Some funny stuff just for us real estate professionals: 

Sign next to FSBO: We shoot every third agent and the 2nd one just left.

This house has every new convenience except low payments.

By the time you pay for a home in the suburbs, it isn't.

A fully modernized home is a place where a switch controls everything but the kids, and it has gadgets to do everything
 except make the payments.

My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out he'd still be their 
today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.

Two Realtors Talking: My buyers want a new home on the outskirts of their income, that is.

The trouble with owning a home is that no matter where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.

There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb. We already have something that destroys people and leaves buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.

Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room? So my relatives won't have to waste any time.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First you folks tell me what you can afford, then we'll have a good laugh and go on from there.

The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage. The dream of today's young families is to get one.

I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

My real estate agent was always smiling. I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda.

Hey if you want to know exactly where the property line is, just watch the neighbor cut the grass.

Houses today don't have enough closet space. But they actually do. They're just called bedrooms.

The house is only 5 minutes from great shopping . . . that is if you own an airplane.

America is really great. It's the only place where you can borrow money for a down payment, get a 1st and 2nd
mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.

A housewarming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present.

Charity is a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

In a Real Estate Agents Open House Flyer:
This house has only one problem. The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids aren't.