I have decided to take the night off from bashing political figures. No, I don't want to debate Gun Rights or the rights of angry moronic people with an imaginary ax to grind. I would like to have an open and frank discussion about your local sports team. In my case, it would be the Washington Redskins. I'm not a Redskins fan. However, I do go to every home game. Why do I go to Redskins games? Because my best friend is Redskins fan. Suffice it to say, I don't envy the guy. Every week he gets dressed up from head to toe in those ridiculous colors. For those of you that live in a cave, the Washington Redskin's colors are burgundy and gold. I won't have anything in my house that remotely looks like burgundy. Anyway, my friend tells me before every season how the Redskins are going to go deep into the playoffs. The problem is that every season the Redskins don't. Most seasons, the Redskins are struggling to get above .500.
What I have forgotten to tell all you good folks out there is that I'm a Philadelphia Eagles fan. Yes, I know, our fans don't exactly have the best reputation in the NFL. We even have a judge installed in the bowels of our stadium just in case one of our fans decides to take a trip down to Knuckle Junction. I have often asked myself what drives the average man to the brink of soccer hooliganism ? The answer to that question has to be a multifaceted one. Certainly alcohol has to be a one of the main reasons fights break out. Personally I can't speak from experience, since alcohol makes me either very tired or very silly. Of course, there are those out there that get a little surly when they drink too much. OK, maybe not a little surly but a lot surly.
There has to be a lot of theories floating around out there about why a perfectly mild mannered UPS driver gets into a scuffle with a customer service rep at an NFL game. I think once fans put on that football jersey, they develop a gang mentality. For instance I have on a Redskins Jersey and this guy has on a Giant's jersey, ergo he is my enemy. How about ergo I think you are both boneheads? Getting into a fight at a football stadium or other venue is not a rite of passage but a rite of stupidity. Professional prizefighters get paid to take a beating. A football fan, who has had one too many, does not. Why do people get so upset when their team loses? Sure everybody likes to brag about a game they didn't play in. I mean that disgruntled football fan who is now being escorted out of the stadium by the nice men in the yellow windbreakers has absolutely nothing to do with playing or coaching the team. See this is why i can't figure out why our pugilistic hero, who is now in handcuffs, got so worked up by someone wearing the opposing team's jersey.
Speaking of worked up, the Redskins have a new quarterback, Donovan McNabb. I even received a press clipping in today's mail, courtesy of my best friend. Now my friend, who hates talking on phone, has called me every day this week to explain to me the Redskin's good fortune. Not only that, there is talk that Terrell Owens may be joining the party down here in DC. Can you say shipwreck ? Maybe it's me or maybe it's the fact that I am an historian, but the Redskins have not had too much luck with big name players. There was Deion Sanders who arrived at a press conference wearing a custom made burgundy and gold zoot suit. Why custom you ask ? It was custom because Dan Snyder reached deep into his pockets to get Deion the kind of compensation one can only get when they are robbing Fort Knox. If the Redskins sign TO, they will once again be repeating history. You know what they say. Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.
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