Yesterday afternoon I went for a bike ride with a friend. It was one of those "perfect" summer days -- literally not a cloud in the blue, blue sky above us and just a gentle breeze from the south. Perfect.
The day before, my friend had asked if I minded if she invited a friend of hers along for the ride, so when I got to her house I expected to see Jan there, as well. But she decided not to join us. She had lost her son just two months earlier from injuries he suffered in a tragic car accident and wasn't feeling much like going for a bike ride. He was 18 years old and just a couple months from graduating when this happened. In this small community, the effect of his death has certainly been felt well beyond the walls of his house.
As we began our bike ride, my friend started to tell me that she had stopped by Jan's house on Wednesday evening to visit. Jan told her how she just aches for Matt. I don't know what you say to that. I don't know what you say to all the "what ifs" and "whys" and "if onlys."
I do know that until you experience something first-hand, you simply do not know nor can you truly imagine the feelings that come along with that event. You have no way of knowing how you will react.
Though we attend the same church, I have never met Jan or her family. But they all continue to come to mind every day. And since yesterday, I can't seem to get that phrase out of my head -- "She just aches for him." It is heartbreaking.
It's so hard to have faith that all will be okay when you are faced with times like this. But without that belief, what is there?
My heart breaks for Jan, Matt's dad and sister, and his many, many friends. I pray that his memory leads them to a time when they find comfort and happiness in having known him and the ache of his being gone is lifted.
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