Violence doesn't solve anything or teach anything. Marianne and I were raised totally differently. I was the old fashioned way. Where a beating with a belt was supposed to teach you right and wrong, where a father worked, didn't have much impact on child raising other than discipline, and never showed emotion.
Marianne on the other hand was spoiled. She was Mama's and Daddy's special girl. She was pampered, never hit, and Dad and Mom said " I love you". She spent time with Mom and Dad because she wanted to. She learned from them. We came from two different ends of the spectrum of child rearing.
Marianne's outcome was:
- she was valectorian of her class
- on home coming court
- a great cook
- a nice sweet kind person
- a great nuturing mother
Mine was a little different until I met Marianne
- just an average student yet had a good IQ
- hated authority
- fought my way through school
With both of us being divorced and Ryan being her son we raised Ryan her way. I never raised a hand against Ryan. Sure I was tough and disciplined him. She would spoil him and I would try to counter-balance the spoiling by making him do things. Marianne usually won the battles. She always said he would learn when he had too.
Ryan would have been allowed to live with us until 50, though I used to tell him 18 and out! Ryan has grown into a fine young man. Independent, caring, honest, and hard-working. Sure he was Mama's boy and spoiled, but he turned out right.
As I look over families that beat their kids and are hard disciplinarians I see that the kids tend to be more wild (especially after becoming independent), more anti-authority, and tend to be more violent themselves. So what I have learned from Marianne that a hug
or uttering the words "I love you:
or spending time with them
or sitting down and talking with them.
Works better than spanking, beating, or telling them this is the way it is because.....
That's what I learned and I'm glad I did.
Thanks Marianne
Mandon Lake White Lake Michigan
Middle Straits Lake West Bloomfielde
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