If it’s not pouring rain when I get home from work, I always take a walk out to the river. Most of the time 
my wife gets home later than me, and often catches up upon her arrival. Last night I heard crying and screaming from the edge of the river as I emerged from the woods…it was my wife's voice so real concern began to quickly grow. I ran to see if she was mortally wounded or cornered by a bear. I found her cursing beside a mud puddle…she had semi-liquid dirt dripping from her legs and arms, and was swearing up a storm.
My wife was carrying a beer for me when she stepped in the wrong spot and lost a shoe. While attempting to locate it in the mud, she had proceeded to get herself extremely dirty. Apparently since she was bring me a beer, the loss of her shoe was my fault. She stormed back to the house, but pointed me in the general direction of the missing foot wear.
I returned to the house 20 minutes later…with only one shoe, 
and apologized for not being able to rescue its mate (even though I was not wearing them at the time of the disappearance). My wife was still simmering upon my arrival. I had one dirty shoe and the other hand was empty…my fault again. After a few minute in a calmer state (after she drank the beer intended for me), Vonni told me she had ruined her white pants, destroyed the recent manicure (by digging for her shoe initially) and now had to buy another pair of shoes. Was this an elaborate attempt to justify the purchase of shoes…or a complete accident? I’m not sure but it was my fault and I never did get that beer.
This is what I discovered:
#1, My wife screams the same way whether she is about to be devoured by a black bear…or loses a shoe in the mud.
#2, Even if I wasn’t present at the time and had no idea you were looking for me your mishap is all my fault.
#3, White pants and a recent manicure don’t mix well with quick-sand.
#4, By default your lack of planning, becomes my emergency?
#5, never allow your wife to bring you a beer if she drinks beer too.
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