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When the Buyer Disappears

James Taylor!

Winter, spring, summer or fall,
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there yeah yeah yeah.

Ain´t it good to know
that you´ve got a friend
people can be so cold
they'll hurt you and desert you
well they'll take your soul if you let them
oh yeah don't you let them.

James Taylor

If you've been in Real Estate very long you know what Mr. Taylor sang is true. Clients can be cold. They will hurt you and desert you and sometimes your clients will even take your soul if you're not careful. Every now and then this discussion comes up among agents and I found myself having it again last week with a fairly new agent in our office. He was having trouble getting hold of a client whom he had been working with. They quit taking his calls and weren't calling him back. His emails went unanswered. Seems they vanished.

What really happened is that they probably dumped him. They are probably hooked up with another agent that they met at an open house. Or they may have called the listing agent because they felt he wasn't getting them what they wanted or he wasn't moving fast enough for them. My bet is that they are already hooked up with another agent who promised them the world. Surely not! Yep, I'm afraid clients will walk away and never look back these days. And when it happens it hurts.

It seems like clients dump their agents more readily these days. I'm not sure if this is unique to just our industry, but it seems to be happening in increasing numbers and frequency. I believe this is partly due to the housing information explosion via the internet and partly due to the current national attitude towards the economy, the oil spill in the Gulf, the political environment, unemployment and on and on and on. I Miss You...I REALLY Miss You!

So what can be done? What do you do when a client dumps you? I recommend, after the week of non-returned phone calls and emails, to back off. You might call once a week and send an email every so often, but sometimes backing off can be a good approach. If the client is shopping with another agent, they're not going to talk to you at the moment. After a few weeks, you might re-establish contact. Sometimes, even after a month or two, this works. And the reason it works is because the buyer has usually worked the new agent out of their system. They've looked at houses and seen that that other agent, who promised them so much really wasn't any better than you were. It is at that point they're open to taking your calls again. That is, of course, if they didn't buy something!

James Taylor photo from Flickr Creative commons: http://www.flickr.com/photos/allie-in-wonderland/2664198505/
Finger photo from Flickr Creative commons: http://www.flickr.com/photos/doug88888/3538414354/

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Posted by Bob Haywood, www.BobHaywood.com on 07/30/2010 08:42 AM

Comments (85)

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85 Comments on When the Buyer Disappears

JUL

2010

That was fun and appropriate. I've listened to James for years and never made the connection (real estate). Have a great Friday!

NEXT!

Although it is far more likely that I have already "dumped" the buyer, or referred them to agents who do extensive follow-up.

Unless a home buyer is engaged in the home buying process NOW, they will be referred out or simply deleted from my database.

There is an old saying "Buyers are Liers".....and sometimes just nieve to how our indusrty works. I have seen them dump an agent to deal with the listing agent because they think they save money...

Part of it comes down to educating the buyers on all the great things we do for them and showing our value. That's why we like using buyer broker agreements, so we know our clients are committed to us. Thanks for the post, you always have great things to share.

If you as an agent did everything you could to help the client, but for whatever reason they moved on to someone else, follow Bob's advise. Touch base every now and then, but don't hold your breath. Go find another buyer.

Lenn, I understand and agree. However, in this case, the new agent had been pretty excited because the client was a pretty solid buyer...at first. I felt badly for him.

Realty Choice - it happens!

Dan and Amy - thanks for stopping by and commenting! You're right. We have to do a very good job of showing our value!

Sam - JT rocks!

James Taylor is SOOO good! You usually can tell when a buyer wants to back off, and we need to know how to read this!

Excellent. Love the analogy, and the advice was terrific. Don't chase them. Swallow the disappointment and move on....they may come back if you continue to be decent to them.

Great tips Bob! It's also important for newer agents to keep the perspective that while we can influence behavior somewhat, we can't control it. It's an important part of my strategy to have as many inlets for lead opportunities as possible - where we can be more selective about who we wish to work with. At the end of the day, the business of real estate is sales, and sales is a numbers game.

Enjoyed the post, and your advice is outstanding. When a buyer walks out of my life, I try to think positive. I figure that happened to make room for a better buyer.

Bob...

Usually, the reason that they won't call is that they have bought something with another agent. All the more reason to get that buyer's brokerage signed.

