Lies Men Tell Their Wives / Significant Others

I was browsing the local morning television programs trying to find Toronto Blue Jay Highlights this morning when an item aroused my curiosity.

Now, since I have a PVR (Personal digital Video Recorder), I can "pause" live TV and even rewind... so after rewinding to the beginning of the segment (at least as far as I could go since this technology will only make available what you watched since you selected the station), I captured the information pertinent to me.  I apologize that I was unable to determine the source of the information, this information was in all probability gleaned from the interweb...

I feel obligated to defend mankind against the "top five" lies we tell our wives/significant others ;-)

5) I'm on my way
     I must confess that this statement has often crossed my lips.  But in all fairness, I really do not think that this is a "lie"... I think this is more representative of my (our) good intentions.  We plan to come home (or wherever we are on our way to), but something ends up distracting us.  It really can happen to anybody!!!   And btw, don't women ever utter these words and somehow not arrive on time?

4) It wasn't that expensive
     Again, I retort, is this a "lie"?  "that expensive" is relative... and the money I spend on that cool BBQ with all the toys or the latest "must have" technology that has all the new gizmos is really money well spent.  And I add, in defense of mankind, isn't this substantially more truthful than that female trick of buying something and bringing it home, and not telling us.  Only to later remark that we have had "it" for a while???

3) I had no signal
     This is the absolute truth!!!  We, as men, cannot read minds... We get the "look", but we do not know WHY we are getting it...  What we need is to get the "look" and the explanation before we do what we do to womankind to get the "look"

2) Nothing's wrong, I'm fine
     OK,  this one might be true, sometimes.  There are times when our significant other catches us when our mind is drifting elsewhere... and the automatic response kicks in before our brain engages... Then we can feel trapped.  But HONESTLY, sometimes there really is NOTHING WRONG, and we are really FINE.

1) I didn't have that much to drink
     I might not be the best person to defend mankind against this charge, as I rarely drink spirits, and if I do, extremely rarely will I have even more than one drink.  But I will try and defend the generalization of this phrase and apply it to any "excess"...
When we are enjoying ourselves, it is hard for us to determine how much is TOO MUCH.  Such questions are best handled in hind sight when more information is available, and/or after the hangover has passed...  Even to me, this sounds like an argument I had with my parents as a teenager...
OK, this one can be hard to defend... it reminds me of something a receptionist told me over twenty years ago, words I have never forgotten it... She was referring to indulging in chocolate, but her words could offer some "excuse" for our actions.
I will leave it to her to defend mankind for me, the words of wisdom she shared with me:
"I have plenty of WILLPOWER,
It is the WON'T POWER that I have a problem with"