Lately everywhere I turn I am seeing eco this, green that which I respect and in my own way , practice. I wonder however, what is the long term cost going to be with some of the plans that have been implemented?
A Futuristic Real Estate Office Listing Presentation practiced by I.M. Green, sales person and part time 8 track repairman:
"Good afternoon, Mr. & Mrs. Wanting, I am I.M. Green, I know, that's a mouthful, but really, you have got to trust me. I am I.M.Green. "
"Do you have the $5,000 cash I asked for? I should say green backs, ha, ha, ha! As I mentioned to you I practice a truly green and eco friendly way of selling your house. The $5,000 saves you writing a cheque, a listing agreement and all that other tree killing use of paper."
"Of course there will be no sign on your lawn, wood posts and plastic are bad for the environment, you know. Yes, I know it counts for 40% of sales, but we have to protect the environment."
"I did not do a Comparable Market Analysis (CMA), you know, all that paper, plus, my broker let all his staff go when he moved to his house. He is trying to save heat and hydro, bricks and mortar costs, you know? All that staff, all they did was answer the phones, do our offers, coordinate paperwork for lawyers, lenders, commission cheques, all that unfriendly environmental stuff, hence no CMA."
"I bet you think you want to sell your house for $250,000 is that right? Well, for the $5000 in greenbacks you gave me upfront I will sell it today for $200,000. That will be eco friendly because your neighbours will be green with envy that you sold your home so fast!"
"Just think, no wasteful energy spent on marketing, blogging, feature sheets, newspaper and magazine advertisements, no door knocking, no website presence, heck, we won't even have to put in on MLS." Can you imagine, that's what those successful and diligent sales people do, but they don't care about the environment like I do."
"Well Mr. & Mrs. Wanting, I'm going to sell your home right now. Actually, I have Mr. Shyster coming in 5 minutes to give you a cheque for $200,000 . I know what you are thinking, but they don't use cash on the island of Catchmeifyoucan and the cheque is from the Royal United Catchmeifyoucan National Bank and Fish Factory."
"Why are you folks yelling at me and pointing a finger at me, I'm saving the envirinoment, I didn't let you folks get a word in edgeways but that's because I am I.M. Green, my name says it all and don't forget, Mr.Shyster is in his way!
PLEASE NOTE: If you smoke whacky stuff or drink amber lemonade this could happen to you. Not all REALTORS® if any at all act this way, but if so, another strike against the environment!