What a great song for this scenario ! I have had it happen - as I am sure many of us have - but it took some time to not take it so personally - and just move on. This industry can be so discouraging at times - and the people we deal with ! On the flip side - I have recently had 2 clients get back in touch with me - one after 3 years - the other - 5 years ! - These are people who have called to list their homes - telling me they are " finally ready " ! - Amazing - sometimes - perseverence can pay off ! Have a great weekend - and thank you for your "lighter side" of Real Estate !

Richard, agree with the buyer brokerage. However, in this situation, the buyer was HOT on a property and the agent had not yet had a chance to meet with them face to face.

Bob-

Gr8 post - I agree JT knew what he was singing - clients can be very cold and not think of how their actions can effect their Realtor. The best advise is to let it roll off your back otherwise their actions may slow you down and cripple you with your other clients!!!

Bob, Real Estate as a profession calls for thick skin. Best of Luck to your agent. Have a Great Weekend!

Bob, this is so true and seems to happen alot. I suggest to get face to face as soon as possible after the first contact. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. And as hard as it is in this market, as Lenn said "NEXT".

Lisa, you are spot on! Get together ASAP and get that buyer broker agreement signed!

John - so true. And not just thick skin, but VERY thick skin.

Noah - but why is it so hard to do sometimes? LOL

Bob Great post. I love the analogy!! As far as the agent is concerned, if he never met the buyer then he is not "his buyer" to lose. He is just another one of the many prospects that we encounter. Hope he is in it for the long haul because that will happen more often than not.

Gail - what you say is true, but when you're a new agent, it still FEELS like the buyer was your buyer. I could see the prospect of the closing and a paycheck fading into the distance for him. It was like losing your first girlfriend (or something like that)! LOL

Hi Bob, I love James Taylor and his words are so TRUE. I think I adopted the attitude early that a buyer is like a crap shoot. Sometimes you make it and sometimes you don't. Even when they sign an agreement they can still walk away for the various reasons listed above. I just shrug my shoulders and say what Lenn said above, NEXT.

Ann

Thanks for the song, Bob!

I think it's also important to get the buyer on your team early, and what I mean by that is to build rapport and establish some sort of 'relationship' with them, where the more you work with them, the more comfortable they should feel about telling you if it is or isn't working out.

If you can build this so that they can tell you directly they would like to look for other options without you being offended or 'hurt' or taking it personal, then it's going to be a win-win when they tell you and you can shift your focus away while leaving the door open for them to come back rather than you feeling like a 'stalker' trying to get a hold of them.

It's hard to do this over a couple of phone calls, I know. I'm assuming in this scenario that the clients in question have gone through more than one meeting or house showing. However, isn't real estate a relationships business?

Even having a "signed buyer's agreement" is no guarantee that they won't dump you. Most likely now they decided not to buy for a while and may not want to tell you that they don't have the mone

It always hurts for a little while, but that's the chance you take. As Lenn said- NEXT.

I've been using the buyer brokerage agreement a lot lately. At the end of a first showing I hand it to them (filled out) and tell them to bring it back next time. If they are not committed to making a second appointment at that time, they are not going to be at anytime and I figure that they are lost. Sometimes I'm surprised.

It's a pain when they dump you, but I move on quickly.

Glenn - I use the agreement too, but I don't have them bring it back. We sign it while we are together.

Everyday real estate handles us all a lesson. When it hits you in your wallet it can be especially pain-ful. I agree with Richard -- get a buyers brokers agreement.

You advise was helpful, but can be a painful reminder that the buyer has skedaddle.

So, it is probably best to move on.

Wonderful post and thanks for the JT shout out. It might be better that your new agent friend gets a good dose of reality up front. When times were better, one prospect in 10 actually worked out and now it seems like one in 15 or 20 actually engages and results in a closing.

I think #22 might be right, they don't want to tell you they don't feel financially sound enough to pull the trigger and so they hope to just fade away. I keep them on a drip campaign until they decide to unsub (which is rarely) and I stop calling them after a couple of unreturned calls.

