Special offer

Roasting Jason Sardi on his Birthday: Today, My Sardiboy, You’re Older Than Jesus

By
Real Estate Agent with Indigo Home Team powered by Compass NC: 277197

Which, in my book, makes you officially old. And its about time too, since Ive been saving up nude photos of you to submit to AARP Magazines Annual swimsuit issue. Dont get me wrong sweetie, I dont mind that youre losing your hair faster than your Hair Club membership can restore it, but we cant afford diaper service too. One club at a time baby at least until your social security kicks in.

To be perfectly honest, I am thankful this day has finally arrived. It officially ends all future legitimate self-references to how young you are. As I sit here folding your superhero underpants, I ask myself if youll ever grow up. Peter Pan has nothing on you baby. Except his fancy pants and wide, ummm wingspan :0.

Its true youve made a name for yourself around here as a Writer (and I use that expression in the most elastic of contexts), but youre most famous for the inception of Drunk Blogging. In fact, you are the demi-god of drunken prose and grammatical iniquities. Youve created your own secret garden replete with banged up participles, sprawling adjectives and linguistic abherrations. You batter the English language into submission like Lesner in a backroom brawl.

And yeah, youre tough. But heres what I know:  Behind that brick exterior and neatly trimmed chest hair, there lies a huge marshmallow heart. One that I will protect and cherish for an eternity. You truly are the poet of my heart.

 

Happy 34th Birthday My Love!

Jason Sardi - My Writer, My Love

 

May this be your best year yet!

 

I love you.

 

 

Comments (51)

Jeff Belonger
Social Media - Infinity Home Mortgage Company, Inc - Cherry Hill, NJ
The FHA Expert - FHA Loans - FHA mortgages - USDA loans - VA Loans

Jason... haoppy b-day...  as some have said, you ain't old yet until you hit 40 or so...  I loved the pics from Dan Cummings.  In any case, Happy B-day and hope you enjoy it with Jennifer.

jeff belonger

Jul 17, 2010 01:47 PM
Sheldon Neal
Bergen County, NJ - RE/MAX Real Estate Limited - Maywood, NJ
That British Agent Bergen County NJ

Hahaha ! @Sandra maybe he's now a 'closet Culture Clubber !'  

Jul 17, 2010 02:17 PM
Jennifer Monroe
Indigo Home Team powered by Compass - Charlotte, NC
Real Estate REALTOR®/Broker/Designer

OMG Dano! I can't believe you resurrected Rosemary's baby!

You all have made such excellent comments! I can't thank you enough for capturing his true colors :)

Jul 17, 2010 02:31 PM
Lane Bailey
Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA
Realtor & Car Guy

The only question I have is why send nude photos for the swimsuit issue?  Wouldn't those be better for the Geezer Centerfold issue?

Jul 17, 2010 02:54 PM
Brenda Archambault
The Real Estate Investment Institute - Houston, TX

Happy Birthday I do think you should replace your photo in that hat with the one Jen took. But I do now understand the hat,

Love and kisses to both of you, and you can complain about old when you get up with us. You are just starting, this true adventure.

Brenda

Jul 17, 2010 03:01 PM
William J. Archambault, Jr.
The Real Estate Investment Institute - Houston, TX

Long Live Peter Pan!!!!

We all aged a bit today Peter Pan Sardi, our friend Jason turned 34.

34 for most of us is/was/will be a wonderful time we can only hope it's so for Peter. Peter is that confused child in all of us.Portrayed by two small characters perched on our shoulders like a parrots. Not good and evil, but child and adult. Vulgar innocents tempered with wordily maturity. We all love Peter wishing that we could face things so simply.

A pixie with a fairy tail existence and romance that some look forward to and others wish to return too!

Happy Birthday Jason! All our best wishes, may you find peace of mind to go with your happiness, for you truly deserve both.

Bill

Jul 17, 2010 03:33 PM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Well, this sure beats the pants off of Flavor Flav's Roast on Comedy Central.  Then again, that's like being the braggart who happened to nail Delta Burke with the dodge ball. 

