new facility here in Kansas City.

As part of America's new Obama Culture we eagerly await your entrance to our fine establishment. recognized by the United Nations as a truly new cultural experience you have never experienced anything like this.

Much like Hotel California, You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

Ted Turner was unavailable for comment. During the Grand opening and any related book signings, chewing tobacco will not be allowed in the restaurant.

Turn-Key Properties LLC is thrilled to have worked so hard to bring this exceptional dining opportunity to Kansas City. We are your source for Kansas City Commercial Real Estate.

April Fools! hahahaha