The only problem with a buyer brokerage agreement-at least here-is they can be cancelled in a heart beat-almost not worth the paper they are written on. Keeping buyers with you is a skill. You have to learn it and hone it. It takes time, patience and experience. In my early days I was just like your agent-could not fathom where they went. Now I am proud to say they never leave me!

Three is no sense in worrying over buyers that have gone elsewhere. What are you going to do? They aren't going to buy another home to make you happy. If I see them I just congratulate them on their new home and wish them well. Who knows, a gracious greeting may get me a seller in the future. If not, what have I lost in making a one minute effort?

Sadly, about all you can do is move on. On the other hand, I have been know to weed out some buyers myself. It takes two to tango!

Buyers disappear ALL the time. It is a real treat when you find one that REALLY wants to buy a house!

I am surprised more agents do not use the buyer agency forms. This will at least protect you if the buyer buys a home that you have shown them. If they are serious they will sign the form.

Yup - had this happen and they came back to me. I've also been the 'mistress' - them calling me when they already had an agent, who was apparently on vacation and in on it. Arrrgggghhhh!!!!!

Great post !!thanks

Made my day:) Had this happen to me (like most of us). Not a good feeling but we move on

It seems to happen more often now becuase buyers are frustrated with the amount of time it takes to conduct a short sale. I actually had a buyer in contract on a short sale, and he turned around and purchased a home from a listing agent, moved in a didin't tell me. I can handle the rejection, but it was incredibly thoughtless to keep those first sellers on the hook with the short sale.

Great advice. I can think of a couple buyers that I backed off on, as they seemed to lose their enthusiasm a bit. Today will be a good day to make a couple phone calls just to check in and see where they are at. Thanks. -Cory

Bob, thanks for the post. Through the years the hurt keeps piling up especially if you have been working with customers. I don't make it a habit of dumping customers. I want to turn anything I can into a positive. I use the same scenerio. I call them, email them and then wait a month to follow up. It's a tough market out there, and while some might dump - because of being in the business a while and may be more experienced than I, I can't afford to dump (to a certain extent). I just make sure to use better judgement next time, and hopefully I can get them to sign exclusively with me, after I explain to them the 186 things I will do for them, whether they are a buyer or seller.

Keep up the great posts.

Saw James Taylor years ago in concert! Good then....good now. I've had this happen to me. Later I had a chance to ask the buyer why she "dumped" me....she wouldn't answer that specifically but she did say she'd gone through 2 other realtors before she bought her house. I think it was more a situation where she was frustrated with the market. We were shopping in the $125-130K range....the house she finally bought....$150,000. When I'd asked her to go higher, she balked...said she didn't want the higher payment!

I have had this same conversations twice this week. I have decided if I call for a week with no response to calls or emails it may not be worth my time. Obviously, this person does not respect my time enough to call me back and let me know where they stand. Common courtesy!!!

Bob, sometimes you can do everything right and still lose the client...if you want to be a successful agent you have to roll with it and move on to someone who is ready now.....I am sure this agent will learn like the rest of us did.

I heard once that an agent should contact a client 6 times before giving up.

Years ago I went with the idea, 'three strikes and you're out'.

Hi Bob~ I have had it happen to me, rarely but it has happened. No matter how hard I try, I just can't develop that "thick skin." I guess because I put my heart and soul into my work, I just can't understand it when it happens. But, there are some things we jsut can't control and I figure if they can live with it, I can live without it! It really is their loss in the long run!

Hi Bob, It is always difficult for an agent to conclude maybe they were found to be lacking in some area. After taking a critical inventory of our own skills we need to accept what happened, correct any percieved weaknesses in our delivery of value - and move ob. It's a tough business !

The vanishing buyer is always going to be a problem. I find the better the upfront conversation and prequalification that occurs the less likely you will encounter as many vanishing buyers.

I deal with out of town clients and do not ever meet till I show homes. So I get dumped alot!

Bob - it happens to the best of us. You don't have to be in this business very long before you experience it the first time. I agree with your approach, but until they come around again...just keep moving on. Have a great day!

Some will, some won't, so what.......NEXT!

Good common sense advice. I can tell when I get to the point that it feels like stalking a buyer, time to back off and move on.