Sincerely though, great commentary and comedy here.  There's nothing like a trip down memory lane to try and substantiate 2,190 hours of these 34 years being spent hunched in front of a screen like an Orwellian Drone. 

In no particular order, but I'll start with human imperfection at its finest:

To Alan May -  April 6th, BC can't come soon enough for me.  You're lucky Mr. Stewart is out playing 'hide the proxy error' or I'd report you for abusive and lewd behavior.  I'm still pissed that when I read your comments, I swallowed my nose hairs.  Lucky for me I sleep crotch to ass next to Jennifer so when I cough them up in my sleep, they'll blend right into her lovely little locks.

William- Lenn's not old; the earth is just young.

Cynthia - It was pretty tame, actually.  But quite delightful (using Jennifer's words to hone my vocab).  I'll save the keg stands and Dustin Diamond Sex Tapes for the next AR get together.

Cameron Wilson- Bitch?  Excuse me, but the last time I checked, the ash of my cigarrette was landing on the nape of your back my friend.  As far as the cake pics, that's what FB is for ... or so I learned from Blanton's Social Networking Class.

Tanya - Thank you for the Birthday wishes but you ain't fooling me.  You call it coffee, me thinks it smells like dark rum.

Donne - I loved that scene from "Pet Detective".  As far as the Stonecold Steve Austin look, I'll probably end up opting for the Kelsey Grammar mugshot when that time comes.

Kristen - If those snoring tapes didn't consist of me also talking in my sleep, they would have already hit youtube.  My unconscious mind and youtube downloads don't really go hand in hand.  There's something a bit morbid about posthumous Gary Coleman jokes.

Buell - That doesn't surprise me considering some of the pictures on your blogs have me convinced that the Inspection Community could drink the Music Community under the table.

TLW - If anybody knows sagging nuts, it's you.  Say hi to Bryant for me.

And speaking of sagging nuts, Bill Archambault!  How are you, man?  I recall the day I wrote the first and unofficial AR Hall of Fame Induction Post and included you.  Your wisdom has always impressed me.  You're like the Yoda of AR, only without the moisturizer.  From my heart of hearts, I do hope you know I love ya.

And your better half, Brenda.  Hey you!  Other than having to see Bill naked, I'm certain he is a joy to live with.  Speaking on behalf of Jennifer, we truly want to meet the both of you sooner rather than later.  Our love, kisses, hugs, and a quick wedgie go out to both of you:)

Patricia - She is a sweetheart.  Who else greets you when you get home from work in a parka? 

C Tann - I had a nice chuckle myself.  Without humor, my sanity would be in question.  With it, well, jury's still out.

Ruthmarie - Oddly enough, my 34th and 21st have something in common.  I hardly drank on either.  I did make up for it from 22 to 33, though.

Andrew Lenza- I'll keep that top of mind, about the plastics.  Besides, I have my eyes not on Waste Management as is the vicious rumor, but going into the Chicken Sexer Industry.  Long story ...

Saunders - Hell, some days it seems I'm paying for not only mine, but yours.  It's like doing OT at a David Bowie Concert around here.

Jenna - I pray for the day I won't be able to wipe my own ass.  My right hand has pretty much disowned me at this point.

While on the subject of ass, Hello Russell Lewis!  Yes, our collective IQ about the Porn Industry is downright scary.  But not nearly as scary as the idea for a film I have with you and Crouch.  I won't unleash that beast until whispers of the next get together in Austin take place.  I'll keep you in the know ...

Steve - Be careful about the 'no teeth' bragging.  See above comment to Russell;)

Sheldon - It's getting late and I'm pulling my hair-plugs out while trying to respond to everyone (because Dean Martin Jennifer Monroe is conveniently asleep) and I keep coming back to your comment.  I've never done the comb over.  In fact, I haven't combed my hair in years.  I let it fall wherever it decides.  The top of my foot just seems the focal point these days.  And you are my favorite British Agent ... and the only one I know.

