Damn! My House Isn't Selling.. DAMN! DAMN!.....Great Scott.. My House Isn't ...

So your home is rotting on the market.... The sign leans, collects rust and your neighbors chuckle about you having your 18th Open House. Just what is the problem you grumble across the dinner table. Every time you call your agent she discusses "the market."

 

You're not sure what's more annoying, this or Lindsay Lohan updates.

 

 

1. What you paid for the home has nothing to do with it's current value. If you overpaid, bought in a sellers market or over improved the property then you will likely find yourself in a negative situation.

2. Just because you didn't mind backing up to power lines, busy roads and water treatment facilities doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way!

3. All your bedrooms are upstairs. This is usually a turn off for more than half of all buyers.

4. You installed a pool that consumes all or most of the backyard.

5. You have a ton of religious, cultural or political stuff crammed in your house while it's showing.

6. Your home is filthy, smelly and disgusting.

7. You back up to commercial property.

8. You have weird colors like lime green, deep purple or highlighter orange.

9. Your walls are part black from hands.

10. Your toilets have rust in them.

11. You're home during showings asking stupid questions and getting in the way of buyers and their Realtors.

12. You'rer home during showings asking about financing and attempting to wheel and deal.

13. You demanded to take the pictures in place of those the Realtor wanted to take.

14. You're too controlling.

15. You PAD your home too much for negotiations and "cost of commissions."

16. You DECLINE showings, even if just once.

17. You watch HGTV and assume what they do is what your Realtor should be doing.

18. You cook with spices that permeate the house.

19. You leave the A/C at 85 or higher when it's 150 degrees outside.

20. You leave your big dog running around the house during showings.

21. Your dog farts, pees, and leaves hair everywhere in the house and it's disgusting.

22. Your kitty litter box is filled with feces and stinks up an entire 12 foot area.

23. You are way too house proud.

24. You converted the garage to a bedroom and expect the next buyers to "think it's cool." It's not.

25. You put $50,000 into your home and expect to get it all back. You say.. "I'm not giving my home away."

26. Your 17 year old always has his friends over. One of the guys walks around with his shirt off saying dude and other annoying sayings during showings.

27. You set up cameras all around the house so you can watch everything from work.

28. You use your master as a study, tv room, bedroom, baby changing area, gym, mediation area and boxing ring.. all in one.

29. You, for some reason, RAISE your list price. No reason makes sense.

30. Your grass is taller than your house.

31. Both homes next to you are in foreclosure and have broken windows, missing doors and look like  hell.

32. You have ash trays around the house that are full.

33. Did I mention you're too controlling?

34. You have pet snakes inside the home, specifically a boa constrictor.

35. You think it's manly to leave rifles, handguns, throwing knives, billy clubs, Chinese stars, bazookas, and bow and arrows around the house.

36. You think it's manly to have 88 different kinds of kill on the walls of your home, including a stuffed bobcat clawing at a bird.

37. You collect weird things like life size replicas of Power Rangers. You keep a couple of them standing in the formal living room.

38. Your girlfriend is an entertainer and leaves all her erotic stuff in sinks, closets, floors and door handles.

39. You are a pack rat and in denial.

40. You work on your car during showings. You are 1/2 naked, drinking beer and listening to loud awful music. You burp and use fowl language with one of your friends who's doing the same thing.

41. You have roaches laying on their back with one of their legs still twitching from that can of hair spray that your wife used.

42. You bought the home as a foreclosure and didn't spend a dime fixing it.

43. Your neighbor bothers Realtors and buyers as your home shows.

44. You bought a home that's 500 million miles off the beaten path.

 

whew.. I think you get the point. And YES, all of these are real life examples. The point is simple. We can't sell a home if you don't play ball. We can't sell over priced homes. We can't sell a home with 100 problems.

 

We can only try and do our best! Sometimes the homeowner has to lease their property instead of selling it. Sometimes a seller has to conduct a short sale or borrow money so they can reduce their price and "get out from underneath" the home.

 

Do it right the first time or possibly face foreclosure.

 

 

 

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