Great analogy: real estate is business and business is life and this song is about life so it makes sense. We in the mortgage industry run across the same situation a lot. Perhaps more since shopping for rates can go on forever if you believe everything you hear/read. I think you hit the mark - stay in touch but don't stalk. Accept that this is part of the business and strive to have enough prospects that you'll still meet your goals given the inevitable fall-out.

Even though I use a buyer's agent agreement, I always write in "Agreement may be canceled by either party with seven (7) days advanced, written notice." I'm glad I do that because it also leaves ME an out, if I decide the buyers are no longer worth my time and effort (as recently happened to me). After working with some buyer clients for almost a year and after putting an offer on a house, which they then backed out of due to home inspection issues (even though the issues were readily visible when they first made the offer on the property), I asked the clients to find another Realtor to work with. No matter what commission I made from them at that point, I had already spent more than that on my time, gas, car wear and tear, etc. It felt good to let them go!

I also have a question for folks - if you use a Buyer's Agreement and then the buyer "disappears," how do you research to find out if the buyer ended up buying a home you showed them? Since the buyer's name doesn't appear in the MLS listing after the close (only the selling agent is noted), you'd have to spend an awful lot of time trolling around the public records databases to find out who the actual buyer was. Is there an easier way to track?

-TMC

Tim Cahill
MBA, Certified EcoBroker, Realtor
Web site: CyberGreenRealty | Blog: Home Green Home
T: 617.599.2775
E: timcahill@avenue3re.com

Fun Post Bob, I hate being dumped makes me feel like I am back in high school waiting for my phone to ring on Friday night LOL!

I've been on the other end a few times where I'm with buyers and an agent is calling them following up. There's always a "reason" why a buyer decides to make a change, and I'm not going to beg them for business. I'll check on them a couple of times, but if they're not going to return my calls/emails, NEXT!

Tim #50, good question!

Very nice. its funny today there are so many post about people loosing buyers. i agree we should lock them up

We all try to stay postitive though when this happens, it does tend to get you down. I agree with Lenn, NEXT! I would much rather work with buyers that appreciate my time and if they are not actively searching, I have already moved them into an inactive status or referred them to someone else to babysit them. Love the connection to James Taylor.

Oh, for heaven's sake! Why would you LET a buyer "take your soul", or even depress you? Keep it business, and don't get emotionally involved. Some people will be fickle, but others will turn into friends, and that's just the nature of the game.

As a relatively new agent myself, I've decided that the only way I'll spend (and I do mean "spend" since my time is worth money) any time with buyers is if they sign a buyers contract. If they refuse, I put them on my e-mail list for new listings and will occasionally send them notes, but I won't be "spending" the weekend driving them around all over town.

Being in a business that everyone thinks they "KNOW" something about can be so difficult. Realtors in general, are not highly respected, and education and professionalism is something we constantly need to promote.

However, I do respect myself and offer good service to my clients..if they choose to go elsewere ...I agree with most of the other agents....let them go....stay friendly....things change....."what goes around,...generally comes around" and you have too many important things to do with folks who really need you.If you feel that you are deficient on a particular issue and need to sharpen your skills..then do so. Be confident in your decsions.

Some buyers do need to re-address their priorities and take time "off" to do so -

Sometimes, it is just not the right fit when you are working with a buyer(or a seller for that matter). On to the next and get over it is the best solution for all involved.

Bob - It is sad how often this happens. I think much of it is based on the instant gratification of world today. I will say that we use the listing agreements and the buyers rep agreements to minimize this type of behavior and we carefully cover it with the clients so they understand it.

Bob,

This happens all too often. You do need a thick skin in this business. I try and take the attitude of"If they did this to me, what are they going to put the agent they decide to use through?" They'll probably make that agent miserable!

I have a buyer like that now. She seemed interested but now she won't respond to either me or the loan officer. However, she logs in every morning to my listing service. Strange.

Re: Tim...my tax database lets me search by the owners name. I never do. Why bother?

Re: Buyer Brokerage Agreements WITH Retainer Fees are LOVELY!

James Taylor is wonderful. His CD is currently in my rotation.

I call them three times and email twice. If I get no response, it's time to move on to more productive activities. Agents have to have a thick skin and not take things personally. Keep your positive energy going!

Yep, that happened in our office this week too. In one case we cannot find the buyer to get her to sign a release of escrow! In another case the buyer probably did find another house or agent and just is shopping with someone else.

