I woke up in a strange bed this morning. Alone. With a bunch of wires taped to my head, face and neck, and sensors strapped to my nostrils. I thought about taking a photo, but I couldn't get out of bed since I had straps binding my chest and feet. The overhead light was intense. I turned my head and spotted my Lyon Real Estate bag resting on the chair where I had left it the night before. Lovely. My cellphone was out of reach.
Where was my steaming cup of coffee? You'd think the least that the Sacramento U. C. Davis Hospital staff could do is bring you coffee when they wake you up. Especially to compensate for continually waking me up all night along. I felt my nose. There was no plastic thing on my nose. I figured that I must have failed the test, which was probably good news.
The night before I drove to the hospital in the rain. Parked my car in Structure #1 and wandered the halls of the main hospital for a while before I finally found the sleep clinic room on the 5th floor. I was right on time. Changed into my pajamas, turned off the blaring TV and crawled into bed to stare at the ceiling. OK, I did sneak my cellphone out of its holster, turned it on, made a couple of phone calls to agents, listened to my voice mail messages. I can't stop working. I knew my cellphone should be used only in designated areas. But what constitutes a designated area? I didn't see any signs, so I decided a designated area was where I happened to be.
My technician raised his voice, "Get out of that bed," he barked. He was all a-twitter, worried that I might fall asleep and spoil the diagnostic test. I suppose he concluded that I might be a difficult patient, because he stopped what he was doing and came in to hook me up to all these electrodes. Getting hooked up took about an hour. Just give me my darned pillow and let me go to sleep. It was already an hour past my bedtime. In hindsight, I should have brought my own pillow.
See, my doctor says I probably have sleep apnea. It's caused by relaxed passageways that can cause a person to snore and, in many cases, to momentarily stop breathing during the night. When a person stops breathing, the body wakes one up. Disturbed sleep can make a person drowsy during the day. I would not even know that I stop breathing during the night if it wasn't for my husband telling me that I do. There are benefits to being married, you know.
My dentist has sleep apnea, but he can't wear a CPAP, this device that goes over your nose and delivers a constant stream of air to keep the passageways open. He went online and ordered Pure Sleep, which is a mouth-guard of sorts that keeps the lower jaw in such a position that one breathes normally. I went to Pure Sleep and answered its online questionnaire. Based on my answers, they refused to sell a device to me. Crap.
When the technician came in to unhook me, I asked him why I wasn't wearing a CPAP when I woke up. You know these guys, they never want to tell you anything because they are not really a doctor and don't want to be sued, even though they know the answer. I understand. It's like how I can't give my real estate clients legal advice, even if I know the answer, because I am not a lawyer. Although I did explain to my technician what he could do about his underwater mortgage and how a short sale works.
Still that little bonding session wasn't enough for him to spill the beans. He said I might have to come back and endure another horrible night with the CPAP attached to my head. I don't think so. I suspect I will explore other options such as clicking on that Pure Sleep website again and changing my answers. But I'll wait to see what my doctor has to say. After all, I'm not stupid. I may be stubborn and a bit rebellious, but those qualities don't equate to stupidity.
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