I listened shamelessly as my husband responded to a friend's phone call.  When I heard, "Jim, I am so sorry.  Of course, we'll be here for you.  What can we do to help?"  I realized, this is the call we'd been expecting.  Jim's time is short.

I struggled to keep from crying.  Jim and Ted are very close and I have a great fondness for him as well.  He's one of those gentle men who always makes everybody around him feel special.  He's one of those friends who shooed me out of the house after Ted's recent foot surgery and sat with Ted so I could get a break.  His greatest love is his Grandchildren.    Ted and Jim have shared so many experiences over the years, they're practically brothers.  Jim has been battling bladder cancer for some time and we all knew we'd come to this day.

After Ted hung up the phone and we'd hugged and shared some precious memories about Jim and his wife and some of our adventures over the years I asked; "So what do we do now?"  Ted's reply; "You heard me.  I told him to call if he needed anything."

Finally,-- here's the point of this blog.  Don't ever say "let me know if I can help."  HELP!  Look around and see what needs to be done and do it.  Think what would be appreciated if it were you and do that.  Don't expect a sick or dying or grieving friend to ask.  Do it.

After we'd talked a while and I managed to make some gentle suggestions, Ted picked up the phone and dialed Jim's number.  "Hey, Jim, when's your next appointment?  Day after tomorrow.  OK, I'll pick you up.  No, I don't have anything else to do.  (I'm thinking of the meeting he'll have to reschedule, but so what?)  What time?  No, (insert wife's name here) needs a break, Marian will pick her up for lunch while you and I see the doctor and then if you feel like it after the doctor, we'll have lunch too.  Hey, pal, no problem.  I'll see you Tuesday."

So, that's how you do it.