At least the buyer disappeared before writing an offer. . . an agent in my office had the buyer disappear after an offer was accepted! She called and called. . .finally the buyer left a message that she would be dropping off earnest money, then. . .nothing! Very strange!

great points... it's up to us as agents to present ourselves a a value to our clients or why would they commit to us... did we ask for a commitment from them? do we explain why that commitment benefits them?

best practices etc.

Several times I have had buyers to disappear ... and then several months later show up - NO explanation given ...

Good evening Bob,

I'm with Richard on this one..get a buyers agency signed and you won't be wondering where they went!

Bob, darn good blog post. Congrats on the feature. I had some Buyers "disappear" and re-appear almost six months later. I set them up to receive my monthly electronic newsletter and never bothered them - they came back on their own. However, it hurts when time is invested and they never return, indeed. Great graphics!

Lori

Bob, it has happened to me too. I send emails and call every few days. If no response, I back off, send something once a week, then nothing, then touch base when something that meets their criteria comes on the market. After awhile, NEXT!

JUL

2010

At the end of second time out I ask that the Buyer Agency Agreement be signed. If that is uncomfortable for them (it never has been to date) I would cut them loose. We are far too busy to be chasing a phantom buyer...that time could be more wisely used in prospecting.

As Jenna #64 said, the tax database can be searched by owner name. I have had cause to use that only once. I sent a "congratulations on your new home" note to the buyer with a copy of the buyer agency contract they signed. They called immediately with 2 HOT leads, that begot 2 more. Perhaps it was fear of having to pay up, maybe guilt, either way it all worked out in my favor and their referrals got a really good agent, from the testimonials I received.

This is a good reason to have a broker buyer agreement, but until that point, I think you handle it well.

I thought I was dumped by a buyer a few weeks ago. I hadn't heard from him in some time despite my calls and e-mails. I was a bit surprised because we were looking in full force, and I didn't think I had done anything wrong.

Today when I got to the office I received a letter with a Starbucks card from the buyer. In the letter he said that he had decided to quit his job and pursue a different path, and thanked me for my time in helping him. He said nice things about my service and said he wouldn't hesitate to refer me to others. I felt that it was very nice and thoughtful. Sometimes people's lives just take a turn. I'm still taking a break from buyers for a while though.:)

Yep happens all the time. I've had this a few times over the years. I sometimes take a different approach and try to educate the buyer. I have written letters explaining the process and usually want to know if I was the problem. If so what could I have changed. Every time I have received a response and always a positive one.

There will always be the people that abuse your time. These are the ones I don't want to work with anyway.

This happened in our office too. I don't know why buyers don't just tell the agent that it's not going to work out instead of just not returning calls and e-mails.

Reading the post I was initially experiencing remorse for the agent. However, that became tempered to empathy reading further. From your statement in #13 these were prospects, not clients. Gail addresses this #18.

Your post indicates there were an abundance of calls (communication) exchanged so I'm not sure why there had been no face-to-face meeting. Perhaps having the essential Agency chat, setting expectations, sharing the BRA "might" have helped with a physical meeting. As Lisa #75 points out, there's no real way of knowing of what happened to these folks.

I'm sure you've already had the 'heart-to-heart' with the agent involved. Best to simply leaving a voice or email message acknowledging their absence and a willingness to rekindle things when/if they're ready.

Tim #50 - No there isn't any easy way; best to simply let 'sleeping dogs lie' as it's seldom worth the extra effort proving 'procuring cause'.

Marilyn, #51 I kept calling but your voice mail wasn't set up.

Bob,

We get this on the lending side as well. I think maybe to a lesser degree once we pull credit. Maybe if you have them pre qualified with a lender partner it will allow you to work together as a team. This might make them less likely to switch to another agent.

Just a thought.

Mike

I hate it when that happens! But there are lots of people out there who will value your services. Just move on and keep them on a slower schedule for contact. They may come back..you never know!

Its part of the business....

I hate when that happens but it just means you should move on to the next person.

I wonder if they understand that they seriously hurt our feelings?

I wonder if they understand that we work for free until we have a closing!

AUG

2010

I"m not going to spend any time on disappearing clients.

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