Dan "Freaking" Cummings- Now that was a trip down memory lane, my friend.  I'm not sure where you dug all of those up from (your hidden vault including glamor shots of Mario Lopez would be my guess), but Thank You.  Beyond that rough exterior and cynical view of the world, you turned out to be a pretty good trooper in my book.  I can say that since I can smell my own.

And your better half, Sandra.  What is this?  Fancy yourself being witty, my dear?  Mock all you want but my imitation and likeness of Boy George is pretty spot-on.  Just you wait until I catch you and Dan in a Gay Nightclub and I'm wearing my Lady Gaga Tribute apparel.  I'll steal your man and make you buy me a drink, sista!

Lane - You only say that because you aren't subscribed to the former. 

Slaybaugh- Well, well, well.  If there is one chap who has the wit, the gull, and the brass to put me in my place ... it's Jeff Belonger.  But I'll get to him next.  First off, may I borrow "Dutch chocolate balloon knot?"  That's fodder for my next Localism Post.  And since you are now featured more on AR than Van Jones on the Glenn Beck Show, you've got to tell me your secret.  How does a underground guy with a cult following flying under the radar with a much deserved (though not enough) notoriety, manage to morph into a underground guy with a cult following flying under the radar with more gold in his posts than Flavor Flav has for teeth?

As far as the big boy desk, you got me on that one.  I still drink beer from the nipple to boot.

And to the spotted owl ...

Belonger - I enjoyed it, indeed.  Thank you.  Never let that passion for what you do go.  Above almost anything, that's important and admirable.  You inform and for the record, do a consistent job of it.  Tell the other folks in Mortgage Mythbusters I said, "Hey!"  That industry needs good and passionate people.  That industry needs heart.  I'm glad you are still in it.  One more thing, is it cool if I do a post on the group?  Anything to get the word out there more and more about the idea, I'm willing to do.  Seriousness aside, I'll still be more than willing to roast your ass (again) when the time comes.

Whew!  Thank you to everyone so much for their kind, abusive, witty, accurate, memorable, & heartfelt words.  Thank you especially to my Parents and to MJ.  I really do feel luckier than Lou before that Gehrig's thing. 

Jul 17, 2010 05:26 PM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Jen...you did this oh so well...

Well, lil bro...you are definitely the little brother I always wanted...and now kinda have. I know you're enjoying your birthday with the one you love so .....have a Happy Birthday Jason!

P.S. Can't wait to hug you both!

Jul 17, 2010 05:34 PM
Todd Clark - Retired
eXp Realty LLC - Tigard, OR
Principle Broker Oregon

You are mean, cruel and darn right vicious! Oh, wait, Jason deserves, so never mind! There is a reason I like you! Now, when is your 29th birthday again?

Jul 17, 2010 07:15 PM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Sis - Seeing you and hugging you will be cathartic in many ways.  I live vicariously through you, as I really want to hug Gary:)

Todd - MJ turned 29 in 1949.  That was a tough year, so I hear.

Jul 17, 2010 07:36 PM
Jennifer Monroe
Indigo Home Team powered by Compass - Charlotte, NC
Real Estate REALTOR®/Broker/Designer

Between the comments TO Jason and the comments FROM Jason, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard! Jesus Jason, (yeah, it had to come up in here somewhere), you can roast like nobody's business! My paltry little effort was intended as a jumping off point and damn if it didn't work out that way. 

You know My Jason, I must admit... you ARE Pretty Fly!!

 

p.s. to Uncle Bill... If that was a typo - "Long Liver Peter Pan".... it couldn't have been more perfect. If not, then you're wit is pretty impressive :)

Jul 17, 2010 07:54 PM
Irene Kennedy Realtor® in Northwestern NJ
Weichert - Lopatcong, NJ

Jason, baby boy that you are, Happy Birthday! Be like me and only get older on the outside.

