BP Lingo - Stop Scratching Your Head, Here's a BPictionary:

In the past 40 days we have been exposed to BP Lingo, terms never before encountered.   Just in case you’re still scratching your head, trying to figure it all out, here is some help:

"Top Kill" - A technique used to kill everything on TOP of the ocean using chemical dispersants that cause the dead animal bodies to sink to the BOTTOM of the Ocean so they can't be caught on camera.

"Top Hat" - What BP executives will all be wearing at the huge banquet they will soon be holding to celebrate how they pulled off the environmental crime of the century without even a slap on the wrist (thanks to Big Government complicity).

"Blowout Preventer" - BP's public relations person who lies to the press to prevent a P.R. blowout from occurring. A blowout preventer is any member of the press who asks tough questions.

"Junk Shot" - An effort to thrust shredded tires, golf balls and other trash into the hole to stop the oil flow. This is the oil industry's attempt to try to make the Gulf of Mexico look like the streets of Mexico City.

"Chemical Dispersant" - A highly toxic chemical substance being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico by the hundreds of thousands of gallons in an effort to kill so much marine life that the toxicity of the oil itself seems small by comparison.

"Undersea Plume" - Rhymes with "doom." A term used to confuse mainstream news viewers who would be disturbed by the more accurate term, "Undersea VOLCANO of oil."

"Live Feed" - What BP calls a video loop which repeats a few choice frames over and over again and morphs them to create the illusion that it's actually a live video. The effect is further enhanced by adding a clock that counts off the seconds in real time in the lower right-hand corner. The public is now utterly hypnotized by these video loops, much like house cats watching ceiling fans.

"Mud" - A code word for crude oil. This is being repeated on the TV news when newscasters explain that the live video feed showing crude oil bursting out of the ocean floor is mostly just "mud." They actually mean oil. Mud, after all, does not explode from the ocean floor in a volcanic burst.

"According to plan" - A British Petroleum euphemism for "all f**ked up." As in, "The top kill procedure is going according to plan." The cleanup is going according to plan, too, it seems. As long as BP is in charge, everything is going according to plan. How dare you suggest they have no clue what they're doing...

"Barrel of oil" - An imaginary unit of oil volume that can be morphed into whatever size BP wishes it to be. At investors' meetings, the number of barrels of oil in the Gulf of Mexico magically becomes very large, but during oil spills, the number magically shrinks to appear much smaller.

"Cleanup workers" - Temporary workers hired by BP to comb the beaches in front of news cameras to make it appear like something useful is happening. BP has now promised to triple the number of active cleanup workers to nine.

"You will not be left behind" - A phrase uttered by President Obama, who, immediately after saying it, left everybody behind and took all of BPs beach cleaning crews with him, too. Obama has now returned to his golf game, where he claims to be working on the oil spill problem by aiming his golf balls in the direction of the Gulf of Mexico and hoping they will land in the gaping hole at the bottom of the ocean, thereby making them "junk shot."