Gimme them Magic Beans! Now!

I DON'T REMEMBER HOW OLD I WAS WHEN I WAS INTRODUCED TO THESE MAGIC BEANS. But, I do know that I cannot survive one day without them. These little beans have some mysterious quality that enables me. I feel more powerful after I have them. My relationship with them is like a sick kind of co-dependent love affair. If I have them, I am happier, more pleasant to be around, more productive (it seems), and more likely to show kindness and graciousness to those I encounter.

If I don't have them, I am some kind of monster. I experience pain in my head, lethargy, frustration, hot flashes, and anger. Do you know these magical beans that I speak of? You can find them at nearly every street corner in metropolitan areas. They do exist in rural communities, but you may have to travel 3 or 4 blocks to find them. The pharmacists who handle them work in small shops that smell so strongly of the beans that if you have not had them for a time, you may feel faint from just the aroma. You are likely to encounter long lines at the magical bean shop. The people in line are generally not happy, talkative, or respectful. The people who have already ordered their beans and are waiting for their delivery grow anxious with each passing minute. If the beans are delivered in a different order than which the order was placed, you may hear angry words hurled at the pharmacists. before taking beans

I become angry on Thanksgiving or Christmas when the bean store is closed. I have even found myself buying extra beans the day before these holidays and placing them in the refrigerator so that I can have them the next day. I become frustrated when I am on a road-trip and I can't find any beans in unfamiliar territory.

These beans are dangerous, in my opinion. If you are addicted to them, you will feel a pull everytime you pass that green circle with a lady in the middle. If you are addicted, you know what the green circle with the lady in the middle means. You can picture it your mind, you can taste your poisonous bean of choice, and your mouth is probably beginning to water. My beans come on ice with a bit of half-and-half added to mellow out the flavor just a touch. My wife's beans of choice come hot with steamed milk and dash of caramel added. It doesn't matter, the effect is the same.

I have met many people who also share my addiction to the magic beans. Many of you reading this may also be addicted. In fact, every morning on my way to the office, I see some of the same haggard-looking people with grumpy faces walking toward that shop like zombies drawn to flesh. I see some of the same people leaving the shop with a smile on their face and a spring in their step. after taking beans

I have tried to rid myself of this addiction. Many times. The same thing always happens. The people who love me and have encouraged me to try and succeed at overcoming this vice end up begging me to start taking my beans again. I have become so miserable to be around, that they would rather have me addicted to these god-fosaken magic beans than try and live with me when I haven't had them. I have considered being admitted to some place that can help, but it doesn't matter where I go, the beans are there. I go to the hospital, they are in the lobby. I go to grocery store, they are at the entrance, waiting for me. I go to a hotel, they are in the lobby. I go to the airport, and there are multiple bean shops!

I have given up. I have resigned myself to a life of bean addiction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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23 Comments on Gimme them Magic Beans! Now!

Very funny John. You had me going there for a while wondering what the heck you were talking about!! Well I too have a bean addiction. Mines a little less expensive than your since we don't have fancy coffee in my neck of the woods. So it's just home brewed Maxwell house for me.

07/28/2007 03:04 PM by Bryant Tutas-Tutas Towne Realty, Inc


Ha HA!  I agree with Bryant, I was like, what the heck?  I suspect that I should bring peace offerings of "beans" whenever I need to ask or someting difficult... What is your favorite flavor??

p.s. what is a tagua-tagua?  That is my verification word for this comment...

07/28/2007 03:11 PM by "Antelope Valley Property Management" Jonathan Mitchell (Classic Property Management)


Jon, I think tagua-tagua is a variety of coffee bean.

Bryant, you ain't got no Starbucks down there?

07/28/2007 03:22 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


Hey John, check out this website.  I hear amazing things about their beans...   www.bocajava.com  Apparently, it is where all of the legally intoxicated connoisseurs shop for stimulants.

07/28/2007 03:47 PM by "Antelope Valley Property Management" Jonathan Mitchell (Classic Property Management)


Nice. Is that where you get your bean?

Someday I am gonna go to the big island, buy some authentic 100% Kona (not the blended crap) for like $80 a pound, light up a cuban, and go to heaven for an hour or so.

07/28/2007 03:49 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


Damn... Bryant is in here throwing off our "guys whose name starts with J" mojo. 

07/28/2007 05:01 PM by Jeff Turner (Real Estate Shows)


His real name is James Broker Bryant Tutas. His first name is James, middle name Broker, other middle name Bryant, last name Tutas.

07/28/2007 05:47 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


And he drinks "Java," and I'm Joe, so there you go!

07/29/2007 01:40 AM by Joe Long - Purchase Perfect (First Choice Mortgage)


I Just noticed the "J" thingie. Very funny! Definitely no Starbucks in Dundee Fl. Hey our hardware/feed emporium still advertises 'Chicks for sale" on their marquee. This is the largest store in town.

