Miss Bad Manners Guide to Highway Etiquette

Although Miss Bad Manners suspects that Sunday evenings is the absolute worst time to blog and expect people to read, Miss Bad Manners has just completed a seven hour drive on the national highway system and felt it imperative to remind her genteel readers of the general rules of the road!

• Please use the Left Lane at all times!  As NASCAR has demonstrated, the inside line is the path to victory.  By establishing position there, you control the pace of the race.  The only thing that matters is that YOU get there first, time of arrival is irrelevant!

• Please do not make use of the cylindrical object on the left of the steering column!  Providing an indication to your competitors allows them to preempt your move for position.  Surprise them instead!  It also helps them learn the Serenity prayer!
  

• Please drive your 1993 Mustang with the growling muffler system like you are auditioning for professional racing, slaloming through the traffic and fitting into spaces that would be tight for a gnat's butt!  Considering that there are probably less than a 1000 people worldwide who make a living driving professional race cars, there is obviously a real shortage of talented drivers and perhaps a scout will observe you and sign you up!  By the way, the Quit Bitchin' bumper sticker?  Classic!  You've already told all the other drivers what you think about their opinions of your driving.

• If the road signs indicate a lane is about end within the next mile?  Please do NOT merge until the last thirty feet!  All those other drivers lined up and waiting for the last 1/2 mile?  Mere peons and not one of the "Special" people whose time is obviously more important!  Please continue to procreate, we have a shortage of Wall Street bankers and politicians, and Junior Biff and Little Prissy are bound to grow up just like you!

• Please do not refrain from texting, talking on a non hands free cell, eating your double cheeseburger while simultaneously dipping your fries in ketchup, applying makeup, shaving, reading the newspaper, typing your next blog, or loading a CD or audio book.  Your erratic changes in speed and direction, and inability to stay within your lines are important to train less attentive drivers and hone their reaction skills!

• If another driver honks their horn to warn you of your impending collision, please extend the universal one fingered salute as a Thank You! to indicate that you had it under control already and did NOT need their assistance!

 

Miss Bad Manners hopes this guide has been most helpful.  Miss Bad Manners also requests that her students inform her before venturing out onto the highways so that she may stay safely in her parlor!

Regards with deepest sincerety,
Miss Bad Manners

The Liz Spear Team
Elizabeth & William Spear
RE/MAX Elite, Mason, OH
Direct: 513-265-3004  Toll Free Fax 866-302-8418
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