I started thinking about divorce this week and I know it's an uncomfortable thing for us to think about-- but it happens to someone pretty much every day.  My thoughts weren't about divorce at home (we're hopelessly smitten with each other) but on the job.  How do you break it off with a professional that has been "in service" too long?  How do you tell your REALTOR®, or your buddy from college that does mortgages, or any other 'relationship professional' that you've grown and moved on without upsetting the friendship and the harmony of the universe?  How would you want your client to break it off?

My thoughts were drawn to the subject after thinking long and hard about my bride and the 'long-in-coming' break up she's just endured.  For about three years now my daughter has been subtly and not so subtly encouraging my wife to break up with her hairdresser.  My bride has been seeing the same woman for a little more than 11 years now and, according to my daughter, it's long been time for a change.  It was change that drove the two of them together years ago... my bride wanted to shift from the 'below the shoulders' style of her 30's to the shorter, more stylish look of her 40's but couldn't really go for broke until we moved to a new town-- forcing the breakup with her old stylist.  That break up was amicable and made sense-- like the summer after high school romances that inevitably lead to different college lovers by about the second week of your freshman year (even though you don't admit it to each other until Christmas break).  Both sides ‘get it' and both sides move on without trouble.  It's never really personal.  But a hairdresser?  Few things are more personal than that!

Now I support the current break up as necessary and have encouraged my wife to step beyond her comfort zone and simply stop making appointments with the "poofie" stylist-- I say ‘poofie' because for eleven years now my bride has walked in to my office about once every 5 weeks and smiled nicely hoping I notice her new cut.  And, oh, do I notice!  I said back then "maybe a little 'poofie' looking for you, isn't it?" and promptly regretted the mistake.  But like any good and stubborn man the path of denial is far more trodden than admitting to any mistake and ‘poofie' became a household word that eventually blended into the fabric of our lives.  For the last couple of years I've even been proactive with her, announcing "Poof!" and tossing my open hands up around my cheeks in a theatrical "It's show time!" sort of way (reminiscent of Roy Scheider playing Bob Fosse in the movie All That Jazz).  I usually stay up late those nights and read or watch the ballgame and contemplate my stubbornness... the promise of a 'let's go to bed early' evening sort of fades when you've just been scowled at by a woman with a 'poofie' new cut and coif.

Our trip to Paris last autumn to visit the daughter happened about the time my bride was scheduled for a refresh on the ‘poof' job.  It didn't take much persuading for daughter to steer mother into a Parisian salon near the 16^th and there began the epiphany.  The cut was magic, the look adorable, the change spectacular.  But, alas, Paris isn't our home and now every 5 weeks I get a hopeful smile followed by a "Did she do it any better, this time?" which I now follow up with a "You look wonderful!" (I'm older, I'm wiser, and I prefer going to bed-- early or late-- remaining on speaking terms with my bride).  Her wistful look tells me what I already know... she wants and needs more from the relationship, she knows there is better to be had, and she has tasted the excitement of a fresh relationship and wants and expects more!  I've come to sense her regret about her current relationship and I've wondered if she could ever muster the courage to simply end it all and move on.

After almost 30 years together she continues to surprise and delight me and last week was one such surprise.  She bought a nice Hallmark, took a long time to write a short note, sealed the envelope, and, extra-postage required, played the "Dear John" card before she could think too much about changing her mind.  In the span of one moment she went from "poof queen" to "exciting free woman on the prowl" for a new look, a new feeling, and a new stylist.  Last night she gave a tryout to candidate #1, a local young woman who was briefed fully on the break up and the many psychologies that led to it before accepting the job.  Will it last?  I don't know-- maybe she's only the transition girl and maybe she's the real thing for the next 10 years.  All I know is that my wife looks lovely, looks as young and vibrant as ever I've seen her look-- in short, she looks happy!  Maybe that's worth a "Dear John" every decade or so....

Chris Hendricks