07/29/2007 08:43 AM by Bryant Tutas-Tutas Towne Realty, Inc


lol - being in the Pacific Northwest - we love these beans too.... although I have discovered Dutch Brothers and like them very much - but for iced coffee - Starbucks is my choice

07/29/2007 03:26 PM by Central Oregon Real Estate | Thesa Chambers, Broker (RE/MAX Sunset Realty La Pine)


Thank you very much for sharing, lots of beans are used in my office.

07/29/2007 05:07 PM by Shane Sarae, Senior Mortgage Planner (Loan Network LLC)


I can attest to John's addiction.  I am his dad, and I am innocent.  I did not introduce him to the lady in the green circle.  I remember John and Darla  vacationing at our home one Christmas and the bean store was closed, John's mom and I had to put up with them the day the store was closed.  I offered them home brewed costco beans, but they could not be comforted.  I am glad that John has come out of the closet and fessed up to his and Darla's addiction.  Love, Dad.

07/29/2007 10:40 PM by Wil Evarts


No bean addiction here (A realtor without starbucks...People are questioning me)   But I do need a D.P or Mountain Dew every now and again!

Lexa Montierth

07/29/2007 11:06 PM by Lexa Montierth (Currently Looking)


John,

LOL! You are such an addict! I love my beans, the french vanilla ones. :)

07/29/2007 11:16 PM by Suzanne Sands-Somerset, MA Real Estate (Century 21 Associates Realty)


Hey Wil, Just wanted to see if you could give us any embarassing stories about your son.  As an employee of his, I would love to get some dirt on "Squeaky Clean Boy"

07/30/2007 03:33 PM by "Antelope Valley Property Management" Jonathan Mitchell (Classic Property Management)


Ok, Jon, no fair tapping into the parents' info!

Dad, thank you for finally commenting on one of my posts! Love you.

Bryant, I can't believe it. A town with no starbucks. Weird.

Joe, that is the best bean name ever.

Thesa, I too like Dutch Brothers, but they are a little "too friendly" for pre-coffee time!

Shane, I believe it. The starbucks is a starter, then i kick into the slow drip. (like a caffeine i.v.)

Suzanne, french vanilla. sounds nice!

Lexa, I think it's only a matter of time. Mountain Dew always leads to the harder stuff.

08/03/2007 02:28 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


I'm lucky and have never been in to coffee. Only drink it if I have an asthma attack and don't have my medicine. Works wonders for that, So I guess it is a magic bean.

08/12/2007 12:21 AM by Todd Clark (Realtor), GRI (Washington Co, Beaverton, Oregon) (Kastings & Associates, Oregon)


I was surfing the net looking for "dirty stories about John Evarts" and hit this site.  Squeaky clean boy?  Holy Starbucks!  Let's see, there's the time he ran over a girl's foot and married her so the girl's mom wouldn't sue.  At least that's how I heard it.  Then there's the whole business about running off with a girl half his age (is 20 half of 30?) he met while bartending at The Outback.  Who knows how many all night poker games he attended.  He's a level 5 dungeon master (I hope that's a real thing!).  And I'll still never forgive him for punching me square in the jaw for no reason!  Alright, all of these stories are about half true, but it's a start.  He's a good kid, but he got mixed up in that whole California thing and he doesn't seem right any more.  I know what you guys do with gerbils down there.

08/17/2007 06:46 PM by Jim Evarts


HA HA!!  I saw those tread marks across your wife's shoe!  Ok Dungeon Master, leave the gerbils alone so your family won't get upset!

08/17/2007 10:05 PM by "Antelope Valley Property Management" Jonathan Mitchell (Classic Property Management)


Jon, wrong wife. There's even more juice for ya! Also, I wasn't a dungeon master, just a half-elf, slightly evil, thief. The gerbils are total fabrication.

Jim, thanks for not telling them the REALLY bad stuff. Love ya, brother. If you wanna enjoy some stellar reading, check on Jon Mitchell's stuff. Grade A.

08/18/2007 12:54 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


Hey John...Thanks for your recent comment on my St. Joe post. I really do appreciate the compliment. As far as Starbucks goes, I'm there twice a day, at least. I have to sell one extra condo a year just to feed the habit---seriously. $8/day x 30 days= $240 x 12 months= $2800 annually which on my Commission split is equvilant to a small studio apartment transaction ($150K). What would our parents think?

Geno

08/20/2007 11:07 AM by Geno Petro (ChicagoHomeEstates.com)


Where are you man!?  No post in almost a month?  Leave the beans alone and start harassing your keyboard!

08/21/2007 10:59 PM by "Antelope Valley Property Management" Jonathan Mitchell (Classic Property Management)


Geno, my habit costs roughly $75.00 a month.

Jon, put one up today for your viewing pleasure.

08/23/2007 02:27 PM by John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)


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Real Estate - Other: John Evarts (Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita)
John Evarts
Santa Clarita, CA
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Classic Property Management of Santa Clarita

Office Phone: (661) 702-9631 Ext.: 301
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Never be satisfied, always be content. At Classic Property Management, this is one of our mantras. We will never be satisfied to the point of complacency, but we will always be content enough not to suffer ungratefulness. Earn 8-12%. Great Returns. No Banks.


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