Jul 18, 2010 01:50 AM
Jeff Belonger
Social Media - Infinity Home Mortgage Company, Inc - Cherry Hill, NJ
The FHA Expert - FHA Loans - FHA mortgages - USDA loans - VA Loans

@ Sardi...  dude, you can roast me any time...   you missed this year though, tax day... but I still remember the one that you did like 2 yrs ago.

On another note.. you don't need my permission to write about our group, Mortgage Myth Busters.. but thanks for asking. You can certainly write about us... I don't want to spam Jen's post with the link, but just google Mortgage Myth Busters. And I will tell everyone on Wednesday that you said hello.. and ps... thanks for the kind words.. You and Jen have fun and enjoy.

 

Jen Jen... nice job here and for starting this off. Hope you both had a great time.

Jeff Belonger

Jul 18, 2010 07:27 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

you scare gary lil bro lol!

Jul 18, 2010 11:35 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Irene - I proclaim to be like fine wine, time is the only teller, though.  God, I hate cliches ...

Belonger  -  Fair enough.  I did google Mortgage Myth Busters and ended up with a law suit;)

Sis - Well, Gary scares me.  I'm just trying to break the ice before the confrontation.

Jul 18, 2010 03:39 PM
Susan Mangigian
RE/MAX Preferred - West Chester, PA
Chester & Delaware County Homes, Delaware and Ches

A day late and a birthday gift short, here I am.  Well maybe more than a day late. I am not drunken blogging, but I am commenting on 2 glasses of cabernet.  If you were a mere few years younger, or I was a mere few years older, I would be old enough to be your freaking mother, so quit bitching Sardi-boy!  34!!  I hadn't even had my second child by then!  

Hopefully you are still celebrating and my wishes are not too late.  I hope you and your lovely Jen had a wonderful day together.  Many, many more!!

 

Jul 18, 2010 04:16 PM
Jennifer Monroe
Indigo Home Team powered by Compass - Charlotte, NC
Real Estate REALTOR®/Broker/Designer

That was just waaay too nice Susan. You need to add a few shots of Jack to that cabernet and come back and tell him how you REALLY feel!

Jul 18, 2010 11:48 PM
Neal Bloom
Brokered by eXp Realty LLC - Weston, FL
Realtor CRS-Weston FL Real Estate

Jen,

I just emailed you with my excuse:) Sorry I missed this but as I mentioned ..I was in NYC and didn't have access to a PC...only my phone...tell big Bro I wish him another 50 yrs...I mean 34..and maybe a few more gray instead of missing hairs!

Jul 20, 2010 07:19 AM
Debe Maxwell, CRS
Savvy + Company (704) 491-3310 - Charlotte, NC
The RIGHT CHARLOTTE REALTOR!

For the love of God-- Now I know why I had to read many of Jason's posts TWICE and ultimately never leave a comment behind!  Drunken prose--I LOVE it!  Thanks for the heads-up on that, Jen!  Note to self:  Check the time stamp on Jason's posts.  Or will that really matter?!

As for the aging process, I sit here with a heart monitor in place trying to figure out why this old girl's heart is doing flip flops on a daily basis and WISH I only had a little hair loss to worry about!  You're just a baby--a spring chicken as we used to say back in the days BC!

And Jen, now I know why you're keeping him around--able to rest his balls on his head...now that's impressive!

Sorry I missed the big day, Jason but, I do hope that you had a wonderful day and are still celebrating!  Give WooHoo a hug for me too (I'm SO jealous)!

Jul 20, 2010 05:01 PM
Suzanne McLaughlin
Sabinske & Associates, Inc. (Albertville, St. Michael) - Saint Michael, MN
Sabinske & Associates, Realtor

Jason, a belated happy birthday.  I am so sorry I missed this.  But, you will have the best year in years.  I know it.  With Jennifer in your corner, how could you not.  And, by God, you deserve a good year. 

Bon anivese! 

                                                         Birthday Cake

Jul 21, 2010 04:09 AM